OMG I am so totally confused n can some1 help me?

Okayz so I have been in a relationship wit this guy for about 5 months that I met on yahoo. He is 25 and I am 19. He lives on the east coast and I live on the west coast. We are really serious and he told me he loved me way back during the first month. My parents are really against me meeting guys on the net and have completely gotten so upset with me over this and said they will cut me off from college if I go to see this guy. He cheated on me once also, which I forgave him for, because we are long distance, but I had to find out from the girl herself because she found me in myspace. I did forgive him though and this was about a month ago. Since then we have got even more serious and he tells me he wants me to move there with him and marry him. He is a little controlling also but he has really changed the past month since all the drama wit the other girl happened.

My problem is, since I forgave him for everything, I have had trust issues with him that I have been trying my hardest not to have because I love him and I don't want to let him go. But how can I stay with him if I constantly have these things in my head like I don't trust him? I am always wondering what he is doin and who he is with and I even log into his myspace to spy. I hate having to do this, and I never had the feelings before everything happened.

Next problem is, I already forgave him and stayed with him. Now if I break up with him before I see him it is going to seem like I lead him on when really I just wanted to give it time to see if these trust issues would go away. Do they go away in time? Whos to say he won't do it again?

PLEASE HELP ME OMG!! Should I go see him or break it off? :confused: :( Thanks in advance.

:) Here is something I hope you never forget: You have the RIGHT to CHANGE YOUR MIND. Please remember that.

I too think he is a loser. Of course you can't trust him. He cheated on you (and on the other girl). You are not married to him so you do not need to feel obligated to continue this relationship.

Just email him or telephone him and say "I am sorry but I cannot continue the relationship. The trust is gone and I no longer feel the same".

He will say all kinds of things.... just repeat what he says "yes I know I promised but...." AND then say the same thing again, i.e. "I am sorry but I cannot continue the relationship. The trust is gone and I no longer feel the same".

You may have to repeat yourself 3/4 times but just keep 'fogging' him with this statement. Don't get into an argument, just keep repeating your mantra. Then tell him goodbye.

Trust me, you deserve someone much better than this guy. Good luck!!!

This Guys Sounds Like A Loser.... No Offense

Youve Never Seen Him Before So You Wont Be Able To See His Expression. Just Cut It Off Quick!! Don't Let Your Education Go To Waste For Some Guy You've Never Met!!! Like She Said...he Can Tellyou All Kinds Of Things But Don't Let Him Talk You Into Doing Something Else. The Way I Look At It...once A Cheater Always A Cheater, No Matter How Many Times That He Tells You He Isn't...

If You Can't Trust Him Now...what Makes You Think That Your Gonna Trust Him When You Move And Marry?? What Are You Going To Do When You Move All The Way Out There And Then He Breaks Your Heart??

Dump the player, respect your parents, finish college, & stay off myspace.com!!! That place is the ruin of way too many people!! :cool:

LOL @ Bollocks! You tell it like it is.

Yes, I have to agree with what the others have said. You don't owe this guy anything and the trust is already broken. You are already seeing red flags in this relationship and you haven't even MET him yet. Do not wait for him to become even more controlling. Yellowrose has great advice for breaking up - so so so true.

Good luck!

thankx PPL.. I appreciate your help. I tried to use yahoo answers for help but I got some pretty messed up ppl making fun of me. :mad: I am really scared of breaking up with him and I feel like I am going to miss him so much. We talked on the phone everynight from like 7pm - 3am then again in the morning and online and I am going to miss him. But maybe im just bored.

I do love him and I guess that is what is hard about this. The breaking up part would be easy if I didn't love him so much. :(

Bullocks, LOL about myspace! Yea its Nun But Drama you are right! But if it wasnt for myspace then I woulda never caught him cheating! :D

One more question.. is it even cheating if we are online relationship and never even met? Thats what keeps going in my mind too, I consider it cheating.

One more question.. is it even cheating if we are online relationship and never even met? Thats what keeps going in my mind too, I consider it cheating.

Yes, it is if there is pretense of a relationship there. My opinion? You are far too young with too many things ahead of you to waste college for a guy you haven't met yet. Any man who is controlling and tried to get you to 'promise' things about the relationship will most likely only get worse. Take it from a woman who married at 20 to a man who *did* become controlling and abusive. Interestingly, he wasn't even that controlling while we were dating, or I wouldn't have married him. If you are seeing these red flags now, run the other way! Another thing that concerns me is that a 25 year old young man would need to posses a 19 year old lady who he has never met so quickly. You haven't met yet and he wants you to promise marriage? Very very bad sign...

