old man wont let me down easy.

i have never had such great sex with a man in my whoel life. this man fills me in everyway.
it is a bit complicated, since we met on the internet, we get alogn so great we can talk for hours, but he is obsessed with my "sex" and gettign physical. he has an immense sex drive and he tells me hes never met a woman like me. .
we can talk for hours on the internet and everyother firend my age looses color... liek i become less interested in other people, the more we talk. . i find that our connection is whats greatest, yet it is impossibel for him to have a normal friendship with me without asking me to take my clothes off, to talk dirty etc.. he tells me " how can i just be your friend when i desire you so much as a woman?" and i find this a bunch of ********.... i mean is this all i am to him, a big bag of sex?

let me explain the situation though: he was married when we met 3 years ago but is surrently leaving his wife because she has had severe hormonal/libido problems and the doctors cant do anythign about it (she wont have sex with him) for the past 6 years. (i am not a homewrekcer). WE talked for 3 years on the internet and met about 8 times. . but constantly chatting... and we could do so much more, but i just wont let it happen because i still live with my parents....
i wotn be with him after he leaves his wife becasue this scares me. . i cant, i just really want him in my life though, as a good role model, as a father figure i never had...

WHY THE HELL CANT THIS GUY JUST BE MY FRIEND if we have such a great connection??? is he a liar, does he just always want my sex and im not that special to him??


sad and depressed


melanie. :confused:

Melanie,

What you describe is what I call "gettiing in over your head" and you are in over your head with this guy. He is in a marriage with no sex. He has alot of catching up to do since he's found someone to have sex with him.

You don't say how old either of you are. You are a "big bag of sex" to this guy. I wouldn't trust the dude as far as I could throw him. Get rid of him!

there has to be some balance to a relationship and sadly your friend holds all the cards, including all of your cards........if you LET him.

you are in control of this situation but not taking the courage to be the one who calls the shots.

dont settle.

dont settle.

dont settle.

get a bit of backbone and be the strong one, that will require you ending contact with him, he is not gonna like it, but what he is dragging you into is certainly not respectful to you.

get your self respect and set YOUR boundries, you cant wait for him to do it becaue he wont.

PS. i mean this kindly.......but there may come a day that you look back on this guy and the EXCUSE he used about her lack of sex drive and see it was all a game to get you to have sympathy and give in to his needs, (what about yours? ) his wife not having a sex drive is their problem, he had no business bringing that to you.

take care.

I'm not sure from your post if you had sex with him the 8 times you saw him in person. If so, I wonder if something he did then that scared you, or if it's the things he says when you are online that scares you. Anyway, the fact that he scares you is a red sign. You are still with your parents, so you are probably very young. You said he is older, sounds like much older. Be very careful because since he still married, no one knows where you are when you are with him. He could possibly do anything to you when you see him and nobody would know. Also, he may be lying about his relationship with his wife, just to get with a young girl. It's been 3 years, I know that's a long time, but your safety is at stake here. Best of luck to you, hope you make the right decision. Don't take too many chances.

Not only are you a bag of sex, he figures being with someone younger, she would have just as much as sex drive as he does. He saw you coming.

And how the hell do you know his wife has had sex/libido problems...DID YOU TALK TO HIS WIFE, did you talk to the doctor...NO, you rather listen to the husband (who has a hidden agenda, to hoodwink you...did a good job, you fell for it). And you don't think you're a homewrecker...priceless...have you ever been to his home...I'm sure its not wreck (would take a bulldozer to wreck it), but its fill with alot of deep hurt from a woman who had so much faith in her husband as to marry him only to be betray and abandon.

Do you know how many men IM me thinking that because they tell me their married upfront, that THAT makes them so honourable. That I would fall at their feet with adoration because they took the time to begin the relationship with their brand of honesty. And then they get upset, when I don't comply, go figure. As if being honest, in their mind entitles them to having me. Do you think their wives know? Yeah, I hear it too, their wives are this or their wives a that. Its one thing if the wife knows and its ok with her, I would have to hear it from her though, not him. So I dare you, go ask the wife what she thinks. Even if she does have a "problem", don't you think she feels just as badly for not being able to share in her love for her husband, a bit of herself.

I don't know too many men who would stay married and be without sex for 6 years. More then likely, he's getting it from you and her. What would be the point of staying married if you can't share all of yourself with another person. Do you think if your libido were to be gone tomorrow, would he still be with you? I'm sure you are one of many on the internet.

And you think this man is a role model/father figure? A poster child for what, AIDS/STDs...dishonour...disperation...how about emotional integrity. I know you didn't just fall off the turnip cart at 8am pacific time.

For what he's turn you into, you should be angry...he could've just gotten a hooker for that, but hell, he doesn't have to pay for you.

Paris

what she said (as usual)

By the way, you said you've never had such great sex in your life but that you're not a homewrecker? Huh?? Which is it? Did you have sex with him or not? The first sentence of your posts leads me to believe that you did. Okay, maybe you don't want to BE a homewrecker and this twit certainly gets the award for being a major contributor to the demise of his marriage but you even stooping to converse with him about your sexuality puts you in league with him, whether you like it or not. If you really don't want to be a homewrecker then tell him to keep his stuff in his pants and keep his conversation clean (at least until he's man enough to end his relationship without trying for a little something on the side).

I'm sorry if you're even slightly flattered by attention from a jerk like that. Have some respect for the woman he married and stop talking to him. We women have enough competition in our lives to do this to each other. And we certainly deserve better than men like that guy! :mad:

thank you all for your wonderful posts, i really appreciate all you have said, especially Fritts, whose post i appreciated the most. i want to clarify a few things here: one is that i am positive his wife was "sick" and that he never lied to me about that becasue he is currently leaving her because of it. i am not a homewrecker, and had i even suspected one bit he was lying to me or have major surety that he would leave his wife, i wouldnt have approached him- as we were tlakgin he even was sure that he wanted to be with his wife, if she was not closed off completely from sex (she didnt even want to kiss him or touch him sensually). Also, all the women out there who are screaming at me, (hehe i dotn mind), i really always kept telling him that id rather he be with his wife than me because i mostly just wanted to be friends and took advantage of his sexual availability a littel bit to get away from the restraint i feel at home living with mama and papa (im 22 years old and he is 50).

in reply to Fritts who wrote that somethign must have scared me: yes somethign did scare me, the fact that he wanted sex fomr me absolutely all the time... it is tiring and unvalidating.. as if this is all i am or that without it we woudl have nothing- but i know it is the opposite. Our iniital relation was essentially based on liking of one another. I know no one believes me, but i beleive that he mainly "chose" me as a partner because he liked me and then afterwards because i was attractive to him, and was eager to have sexual adventures. He asked me first; are you sure you want to meet me, are you sure you don't want to remain chat friends...and im the one who told him NO like a looser lost teen girl. now i regret it so much.




i am the one who ended up leaving him becasue my family found out and they called me a ****, a homewrecker, an open-hole, etc...
its verydepressing and distrubing. it made me sad and made me feel like i had no control over the situation, that all i lived with him was wrong.. was not true.. that they were right. it scared me that each time we saw eachother he would be so eager to hug and kiss while i would just want to see him to orgasm of whatnot (as opposed to being tender, etc.)


for the record: he probably DID and does chat other women on the net which is the only possible down side.

im sorry this is so complicated, ,, but your replies help tremendously...they help validate me a lot!






priceless...




please write even if its to bash me.



melanie


to heal the world you have to heal yourself first.

I moved your thread, as well as another one you created, from the OW/YM Relationship Support section to the YW/OM Relationship Support section.

Are we on Jerry Springer???
:eek: :eek: :eek:

please write even if its to bash me.


Are you sure? My sex drive is so strong, I could give you a run for your money.

i just really want him in my life though, as a good role model, as a father figure i never had...


This is the part I have the most problems with. You want him as a father figure?

A man can be many things in your life...but I don't think it's his place to be your father.

I think it might be time to back away from this situation and look at it from another angle. I would at least wait until he was totally free and available to me...(meaning divorced from his wife)

Nadine.

i. . i cant, i just really want him in my life though, as a good role model, as a father figure i never had...

WHY THE HELL CANT THIS GUY JUST BE MY FRIEND if we have such a great connection??? is he a liar, does he just always want my sex and im not that special to him??


sad and depressed


melanie. :confused:

melanie what kinda struck me is that your looking at him as a Father figure... Is this why your so drawn to him? Because I'm not an expert however... I know I wouldn't want to look at my life partner as my father but as my Lover and best friend.....

I think maybe like the others say you shouldn't settle and maybe there is more going on here....

i think that a lot fo the "fallign in love with older men" happens because we are drawn to theri comfort - the same comfort we feel with our parents- they help us grow in ways that maybe other adults have stifled in us when we were young. i knwo in my case, seeing and chattign with this man has made me like him and his personality a lot- tremendously, but i also know that he represents a lot of the things my own father never gave me. which happen to be things boys my age can never give- tender advice, caring unsexual touch and wisdom.


the main reason i actually wrote is to sort of digest and sort through the clutter in my head and emotions... i know what i need to do (i.e. what some people woudl call the "right" thing) but sometimes its hard thinking it through when you cannto speak abotu it to anyone. . .

i really appreciated thoe who left me space to talk and think with their reserved advice- not those who openly told me what im doign wrong, cuz i know! i have not that deep in the low self-esteem hole OK???


anyways. props to some of you who remain sensitive and have faith that when you treat people well enough, goodness and healign ensues.





melanie.

Melanie

once upon a time ago i was in your similar situation,my best friend was a man,
i ended up denying something when i was 19, i lied to myself. i really fell in love wiht my friend, or maybe just the idea of him. he knew me better then anyone else in the world. but i realized he was 20 yrs old then me and there was no way i could still be his friend, he had a whole another world . friendships dont last with married or divorced older men. not unless you really want to be with him.

run for your life :)