Babies?

Okay. So. We've been talking about this for a while now and, after Singalou and Hot4Ryan, we've decided we're ready to start talking seriously about having a baby and we're looking at our options. Tim teases me about being "broody" but he gets just as moony-eyed as I do when we're holding our friends' babies. It doesn't mean it's going to happen for certain -- we're just moving from, "wouldn't that be nice?" to, "yes, this is something we'd like to seriously consider." At the earliest, we won't even get pregnant for another eight months or so. If we end up going for it, that is.

::: hyperventilating :::

**SG hands Kelley a paper bag**

Breath, girl, breath.

Exciting, just to be having the conversations, Kel.

Good luck with your (plural 'your') decision.

Wow...Good Luck Kelly and Tim - I think it's a wonderful idea. It truly is such a huge decision - but raising kids seems so natural for you two - and you're good at it! This will be one lucky baby for sure. I kinda know how you're feeling cuz since it appears I'm not destined to share my life, love and goals with anyone soon, I'm seriously considering adopting a child (or two) from Asia - gots too much love and caring left in me to let it all go to waste - might as well spoil some child(ren) who could use someone to love them with all her heart - but it's still a scary decision - especially goin' it alone.

Oh and SG - I noticed the paper bag you offered Kelly was empty...pass me one too will ya, only leave the usual contents plez.... ;)

Talk, what is there to talk about..."I want a child, do you want a child", "yes, I want a child, do you?" "yes".

Now go ahead and do it, what is there to talk about...

We need more babies with great parents, go for it, why wait 8 months, dont' over think it, you're already waiting 9 months. Isn't that enough?

Paris

wheeeeeee........that's tooooooo exciting! A baby! go 'head. go 'head! :D

Getting excited for you!

I so don't want kids and just wish I could have a hysterectomy and get it all over with now...... :D

But I love kids and know how exciting it is even just talking about having one (I have 4 sisters).......

Go mom, go!

Um, Paris, there's that whole little 'having the tubes untied' thing Kell's mentioned before. . .this is a major undertaking, kinda. lol Go Kelley and Tim!!!

I am so glad my youngest is 8 and I'm not having any babies. With the oldest one who just turned 18 and the other 16 I'm so over the whole kids thing. I sent the older ones to live with their real dad. The youngest calls my hubby daddy cus he is more of a father than her real one. But even so, when she hits the teenage years, she may just be moving out too! *shivers*

You couldnt give me a million bucks to have another baby!
But that's just me and I'm a very unique (insert strange or weird) person.

I love babies and I would like to have one,one day.I have been talking to my YM about it but it's too soon right now.But I just wanted to know how he feels about it and I think he also needed to know that I don't(and can't I'm 31)wait for 10 years or so.

I'm really happy for you!!

Kelley, my cousin just had her ligation reversed in December in Chapel Hill, North Carolina by Dr. Berger. She has three girls and he has three girls. She's only 30 and already has two grandbabies. They LOVE kids in that house.

Dr Berger does the microsurgery procedure and has had tremendous success with it. My cousin also said it was painless and the staff was a joy to work with. Check out their website. http://www.tubal-reversal.net/

It's something I may do eventually myself, but my YM and I are not certain and we may also consider adoption. Good luck and God bless.

Shan

(warning..spacebar..on..laptop..broken..so..bear.. .with..me...*lol)
I..wish..U..much..luck..with..the..whole..baby..th ing.
It..just..sorta..happened..to..us..only..4..months ..into..the..relationship..but..before..the..pregn ancy..we..were...already..talking..about..marriage . Plus...we..both..have..young..children. I..have..a..5..and..3..year..old...and..he..has..t win..5..year..olds....So..the..baby..will..bring.. the..family..together.

I..knew..I'd..probably..be..willing..to..have..at. least..one..more..kid..before..I..even..met..him,. .even..at..my..age..because..my..kids..were..so..y oung..and..I..was..still.in..baby..mode.

Again..good..luck..babies..are..joyous.

My suggestion for all of you in your upper 30's, early 40's considering having a child----don't wait! Start now! Things can happen!

