Sad and Needing Advice??

I am a 27 year old female who has recently found herself in a tough situation with an older man. He is 41.

I have never been with anyone where the age difference was so significant...every guy I dated was younger than me..and immature.

I am an individual who doesn't really see age as an issue, however I am beginning to wonder if perhaps he has?? We became so obsessed with each other the minute our eyes met...we started dating and developed a very intense sexual relationship that lasted only a month before he decided that it was "best" we part and stay friends.

He always expressed that he loved what we had going. We would have had so much fun together, got along sooo well..., that he even hinted around that he wanted to be with me permanently..to have children, etc...He even did things that I didn't see as being normal when you first start a relationship..at least until you know what it will be like, and your comfortable.....such as he brought me home to meet his 16 year old daughter and introduced me to his best friend of like almost 30 years.... He has a very unique situation where he lives near me and yet must fly to work elsewhere....and is usually home only every other weekend. He was very serious about this....and I was very serious when I told him that I was completely understanding of his circumstances and that his spending time with his daughter was a priority and I did not want to interfere with that.

We spent our first entire weekend together last week...and then he flew back to work. We were okay until he told me that things were starting to mess up at work..and that he had family responsibilities....and no longer could see anyone (I do believe him).....BUT it was out of the blue that he decided it was "best" to break off our relationship....because he said that he no longer felt comfortable with us sleeping together???....since when??...and why now???? (I know he doesn't sleep around because of his daughter...and what we had wasn't normal for him...)

I know that he has been very open and honest with me...and has suffered through 3 terrible relationships before he met me. Could this be because he is afraid to get hurt again, afraid that a future with me is uncertain??? I am everything he's wanted or he said he's wanted and yet how come he doesn't embrace me???? :( And I am deeply saddened because I have found myself in love with him...strangely for me after such a short period of time together.

Is there anything I can do????

i find myself being so cynical these last couple of days, lol, please forgive....but, you ask is there anything you can do.

now, taking into consideration that it takes TWO to tango.....here's what ya got...

you said:

"We spent our first entire weekend together last week...
and then he flew back to work. ........
he told me that things were starting to mess up at work.......
he had family responsibilities....
(he) coule no longer could see anyone (I do believe him).........
it was out of the blue ...........
he decided it was "best" to break off our relationship.......
he said that he no longer felt comfortable with us ...."


now, you'll noticed i took out some words that were basically filler words.
read what you typed.

you're dancing solo hun.

cut your losses and move on. the hurt you get now will be nothing compared to what will happen if you bull-headedly decide to pursue this.

he's telling you everything you need to know to make this decision, listen to him.

all the best to you

Tracy

Trace...hope everything's still good with you...why so cynical?

YoungNCurious, it sounds like he scared himself and realized how he felt and the implications of it in his real life. Things sometimes are not easy, and no matter how much we love someone, sometimes real life gets in the way. This could be the case here. However, all anyone, including you, can do right now is speculate, and that's not going to do anything anyhow. If it were me in your position, I'd be there for him, tell him how you feel etc, and then wait to see what he does. He may reasses his values or figure out a way to make things work.

In my own experience, my BF was heavily devoted to his work and had basically thrown himself into it following his divorce. I kind of turned his world upside down and distracted him from his work quite a bit, and I know that it wasn't an easy balance trying to juggle and reorganize things. Luckily, I'm also a self-proclaimed workaholic, so we worked it out eventually together. But, falling in love can definately mess things up in the rest of one's life so maybe he just isn't ready/able to deal with that right now.

Good luck, and glad you joined the site. I hope we can help. :)

sounds like he was very open to begin with, so why not having an open conversation with him and ask

Thank you for all the input.
I think I already had made my decision about things I just needed some reassurance.
I have usually been a fighter and could never bring myself to give up or let go of anything because it did mean either I was a failure or that I didn't care..especially when it came to a relationships/friendships.
Now I know differently in my life...and after the many many experiences I have had....especially when it comes to other people.
I guess he does truly need his space right now........and I know this will be the hardest struggle I have ever had to deal with *sad sigh* but I am letting go.....
I love and care about him too much to mess things up even more than they already are. ..*tear*
I was only briefly able to share with him ....sadly only online but thankfully a little how I feel about him......well...the only thing I left out was that I loved him... I didn't think I could yet say it to him providing the circumstances...and definately don't want to say it online....I'm a person that would prefer his eyes.
Anyway...I am hoping that this will be enough to make him think about me and what we had a little. Perhaps help him to have the desire to sit down and talk to me in length when he gets home about how he feels....

I am so sorry that you are going through so much pain. As bad as it feels right now, it will get better. Please remember that.

he even hinted around that he wanted to be with me permanently..to have children, etc Whether this is done innocently or on purpose, I have experienced & seen a lot of guys saying things like this. They may never actually say "I love you" but there are all these innuendos and hints. It is what we women long to hear.

The problem is that trusting someone so quickly in the first 3 or 4 months, then sleeping with them,(very bonding experience for most women), can set us up for a world of hurt, you know?

This guy may or may not have been sincere, but his infatuation evidently went flat. You are still a wonderful person and deserving of a wonderful guy. Next time don't let a guy rush you... take your time and see what unfolds over a period of time, i.e. 6 months before giving your heart away.

If I were you, I would not give this guy another second of my time. Take good care of yourself ....