what do OM find attractive in YW?

Dear all,

What do Older Men find attractive in Younger Women in serious relationships (I don't mean just involved in affairs)?

It may be easier to answer, as a younger woman, one may find the older man much more mature, independent (emotionally, financially, social status), caring, deep, experienced, open-minded and wise than the guys of similar age. This may especially so for women who are much more mature and perhaps wise in their menality, that it's hard to find guys in the similar age groups to communicate on the same level.

But, for what are older men attracted to younger women? Does it mainly begin with an attraction for younger skin/body/face/appearance, and a more idealistic outlook to life? or is it just more of a matter of availability, that it's not less likely for older men (who may be divorced) to find women of their age who may still be available and open (by status, and by their emotional state) to experience a trusting relationship again?

I'm very interested to hear answers from older men, but of course, also from what other women members!

Thank you!

cc

Short simple reply:

Younger women are generally of child-bearing age and that is a biological drive.

especially in this case, because I think attraction is a very specific and personal thing... the qualities one finds in a YW could just as easily be found in an OW -- well, the biological thing aside.

But I do think things like "zest for life" and "desire for growth and exploration" are part of the formula. I suppose there's also some sense that one is truly loved for person, because the YW has chosen him with all his wrinkles and ailments.

One qualification for me is that I don't think I'd particularly single out YW if I was "searching." Hmmm. The more I think about it, I shoulda stayed with "attraction is very specific and personal." LOL

But, for what are older men attracted to younger women? Does it mainly begin with an attraction for younger skin/body/face/appearance, and a more idealistic outlook to life? or is it just more of a matter of availability, that it's not less likely for older men (who may be divorced) to find women of their age who may still be available and open (by status, and by their emotional state) to experience a trusting relationship again?

I'm very interested to hear answers from older men, but of course, also from what other women members!

Thank you!

cc

That is absolutely not true. Women in their 40-s who are divorced are totally available but men their age or a bit older prefer young women.

Anyone may argue about this, but a woman in her 40-s is considered old whereas a man's signs of ageing are seen as charming and attractive.

All of the women in their 40-s and over that I know, including myself are single, and all of the men in the same situation found a younger partner almost instantly after the divorce or separation.

I really think it's not fair.

That is absolutely not true. Women in their 40-s who are divorced are totally available but men their age or a bit older prefer young women.


Ok, generally once again:

Older men would prefer yiounger women because of their relative youth, attractiveness, and fertility. Younger women would prefer older men because that despite the age difference he would be a better provider and they would be treated better.

That is absolutely not true. Women in their 40-s who are divorced are totally available but men their age or a bit older prefer young women.

Anyone may argue about this, but a woman in her 40-s is considered old whereas a man's signs of ageing are seen as charming and attractive.

All of the women in their 40-s and over that I know, including myself are single, and all of the men in the same situation found a younger partner almost instantly after the divorce or separation.

I really think it's not fair.

I agree with Loucine, I have a hard time with this one. I know my boyfriend (54) prefers younger women because he feels more sexually attracted to a younger partner. I also know that until he met me (24), he never believed it was possible to have a "real, satisfying, great relationship" (his words) with someone my age.

So, I know he's not with me just because I'm young and fertile, but I know that if I wasn't he wouldn't have been drawn to me and this great relationship would have never developed. This leaves me questioning how real the love is. I don't know if that makes sense. We get along great, he's a great guy, have a great connection and there's way more to us than just sex. Yet, I have moments of unease. Maybe it's because he says he generally doesn't find women 40+ attractive, and I know I won't stay young forever, so I subconsciously wonder whether anyone would be interested in me when I'm older.

It seems so superficial on one hand, yet physical attraction is a big component of a sucessful relationship and of the bonding between two people who share a connection.

Gah!

I'm with Wally on this one. I hate generalities, as in "All OM prefer this" or "All OW are like this". Yeesh....we're ALL different. And many people don't fall for someone because of their age, but rather despite their age. Not everyone finds an age gap attractive. I hate it. My BF hates it. BUT, our relationship is worth it. To him, all women can be beautiful, regardless of age....it's more about personality, style, intelligence, etc...

Then speaking for myself...

I have always been attracted to the same age range: 20s and 30s. My age is quite irrelevant. Therefore, it follows:

A 21 YO is, by definition, at the low end of the range, so I am entirely consistent.

As a 30-year old guy, what I find attractive in younger women, as compared to older women is that a younger woman is far less likely to pressure me into marriage and starting a family. The older woman has a biologocal body clock that is ticking, which may cause her to pressure a man towards these ends. The younger woman also allows a man to feel younger than he is.