We waited until 1 1/2 years after we met and began trying last June. I got pregnant in August, had a miscarriage in October, and had to wait another 3 months to be in the clear again. By this time I was 41. However, I was lucky I believe to get pregnant again only 3 months later, but that doesn't happen for most people so soon. I am now 12 weeks and consider myself in the "safe" zone.
The next step will be amino to check for Down's Syndrome. (I've had no children previously). After that, I can perhaps breath a sigh of relief for a little while.
I will be 42 when the child is born in October. I had always told myself that anything beyond 40 is too late!

Start soon!

i feel so strongly about adoption, my pastor has visited africa and the amount of orphans there touched him so deeply that we are adopting an african town and in a few years planning visiting visiting there to see the children we have committed to and seeing them with clean water, food and medicene. i have always had a great love of africa and wanted to go.

adoption is not for everyone, but with so many little ones homeless it is an option to become parents.

I had the good fortune of meeting and talking to you in person and know you ARE a great mom and really, really into kids. I'm excited you and Tim are thinking about this and am sure it's a great thing! Even though I'm sure Tim loves your kids and enjoys being stepdad, having his own baby with you would really be cohesive for the whole family. You're cohesive anyway, but you know what I mean. You and Tim having a little "Hedgehog" with your beautiful eyes and smile, and Tim's wit, what a blessing this child would be! :)

I wish you both all the luck in your decision, and many good blessings! Make TIM get up with the little bugger...he's younger, he's got the energy! You did your time...it's HIS turn! (That's what I told Robin...iffin he wants a baby....HE'S getting up with it!!!)

Man, I just love you guys! Polly, thank you thank you thank you -- that is such a compliment! And yes, I know exactly what you mean. :)

Susie, I do have the advantage of having given birth to five children -- my understanding is that this does make it easier to have a viable pregnancy; however, there are plenty of women out there in their 40s who are having children for the first time. Good luck to you and keep us posted!!
:::::: sending happy, healthy baby vibes your way ::::::

Shan, thank you for the encouraging good news!! I've been visiting another forum that's for women over 35 who are pregnant/new mommies/trying to conceive... wow there are a LOT of couples like us out there (who knew?)! And that's the first time I'd actually "met" women who've had their tubal ligations reversed; how cool that it's even an option!

I really gritted my teeth when I first decided to tell everyone of our decision because, somehow, I was sure everyone would tell us we're making a big mistake. Thank you all for proving me wrong!

next week i will be 47 and for the first time i have not been major bread winner and babysittingmy grandson and i love it, i have a bit of stability in my life and dont need to run after the next dollar, my choice would be adoption, it may be my new career path. mom. fulltime. how cool is that?

by..the..way..Im..37..and..will..38..when..I..deli ver. I..will..have..had..all..my..children..in..my..30' s..and..don't..regret..it. I..feel..the..older..we..are..the..more..we..appre ciate..our..decisions..and..children..for..the..gi fts..from..God..they..are.

Not the first time you met someone who'd successfully had their tubal ligation reversed, goofball, that would be me.

My 11 year old is proof it works.

You and Tim would rock with a baby.

Let me know if you have any questions. The surgery has improved since 12 years ago, but trust me, it can work.

I had my youngest at almost 38. I totally enjoyed her (and my my YM husband). I a little less energy, but so much more wisdom and patience, than I did when I had my 2 older children when I was age 20 and 22.

It was a little strange going to school plays etc. when I was 48 and the other mothers were 28! My daughter NEVER seemed to be ashamed of me or have any problems with my being an older Mom. :)

Now I am babysitting my 2 youngest grandchildren and I am loving it. :p

I just wanted to add that my dad was 40 when I was born (mom was 27 - she's 13 years his junior) and I never saw him as an "old parent". At 82, he's still a wonderful grandfather to my kids. He plays golf almost every day, travels a lot with my mom, and can help with the kids when I need him to. I believe parents in their late 30's or 40's that take care of themselves physically (and believe me, my dad is no health freak but he does try to eat right and get some exercise - mostly golfing - in) are just as capable of parenthood as younger parents.

