Myspace

My 12 year old daughter (turns 13 at the end of next month), has been practically begging me to let her sign up for myspace.com. I have some huge reservations. For one, she has only had very limited experience on the internet. I only allow her to surf to sites I approve and then I oversee her surfing.

I know many people here use myspace.com and love it. But, I also hear some horror stories about girls my daughter's age who are duped by men who intend to find a way to have sex with them. In fact, saw an episode on Dateline about this not too long ago. The girls posted so much personal information about themselves that the predators would have been able to find out exactly where they either lived, or go to school. :(

I know that there are some things I can do to control the situation. For example, I've never allowed her to have her own internet username and password. So, I'd have to sign on for her to use the internet.

And I know that I could read her site with her and oversee what she is posting.

I'm just worried that allowing her to join myspace would open up a huge can of worms.

My son was addicted to the internet when he was a teenager. I just don't want her going through the same thing.

So, wondered what some of you all think. What would you do? And are you currently a myspace user?

I have a daughter who turned 13 last April and I do not allow her to have an account on myspace, but she does have an account on neopets ;) and she loves it. Also I have warned her about "stranger" and not just the ones in the streets but the predators on line...

If you do not have a good feeling about it, then do not let her do it.

myspace.com is the DEVIL's breeding ground!!! :eek: :eek: :eek:

well, i met Shane on myspace lol but while that turned out great, i've heard horror stories just in my home town....a 16 year old deaf mute girl......raped and sodomized. got that from a then captain with the pd. this was last year, 2005. but that was someone she met in a yahoo chat room, not myspace.

i did notice on a news program recently where myspace was being sued by the mother of a girl who was raped by someone she met on the site and subsequently myspace set up a program that anyone under such and such age......user's couldn't look at their profile unless they knew that child's personal email. which is good i guess. :confused:

my thinking is...if i feel hinky about it, my babies aren't doing it. and myspace is more for those peoples who are in their early 20's and up. i just don't think it's a site for children. some of the things i see offend ME! ...i can't imagine how a child would interpret it. my former step-daughter was also on the neopets site and loved it too. :) perhaps that will satisfy her?

i just wouldn't kat, were it me...i just Couldn't in good faith, even with all the 'safety' measures they're supposed to be setting up and MY monitoring. Pedaphiles find a way.

Love!

In all sincerety it depends on the maturity level of the child.

My daughter will be 13 years old next month. She has been a Myspace user since January of 2006.

All her friends have Myspace and have a lot of fun with it. She is constantly changing/updating her profile. She knows alot of HTML then I do! There is a close knit of friends.

She's always had an email account in her own name.

I allow this as long as there is an understanding that there will not be any secret passwords. All program passwords must be known by me, and if I suspect anything, then I will be checking in on things.

My daughter has never run across anyone through Myspace that "hit on her". She has made friends through Myspace from different parts of the country as well has some overseas.

She's a level headed child who realizes the ramifications of being stupid and irresponsible.

I am included in many of her friends' lists. This way I see all the bulletins, know who and what type of personality many of the children have. I feel that if I am connected to her world then I can guide her to make the right decisions.

I think everything in life is what you decide to make it to be.

She loves PalTalk also. There are teenrooms within and they have Kaoroke rooms where they take turn signing on their mics and cams.

And yes, she will get an occasional private message, but she knows to just block the sender.

Like I said, it is all about the maturity of the child.

Love
Sora

As far as I know, if a myspace user is under the age of 14, his or her profile is not publicly visible, only to people they have added to their friends list. I even know some adult women who set their age on myspace to 13 in order to keep their profiles private.

However, I would be more worried about what your daughter will be seeing on myspace rather than who would see her. Users are free to post any content (text, photos, animations, audio, video clips) on myspace and sadly there is a huge amount of stuff that is disgusting, violent or sexually charged (some of it borders on porn). There is very little control due to the sheer number of users. Offensive content is usually only removed after someone complains. Just randomly clicking on profiles of people who post on myspace forums etc. can expose your daughter to some nasty things you will wish she had never seen.

I would recommend a more closely monitored site designed for kids.

Whiterose: There are special settings for people under 18....they can do one of two things, have a completely private profile where only their friends that they choose to add to their list can see their information OR that anyone under 18 can see, but not those over 18. A lot of my OM's friends have kids a lot of them have myspace, but have it on the friends only private option AND the parent joins also so then the parent has access to see who is leaving their kids comments and who is one the kids friends list. The only thing you not not be able to see is who is private messeging them.


And for anyone interested who may be reading, the private profile is now available for adults :D ! You will see it in your settings. I have been private for 3 weeks now and I feel a lot less violated. Especially now that I have left college and have to go off to the real world, I am uncomfortable with random people seeing my drinking pictures and information.

As far as I know, if a myspace user is under the age of 14, his or her profile is not publicly visible, only to people they have added to their friends list. I even know some adult women who set their age on myspace to 13 in order to keep their profiles private.

However, I would be more worried about what your daughter will be seeing on myspace rather than who would see her. Users are free to post any content (text, photos, animations, audio, video clips) on myspace and sadly there is a huge amount of stuff that is disgusting, violent or sexually charged (some of it borders on porn). There is very little control due to the sheer number of users. Offensive content is usually only removed after someone complains. Just randomly clicking on profiles of people who post on myspace forums etc. can expose your daughter to some nasty things you will wish she had never seen.

I would recommend a more closely monitored site designed for kids.

This is what concerns me most. I don't want her running across something I don't want her exposed to while cruising on myspace.

