OH is painfully shy

Okay I give... whats OH?

Hi, hope someone here might advise me.

My OH is 18 and I just turned 30. I've been with him for 5 months now, having known him for about a year.

It's a LDR at the moment, but next month he's taking the big step of moving down here to be with me as he's just finished his studies and has decided to look for a job in my area so we can be closer and give the relationship our best shot (we both think we could have something good together and want to make the most of it).

When he's with me, he's lively, funny, has the most wonderful random sense of humour, intelligent, loving and basically the most fantastic guy I've ever spent time with. He's not shy in bed, and we've even done the deed in "public" in a museum (albeit a very quiet one...) :p

But... he's painfully shy in social situations. He has his own close bunch of friends who he has known for years, but when it comes to socialising with my friends he tends to retreat into himself, and although they do try to engage him in conversation he tends to give back "closed" answers so the conversation dies pretty fast. My friends have commented on his shyness and worry that it will get in the way of our relationship. It's like he's a different person when there's more than just the two of us around.

I'm hoping that over time as he gets to know them, and maybe as he gets older and more experienced himself, things will improve - they can be a little intimidating, they are older than him and a lot more confident and they've all known each other years. I'm also going to make sure that I keep some aspects of my social life separate so I don't always feel responsible for him everywhere I go. I honestly think that this is something I can cope with, as he's so amazing when we're together that I really don't want to let it go.

Having said that, his mother recently wrote me a letter which he brought down to me on his last visit, basically telling me how happy she was that we had met and that I made him happy and that he obviously loved me... it was a lovely letter but also said, "I'm glad that he's met someone who can actually get him to talk, so thank you for that". Therefore, I think this isn't just something which is an "acclimatising" issue - it is more ingrained than that.

I would like to encourage him more, but I don't really know how to bring up the subject without making him even more self conscious.

I'm also worried about him in job interviews - he's admitted to me that he's terrified by the thought of them and is worried that someone will ask him something and he won't be able to answer or make a fool of himself. I've told him that he should look at it as a talk about a job rather than an interrogation, and the key is preparation and to try not to panic, I'll practise interviewing him so he can get some idea of what they might ask - but ultimately I don't know how he can manage down here unless he can get a job reasonably soon.

I just want to know what I can do to support him in going through interviews etc, and help him gain in confidence, he's such an incredible person and I wish more people could see that side of him.

Anyone else been in this position?

I'm certain that the more he receives love and acceptance from you, the more he will open up. He is a very young man, just having new experiences.

Being married myself to a very social and outgoing man, I would welcome this side of shyness to him for now. If it is a strong lack of self confidence, that is something he will have to build on. With your support and love, I'm sure he will grow and gain strength and become a fine young person. There are much more worrisome things that shyness, believe me!