any women over 60 here?

I would like some insight into how it actually feels when OW YM couples reach the ages when the woman is in her 60's and 70's and the man is 40 or 40ish?
As an OW in a 22 year age gap relationship who has fears what could happen 20 years down the road I would find this most helpful.

Well, I am not OVER 60, but will be 60 in Sept. From my experience, it feels totally normal to be with 30-somethings & 40-somethings guys. I have female friends that are in their 20's, 30's etc. We relate just fine. It is no different with a guy.

I believe a lot has to do with the person. People who do not grow emotionally and intellectually may not do so well with someone 20 years younger. But then there are the YM that seem to be born 50, and they also can relate to some OW.

What young people do not understand, is that you feel joy and pain the same way at 65 as you do at 25. The inside of the person is the same as the she/he were at 18. We get crushes, make mistakes, think the sex was INCREDIBLE, etc. We know that we are not that different... the younger person might have a more difficult time realizing that.

That is not to say that we haven't learned from our mistakes and hopefully self actualized to some extent. But we are all on a journey. That is the common denominator. :)

I would like comments from the guys too, any guys with women around 50, 60, 70?

I just turned 55, and my guy is 29. After two years together now, we seldom talk about age... maybe that's not always a good thing, though.

Early in the relationship, he said that the age gap didn't bother him at all because everything else we had together clicked so well. But a couple months ago, he surprised me by saying that now he's looking at the long term and wondering what it might be like when he's 34 and I'm 60.

I guess for him the number 60 sounds really old. :eek: :confused:

When we talked about it, he said it's more that he wonders how different we might be at those life stages... how we might grow apart. We talked some more and concluded that couples of any age face the risk of growing apart. Sure, age might be ONE factor, but it's not the only factor. And on the other hand, we might continue to grow TOGETHER as a couple.

So now we're looking at it this way... waiting to see what will we be like at 56/30... 57/31... 58/32... and so on.

We're entering a new phase now... finally bringing the long-distance part of the relationship to an end... he'll be moving here this fall. Today he wrote me:

"It goes on and on, my love! You and I together. In love. The big strong love that we feel for each other. Which has been built up in the past wonderful two years and is continuing to grow. It *is* going to be a new life together. With all the new opportunities that a "No Distance" environment holds for us. I also believe in the strength of us talking, continuing to talk. I love you so."

:)

Thanks for some insight. Yes, some male comments would be great as well.
My 33 year old YM doesnt care at all about the our age difference in the future. He is unusual in that he relishes when he discovers a new grey hair. Never met anyone who wants to be old like he does..I am lucky to look younger than 55 however. I have met a few ladies lately at golf in their 80's who look 60..I guess the best thing to do is quit dwelling in the future so much and live one day at a time because no one knows what the future will bring anyway.

My 33 year old YM doesnt care at all about the our age difference in the future. He is unusual in that he relishes when he discovers a new grey hair.

HAHAHA that's funny. My guy looks in the mirror at his rapidly receding hairline and says with a sigh and a smile, "Face it, baby, I'm going to be a baldy."

I am lucky to look younger than 55 however. I have met a few ladies lately at golf in their 80's who look 60..I guess the best thing to do is quit dwelling in the future so much and live one day at a time because no one knows what the future will bring anyway.

In the various photos you've posted, you really do look great. My best advice: Guard your health. Look at the new thread here in the Health Chat section... Anjiana's advice for health testing is excellent.
http://www.agelesslove.com/boards/showthread.php?t=26979

And yes, stressing about the future won't help you. Just do what you can today to make the future days good ones.

Also a side note, strictly IMO... at 33 a man no longer qualifies to be categorized as a YM. Just think of yourselves as a man and a woman... without the Y and the O. :)

My 27 yo friend has a shaved head. I don't know if he's prematurely balding, but when his hair grows in a bit, it looks like there is less hair at the top (kind of the Phil Collins look). So age does not necessarily determine certain things that we stereotypical attribute to "older age". (I'm 47 btw)

My late mom and my dad had a 17 year age gap. She was older. We all look young in my family, though, so people always mistake us for younger. My brother is 50 and his wife is 12 years younger, you can't really tell. He doesn't have one gray hair and a full head of hair at that. My mom looked pretty hot even at 65! No one guessed there was that big an age gap despite the fact that my dad always looked young for his age too!