I honestly believe that in general, it is only for the youthful looks, because some of the things described above are not exclusive of younger women:
- Most older women (35+) have already been married, have had kids and are in no hurry to marry again so they do not pressure their partners as much.
- Many older women have zest for life and a great desire for growth and exploration (practically until they die).
- Older women can have an idealistic outlook to life too, if they are true to their ideals.
- Most older men have already had children and do not want more, so fertility is not an issue.

On the other hand, I think that up until mid-50s a woman should have no problems for finding a man for a booty call. Now for a more serious relationship... I do not know, since I have been in a relationship for 3 years now and I do not know the status of the love market at present.

Thank you for all the replies. :) I apologize that this question has asked for some sweeping generalizations that individual charm is, perhaps, the ultimate answer.

As a 30-year old guy, what I find attractive in younger women, as compared to older women is that a younger woman is far less likely to pressure me into marriage and starting a family. The older woman has a biologocal body clock that is ticking, which may cause her to pressure a man towards these ends. The younger woman also allows a man to feel younger than he is.

I would think the complete opposite...but I already have children.

Wouldn't younger women be hormonally driven to find a partner to marry and begin the baby factory with than a woman who has passed this stage?

I think he is saying the biological clock begins ticking louder...

Honestly,

My husband fell in love with me for ME... NOthing to do with my age or how much younger I was... Me I did the same thing I fell in love with the Person.....Not the age....

I think to an extent, intial attraction can always be the same. Like my friends can predict me down to a tee, if a man 34-50 in a business suit walks buy with a nice smile and graying dark hair, they know I am going to say that he's hot. So for an older man, they may just be intially attaracted to red heads in their late 20s with long legs or something. I think we all have our preferences.

When you take it past the attraction, I think to have a real relationship, it does have to boil down to a one on one level like any other relationship. I've had experiences with many older men, but there are actually a lot just looking for friendship, casual dating, hooking up whatever b/c they're divorced or widowed and just not ready. A lot of my past experiences with older men were very casual and why not I was only 19 and 20, surely I didn't wanna marry them and they didn't wanna marry me and we both knew it and it was fun.

Now my OM now, who is only the second older man I would call a real boyfriend, we just have a real connection. You could make us the same age or you could make us have a bigger gap and I think it would still be the same.

All the, "They are attracted to the yw's playful attitudes" etc. is BS, in my humble opinion.

Here is my (probably controversial) theory: men aren't necessarily more interested in younger women in general. They are interested in women who LOOK younger.

Ever notice how on the OW/YM side, a lot of women in their thirties there look like they are much younger? And in my personal experience, the girls I've known who have dated much older guys have always been the girls that looked sort of older... didn't get ID'ed in high school when they went to bars, etc., have an older look to them.

All the, "They are attracted to the yw's playful attitudes" etc. is BS, in my humble opinion.

Here is my (probably controversial) theory: men aren't necessarily more interested in younger women in general. They are interested in women who LOOK younger.

Ever notice how on the OW/YM side, a lot of women in their thirties there look like they are much younger? And in my personal experience, the girls I've known who have dated much older guys have always been the girls that looked sort of older... didn't get ID'ed in high school when they went to bars, etc., have an older look to them.


I definatly agree with you that it's the PERSON that is playful... but unfortunatly those are the same stereotypes we face such as Older women are more mature and experienced... :) Thats why I don't think it should be about the age but rather the "person" itself.....

I am married to an older man and I can assure you I always looked younger :) I still do ... Just the other day someone thought I was like 24 years old whoo hoo LOL.. but i'm really 31.... ( well I will be in 10 days )

My point is that it's about the person... not the age... Thats why I think alot of age gap relationshps fail because we focus more on things that aren't as important as the person your falling in love with....

You can call it BS if you want, but I think alot of older men are attracted to yw for their playfulness, zest for life, innocence and trust. Many (but not all) older women, particularly those who are divorced, have alot of baggage. Many are bitter. Some are involved in nasty custody battles with ex-husbands. They may enter a new relationship expecting to be dissappointed because "all you men are the same". Also, some older men (like myself at age 35; never married, never had kids and had only 1 girlfriend in my life) don't want to be thrust in a situation that is over their heads with an experienced woman and possibly kids in their late childhood to teen years! That can be very intimidating for someone like myself when I was 35.

I also agree with MerAlove23 that there is no necessary correlation between someone's looks and their age preference. I knew a girl who, at 28 was with a 54-y.o. man. To look at her, you'd think she was no older than 21 or 22 (and she was hot!). To me, stereotyping people by looks and age/age preference is a bunch of B.S. (pardon me!).

Ever notice how on the OW/YM side, a lot of women in their thirties there look like they are much younger.

I still find 30-something women very attractive, but then again I always have.