My dad's mom was in her 40's when she had him. She had 6 kids before him. I must say that my oldest aunt, who was 18 when he was born, did take care of my dad a lot, but I don't think there's anything wrong with older siblings helping out. If anything, it prevents them from having their own too soon! :D

Kelley, my cousin just had her ligation reversed in December in Chapel Hill, North Carolina by Dr. Berger. She has three girls and he has three girls. She's only 30 and already has two grandbabies. They LOVE kids in that house.

Dr Berger does the microsurgery procedure and has had tremendous success with it. My cousin also said it was painless and the staff was a joy to work with. Check out their website. http://www.tubal-reversal.net/

It's something I may do eventually myself, but my YM and I are not certain and we may also consider adoption. Good luck and God bless.

Shan

YES!!

I had my tubal reversal done by Dr. Berger as well. Best experience ever. If you have any questions let me know.

Not the first time you met someone who'd successfully had their tubal ligation reversed, goofball, that would be me.

My 11 year old is proof it works.


Oh that's right, Bella -- shame on me...I'm such a forgetful doofus sometimes! It is NOT age related!! :p

Tim's biggest hang up about this all was the fact that his dad was 46 when he was born and he did not take very good care of himself so he looked and acted even older, which made Tim feel very weird for having an old dad who didn't do things with him. He didn't want any child of his to feel that way about either of his/her parents so for a long time he said no babies. It's helped him a lot to see vibrant, happy moms (and dads)-to-be in their 40s who are as excited as their 20-something counterparts about their new arrivals!

We would LOVE to hear the stories of those of you who had reverse tubals -- how old were you? How did you afford it? What was it like? What were your fears, your milestones? Tell us, please!

We'll keep you all posted.

p.s. I've heard great things about Dr. Berger!!!
p.p.s. Even though he hasn't posted on this thread yet, Tim's been reading everyone's thoughts with great interest!

I heard - no read an article - about a 64 year old woman who had a child. I kid you not. She went to one of those places I had never heard of, who treat older women's wombs to make them supple again and able to carry a child. She lied to them about her age, and said she was 52, I think. Anyway, she did the procedure, got pregnant, had a healthy pregnancy and healthy son, and I think he was 1 or 2 or something when the article was written. Anyone else see this story?

I love things like that. That lady just wouldn't hear the word "impossible," when it came to achieving her dream. Wild story, right?

Shan, thank you for the encouraging good news!! I've been visiting another forum that's for women over 35 who are pregnant/new mommies/trying to conceive... wow there are a LOT of couples like us out there (who knew?)! And that's the first time I'd actually "met" women who've had their tubal ligations reversed; how cool that it's even an option!

I really gritted my teeth when I first decided to tell everyone of our decision because, somehow, I was sure everyone would tell us we're making a big mistake. Thank you all for proving me wrong!
Well, I certainly can't say it's a mistake! LOL! :D

Kel - can you PM me that other forum? I've been really nervous about the pregnancy and my age.... :(

oooo...can..I..have..the..name..of..that..forum..t oo?!!

Here you go, girls:

http://www.mothersover40.com

and

http://www.mothers35plus.co.uk

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

and Shan, THANK YOU for sharing that great news -- no matter what our outcome may be, it's always a great thing to hear good news! :D

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Another note while it's on my mind: my husband surprised me today. We were snuggling and (out of the blue) he put his hand on my belly saying, "You know, it really would be nice if someone were growing in there."

Kel...I have too have checked into tubal reversal before, and I heard a lot of really good things about Dr. Berger. They have a payment plan too, but you can't have the procedure until it's entirely paid for. Kind of like setting up an account to save the money in, and once its all there, you schedule. I can't remember exactly, seems like it was around 6,500 dollars.

My kids have scared James to death, and he has decided he would rather we just raise mine and not start over again. DANG IT! lol But if he changes his mind in the next few years, I would probably schedule with Dr. Berger myself.

just sort of an aside here, which may influence someone THINKING about having their tubes tied....i don't think you should make this decision unless you know for an absolute certainty that you don't want any more children under any circumstances....with anyone.

of course, circumstances arise where things happen. but the point i'm getting at is that i don't think you should make a permanent decision like this based on a mutual decision in a relationship to not have more children......i think it should be an individual decision.

for example, my husband did not want a vasectomy after our daughter was born, even though he didn't verbalize the desire to have more children. i think it was more that he didn't want to have any kind of surgery "down there" but i knew with absolute certainty that i did not want more children, with anyone, anywhere, anytime. so even though it was more risk, costlier, etc. i opted for sterilization for myself. i waited until my daughter was a year old, when the highest rate of infant mortality takes place, and then i went in for surgery. my mother in law was pissed as hell at me..."what if something happens to your daughter?" she argued. "another child could not replace her." i said. it's a decision i've never, ever regretted....

