Crazy in Russia?

Hi! Although I just registered today, I have been visiting this website for almost a year now. I just want to thank everyone for being honest. You guys have helped me to not feel like I am crazy.

Here is my story:
I am a 34 year old, never been married American woman who lives in Russia most of the year. I seem to attract younger men here (19 - 21) and have been having trouble learning how to deal with them. Most recently, I have been friends with a 19 year old for about a year. He totally sought me out and started calling me, wanting to spend time with me, bringing me little presents, etc. Because of the cultural differences, in the beginning, it felt like he was trying to initiate a relationship with me. Being lonely in another country, I started to develop feelings for him. He is very sweet and wants to spend a lot of time with me. But, at the same time, he is still meeting and dating girls his own age. I listen to him complain a lot about how most of them are crazy!

But recently, he has met a girl that he has gotten serious with over the last 3 weeks. I knew this day would come and now I just don't think I can continue this friendship. I really like him despite all of our differences and it feels like rejection every time he dates someone new. I am not sure what I am to him exactly and when I have tried to talk to him about this, he gets offended. I am not sure if it is cultural or not. He tells me that he loves me and he really likes me and likes talking to me. But, this is all rather strange to me. I have never had a guy want to spend this much time with me that is not interested in me. (There is no sex involved. I am a missionary and he knows that I wouldn't sleep with him). He recently had sex for the first time and that has made it harder for me to continue to be his confidant.

So, I am trying to cut off the relationship so that I can heal and move on. I don't want to continue feeling emotionally tied to someone who doesn't seem to have the ability to love me they way I really want to be loved.

Anyone else ever been here?

If I was 19 and enjoyed the company and friendship of an older man who won't have sex with me, I would be having sex and relationships with other men. I don't see why a young man in America, or Russia of the Galapagos Islands wouldn't do the same.

Or perhaps I misunderstood your post? in that case please excuse my bluntless.

I understand your point, but I have gotten the feeling that he was never interested in me that way. He never tried to be romantic with me or have sex with me. I was just saying that there was no sex involved to clarify that.

Maybe I am naive and that has been the hangup for him the whole time, but I don't think so. He only found out my stance on sex recently when he came to me after his girlfriend dumped him the first time he had sex. He was surprised.

The point of my post was being attracted to a younger man who seems to only see me as a mentor and feeling crazy about having feelings for him in the first place since he is so young. I don't think I would have ever developed these feelings if I hadn't thought he was interested in me originally. But, that is where the cultural differences came in. There, it is not unusual for a guy to give every girl he knows a present on Valentines and tell her that he loves her. Here in America, that doesn't happen. It is cultural differences like that, that can be confusing. Again, maybe I am naive.

No, it's not a matter of being naive. I spend a lot of time in Russia also and I still have trouble understanding Russians especially when it comes to emotions. They could be very cold and a couple of glasses of vodka later they're all over you.

I remember Sacha, (I was 30 and he was 45) he was openly pursuing me in front of the whole world, even in front of my husband. He would tell him "I am in love with your wife" and my husband would take it as a joke and laugh. But it really wasn't a joke at all, he kept looking for me and writing love letters for years. Anyhow, I don't know what a 19 year-old there would be like with an older woman.

Yes it's true that they are much different than "we" are.

There, it is not unusual for a guy to give every girl he knows a present on Valentines and tell her that he loves her. Here in America, that doesn't happen. It is cultural differences like that, that can be confusing. Again, maybe I am naive.

Yes, those are just signs of respect or attention to any woman (despite the age) without any “attachment”.

Flowers, cards, chocolate, champagne are just norm, etiquette in Russia. As for the “he loves her” that isn’t the meaning you maybe thinking. Accept with smile and go on in your daily life.

It is accustomed there to take out friends or people they meet/know, have good time and give them gifts as a sign of appreciation. It’s kind of gratitude for your attention and time you spent with them. He might be seeing you as a friend, nothing else, and love you as a friend. In his 19, in Russia, I wouldn’t take is seriously.

One for sure, you can be courted by Russian Man as Queen, if, he is interested in you!

me. (There is no sex involved. I am a missionary and he knows that I wouldn't sleep with him). He recently had sex for the first time and that has made it harder for me to continue to be his confidant.

So, I am trying to cut off the relationship so that I can heal and move on. I don't want to continue feeling emotionally tied to someone who doesn't seem to have the ability to love me they way I really want to be loved.

Anyone else ever been here?

Are there other American missionaries that you can speak with about this??
It is difficult not to become emotionally attached to someone with whom you have lot's of contact, and being in a foreign environment must make it so much more difficult.
Refocus on your reason for being in Russia - you are a missionary an ambassador of God.
I can understand your wanting to cut off the relationship, but would that not be defeating your purpose for being there? Pray about it . Continue on with your work and be his friend.