What I find absolutely hysterical about this thread is the fact that people are talking about yw vs. ow and their personalities being playful, energetic or bitter with baggage, or whatever are a certain way because of their age. When age is relative to where YOU are. If you're a 50 year old man, a 30 year old woman is young, yet not so young to a 32 year old man. If you're a 32 year old man, a 22 year old may seem young to you. So what's young to one person isn't to another.

Also, I don't blame alot of you older guys for preferring a younger woman to an older woman. We all came up believing that the object of romantic love includes a young, beautiful girl. That's what we are use to seeing, from fairy tales to hollywood. But young women see themselves each as an "individual" and want to feel that they are valued because of who they are and not "only" just for their youth. Even if she's beautiful, she wants to feel like it her own unique beauty inside and out that got you, not just the fact that you got a young thing between the sheets. From what I read in this forum, these young women all feel that their men see them for themselves and not just young bodies and faces, even though I'm sure their guys appreciate that too, it's icing not the cake.

Ok, generally once again:

Older men would prefer yiounger women because of their relative youth, attractiveness, and fertility. Younger women would prefer older men because that despite the age difference he would be a better provider and they would be treated better.

This is sad but true in alot of instances. He gets "relative youth, attractiveness, and fertility" and she gets the cash and appreciation. If the couple like it like that, I'm all for it because it's their life but it sure doesn't sound like a heart-thumpin love match, sounds like a trade off because she met his requirements and he has enough money to pay and be grateful. I just hope she doesnt wrinkle and droop and his doesn't cash dry up. It's terrible for a yw to go into a relationship with an om believing she's really being loved when he's only after youth, attractiveness, and fertility because that sure would be setting her up for bitterness in her later years. I'd like to think there's more to it than what you said, Ang and the conditions aren't so sterile for yw/om.

I'd like to think there's more to it than what you said, Ang and the conditions aren't so sterile for yw/om.

My 21 YO has already proven herself quite fertile by having two children by someone else not long after she turned 18 (which was shortly after we met back in 2002). Things became much more complicated. If she were less fertile, I wouldn't have the dilemma...or they would be my children.

This is an interesting thread to read.

For me, as an older woman attracted to younger men, I find similar things listed here as drawing OM to yw, draws me to ym! Younger men match me better because of their "zest for life", energy, non-jaded look on the world, and the absolute pure friendship-peer relationship they offer.

I don't want (or need) a "provider", or someone to give me babies (already have two in their late teens, and I'm done!), or a protector, or a life coach.....I just want a genuine, honest, playful, loving, passionate, spiritually connected best friend and lover. :) What young women may interpret as a negative in a young man their own age as "not being settled down" , is EXACTLY what I find attractive in a younger man. Hmmm....

Perhaps women (and men) at different stages in life "need" or want different things from a relationship...at the stage I'm in, the attributes in a younger partner are much more attractive to me in the romantic arena. I have many same age male friends whom I respect and adore as friends....but it's the ym captures my heart.

I just thought that it was interesting that the OM here and I (probably other OW too), have equal but opposite attraction factors.

There are a lot of interesting things about this thread... including the fact that there's a fair amount of stereotyping being offered... the same stereotyping that we often object to when others are critical of our relationships.

Another observation... one person's positive can very easily be another person's negative. I'm not exactly speaking of the "opposite's attract" factor, but rather suggesting that the "benefits" associated with a certain type of person are not universal benefits. They are only benefits if that's what the partner wants and needs.

Finally... does it really matter how ya pick 'em?

Or, for that matter, do we really pick?

I see a huge difference between someone who refuses to get involved with a person under or over a certain age (or whatever other factor) and someone who happened to fall in love with an "untraditional" partner.

This is indeed a very interesting thread in both opinion and experience. I find it most definitive in the fact that everyone is different and we all have different opinions. But I am not sure the age factor is really a big enough factor to compare in this scenario? Youthfulness is of course a perception in age but can also be descriptive in the person.

I am a true example. At my age I consider myself to be somewhere between YW and OW. I am 34. Recently divorced. Have one child. I am happy as I have been in over ten years. So do I appear more youthful? Most definitely yes!!! I have more energy and spirit and lust for life. I am excited about MY future. I am financially secure. Damn I am happy! So the fact that I have an OM that I love more than I could say or describe is just icing on the cake.

So my description has some similarities and many differences to the generalities that are discussed here. In reality who cares? Obviously age gap relationships are still not in the norm or general society. I am not going to pretend that men don't fantasize about being with younger women just as I am not foolish enough to realize that I appreciate the physique of a younger man. Hell I am not dead. To appreciate the beauty of another should not be faulted. I, however, have the blessed gift of a man with a not only beauty but also is all man.

Lucky me!

-Nibbles