Whew!!!! I'm just glad it's you guys and not me :eek:

I spent last weekend with my two grandchildren, ages 2 and 4, and they just about wore me out. I sooooooo don't think I could handle that 24/7. Think I'll just be happy to visit every once in a while.

But good luck to those who are brave enough to go there :D

Tim's biggest hang up about this all was the fact that his dad was 46 when he was born and he did not take very good care of himself so he looked and acted even older, which made Tim feel very weird for having an old dad who didn't do things with him. He didn't want any child of his to feel that way about either of his/her parents so for a long time he said no babies. It's helped him a lot to see vibrant, happy moms (and dads)-to-be in their 40s who are as excited as their 20-something counterparts about their new arrivals!

Hey MrsHedgeHog, remember that "back then" it was more unusual to have a dad or mom who had you in their 40's. Nowadays your little tacker will most decidedly not be the only child in school with a parent in that age group.

I'm having my second in August with my 13 years younger hubby, I have 6 children from my first marriage. I will be a few months short of 44 when I pop this one out! Most decidedly having had children before is a big help. These are my husbands first children (and last, lol). We waited a few months after getting married until all the immigration stuff was nearly done and then we tried for our first--success in the first month of trying. We didn't want to mess around. I do agree with the advice that it's better not to wait, eggs deteriorate, conditions develop etc..

just sort of an aside here, which may influence someone THINKING about having their tubes tied....i don't think you should make this decision unless you know for an absolute certainty that you don't want any more children under any circumstances....with anyone.

of course, circumstances arise where things happen. but the point i'm getting at is that i don't think you should make a permanent decision like this based on a mutual decision in a relationship to not have more children......i think it should be an individual decision.

for example, my husband did not want a vasectomy after our daughter was born, even though he didn't verbalize the desire to have more children. i think it was more that he didn't want to have any kind of surgery "down there" but i knew with absolute certainty that i did not want more children, with anyone, anywhere, anytime. so even though it was more risk, costlier, etc. i opted for sterilization for myself. i waited until my daughter was a year old, when the highest rate of infant mortality takes place, and then i went in for surgery. my mother in law was pissed as hell at me..."what if something happens to your daughter?" she argued. "another child could not replace her." i said. it's a decision i've never, ever regretted....


We've never discussed it but if it came up I would be strongly against my husband having a vasectomy. The fact of my being 13 years older, while it's not a lot, still lends itself to my possible earlier death.. I've had several friends die in their 30's from cancer so early death never seems like a remote idea to me. If I die I would want my husband to find someone else someday and leave the possibility of children open. I can just imagine his response to this.. "I could never marry anyone else but you!" Yes dear.. well, things happen sometimes.

Here you go, girls:

http://www.mothersover40.com

btw I remember reading this site prior to trying for my 1st after the age of 40. The site owner is 12 years older than her husband and her after 40 baby was with him. So you should all feel real at home there!

One thing I found in my researching prior to trying to concieve was that most of the info is about problems. By the time we started trying I was convinced that TTC was an epic task, fraught with difficulty.. and 2 weeks later we had started our first child. I have joined a few yahoogroups for older moms but they are at least 80% about TTC issues, (can you say endless posts about cervical mucous?) Okay, I'm glad that info is out there, but in my case it was harder to find feedback from folk who had actually had a baby.

I'm glad you added that, arietty -- I noticed that many of the women there are with significantly younger partners.

IN FACT... You know how it's been said over the years that the reason older men and younger women seem to have better success in giving birth than older women has to do with the aging of the woman's eggs?