I just don't feel she is mature enough yet for that level of internet. Of course, maybe I'm biased. :D I am probably over protective. But, know from past experience with my son a few years ago just what a child is able to see online. And I don't think she's ready.

But, I will continue to think about the idea. And hopefully more mamas of young teenage girls will also chime in, like Sora did. Because I really want to be fair and give her some freedom, but I also know how fast things can get out of control. :(

Thanks everyone!! You're really helping me evaluate this from all angles.

If you allow a child to go onto a site like that...it is pertinent that they understand a few things...

You are NEVER truly anonymous online. Just a few simple, seemingly innocent pieces of information...can give a person enough to go on, to find out dang near EVERYTHING about your daughter's routine. Including where she lives....what school she goes to...her activities and when she could be "vulnerable" to be picked up. NEVER give any type of information out to strangers. Do not give out what town you live in...don't even give out what major city is nearby and if you do? Do not give out the school name...do not even give out the "nickname" of the school.

If I say I live in Pittsburgh and said that my high school was the Raiders? A little time to research would net you the fact that I attended Seneca Valley school district. So NEVER give out any information...even the most innocent of things, can be used in nefarious fashion...

And remember...what you put on the internet? Invariably, it WILL stay there. For the entire world to possibly see. And do not assume that just because you delete it, means it's gone. Remember...Temporary Internet Files have to be emptied to be deleted. If I go on a person's site and they have a topless picture of themselves...and I look at it? If they suddenly get a hair and delete it? If I delve into my Temp files...it's probably still going to be there...

It's like one of Newton's laws...for every action there is a reaction.

As far as the Myspace "age privacy" feature goes? If you're going to allow a child to use myspace? Only allow them to add people that YOU know on thier list. Sure, the privacy feature will keep others from looking at there page. However, it's easy for a 40 year old man to sign up and be a 13 year old boy or girl.

If you have even the slightest reservation about it? Then simply do not do it. It's YOUR intuition that is the BEST gauge of all. No privacy feature, no safety program, no child surf watching application...is as good as YOUR intuition.

Thanks Danno. I agree completely with everything you said. I know from watching that Dateline investigation just how easy it is for predators to learn how to find a young girl based upon things they wrote. :(

And unless I pre-approve every entry, I would never agree for her to use the site. But, again, it's also the issue that everything she can come across that is pretty concerning.

I hate teenage years. I don't want her to grow up, but in a way, I'm looking forward to it because it's so stressful trying to give her independence, yet needing to make hard decisions that I feel are in her best interest.

I lived through it with my son, and now he can cruise anywhere he wants 'cause he is 22. :) So, I'll get through it. But, I have dreaded this day for so long.

*SIGH*

Neither of my daughters are using myspace so I never had to think about this...
I have never experionced anything really bad on there but I don't think I would let my yungest one on to that site.

Both of them goes to a site called pixo.com though... that is a site that lets kids build up homepages without html.... some of the homepages I have seen there looks very nice :D

Maybe you can suggest that for her instead.

A positive of letting your daughter use MySpace?

Learning more about her friends! My OM uses the site to secretly "keep tabs" on the kind of friends his daughter is choosing. Albeit - she's 16, but he joined as a friend under a sudo name (without her knowledge). Side note, anyone can make up a false profile - so I understand your fear there.

He is unable to see private chats, so she still has a level of privacy. But anything that the kids are willing for the rest of their friends (usually numbers in the 400s) to see - becomes parent knowledge!

Now when she asks to go somewhere with someone, he knows what kind of person they are, and can make a more informed decision based on what he knows from MySpace. If someone is spending the night, he may be less apt to let that person out of his sight during their stay. He knows about "secret parties" in advance, and makes sure she is home by a certain time rather than letting her "stay with a friend for the night".

It's amazing what kids will put on there - stories of getting drunk, getting high, permiscuous activity - all stuff that a lot of teenagers do, maybe even some of us did - but I think today's youth has a lot more temptations.

So you may decide that it is a little soon for your daughter to join, but once she does - use it to your advantage - Knowledge is Power!

Well, I think my dilemma may be solved and I didn't even have to make a decision. :D

Apparently, you have to be 14 to register. And she won't turn 14 until next year. WOO HOO! Buys me more time to contemplate this. :p

Well, I think my dilemma may be solved and I didn't even have to make a decision. :D

Apparently, you have to be 14 to register. And she won't turn 14 until next year. WOO HOO! Buys me more time to contemplate this. :p


Well You use this excuse first ...... I heard a lot of things about Myspace.. I don't even go neare that myself......you just don't know and at such a young age they are so trusting and nieve, even More mature young adults, I know there are privacy settings etc... so maybe tell her when she turns 16 years old she can slowly start but you have to oversee it..... Dans advice was spot on...

I'm glad my son is only 2!!

I'm 20/m and have a private myspace. There's lots of strange people on the net.

If she really wants one I'd say let her have it(when she's the proper age). But do it under your circumstances and make sure it's her friends only on it. It's not like the net is the only place she will meet perverts sadly :mad:(examples=scouts, church, school etcetc...). I think you have to make a judgement call also on what type of person your daughter is. That can make a huge difference.

I have to say there are some nice things about myspace like keeping in touch with pals. But there's always bad in (nearly) every good.

As for internet addiction...that's also up to you to monitor =). Limit the time she spends on it if you're afraid.

Edit : I'm talking from a parent to be(Hopefully in a year or two's)perspective. Just hope to clear this up.