Man 49 , women 24

I desperately need some advice on this one.
I’m madly in love with 24 years old girl and she returns my love equally.
She’s very mature for her age and we just click .
We have been together for 5 months now .
The problem is , that I’m married with teenage daughter.
I’ve told my wife about her and have moved out of the house , but have not yet told my daughter what is the reason.
I don’t want to let my love go , but at the same time feel terrible moral hangover for my daughter.
I’m prepared to start a new life with this girl , but have fears , that my quilt for leaving my daughter will be overpowering.
I also question , will the relationship last after the initial excitement wears out and we settle into routine and will I be jealous on younger man , specially when she’s in the prime of 35 and I’ll be 60..
We both want to have kids , just that she’d prefer to wait for 2 or 3 years , to devote more time to each other , travel and do things together .
Is her love the same as mine or is it a “ crash “ .

Okay....what she does as a 25 or a 35 year old is up to *her*. There's nothing that can be said generally about younger women and how they stray when their older man gets way older.

You will probably hear a lot of responses like this. "I am in it for the long haul"...that sort of thing. And, that's true, for those who respond. She may very well be gold digging, or looking at you as some sort of "stability" in her life for the moment. That's the reality. But, you know her, and only YOU can make this choice.

As far as your marriage and your daughter, that I cannot really help you out with, because I have been in neither of those situations.

But, really, all I CAN say is this: take some time. Back yourself away, and come up with a game plan for all of this. You know the reality of this situation, and only you know how you can handle this.

Welcome,

Your post shows very poor writing skills which leads me to wonder what kind of an education you have under your belt?
Or are you actually asking about a relationship with more than ONE 24 yr old for example?
Have you considered counseling for your marriage with your teenage daughter?
Which loves don't you want to let go? The wife? the Daughter? or the 24 yr olds?
How big is the quilt?
Are you asking , After the initial excitement wears out and you settle.......Will you want to leave THIS relationship also?
I hope nobody gets hurt in the Crash!

I think in most states you need to get a divorce first Then work on the next steps.

Seriously your post questions are hard to understand!
Anyhow best of luck and keep us updated!

I’ve told my wife about her and have moved out of the house , but have not yet told my daughter what is the reason.
I don’t want to let my love go , but at the same time feel terrible moral hangover for my daughter.


Why didn't you say the sane thing in having your affair? There was no need to tell your wife yet. You have probably ruined yourself for nothing.

I am glad that you are feeling some guilt. You will totally change how your daughter views men in the future. She will probably never trust a man now because her Father ran out on her Mother for another woman.

I think at 5 months, you are still both in the la-la stage. Whether you two will grow to have a real deep love connection... who knows?

Did you once have a love for your wife? Where did that go, or are you just looking for a renewal of passion that so many of us miss at middle age?

You have a LOT to think about. I hope you see a therapist for your sake and your daughters. :(

I see two questions here. I'm not sure I see an invitation to judge skills and behavior.

As to the affect on your daughter... difficult to judge, certainly. There are too many "goes into's" including how your ex handles the situation. It would not be unusual for the ex to turn your daughter against you certainly and the facts of the situation may have little to do with it. It will also depend on how you handle the situation. But I know some kids who grew up hating their parents in spite of relatively "normal" parenting and no broken home. IMHO, allowing children of any age to drive a relationship is a mistake, particulary when relationship decisions are made based on assumptions of what the children want.

It's possible she will understand your decision. It's possible she won't. There are very few guarantees in life. But there's a lot to be said for accepting responsibility and attempting to influence what happens.

As to whether or not your YW... wait a minute. At the beginning of your post you said she returns your love equally... at the end you are questioning that. Your questions about the excitement wearing off... about younger men... are the questions nearly every OM on this forum asks or has asked himself. Look around a bit, but also be sure you look at her and the relationship.

The best advice would be to suggest you discuss the first question with your daughter and discuss the second question with your YW. Five months is not a long time to have figured out all the answers and you should both have some doubts.

The best advice would be to suggest you discuss the first question with your daughter I must not understand your statement correctly. Surely you do not mean to discuss the possibility of a divorce to marry another woman with his daughter?!! Tell me that is not what you meant... :eek:

That is absolutely what I meant, at least to the extent that he owes his daughter an explanation for what he's doing. That explanation must be one he's comfortable with, obviously, but best not be too far from the truth. What that explanation is will be perhaps different depending on whether his daughter is 13 or 19.