My 27 yo friend has a shaved head. I don't know if he's prematurely balding, but when his hair grows in a bit, it looks like there is less hair at the top (kind of the Phil Collins look). So age does not necessarily determine certain things that we stereotypical attribute to "older age". (I'm 47 btw)

My late mom and my dad had a 17 year age gap. She was older. We all look young in my family, though, so people always mistake us for younger. My brother is 50 and his wife is 12 years younger, you can't really tell. He doesn't have one gray hair and a full head of hair at that. My mom looked pretty hot even at 65! No one guessed there was that big an age gap despite the fact that my dad always looked young for his age too!
Well THAT answers some of my questions.....thanks for sharing about your Mom and Dad and their age difference. Did these fears ever trouble your Mom and whats her attitude now with your Dad's age?

Thanks for some insight. Yes, some male comments would be great as well.
My 33 year old YM doesnt care at all about the our age difference in the future. He is unusual in that he relishes when he discovers a new grey hair. Never met anyone who wants to be old like he does..I am lucky to look younger than 55 however. I have met a few ladies lately at golf in their 80's who look 60..I guess the best thing to do is quit dwelling in the future so much and live one day at a time because no one knows what the future will bring anyway.


I don't think that's at all unusual.

I would like to look older too. I don't like the idea of losing my hair (it's on it's way!), but looking older would suit me fine. I kinda feel, sometimes, like it would mean we don't look 'odd'. Not to say that I know anyone that has said we look odd, but it still enters my mind now and again... BUT, I wouldn't want my gf to change, I like how she looks, so looking older would resolve that better, for me.

HAHAHA that's funny. My guy looks in the mirror at his rapidly receding hairline and says with a sigh and a smile, "Face it, baby, I'm going to be a baldy."



In the various photos you've posted, you really do look great. My best advice: Guard your health. Look at the new thread here in the Health Chat section... Anjiana's advice for health testing is excellent.
http://www.agelesslove.com/boards/showthread.php?t=26979

And yes, stressing about the future won't help you. Just do what you can today to make the future days good ones.

Also a side note, strictly IMO... at 33 a man no longer qualifies to be categorized as a YM. Just think of yourselves as a man and a woman... without the Y and the O. :) WOW...I never thought about the fact that a man at 33 isnt a young man.. good one my friend! another new way to view the situation

Well THAT answers some of my questions.....thanks for sharing about your Mom and Dad and their age difference. Did these fears ever trouble your Mom and whats her attitude now with your Dad's age?

Well, my Mom, unfortunately, passed away a while ago. My Dad is now in his early 70's. He married a woman 10 years younger than him, but as fate would have it, she ended up developing breast cancer and also passed away.

I don't know of any fears my Mom had, if she did, I don't think she would have really expressed them to me. Things were not as open in the old days. There was always a joke, we would always say she was 29 years old. She always looked very young, so it was hard for people to tell her age. She never lied about her age, she just didn't reveal it, but that was very common in the "old days". I know one thing, my parents were sexually active until her death. She had severe hypertension all her life (even in her 20s) and eventually, she had a stroke and heart attack, but my Dad who is an M.D. said today she would've had bypass surgery and other things may have helped. In any case, I don't think there was any problem as far as their physical relationship...ever in their relationship. They were always very attracted to each other. After her death, I happened to read some cards that my Mom gave my dad when she was in her 60s and she was writing, "My Darling, Love" and stuff like that. It kind of made me blush!:rolleyes: And my Dad still has her photos everywhere (as well as his 2nd wife).

She never lied about her age, she just didn't reveal it, but that was very common in the "old days".Thanks for sharing about your family, Rosebud. This is exactly my point that I was making in another thread.

I think there were probably more OW/YM marriages than we realize "back then". It was just that people did not talk about their ages like we do now. If the woman looked younger, we never would think about it.

My x"YM" and I got back together a few years ago. He was 40 and I was 54. Things were no different that they were 20 years ago. Except that he had lost a lot of that young spirit that we older ones find so attractive.

