Hello...I'm New Here

Hi everyone. My fiance and I have about a 15 year age gap. He is 35, and I'm 19 (almost 20; I'll be 20 before he's 36). We've been together for two years now, and sometimes it's really difficult.

We've been mistaken for father/daughter before, but not because of him; because--given the right (or wrong, however you want to look at it) wardrobe, I can pass for 15. He could pass as in his late 20's.

Anyway, that's not the problem. The problem is that I haven't finished school yet, and I can't contribute much financially. This puts a lot of stress on him and it's causing trouble in our relationship. Does anyone have any advice on this subject?

If the money is already a problem now (and it is the cause of most divorces) you may want to postpone the wedding. I made the mistake of getting married before I was done with college (I was 20) and went to work full time with only an Associate's degree. Needless to say things didn't work out with my ex-husband (for unrelated reasons, although the stress on me of having to work full time and go to school full time didn't help), and now at 22 I am going back full time. Luckily I got out of the marriage sooner rather than later; I would hate to think about what would have happened had we stayed married for 10 years *then* divorced.

If you love eachother, waiting a few extra years to marry shouldn't be a huge deal. When yuo marry someone, ideally you will be spending the rest of your lives together. Considering that both you and your fiance are young, I wouldn't rush it. If he cannot support you to finish school (and by doing so look at the long run picture, which is that you will make much more money in 10 years if you do) then I would not live with him until you are done with school.

Things may change a lot for you in the next few years, do keep that in mind. My ex-husband and I had a 12 year age gap, and as I got better educated and more successful at work, we grew apart. Make sure he is not stressing you out on the finances as a way of controlling you or keeping you down (happened to me).

I hope things work out for you!! Good luck!

I have to agree with workaholickitty.

You should really first decide what you want for yourself as far as education and career are concerned. If he loves you, he can wait to get married and even be there for you as you finish your education.

I think being self-sufficient and independent is an attractive quality to have. Make sure you take care of yourself first. If it's meant to be, marriage can wait.




If the money is already a problem now (and it is the cause of most divorces) you may want to postpone the wedding. I made the mistake of getting married before I was done with college (I was 20) and went to work full time with only an Associate's degree. Needless to say things didn't work out with my ex-husband (for unrelated reasons, although the stress on me of having to work full time and go to school full time didn't help), and now at 22 I am going back full time. Luckily I got out of the marriage sooner rather than later; I would hate to think about what would have happened had we stayed married for 10 years *then* divorced.

If you love eachother, waiting a few extra years to marry shouldn't be a huge deal. When yuo marry someone, ideally you will be spending the rest of your lives together. Considering that both you and your fiance are young, I wouldn't rush it. If he cannot support you to finish school (and by doing so look at the long run picture, which is that you will make much more money in 10 years if you do) then I would not live with him until you are done with school.

Things may change a lot for you in the next few years, do keep that in mind. My ex-husband and I had a 12 year age gap, and as I got better educated and more successful at work, we grew apart. Make sure he is not stressing you out on the finances as a way of controlling you or keeping you down (happened to me).

I hope things work out for you!! Good luck!