Snoring and sleeping apart

Hi,
I'm just wondering if anyone here has any experience with dealing with living with a partner with a severe snoring problem and having to sleep apart in the long term? Can this work out, or is likely to cause more issues, loss of intimacy etc? This is something I'm seriously considering right now, so I'd really appreciate any advice or experiences you can share?

Yes, they both snored REALLY loud, both my ex-husbands and it was simply unbearable.

I remember sticking my fingers in their nose, using ear plugs all the time, often getting up in the middle of the night and sleeping in the living room.

My second husband snored so bad that even with ear plugs, I could still feel the bed vibrate. Yes that bad, I'm not joking. I would wake up crying.

It's a MAJOR problem but I know that it can be solved by surgery.

guuuuurl, the man i chose to marry, back before i was sane....snored so bad it would peel paint off the walls. if you could just get him to where it didn't rattle your nose hairs....you MIGHT catch a NAP.

i slept on the couch, got griped at for it, but dang! for about 3 years, he slept in a recliner, but that was mostly to use it against me, lol, that ***.

anyhoo! sleep apnea was what he had. ended up getting a machine with this mask thing on it and WHOA, no snoring. he tried everything, including those lil nose strips...what a joke with a mammoth snorer.

google sleep apnea (which is where one actually STOPS breathing while asleep ) and see if he meets the criteria. 'it' actually did a sleep study and in 2 hours, he "woke up" ie: lapsed OUT of REM sleep.......247 times. can you say 'grumpy'? lol....and it was due to sleep apnea. the technicians told him that it was a wonder his wife hadn't divorced him, he snored so badly.

nah, i could've lived with THAT, lmao, it was the other junk that i divorced him for :p

good luck!

Get him to a sleep doc.

Sleep apnea causes high blood pressure, heart enlargement, kidney problems, helps make diabetes harder to control, circulatory problems, makes gastric reflux worse, and even more that they're discovering all the time. I've seen estimates that a stroke could be delayed by 10 years or more by the use of CPAP. It can also cause impotence, which is potentially one way to get a male to take it seriously.

CPAP, the machine Trace is talking about is the fix. Course a tracheostomy will fix it too, but the CPAP will do it too, and without surgery. It's a shoebox sized machine that blows a stream of air, at a doctor determined level to splint the back of the throat open. The constant dips of breathing due to the apnea causes the oxygen level in the body to rise and fall dramatically during sleep, putting a lot of extra stress on the heart to try to compensate.

Don't let anyone try to talk him into the throat surgery that sometimes is used. It's a very painful surgery, like the second most painful there is, and it's only about 50% effective, and still most who have it wind up on CPAP withing 10 years.

I have a few patients who tell me that their CPAP literally saved their marriages, as their wives were so sleep deprived themselves that they were within a short time from divorce.

Interesting thread. I snore loudly and often find my girlfriend on the couch. It makes me feel absolutely terrible. :(

I now use those Breathe Right nose strips and as long as I don't roll over on my back, they are rather effective. Maybe you should try those and see if they work.

I'm a person who never snored my entire life until about age 50.....finally when I was 54, my doctor asked me about my sleep. I told him I never awakened refreshed. He sent me for a sleep study, and sure enough, I had sleep apnea.

CPAP has changed my life. I have WAY more energy than I used to. I never sleep without it....it's FAR from sexy, lol, but my b/f quit complaining about my snoring, and quit ending up in the spare bedroom. Of course now he's a few states away and not my b/f anymore, but I'm happy not snoring and sleeping well, WHEN I can get to sleep...but that's a whole other issue.

CPAP is a life saver....Bella's post is right on!

Yeppers, sleep apnea. Jeremy has a mild form. He usually doesn't snore on his side, so if he starts I wake him up and roll him over.

He's been complaining about feeling tired all of the time, though, so maybe I'll suggest he gets checked. Scares the hell out of me when he stops breathing for aseveral seconds sometimes.

Definately don't start with separate rooms unless it's temporary!

I read an interesting study about snoring, they measured peoples brain waves while they were asleep, and found that snoring prevents people from getting good quality sleep.

