sabine
04-14-2006, 07:16 PM
That was really my question, and thought when I posted my first words on here called "is it really what we think it is." My thought, but you voiced it much better than I did, and that is exactly what i worry about. I wasn't saying that a younger person would necessarily purpously mislead you, but I do believe when we are very young we don't truly understand the consquences of our actions yet. Sure other people can tell them what is coming in the future with all the changes we go through (male and femal), but that is truly not the same as learning them yourself. It is the difference between knowing something and understanding something. You expressed what my concernes are very accurately. Will he resent me? Will he change too much and grow away from me? Yes, I know nobody can tell these things, but dating as we get older isn't the same as when we are very young. I mean despite the fact that we can't see what is coming we want to give ourselves the best chance we possibly can at a successful future. Can I really do that with a 22 year old? I am 32 just so you all know. My final decision was really that I would not get seriously involved with him until he was 25, and that was before I read this thread. Is that right though? To put an strict criteria on how a relationship will develop. I know we are all different, but I am sure glad that in my teens or early 20's that I did not tether myself to the guys that I was dating then. Today would I date the same men? Not a chance in hell!!!!!!!!!! All I can really ever know is myself, and I do know that what I wanted for my life, and what I wanted from other people was completely different back then. When I was that young and thought about what I wanted my life to be like in my 30's I was completely wrong about. Sure maybe some people are bang on, never change and always know exactly what they want from a young age. Personally I have never met one and my friends range in age from 22 to 49. That is how I felt when I first came on here to read other womens stories. Some of them to me seemed very unrealistic. It would be beautiful to live in a world where age, sickness, and looks didn't matter, but we don't. That is what I think about when I look at my younger guy. I have refused all of his advances on me that are beyond anything but the friendship we have had for a few years. Not because I don't want him. I do very much. I stop it because I ask myself if it is the best thing for him......and myself. I don't want to be delusional, and trick myself into thinking things that are never there. Yes, I most definitely do think that the older person does have a responsibility to bring some wisedom to the relationship. I struggle with that all of the time........it is very hard to let somebody go from your life that brings a lot of laughter and happiness into it, and that is what he does.
When I write about it on my own I always wrote about it in terms of love. (yes I do love him and want what is best for him) Do we always fall in love with the right person? I don't think so..........but that dosen't mean that it isn't really love. That is what I wonder. I love him, but does that mean it is meant to be? I doubt it. Me and him are coming to a crossroads in our lives in a few weeks, and he suggested living together. Neither of us want to lose the other, we play a very special role in eachothers lives. At first I was so happy at the thought of having somebody to share my life with. I have been alone 3 years now. Intentionally as I needed time to develop new parts of myself and let old ones die hard. The more I thought about it the happier I got. Then I thought more and more, and somehow I just could not justify it. He's my boy, and I want him to have all of the stupid mindless fun that being young can offer. Those days are few, and once they are gone. They are soooooo gone. Do I want to take those away? Hell no!!!!!!! I am a big believer in giving people their freedom. Is it easy to push a person away that you love? No way, it was one of the hardest things ever, and it hurts me beyond anything. I know though in the end that it would hurt me more if something I did hurt him, or took a memorable part of his life away. I am not saying what is right and wrong for anybody in their life. We all do what we do........and it is you that has to deal with most of your decisions, but in love and in relationships that just is not true. Both of you deal with your decisions. Did I make the right one? I sure hope so because I make alot of wrong ones. I guess I got maybe a bit off topic here. But this was my experience with trying to bring reason into my relationship. I don't know if I believe all of the if you love something set if free BS, but I think that is what I did. Maybe I am totally wrong in my thoughts, and I might have a hurt heart, but I do have peace of mind. If you think I am wrong about it tell me.......If you think I am right tell me.......
When I write about it on my own I always wrote about it in terms of love. (yes I do love him and want what is best for him) Do we always fall in love with the right person? I don't think so..........but that dosen't mean that it isn't really love. That is what I wonder. I love him, but does that mean it is meant to be? I doubt it. Me and him are coming to a crossroads in our lives in a few weeks, and he suggested living together. Neither of us want to lose the other, we play a very special role in eachothers lives. At first I was so happy at the thought of having somebody to share my life with. I have been alone 3 years now. Intentionally as I needed time to develop new parts of myself and let old ones die hard. The more I thought about it the happier I got. Then I thought more and more, and somehow I just could not justify it. He's my boy, and I want him to have all of the stupid mindless fun that being young can offer. Those days are few, and once they are gone. They are soooooo gone. Do I want to take those away? Hell no!!!!!!! I am a big believer in giving people their freedom. Is it easy to push a person away that you love? No way, it was one of the hardest things ever, and it hurts me beyond anything. I know though in the end that it would hurt me more if something I did hurt him, or took a memorable part of his life away. I am not saying what is right and wrong for anybody in their life. We all do what we do........and it is you that has to deal with most of your decisions, but in love and in relationships that just is not true. Both of you deal with your decisions. Did I make the right one? I sure hope so because I make alot of wrong ones. I guess I got maybe a bit off topic here. But this was my experience with trying to bring reason into my relationship. I don't know if I believe all of the if you love something set if free BS, but I think that is what I did. Maybe I am totally wrong in my thoughts, and I might have a hurt heart, but I do have peace of mind. If you think I am wrong about it tell me.......If you think I am right tell me.......