age old question

Sorry for the pun....but this is a question of looking younger than one's age....and having other's believe the incorrect "number"

Met a most interesting and lovely woman on line....age 52.......my "posted" age is 60....but in reality it is 65. I know this doesn't sound like much [especially if you are under 50 years old], but I know how the search engines work on "match" sites. The question is do I come clean now....or wait to see if the potential relationship actually happens?

By the way, my last "real" relationship was with a woman even younger than this...but we found each other thru our love of art and creating art.....so she knew from the beginning the age difference.

Thanks......by the way....I think a woman's advice might prove more valid in this case.

Well, it's hard to tell if you've actually gone on date yet or if it's been strictly online and/or phone so far....but I would say that in general, sooner would be better than later to tell her.

But, I would choose an appropriate time and maybe wait til the first or second date in person if it doesn't feel right earlier. In the first couple dates, you tend to start sharing more details about yourself and your past and I would just slip it in somewhere that you put your age as younger on your profile, and mention your real age.

Try not to leave it too long because then you do run the risk of appearing deceiving. I've had an older man not tell me his age until several months into the relationship and yes, I felt like I couldn't trust him because he knowingly misled me. But, if he was to tell in the first few dates then I would have been fine with it....I think we all can understand how the online dating world works.

Good luck - I hope it all works out for you. :)

Sorry for the pun....but this is a question of looking younger than one's age....and having other's believe the incorrect "number"


I made a similar comment not very long ago, it is intereresting to see someone else get the same reaction.

I say come clean up front. Otherwise it'll get harder for you to tell her for fear of rejection and she'll appreciate your honesty.

Well, it's hard to tell if you've actually gone on date yet or if it's been strictly online and/or phone so far....but I would say that in general, sooner would be better than later to tell her.

But, I would choose an appropriate time and maybe wait til the first or second date in person if it doesn't feel right earlier. In the first couple dates, you tend to start sharing more details about yourself and your past and I would just slip it in somewhere that you put your age as younger on your profile, and mention your real age.

Try not to leave it too long because then you do run the risk of appearing deceiving. I've had an older man not tell me his age until several months into the relationship and yes, I felt like I couldn't trust him because he knowingly misled me. But, if he was to tell in the first few dates then I would have been fine with it....I think we all can understand how the online dating world works.

Good luck - I hope it all works out for you. :)

I second what Cabin said!!! Its best to tell her now before it gets any further... Your better off knowing now than later.. the later you wait the deeper you are in the lie and the a ge won't be your issue the deception would.

Good Luck and Keep us posted ok!!

Just my view of it all:

My Om is 67, I am 32......He was very self concious about his age. Before we started dating it was like pulling teeth to get him to tell me his correct age (he was determined to stay in his late 50's).....It didn't matter to me but didn't want a shadow over our relationship. Finally he came clean and told me his true age.

Don't discount your possible relationships right from the start. Be truthful with your age and be happy with who you are at this age.

I enjoy my Om and his age. I think he is classy and charm. I wouldn't want him any younger.

Come clean as soon as possible. The last thing you want to do is go one some dates with her or actually become SERIOUS with her and then tell her. She may ultimately not want to get involved with you because she'll see it as a lie.

Before I got involved with my man (he's almost 43 now, I'm 30), he made sure I was aware of his age. He wanted me to have a chance to walk away before we got too emotionally involved. Obviously his age was NOT an issue, but I have the utmost respect for him that he was so up front about it.

~Crysania

First I want to thank each of you for your suggestions/opinions. In my gut, I felt the same way....be upfront with it. So here is a copy of my email clearing up the age issue:

"I was reflecting on our conversation of today and your comment about the number "8" and then I wondered why you thought it had meaning for us. But then I remembered your description of your birth date...month, year, etc. and understood that they added up to what you believe is the difference is our ages [eight years]. In my reflecting on this thought it came into my mind that I am not eight years older than you but thirteen. Yes I know the "match" age is wrong....but please read on.

If this is too much a shock to your system, I will understand [but I'll cry a lot if it is too much of a shock and I don't usually cry!!]. This might kill our still fragile beginning.....but I hope not.

I didn't mean to mislead you....and I want our approach to building a positive relationship to be based on honesty. Michelle, I am a forthright person.......and I want to be always open and upfront with you. I know doing so will bring us closer together, as I can already feel it.

If you feel betrayed, wronged, or hurt by this news.....I am very sorry and apologize. If you want to day goodbye now.......I accept it. If you don't I will love it.

p.s. When you are 87, I will be 100 and you will be drinking the prune juice I prepared for you as we celebrate our 34th year of having met."

Nice - perfect.

You were honest, upfront and funny. I would totally forgive a man for lying about his age if he sent me such an email at the beginning of a relationship.

Kudos to you.

hehe, nice email....let us know how it goes. ;)

Nice - perfect.

You were honest, upfront and funny. I would totally forgive a man for lying about his age if he sent me such an email at the beginning of a relationship.

Kudos to you.

I did not actually lie about my age, I just did not clarify. She has thought the same thing for over three years, but it must be noted we were not together all of that time...only recently.

I did not actually lie about my age, I just did not clarify. She has thought the same thing for over three years, but it must be noted we were not together all of that time...only recently.

Oh come on...you let her think that you were a certain age for 3! years? You've been lying to her.

Nadine.

If this is too much a shock to your system, I will understand [but I'll cry a lot if it is too much of a shock and I don't usually cry!!]. This might kill our still fragile beginning.....but I hope not.

If you feel betrayed, wronged, or hurt by this news.....I am very sorry and apologize. If you want to day goodbye now.......I accept it. If you don't I will love it.


My editor's nature wants to suggest that there might a bit too much doom and gloom in this... to me (and that's not important... to her is important) it sounds like the writer expects major problems... that might be okay, but accepting her departure based on it may not appear chivalrous. Sounds to me like the message is "I feel horrible and if you decide to leave me, no problem."

I'd have written the second paragraph: "I am sorry if you feel wronged by this. but I sincerely hope you will forgive me, because I want nothing more than to build an honest and positive relationship with you."

Again, that's just an opinion. I'm certainly not suggesting the original is "wrong."

I loved the PS - it creates perspective!

Oh come on...you let her think that you were a certain age for 3! years? You've been lying to her.

Nadine.


Nope. If anything, it is a sin of omission not of comission.