My mothers says he's too old for me

My mother met my OM a couple of days ago. He's 58 and I'm 40. My mother's 64. She knew my OM the first time around when I was with him 22 years ago and it was partly because of her and my father that we split up. Of course, at 18, I went with my parents views.

My mother says he is a lovely man but he is too old for me. She says I will end up having to care for him as he gets older, and obviously she is worried for me in the future. I havent a great track record with relationships, got divorced from a power freak after 12 years, then got involved with a layabout for 4 years, so I suppose she doesn't want me to make anymore mistakes.

I love my OM very much, I realise the pitfalls involved, I wish I'd had the last 22 years with him. It seems I have the raw end of the deal with the inevitable looming in the next 20 years and all the heartache that goes with it.

I don't want to listen to my mother, but I know she is probably right. I just hope that if I go against her advice, which I will, she respects my decision, and accepts my OM. Although to be honest I feel it is my father that I am going to have the problems with as he has never approved of any of my boyfriends!

My mother met my OM a couple of days ago. He's 58 and I'm 40. My mother's 64. She knew my OM the first time around when I was with him 22 years ago and it was partly because of her and my father that we split up. Of course, at 18, I went with my parents views.

My mother says he is a lovely man but he is too old for me. She says I will end up having to care for him as he gets older, and obviously she is worried for me in the future. I havent a great track record with relationships, got divorced from a power freak after 12 years, then got involved with a layabout for 4 years, so I suppose she doesn't want me to make anymore mistakes.

I love my OM very much, I realise the pitfalls involved, I wish I'd had the last 22 years with him. It seems I have the raw end of the deal with the inevitable looming in the next 20 years and all the heartache that goes with it.

I don't want to listen to my mother, but I know she is probably right. I just hope that if I go against her advice, which I will, she respects my decision, and accepts my OM. Although to be honest I feel it is my father that I am going to have the problems with as he has never approved of any of my boyfriends!
First, let us take a look at your comment about facing the inevitiable. Yes, it is a tough realization that your OM will probably pass away before you...but look at the time of happiness you will have with him. If you cherish each day you have with him, the rest will not loom so heavy on you. The biggest thing you need to look at is the fact you said you you had met him 22 years ago. He sounds like a wonderful man and you should pursue the relationship and see how you two work together.

Look forward to hearing more from both of you.

sounds like you need to decide what you can live with.

letting him go to satisfy your parents wishes......

or

hanging on to this man to satisfy YOURS.

there may be probs with his health, or there may be probs with YOURS and he's still fit as a fiddle.

ultimately, it's not your parents that you grow old with, ideally lol, it's the person you choose to journey life with.

you have a choice to make.

and i think that if they were just going to bounce on one leg and jump on the other if i chose the man, then i'd choose the man.

if they're going to disown you or fall down dead, well, are either of those things likely to happen? (honest question, some parents WILL disown and some parents DO have health probs that getting super worked up will play heck on)

and to be happy.....i could live with the disowning.

best of luck in your decision.

Tracy

It is interesting to note that Mom apparently did not not object much to the two previous bad choices? I guess in my book that makes her judgement or motivation suspect. It's also interesting that she split you up the first time.

She objected to him because of his age.

She didn't object to a control freak.
She didn't object to a layabout.

But now she objects to him -- again??!

Tempting conclusion is that Mom is (perhaps totally unintentionally) making sure you are going to continue to be dependant on her.

It's also interesting that Dad gets one sentence. At least he objected to the first two.

The bottom line here is that when people go beyond "helping" you make a decision to insisting you make the one they want, there are a lot of possible things "wrong" with that. The two most important are that they either want their world to stay the same or they think you are incapable of making your own decision.

You are forty years old -- not eighteen.

Frankly, given the amount of influence Mom seems to have, I would suggest you proceed slowly with #3. The choice here isn't whether or not to marry him. The choice here is whether or not to elminate or drastically reduced parental dependency.

You people on here are great! I love sharing my thoughts and worries here and hearing varying answers. Many of which I kind of knew already but just wanted confirming in my own mind. Just to make sure I'm not being selfish in loving an OM. Trouble is with me I've spent too many years caring about what other people think instead of looking after my own needs. I've recently turned 40 and now I'm going to put me first! Hopefully I won't mess up again with this relationship.

I love my OM very much, I realise the pitfalls involved, I wish I'd had the last 22 years with him.

Reread your own sentence, please. 22 years ago, you let your mom talk you out of being with someone you love. And now, you have been blessed with a second chance to take a bite out of the same apple (gosh, how many of us would kill for second chances like that!), and you're wondering if you should listen to your mom...again??! Listen to Wallypop, please--you're 40 now, not 18 anymore. :confused: