Why?

After reading some posts, about questioning the age, whether it was a fantasy, online dating, being our worst enemies, depression and so on, I have decided to start a new threat because I need to vent, to express myself and my frustrations, I am human after all! :)

Why? I ask myself. So many whys and in particular why as to relationships, and more specific mine! I have been divorced 9 years (I was married 15 yrs to a man 23 yrs older than I, I am now 46 yrs old) and during these years of divorce hood, I have not dated much but still had a few relationships but none lasted, I broke all of them up because I knew they were, for one reason or another, not the right man for me. Nothing substantial during these last 9 years, except one guy that we dated for one year but he lived in another country, almost 2 hrs away, plane ride. It was not an internet affair, he did not even have an e-mail address. He broke up with me. I knew that eventually that our relationship would fail, since the distance was not attainable, but the way he went about the breaking up was very mean. He did it when he came to visit me to celebrate our 1 year anniversary and my birthday. When I went to my surprise birthday party I looked like I was at a funeral rather than at a celebration. After two great days with me he told me about him "needing space" the morning of my party. In one whole year we never argued nor were confrontational, so it was a total shock. That was 5 yrs ago, it took me some time but I got over him. Nowadays he calls once in a while, just to chat. I am no longer interested in the guy.

Since that man, nothing significant to talk about, except the last guy I dated, met him on a dating site. We had lots in common, it seemed like the perfect match. After 3 months and a very intense relationship, I find out he was living under the same roof as his wife. Rude awaking. That was a month ago. I am over him as well.

I continue to be on dating sites (I pay for none, since so far nothing strikes my fancy) I go out with my girlfriends and have a great time. What I see is out there, whether the real or the cyber world has not been a match and it is not that I am being too picky, I am just very selective. I just want a TALL man, that I am attracted to his looks, that he is educated and available, and of course around or near my city since I am not moving. Most importantly I want the chemistry (which ever way each of us define that) including the communication and the laugh. And then the times when I am interested on a guy, it seems he is not interested in me. My life story!

Also dealing with the issues of honesty and trust, that it is even harder to find. Most man lie about their age (not just women) and marital status, education, and on line, even about obvious stuff such as height. I have a g/f who went out with a guy that she met on line. He claimed he was 5' 11' (she is that tall, barefooted, as well) and it turned out the guy was at a maximum 5' 6", what an irony!

I have a great life and I am very blessed for all I have going for me. GOD has been very good to me. I usually don't complain much. I make lemonade of my life's lemons, but when it comes to men there are not lemons to make anything. I guess nobody has a perfect life. Mine is just missing a man. I know I could have friends with benefits or other type of arrangements, but I do not want that. I want to fall madly in love, but he is no where to be found!

Well, here I seat, thinking what is it about me? Am I too tall, too educated, cultured and too much of a woman to just find the right man? Yes, I am told many times that I probably have men left and right after me, but I do not. Yes, I intimidated the hell out of men. But I am not arrogant nor conceited, just a woman very sure of myself. Most men do not want a woman that speaks her mind. But I will not change my values, nor my morals or even my requirements to just have any man by my side!

So, I wonder what will it take to meet the right man for me? I have not given up yet.

And there goes my venting!

the way he went about the breaking up was very mean. He did it when he came to visit me to celebrate our 1 year anniversary and my birthday. When I went to my surprise birthday party I looked like I was at a funeral rather than at a celebration. After two great days with me he told me about him "needing space" the morning of my party.

what a b*stard!!!!!!! :mad:

sweetie i'm in the same boat. i rarely get asked out and refuse to look for love on dating sites so, there ya go!!! i'm alone too.
i'm kinda in the place of "who cares" ya know?
for me it's as long as i have God, my athletic's, (thank you God) my acting and my poetry, i'm ok. i mean sure i crave a man just like you but i'd rather be alone than compromise and since they're not asking then SO BE IT!!!
and as far as being too picky, girl be as picky as you want. they are!!!
it's gonna be ok, i promise for all of us.
you must just continually strive to improve yourself and i believe if it's meant to be it will be. (love)
i bet you're super sexy...a young female attorney!!!! hot hot hot!!! just know this and don't let yourself get too down!!!!
((hugs))
annie

Interesting rant. Ahhhhh feel your painnn. :D

There are a couple of rules about relationships.

1. If you are not interested in someone you will not be able to get rid of them.

2. If you ARE interested in someone, they will not be interested in you.

Everyone gets a few get-out-of-jail-free cards that they can use in their lifetime.

They can apply these to the alternative universe where you get to violate the above rules, once for each card. I'd say you get anywhere from 1 to about 4 of these little gems in a lifetime. So it's really REALLY important to use them carefully.

Because after you use them up, there is no escaping the rules.

Most people blow at least the first couple of cards before they realize how precious they are. If they are very very lucky, they still have one left.

Feel better now? ;)

Thanks Annie, I agree with you, I am HOT, HOT, HOT! jajajaja

It feels good to vent frustrations once in a while, but I admit, I love life and what life has to offer! :) and I am happy in my own skin. I just get raddled once in a while (I guess must be the lack of sex! jajajaja) but La vita e bella! Indeed life is beautifull! :)

(I guess must be the lack of sex! jajajaja)

and who needs a guy anyway, just lie back, turn on the imagination and.....;) :p

1. If you are not interested in someone you will not be able to get rid of them.

2. If you ARE interested in someone, they will not be interested in you.


isn't that the truth!!!

So, I wonder what will it take to meet the right man for me? I have not given up yet.

Alta ~ Been there. Nothing and nobody was working out for me. Then a loooong dry spell... nobody to love, nobody to love me back. So I just gave up, stopped trying, stopped looking. Years passed. Then woo-hoo, along came this one out of the blue. Two years together now. Who knew.

Funny thing is, two weeks before we met... I was standing alone, outside under the night sky... and I suddenly saw a falling star. Without even thinking, I quickly said out loud, "I wish for love." I surprised myself by that little outburst... just four simple words. I didn't define love in any way, no specifics of what shape or form love should come in. Just a pure wish from the heart.

Anyway, that's my story, no logic to it... it's just another crazy story to add to all the other stories here...
crazy and not so crazy.

;) :)

Wow, Trueheart, so true what you wrote!!!


My suggestion would be to try some different avenues instead of internet dating.
Perhaps you could get some more honest answers face to face. Maybe blind internet dating is not for you.

I met my husband doing theatre. However, he definitely is a diamond in the rough, very rough, and we are having some hard times right now (read my recent post). Remember that it can be just as much of a struggle to be married as it is single. Right now, the single life seems pretty darn swell to me!

I have the faith that I can work it out, however. But I do sympathize with you in regards to dating. I had some horribly lonely, unfullfilling times while single---but I lasted until I was 40 until someone caught me!

And I will say that if this love and marriage that I am currently in doesn't work out in the long run, I am done. I've lived, loved and used up all my playing cards and I have some incredible memories. There are no more cards left. And I'm okay with that.

Do you ski at all? Another good place to find some men. Note I didn't say quality men, cause I'm not sure about that. All I know is that long distance relationships and internet dating would never work for me.

Hang in there. As that tacky saying goes, it comes when you least expect it, and its true.

...What I see is out there, whether the real or the cyber world has not been a match and it is not that I am being too picky, I am just very selective. I just want a TALL man, that I am attracted to his looks, that he is educated and available, and of course around or near my city since I am not moving. Most importantly I want the chemistry (which ever way each of us define that) including the communication and the laugh. And then the times when I am interested on a guy, it seems he is not interested in me. My life story!


Aaaah, Alta... amiga! :eek: What to do? What to do?

Picky = Selective. It's not necessarily bad to be selective, as long as we realize how it limits us.

Personally, I believe in breaking "the rules" and looking outside the box if I am not having success.

Could you date a man who was deaf?
What about an Iraq war veteran with no arm?

Or a brilliant, kind, handsome Chinese guy? (even if he's only 5'6"? :D)


I bet there's someone there waiting for you but he's probably not perfect. ;)

Good point Harrison!

I think it helps to be passionate about something in life that you can potentially share with a mate, and that will be more fullfilling if the expereince is shared.

Also, you don't have go around asking guys on dates, but it helps to give out a ton of positive energy towards others, so you don't miss out some gem of a guy just because he's shy and not a player.