Do what your parents say, go to school and dump this guy. They really do want what is best for you (someday you'll realize how wonderful that is!). If you need to talk feel free to email me offline. I know what it is like to be young and confused, and get wrapped up in a man who wants to control your every move. There is a reason I am divorced now, but it wasn't a fun process and I don't recommend it to anyone.

Live your life your YOU right now!! Good luck!

Dump the player, respect your parents, finish college, & stay off myspace.com!!! That place is the ruin of way too many people!! :cool:

What is wrong with being a player? My girlfriend is stranded way out of town and I am seeing someone else tomorrow. At least, I know I won't be caught.

My girlfriend is stranded way out of town and I am seeing someone else tomorrow. At least, I know I won't be caught Hopefully she is seeing a hunk of a guy that you don't know about either! :D Have fun!

Good one, Barb! :D

You type things like "OMG, n, some1, Okayz, Wit, completely gotten so upset, Nun But Drama, thanx, PPL..............." Your hanging out at MYSPACE or on the phone until 3:00AM everyday? WITH classes? Who pays these phone/internet bills?
Please understand I am NOT making fun of you for all this.



Very funny! I actually wanted to make fun of it, but thought better of it. As a guy, it does pain me to know how many girls like this actually exist.

Hopefully she is seeing a hunk of a guy that you don't know about either! :D Have fun!

All kidding aside, I was supposed to pick her up Saturday. It was at least a 13 hour drive one way. Her father finally decided to help her fix her car, but I was really going to get her. I was not going to leave her stranded.

Thanks.. I knew someone was going to make fun of me sooner or later. I guess I deserved it for using those words. :(

Anyways, thanks to everyone for your advice.. I know there are other guys out there for me but I can't seem to figure out why this guy has me so wrapped up around his finger. Each day I cry because I want to break up with him, but then I keep saying, "maybe another week talking to him then I'll do it." I just can't seem to find the easy way around it, besides the instructions about (Barb thanks) it's just easier said than done. :rolleyes:

Thank u again and Ill keep u all updated.

You are in a long distance, online relationship and haven't met yet? Just wondering what u all think. I know I included that ?? in my other thread but just making it a highlight. :)

Is it cheating if u catch them talking to someone else online they have never met also?

If it's just innocent talking...of course not. If it's romantic talking....yes, it's cheating. Why wouldn't it be?

If you had known about the other woman he was talking to...then no...it wouldn't have been cheating. If you didn't know...then yes...he cheated on you.

And you probably feel like he cheated on you because you thought you were going to only be talking to each other...am I right? Thats how I would have felt.

Nadine.

You know...when I was about 19 and still living at home...going to community college....I used to talk to an older guy online who actually lived in the same state as me....about a 5 hour drive....who wanted to marry me. We used to talk about getting married all the time. It was very very strange and he was very controlling also....but I just couldn't stop talking to him.

What I ended up doing (and I'm not suggesting you do this...or even saying it was right to do to someone) was talking to him until I found someone real so that I didn't need to talk to him anymore. We never met in person thankfully....and eventually we just stopped talking and he got the hint.

Nadine.

confused, i merged both your threads, as the same question was asked in each, in order to keep all your concerns regarding this, in one concise thread.

oh, and if he's talkin' smack to some female online, and it isn't YOU......that's cheating. just a lil fyi ;)

thanks.. Jesique... woa that is exactly the same way I feel. Like I know he's wrong for me but I cannot stop talking to him. :confused:
About the cheating, neither me or the girl knew. We were both lied to. Yes, he said I was the only one also.

FYI everyone, I do not live with my parents. I live in away from home with roommates. Just wanted to clear that up because I am not sure where the assumption came from. ;)

Happy Pappy.. it's okay. No problem. I am away at school but they do give me $$.. I also have a part time job.

Just an update, he broke up with me last night because he thinks he is bad for me, etc, etc, this is an ongoing routine. But surprisingly, I found myself not caring or wanting to call him back. Maybe this is my ticket out and now I don't have to be the one to do it. It feels like its almost a releif even though I am sad, it's still a releif for some reason.

Hi ConfusedLove,

Glad things have worked out the way they have. It sounds like he is trying to play controlling head games with you and get you to beg to come back... Consider yourself lucky you have dodged that bullet, throw yourself into your schoolwork while you still can, and enjoy life!!

Best wishes,

Roberta

break it off if he had already cheated on you. you really deserve better.