He had back problems and knee problems so he wasn't even a lot more active than I am. The love-making was great as it always was... maybe even better, if that is possible. :)

rosebud, THANKYOU!!!! your family's story is exactly what we need to hear.

there are no guarantee's, your mom passes away and your dad marries a younger woman who later passes away. your dad would be a great advocate to follow your heart, there is no expiration label attached to any of our heads, we never know when.

i love having adam around, to be honest, i have been guilty these last few years of being a bit vain, these last few months i am just over the whole deployment/army thing, i dont feel my pretty self, i feel my tired self, i feel beautiful when he is around, now i feel....whooped.

i was supposed to see him this summer, but cant, he has his own place in italy but is watching over someone who is on suicide watch and that soldier, who was one of his bosses in afghanistan, is now living with him until he is discharged, chain of command wants adam to watch over him, (he was a drug/alcohol councelor before army).

the guy is 30 and his wife is also, she filed for divorce when he was down range, (deployed) he lost it. there can be a breaking point in any relationship, regardless of age. i hope they find a way to get back together.....:o .

anyway, the benefits of being with a younger man are countless if you find a good guy. i would focus less on my insecurity and enjoy him, i think my husband is beautiful, i am sure you feel the same about your man, enjoy this moment, there are NO guarantees to finding love. now that you have it, treasure it like the gift that it is.

by the way. i am 47 and my husband is 26.

Great thread, klahaniegal. I've also wondered about real life relationships that have survived (thrived) into the OW's 60's and 70's....to hear it from the ym's perspective that he still is in love with his lady and thinks she's hot would be a great encouragement for all of those nagging doubts that come back once in a while.

She never lied about her age, she just didn't reveal it, but that was very common in the "old days".

And, I LOVED this, ROSEBUD. It may have been the "old days" ....but it's my M.O. today, and seems to work great. :D Of course you need to be honest with your ym...but you don't need to volunteer how old you are to anyone else, I don't think (well, okay, government officials maybe). As a matter of fact, even when people ask straight up, I come back with ," How old do you think I am??":) They are either too afraid to guess at that point (and be wrong and embarrassed) so they shut up, or they guess really low (to be safe....or as I like to delude myself: they actually THINK I'm that young!).

No matter WHAT they guess, I always wink, smile and reply, "That's close:) "

No one has ever prodded me beyond that and it seems to make the point that it just doesn't freakin matter !!!

Turning 50 in October, and having fun keeping "them all" guessing :-D

Karen

One point I'd like to make since I'm 47 and while I am in a situation where I have a YM friend who is 27 and have some attraction for younger men, I do also find men my age and older attractive and ideally prefer such a relationship, if at all possible. In my "effort" to have a more age-appropriate relationship (well...I figure I can say I tried)...I did and have been trying some on-line dating.

Now, without meaning to offend any 40ish men out there, from the photos I've seen on these on-line sites and those responding to my profile, once the "average" guy gets even into his late 30s, showtime is pretty much over. And they say women let themselves go.....but it's more socially acceptable for a man to look more obviously older (e.g. weight gain, graying, balding, wrinkles, etc.) Objectively speaking I don't think mature men look any more attractive than mature women, the standards are just higher for women.

Since I look younger than my age myself, I do get a fair share of responses from men who are in their late 30s/early 40s. I don't particularly care about the age actually. I have found certain men in their 50s much more attractive than men in their late 30s/early 40s. Has nothing to do with age. And, I don't mean to sound vain, but I look a helluva lot better than these guys who are even up to 10 years younger than me. That's why they are responding!

My point...when we speak of a 40ish man with a 60ish woman, it all depends on the individual. One person's 40 is another person's 55 and vice versa. It could very well be that the 60 yo woman will look much more attractive, be healthier, and more active than the 40 yo man, who has laxed in his discipline to take care of himself. And also men are not as encouraged to "look good". Or perhaps they will meet somewhere in-between. And we all can see that younger men are the best motivation for the older woman to stay healthy and fit. It's kind of like having health insurance with benefits!;)

Rosebud.. right on......you got it ..I see men my age as 'old' looking as well. Heck, it gets so I think some of them are way older than me and only shocked to discover they are 5 years younger? I agree that my 33 year old will look a lot different when he is 43.. who cares if im a good lookin' 65 yr. old by then..LOL

i agree rosebud, being with someone so much younger has motivated me to stay fresh and young, i am the oldest of three girls and i pray they never see this in print, but i think i look better. age is in the "head" how we feel can be portrayed in our lives.

if you got a young hot husband who thinks YOU are the hot one in the relationship, it doesnt hurt either.

course, i play it up notoriously, i remind him of how gorgeous i am ;) .

i also throw in how lucky he is to have found me.

silly nut, always agrees with me.