New research is showing that it's not so much the older woman/older egg thing that has been the problem as was previously thought. The flaw in past research was that the vast majority of women in the studies were partnered with same age or older men. While it's true that men do continue to produce new sperm, they produce much fewer living sperm as they age, and the morphology of healthy sperm that is produced by older men is significantly lower than that of younger men.

Older women who are partnered with younger men are having a much higher success rate in carrying a healthy baby to term.

Very interesting research and very encouraging news indeed.

http://www.mothersover40.com/

Whoa.. I just clicked on the "testimonials" link on this site and guess who's feedback is on the top of the list?

"What a good idea - I enjoyed viewing your site.

Cherie Booth QC, UK (wife of British Prime Minister, Tony Blair)"

Wow! I think she was 46 when she had surprise baby, Leo.

really, 46? hmmmmmn.

We've talked about it, but by the time he's here for good, and we're ready...I mean, I'm already 44!!!! I don't think it would happen. However, Rob would be an amazing at home daddy, and gee, what a great way to spend the time waiting for a green card! haha. Nah...not gonna happen for that!

Anyway, Mrs Hedgehog, I wish you the best of luck in everything that goes along with your decision, right up to the big moment....and looking at your photo, I was amazed to read that you've got five already! Did I read that right? You look so young, energetic and fit! When's the how-to book coming out? :)

right, I don't know where I got the idea that you've got five kids Kelli....I've just scrolled through this thread again and can't find it....maybe I should stop coming on here so late at night after a few glasses of wine???? haha.

anyway, good luck.

WOOHOOOOO!!

I'm a bit behind the times here... but yeeeehaaaww - I'm happy for ya! Go for it! Your child would be absolutely blessed to have such fun-loving & level-headed parents!


http://www.alainajuliette.com/RavioliFace.jpg

Here's hoping you have many happy ravioli-faced days ahead! :D

We'll cross our fingers for you,
Ryan, Pam, J & Alaina

LOL - yes, I have five awesome kids, ages 21, 17, 15, 11, and 8. And, as for the looking young and fit thing... I like to call it "strategic camera placement." ;)

Anyway, I'm having a stressful phase right now -- we're trying to buy a house and my paycheck, which was to cover a large portion of the downpayment, is a week late. I'm pulling my hair out, feeling anti-energetic and frustrated like crazy!! ;)

?? Am I crazy or just crazy to live where my (decent size) paycheck could cover a large portion of a downpayment on a house in another state but not here???

Sorry, Kel, tangent...

My suggestion for all of you in your upper 30's, early 40's considering having a child----don't wait! Start now! Things can happen!

We waited until 1 1/2 years after we met and began trying last June. I got pregnant in August, had a miscarriage in October, and had to wait another 3 months to be in the clear again. By this time I was 41. However, I was lucky I believe to get pregnant again only 3 months later, but that doesn't happen for most people so soon. I am now 12 weeks and consider myself in the "safe" zone.
The next step will be amino to check for Down's Syndrome. (I've had no children previously). After that, I can perhaps breath a sigh of relief for a little while.
I will be 42 when the child is born in October. I had always told myself that anything beyond 40 is too late!

Start soon!

I know it's not so usual, but I had my last child at 42. He was my little surprise, lol. I had 3 kids already....they're now 23, 20, 16 and 5. Yes...FIVE. I'm 48, and this child is the light of ALL of our lives. All my kids have the same father, but he died over 2 years ago, and my baby never knew his dad (long story). My SO, who's 10 years younger, is the only father he's ever known. We're raising this child together, and for the first time *ever* I know what it's like to have a partner who actually HELPS with the raising of a child. And relishes in it...
Good luck to the both of you!! I hope that your dreams are realized. I just wanted you to know that it's never too late. I always figured if I was meant to have another baby, that's exactly what would happen. Sometimes we have to help things along a little, but hey...there's nothing wrong with that!!!!! M...

hot for ryan!! YOUR BABY IS BEAUTIFUL!

Pam, she just keeps on getting better!

I know I'm new to posting, but I have been reading for quite a few months. You guys do seem really with it. Lots of support on my side for you!

Good luck to you two. *hugs* And, Tim, for the record, it IS really cool to have a little person growing in there!

pam, that baby of yours is priceless, what a cutie, i looked at the picture again, what a character, my God, she is a doll!