I read his post as he's moved out of the house... explained why to his wife but not his daughter. I also read that he's concerned about the affect his behavior will have on his daughter... so my advice is to face the reality of what he's doing and deal with the outcomes, including the affect it has on her.

She may (this is not unusual in divorces) be thinking it's her fault he moved out.

A little honesty goes a long way. One of the points of thinking through and having the discussion with the daughter is that it also forces him to be honest with himself.

Your reaction implies that my suggestion is somehow irresponsible... but you seem to think he's going to permanently scar his daughter so she won't ever trust a man again... if he's honest with her, he just might avoid that. Will she trust him (or men in general) any more for leaving without an explanation?

I don't think that he has moved out of the house yet.

Until he is definitely moving out of the house, he should not tell his daughter about the affair.

When he does/if move out, then of course he and his wife should discuss how to tell his daughter that they are breaking up.

Anyway, that is how I see it.

I’ve told my wife about her and have moved out of the house , but have not yet told my daughter what is the reason.



He did say he moved out of the house. ;)

I agree with Wally and think you should have a good heart to heart with your daughter. You obviously seem like a caring and loving father and if you have a good relationship with her she will come to see your happiness is important.

I left my daughters father for another man that I fell in love with. We talked a great deal about it. She is 14 and is living with me and my OM now. She is the first to admitt that divorce is incredibly hard. Much harder then she ever thought it would be. She is also very aware of how happy I am now and how incredible my OM is to us both. She retains her close relationship to her father and we both make sure not to impose our feelings for each other onto our daughter.

Im actually in a sitution that is like yours. I am 22 with a 51yr old man we are very much in love. He like you has a 12yr old daughter who he was so nervous about telling her about me. Well last week she went through his cell phone and read all of his text messages that we sent to one another. When he came came back to the car she was in tears he said it was the wrost feeling in the world. He regrets now not telling her sooner. If you are real serious about your gf you need to tell her soon rather then her find out on her own. You never know how she could find out but we never thought she would go through his phone. Good luck to you :)

I am very much in a similar situation. My OM had moved out and the wife used the 17 year old daughter to pull on his heart strings...the wife told him that she sat in the middle of her bed and cried and blamed herself and that he was the most selfish human being on the planet for wanting to be happy. She said that she wasn't in love with him and that she knew the marriage was over, but she would do anything to keep them together for the daughter's sake and for the image portrayed to the "small town" community. So, now they are all in counseling...the wife came with a totally different agenda...it was agreed upon, that the two of them were going to discuss the best way to "end the marriage" for the daughter's sake. The counselor talked with each of them seperately and then together. The wife told a different story...that she thought by coming to counseling; he would change his mind about her. My OM told the counselor that he was totally in love with me and that he had never felt that in his entire life...his girls are grown and headed to college and he wanted to be happy and that it was def. over with the current marital situation. Then, when they met back together...the counselor told them both that after much advice, going over the biblical ideal for marriage, and listening to both sides, he felt that the marriage was indeed beyond repair. He also told my OM and wife that they could be comforted to know that at the ages their daughters are now (19 & 17)-that they had already been raised very well...they had their morals, Christian values, and were very responsible young women...he said that they would experince the hurt and pain of the seperation-but it would not shake them to the point of totally turning thier backs on their "upbringing." My OM is and has always been a very caring and compassionate father that loves his girls, takes them on picnics, goes to their every activity that they are involved in...he is wonderful and I think it is so unfair that the guilt card is pulled on him, by the wife, just so she won't look like a failure to their church and community. I love his girls and know them very well and would love to someday be able to continue our relationship, knowing that I love thier father with all of my heart and will be totally devoted to him in sickness and in his "older" years...it is hard and times are tough when you have to be the patient one. But I also know that what's worth waiting for is worth having and what's worth having is worth waiting for :) ...Good Luck!

If more people would ignore the social "mores" and "taboos" of mainstream society and follow their hearts, then maybe more of these age-gapped relationships would be between single people and fewer of them involving a married family person trying to get out of a marriage they may have been "buttonholed" into, or one they got into when they were young "for fear" of being "too old" if they waited till they were ready.