Who has mixed feelings about the age gap?

It has to be about more than love, doesn't it? I love Mandy, who is 17 years my junior, and I always have. I hope she loves me as much as I love her, but that is beside the point.

Isn't the biggest downside to these relationships the inevitable aging and ill health?

The biggest "downside" to "these relationships" is the biggest downside to every relationship: forgetting to put the relationship first.

Yes, of course it's a worry. I'm a paranoid worrier, as it is! :rolleyes:

But, this is just one of the many things that you have to weigh out. I'm happier than I could ever have imagined I would be and I woudn't trade that for anything. I considered long and hard before I got into this relationship, what the consequences of being with a man 18 years older than me would be. I'm willing to do what I have to look after the man I love, as I'm sure he would...and we really don't know what is going to happen either. It may not necessarily be the older partner that gets sick.

It Is A Scary Thought...but You Know What..you Have To Live For The Day!! What Would Happen To Everyone If We All Worried About When We Were Gonna Get Sick Or Die???!!!!

My man is 18 years older than me, he is 58, diabetic and not the healthiest person I know. He suffers from all sorts of aches and pains and I really feel for him. The hardest thing is that I first got with him when he was 36 when he was as fit as a fiddle but other peoples influences made us part and lose contact. We got together again six months ago through me finding him with the help of the internet. I love him so much but I really feel I've got the last laps with him and I know its going to be a rough ride, but I do love him and I will stick by him and cherish each year I get with him, having lost out on the last 22.

I am 49 my husband is 35. For us, there were a variety of things we had to look at regarding our age difference relationship. We didn't do it from a 'gloom and doom' stance. However, if you totally ignore that there is an age gap and don't think and talk about the issues, for us that would have been like burying our heads in the sand.

First up was he had to decide if he wanted children of his own. Being the smart guy that he is, knowing that he had a preference for woman that are older, he had gone through the process already of thinking if that was a problem for him. He decided that ... some people don't every find the 'right' person for them, never are loved well, and he preferred to have a lifetime of love with that special person, rather then have children of is own.

Second up was the blending of his life into mine, which included three kids, a son 29, a son 20, and a daughter 17. We were not going to deny ourselves a life together, however we wanted to consider their feelings as well. It turned out, that sadly, my oldest son was killed in Iraq, my 20 year old son who lives with his dad took a little more time to warm up to my husband (of course then b/f), my son wanted to see signs of proof that my husband was going to be good for me, my daughter took to him like a duck in water, she found it very easy to have him join our lives. We took it slow though. Ours was LDR, so when he moved here, he rented his own apartment for six months before moving in with us, and four months later both of my children were part of the marriage ceremony.

Third up was the death issue. Really brought on more so because of my son being killed. He was married, lived in another state, however he wanted to be buried at 'home'. I had to pick out a gravesite for my son, and in doing so, it required that I purchase a gravesite for myself so I could be buried next to him ... now came the question, should we purchase one for my husband as well. Did he want to be buried beside me, as there was the possibility that I might die before him, he might remarry etc. He decided, no matter what happen, he wanted his resting place to be next to me. My family history is such that people live well into their late 80's, perhaps a tad slower however still mobile and active.

Health issues, I don't think we took any real length of time to talk about this. His side of the family has health issues that could cause health problems for him much earlier in his life. It is not just the old that get sick! For us, the bottom line was that when we became a couple (more so when we became a married couple) we will take what life hands us and deal with it.

So while there are many things to consider, the health issue was not a big one for us personally.

Fae

Angelus,
I posed the same question last year and got some terrific answers. Do a search for posts by OldSailor -- there's only one. It's titled "Health - what about down the road?" The advice I received from so many wonderful members on the board might help you, too.
Best to you.