Oh Rosa my dear..... let's make some magarita's and trade war stories, hehe

I do know exactly how you feel..... it's frustrating, no? What got to me recently is when I realized that a couple of guys I went out with last summer are now happily married or engaged! These smucks weren't "all that" and were quite negative in personality/outlook. I've seen timid, coworkers I thought would never find someone, having babies now! I ask myself what gives? Why do I still stand alone? :(

As for the deception...... I had one recently lie to me online about his age and height. Said he was 42 and 5'11".... sounds good, so I go to meet over coffee. He walks in looking 60 (says he's really 50) and standing eye to eye with me, at my 5'5"!!! grrrr.... Why lie about such things, when you know your going to meet in person?! Have people lost their minds lately? lol

There's something about a woman who's outspoken, successful and confident that will make alot of men run screaming like their hair is on fire..... go figure. I think it takes someone with equal amount of confidence to deal with strong personalities.

Trueheart, you hit that one on the head!! I dare not look to see how many cards I have left, hehe

Harrison, you have me thinking now. Maybe we subconciously limit ourselves to possibilities of love, without even realizing it sometimes. Until 4yrs ago, I would have never thought a younger man was a "potential love interest". You are always thought provoking. ;)

I wish I knew the magic answer girlfriend. I guess it's when we truly don't care anymore about finding love; that it will find us. (so the wise one's say) :rolleyes:

...Harrison, you have me thinking now. Maybe we subconciously limit ourselves to possibilities of love, without even realizing it sometimes. Until 4yrs ago, I would have never thought a younger man was a "potential love interest". You are always thought provoking. ;)....


:D Thank you, Gypsyheart!! Great compliment, and it tells me I'm doing the right thing. :cool:

Funny thing is, two weeks before we met... I was standing alone, outside under the night sky... and I suddenly saw a falling star. Without even thinking, I quickly said out loud, "I wish for love." I surprised myself by that little outburst... just four simple words. I didn't define love in any way, no specifics of what shape or form love should come in. Just a pure wish from the heart.

When a woman is young enough to wish on a falling star, her age will not matter.
Hope should never die! What a pretty story! :)

You know what: I also thought that I was too picky for a while and that was the reason why I din't find someone special in my life, but the truth was that I just was not ready. I guess I kinda hid behind "he needs to be like this and like that" because that was easier that admitting that I was not ready for someone after my break up with the dad of my youngest.
I don't know if this is your case, but I'm pretty sure that you will meet someone that is that special person and I will think that when you do... his education, height etc. will not matter.

This is the list I had for a man before I met Joel:

He had to have brown eye, dark hair (pref. long),be Norwegian, have no kids, want no kids, don't have a big family and of course be kind, funny and all that... and he had to be a couple of years older than me.. :P

this is Joel: green eyes, blond hair, is an American, has no kids but does want kids, has a big family and he is 13 years younger than me.... He is however kind, funny, very helpfull and caring... values that really matter... all the rest really does not!

harrison is on to something.

the biggest shock of my life regarding love, was that it came in a TOTALLY different package that i ever expected.

i did not set out to find a guy 20 years younger.

i did not set out to find a guy that would be active in the army.

i did not set out to find a guy who loves tatoo's.

i did not set out to find a guy that would be stationed in another country.

i certainly did not set out to be an army wife and live threw deployment.

* * * * * * * * * * *

i have experienced the greatest love of my entire life, when i fell in love i wanted to scream to the world, love is not what you expect, open your eyes to the possibilities.

i have told my friends this little nugget of truth, they turn up thieir noses and say, "i could never date a younger man".

so i see them go after the same losers, guys their age, with excess baggage, egos the size of an elephant, usually successful and the right ethnic background.

these guys are a hot commodity and they know it, they think because they have a little of life's success they get to dictate the show, this is not the right mindset to fall in love, ultimately they dont get what they really want either.

are you ready to give it all for love? cause that is what is gonna happen when the real deal comes to town.

i have no regrets, i am in love, i married a guy 20 years my junior who i adore, i trust and admire. course, i did marry a gem, but from outward appearances we may have looked unsuited, he is my heart, i dont know if we look unsuited anymore, i know we look like we love each other.

i didnt date for years, i am not sure i have really ever dated, i always had very LONG term boyfriends and i was married. i thought the whole love thing was over for me, i didnt even believe in it anymore and WHAP! i got hit up the side of the head with ADAM.

it aint over till the fat lady sings. life may have a few surprizes yet, just be open to the possibilities. ;)