The data showed whilst snoring, people weren't getting past stage 2 sleep, and the snoring itself was even disturbing them, and sending them back to stage 1.

They were missing out on stage 3, 4 and REM sleep, while they were snoring.

Get him to a sleep doc.

Sleep apnea causes high blood pressure, heart enlargement, kidney problems, helps make diabetes harder to control, circulatory problems, makes gastric reflux worse, and even more that they're discovering all the time. I've seen estimates that a stroke could be delayed by 10 years or more by the use of CPAP. It can also cause impotence, which is potentially one way to get a male to take it seriously.

CPAP, the machine Trace is talking about is the fix. Course a tracheostomy will fix it too, but the CPAP will do it too, and without surgery. It's a shoebox sized machine that blows a stream of air, at a doctor determined level to splint the back of the throat open. The constant dips of breathing due to the apnea causes the oxygen level in the body to rise and fall dramatically during sleep, putting a lot of extra stress on the heart to try to compensate.

Don't let anyone try to talk him into the throat surgery that sometimes is used. It's a very painful surgery, like the second most painful there is, and it's only about 50% effective, and still most who have it wind up on CPAP withing 10 years.

I have a few patients who tell me that their CPAP literally saved their marriages, as their wives were so sleep deprived themselves that they were within a short time from divorce.


Excellent advice, Bella.

I was diagnosed with obstructive sleep apnea 8 years ago and have been on CPAP ever since. I was snoring like a freight train, according to my family. I was getting sleepy while driving in traffic and I was falling asleep in early morning meetings at work. I had difficulty concentrating. Overall, I just never felt rested.

When I was first prescribed CPAP, I found it was difficult to get used to. And this is why some patients do not continue to use it. But, he would have to be willing to give it time, because it DEFINITELY help. But, now, I have trouble sleeping without it. When I don't use it (which is only when I go on long trips), I can tell a huge difference in how I feel.

It looks like this:

http://www.sleepsa.com/images/cpap.jpg

Sorry I can't post the photo directly. Rob has that feature turned off in health chat for some reason.

Anyway, my kids tell me that as long as I am using the CPAP they never hear me snore.

Btw, Bella is spot on about avoiding the throat surgery (called UPPP). It is not worth it in sooooo many cases.

If he has gained any weight, he may want to try to lose weight because that may contribute. Sometimes a good weight loss plan will help alleviate some of the snoring.

I wanted to add that there are couples who do sleep separately just to be able to rest. My aunt and uncle slept separately for about 40 years and still loved each other. You could try that on a temporary basis and spice it up with some romance to make the long nights apart a little more tolerable. ;)

Whiterose,

Good to know I'm not the only person wearing that sexy gear!!

I don't sleep without my CPAP EVER! I always take it when traveling as well. I'm afraid to live without it. Or rather that I won't live without it. It just doesn't feel right falling asleep without it on. Funny how something that took a while to get used to, would probably take a while to get used to NOT having on...I don't even take a nap without it...

Wow..thanks for so much great advice everyone...especially for the professional advice bella, Whiterose, and Kat! Its reassuring to know we're not the only couple to have experienced something like this.

My sympathies to all of you who have experienced Sleep apnea and struggled through either being the sufferer, or the partner of someone with a sleep disorder......I know from first hand experience now how very difficult & embarrassing this is, and how easily it creates unwanted stress on a relationship.

Well so far what we tried this week is making some mild lifestyle adjustments, which seems to have given us both a more peaceful week of sleeping so far.

For starters, I've been excercising a little more than usual each day in hope of sleeping more soundly, which seems to also help get me to sleep faster.....before my partner starts snoring. Its funny how just a little thing like getting to sleep `first' can change the whole course of one's sleeping patterns.

Another change we tried was eating our nightly meal before 7.30 pm, and then waiting a few hours more before sleeping. Changing the timing of our nightly meal made a HUGE difference!!!!

Fingers crosses that this is only a lifestyle issue and not sleep apnea. ANyway I'll keep you all posted...and thanks again for your very helpful advice!