What to do?

Let me tell you a bit about the situation and then I can explain the problem. I'm 25. I work in a small business = only about 50 employees total. It is normally about 25 of us that are together all the time. A few months ago a new guy, Mike, was hired. He was fairly cute and in his mid thirties. (this is not my first age gap- the love of my life was 32 years older than me.) I'm quite outgoing and understand how hard it is to break into our group so when there are new people I try to make an effort to include them. He and I got to where we talked some and wound up spending Valentine's night together at a bar with others from work. I hate V-Day so I drank pretty heavy as he did. Let me interject here that he has a girlfriend that he lives with. She was working too I guess... I have to confess I'm not entirely sure I remember the night well. My friend who was there told me the next day that Mike and I had been pretty cozy sitting together with arms around each other. I don't remember that. Well after that night we've become closer somehow.
We talk a lot and are always kinda smiling at one another. About 2 weeks ago we were sitting around together drinking beer yet again with only one other guy from work - a boy who has no people skills. The boy said something that I took the wrong way and I got upset and immediately Mike jumped in to make me feel better and so I calmed down. However in that time, some things came out. Mike confessed that he would love to be with me and that it really bothers him that he can't. I couldn't tell him the same since the other guy was there. Since that we've got even closer yet we've not had a chance to go out together. Well it had been like a week since I'd seen him due to opposite schedules when he came in the other night. He got there just as I did and he opened his arms and I ran right into them. Let me say that my business is not a touchy place - no one does things like that. And I don't remember having ever touched him before. It felt so good and right to be in his arms.
Then I hung out with another guy from work who works more closely with him and this guy told me that he knew that Mike liked me but couldn't show it b/c he had a girl. I knew that but didnt' know anyone else truly did. So here is my problem.
I know he has a girlfriend and from reading between the lines, I don't believe he is happy with her. However she is pushing him to make a financial commitment that I know he doesn't want to do. He has told me about it and that he doesn't want to do it now. but his friend also told me that Mike's girl has landed on it and is pushing really hard and may go on and do it anyways. They are not married and this is not about getting married. But I don't want him to make that commitment! I really feel there is something between us. I have never kissed him or anything but we have a strong mental connection. I can say I have been in love once before in my life and of all the men I've dated, only Mike and the one other have ever made me feel the way I do. I lost my first love 5 years ago and haven't felt anything at all since towards anyone I've casually or even seriously dated. I feel something with Mike. It's not lust - it is a desire to know him, to be with him in every way. I know he feels it too. He just lights up when he sees me and I know I do the same. We make each other happy. Everyone teases us = I'm afraid we can't hide it anymore. So what do I do??? I've never really told him that I would like to be with him or to try. I want him to know that I would love a chance to be with him but I hesitate to for so many reasons. I'm afraid though if he makes this commitment all chances for us are gone....so I need to tell him soon I think.... I don't even know what I'd say... We are supposed to go out together soon and I feel like maybe I should say something to let him know how I feel. I don't think I necessarily need to tell him how I feel - he can see it - but somehow, I think he needs me to actually say it. Should I tell him or should I let it go? Any advice would be appreciated!
Sorry its so long!

There's nothing wrong or unseemly with the scenario that you have described here. My advice would be to take it slow and guard your heart until HE takes the lead and makes some decisions. After all, he's the one who is currently in a committed relationship. If something serious is going to happen between you two love birds, he ought to be prepared to make some changes in sleeping arrangements.

If you do have sex with him before he and his current GF call it quits, just be aware that ultimately, it may not go the way you want it and you'll have to live with whatever emotional attachment you have made. Would be easier on the heart to let him make the appropriate changes before thaings get serious beteen you two. DO NOT try to talk him into or out of ANYTHING! He has to make his own decisions. If you apply pressure and try to influence his actions, you may never know if his decision was his own (one that he's happy with), or one that he felt obligated to make.

Remember, I didn't say don't sleep with him, I said if you do sleep with him while he's still involved with this other gal, you are gambling with your heart.

The other take on this situation is that PERHAPS, he is just telling you that he's not all that happy with his current GF etc., just to give you hope, string you along and get into your pants. (Get himself some action on the side.) Somthing to consider anyway.

Just be carful.

Good luck.

Well we went out again tonight - I asked him point blank if he was happy with his girl and he said yes. Yet several times throughout the night he made comments that let me know he would love to be with me. Oh well. I told him that I'd love to be with him too. We kinda decided that we'll be really good friends. We'll hang out and enjoy each other but we won't cross any lines. He did say if anything ever happened between him and his girl, that we'll move away together. Its really weird how similar our ideas and beliefs and wants are. I care enough about his happiness that I won't jeopardize it. I won't have an affair with him. But I wish I could! isn't that awful?! They did agree to make the financial committment together. Its a done deal. Oh well! I know the way it stands and I'm okay. Things happen for a reason. there are many other men in the world. I only have 4 more OM wanting to date me = unfortuantely I'm not into them. Maybe I should be....it would be awfully nice to be taken care of. I can't do it though - not even just one date! I just want someone who wants me for me and that I want for them! Someday....

Honestly ,

I think you need to talk to him.. these feelings are not uncommon or bad but normal of course... However you do need to tell him the truth...and tell him how you feel.... It is not impossible to be together .. Mike needs to make a decision.. You or her....unfortunatly if he does end up choosing her You will probably feel bad etc... but you need to know also that it was for the best because you deserve so much more than that... and if he chooses you then great!! But only HE can make that decision... I do think maybe you need to just be honest and let him know that it's his decision..

Lovely L,

I think by Mike saying he's happy in his relationship with his g/f that enough has been said. But, you could take it further, like Merlove said, if you really want to know the whole truth. Just a word of caution, once that the feelings are "out on the table" about how you feel about each other then it might be hard to be close friends and go out together without eventually "crossing the line" of friendship. Even without any sex involved if he is sharing more of his inner self with you than with his g/f then he's being emotionally unfaithful to her. If he has a "friendship" with a woman that he keeps secret from her then that's being emotionally unfaithful. If she were with the two of you would he talk differently to you or touch differently than he does now? If so then he's got something to hide. I'm not saying do or don't do anything, I'm just giving my opinion of what I've learned and I'm not judging anyone.
I'm glad that you've found someone that can make you feel good again. In my case, for years I thought "that part" of me was dead until my OM came along and "woke me up". I thought, after my divorce, that my love life was over for good, really didn't even think about it until after my OM "woke me up". I'd forgotten what it felt like. Wow, what a difference it made in my life. It's a great feeling.

Good luck to you

He told me last night that he has told his g/f about me and he wants me to meet her. (I'm not sure exactly what he told her about me.) I don't think he shares any more with me than he does with her. We just click. We have never had any physical contact except a hug. We don't talk about being physical. We just have deep conversations. Even when we go out and get pretty drunk, I don't think we do anything that his g/f shouldn't see. We don't go out just the two of us either - there are always others in our group. Yes we do have close conversations that the others are not involved in but they're still there. Everyone at work already teases us about liking each other and I don't want anything worse being said so I'm super careful to keep things unable to be construed wrongly. I did tell him last night that I'm really sorry he has a girl already and I'm sure I said something to the effect that if he didn't, I would be after him. He said I could be real temptation. That is when we agreed to never cross lines. That we can enjoy each other and spend time together but that is as far as it goes. We know where it stands. I know he is commited to his g/f. I respect him enough not to test that commitment. It does still suck that he is taken b/c I think things would be amazing together. But I'm okay having him as a friend too. He is such a fascinating person!