at a distance

Most of the time I have been in a relationship with my YM have been at a distance, where we were not physically together. We are together now and things are not anything like I thought they would be. All the romance and communication I expected we would have together do not exist. I must have been in love with love. Since so many of the relationships I read about on this forum started over the internet, I wonder if anyone else has experienced this. It is so easy to write wonderful things, being in person can be totally different. I am disappointed but still keep hoping for what I thought existed.

Hi Fritts -- I'm sorry to hear about your disappointment. I think this happens to a LOT of people who meet online, sometimes sooner, sometimes later. I think it happens to a lot of people who meet face to face, as well. It's easy to fall in love with romance and it's a bummer when real life sets in.

I do want to encourage you though -- if you and your online sweetie had a wonderful internet romance going on, then there's a good chance that a portion of that online persona lurks somewhere under the surface. Sometimes it's easier for people to write those things down than to enact them face to face. Is there any possibility that this person is worth working with to bring that out? I know, in the beginning of our face-to-face relationship, my husband and I (we met online) felt a little awkward talking face to face -- it just wasn't the medium we were used to. So we wrote each other lots of emails, IMs, and notes.

I'm not trying to give any hard and fast advice here, but if you haven't quite thrown in the towel yet, it might be worth a shot!

I think it's difficult for many people to relate face to face....it's a challenge to say what you're feeling when you're three feet away from someone as opposed to three hundred or thousand miles. There is no threat with the latter...also, some people just can't say what they can when they write...I know I'm much better at succinctly saying what I need to say when I write...when I talk I can get side tracked pretty easily.

But it sounds more like this guy just isn't expressing what he did when he was not in person. I think there are a lot of variables and possibilities here (maybe HE doesn't feel the same way, maybe YOU don't feel the same way...perhaps he's intimidated, or you aren't as great as expressing yourself in person as you might think you are...or maybe you're right...maybe you were in love with love, and reality bites.)

The only way to deal with it is to confront it. Have a conversation and keep it real!

I think that one of the questions that might come to mind when that kind of situation happens is: Do I want to make it work? Because in reality, it does take 2 people to tango. :)

I met a guy on line. He is only 3.5 years younger than me so not a great difference there. When we talked online we seemed beyond compatible. I mean I kept my head on my straight and reminded myself constantly that I didn't feel like anything would be really true until we met face to face. I had more in common with him than anybody I have ever met. I mean it was bizarre. Sometimes I acutally wondered if he was just lying because it didnt seem possible that we could have so much in common. I kept thinking about what it would be like when we met in person. Since the first time we talked i think we talked nearly everyday after that. Sometimes till 4 or 5 in the morning. We send e-mails back and forth all day at work even. We agreed not to put any real expectations on one another until we met face to face, but it was impossible not to put even the smallest hope out there that he would be something special to me. I never thought shooting stars were going to fall out of the sky but we had spent so much time talking on the computer I at least expected we would be up half the night talking to one another after everything we had shared. Well the day came to meet and it instantly seemed awkward, and it actually got worse as the night progressed. We were actually together only about 3 hrs. It was nothing like I expected it to be in my wildest dreams or my weakest expectations. It was more like just meh whatever. I don't understand it either. How you can connect with somebody so well on a computer and have it be so different when you meet unless maybe one or the other was putting on somewhat of a show or front. I didn't even sleep after cause i tried so hard to figure out why we were so distant after talking to one another about such personal things. It was even evident in our body language. Some people look good with words I guess. Just like those movie previews we see and get suckered into flops by. Go figure but if anybody has a good explanation i would love to hear it to.