too tired to sleep

i accomplished what i wanted to this week, i feel so scattered lately.

passed the brokers license, i am currently covered in paint, i painted my kitchen.

i have had handymen for years but decided, i was gonna do it.

my ceilings are really high, so i am not sure how i managed it but did.

i just didnt look down.


i never allowed myself to miss adam, i worked like a dog till i exhausted myself.

now i dont know whats heads or tails... these last few days, all i do is dream about him, i miss him so much.

i never have dreams. lately everytime i sleep, he is there.

i hate being alone. i guess i have hated it all these years. it seems so strange we are coming to an end of army life in december. it was like i was on autopilot. i never allowed myself to admitt it.

to tell the truth a few months back i was a wreck, now i am over that sillyness and just tired.

the worst part was the scare with cancer, gratefully to God, i am ok, but it did knock the stuffing out of me, it was just after Ad's deployment, after his ambush's, after defending his life....its been alot.

i dont know about politics anymore, i see the senseless death and it does not allow me to be political. if that makes sence, adam told me of all the little kids just wanting candy....they know no different.

their parents have no means to get out, they are simple people, we underestimate our wealth, they make pennies.

this is not about politics anyway, its about me...kinda.

i gotta get back to work and hit it hard, i am really good at my job because i love to do a good job, i am proud of what i do, i help people, but these past few years in army life (sorta) have been a *****.

Ad currently is overseeing a sargeant on suicide watch. (Ad is short for adam).

i am reading this and understanding why i may be overwhelmed but i have never used that as an excuse, i hate these points in life, where we feel useless.

i have been a realtor and now a broker for nearly 20 years, i am proud of every deal i have done, i am a real straight shooter and will do anything to help a client, they are my babies when i am dealing with them, i take care of my people, sometimes i think after me that they think all realtors behave this way.

in this sellers market, i met some really horrible people, so much so, i stepped back. greed is really ugly.

i guess i am telling you guys, i had my assets handed to me lately.

i am feeling the backbone rising, but i need adam back and me back to normal.

its tough when we loose our footing.

It's called melancholy sweets. As soon as Adam will be back, it'll go away.

You have Adam, you like your job and you're good at what you're doing, you don't have cancer.

Life is full of ugliness but there's so much beauty around.

Last night my 9 year-old son came home from Britanny and he was very upset because a friend of his father's comminted suicide a few weeks ago.

I drew him a donut and explained the concept of "keep your eye upon the donut and not upon the hole".

He thought about it for a moment, then changed the subject and told me about all the fun he had in Britanny. :)

You'll be fine babes, you're feeling melancholic right now.
....
Golden slumbers fill your eyes
Smiles awake you when you rise
Sleep pretty darling do not cry
And I will sing a lullaby
...

Hi Kitty,
It must be so hard....and yet you're so strong and patient and I'm sure Adam loves you soo much for being there....you're his light at the end of the tunnel and I'll bet you get him through times tougher than we can imagine.

With so many selfish people out there, I'm sure he knows what you go through and that it means the world to him.

Hey I love painting too..theres somethign wholesome about finishing a day of work coated in paint, don't you think (I'm...um..a bit messy:)

Hugs to you....December is just around the corner:)

kittylane...
been so much. you have been stronger then most of us could have imagined. it is almost over. *H*

aline... the donut! i loved that!

I know Kitty, I know. :(
BIG HUG... :)

i never have dreams. lately everytime i sleep, he is there.




I read somewhere once that when lovers are separated, this is the way their souls reconnect -- through dreams. So, maybe Adam is there with you showing you his support through your dreams.

Hang in there Rina. Only a matter of weeks and it will all be over.

((((( hugs )))))

I read somewhere once that when lovers are separated, this is the way their souls reconnect -- through dreams. So, maybe Adam is there with you showing you his support through your dreams.

Hang in there Rina. Only a matter of weeks and it will all be over.

((((( hugs )))))


That is beautiful Kat. (((Kitty)))

i feel so stupid and full of self pity, i didnt go to sleep till 4am? weird, but the freggin kitchen looks nice.

thank you for your support, i hate when my head goes up my butt.

i am a mess in paint. i am about to go pressure clean the walkway, i have these disgusting frogs who eat the cat food i leave out and throw up all over the place.

frogs are gross.

i didnt make church, i would have felt better possibly if i got off my butt but i really look like someone dumped paint all over me.

whoops, adam just called, yippee....gotta run, he wanted to know where i was last night? in the kitchen painting like a maniac!! we usually talk at least an hour every day when we are apart. bye for now, hugs back.

<< HUGGS >> I think we all know these feelings of being at loose ends. No question that when you have a really good partnership with someone, that is how you manage to make it through the really tough stuff. I have often said to my love that I could do anything, as long as knew that at some point in the day I could see him. You have gone through an incredible few years. My advice is to simply stop worrying about feeling fragmented right now; you only have a few more months to go. This is just the let down after a really successful year. Have you ever worked hard at a performance, put on the show, reveled in the crowd cheering, then felt punched in the stomach when the curtain came down and you realized that the next day there would be no practice? That's what this is! What you need to know is that the people here are still on their feet and shouting BRAVO!!

thank you, i felt guilty for venting.

adam is fine, i have a miserable sore throat, probably run down from not sleeping last night. all is well, we laughed, i told him that i hit a rough patch in missing him. he feels it too but was sweet and funny.

i have had many hills and valleys during this, a few times i have seen people come on the site who are contemplating military relationships, they are hard, but it takes a guy in a million to stick to it.

many have the attitude, "what happens in vegas, stays in vegas." i am amazed that adam has never faltered in being true to me, that said, it was hard, not hard being faithful, hard dealing with the demands of the military.

i wont miss it, i am glad for the character it showed me that we both possess, i never thought i had it in me in a million years.

thanks for your thoughts and support.

Kitty! Please don't feel guilty for venting! You have a whole lot on your plate right now. The man you love more than words can describe is in a dangerous place, continents away from you, you had a tremendous health scare, you are single-handedly running the house right now and doing all the handywork, and you are lonely. It's a wonder you didn't have a complete breakdown!

It's times like these we forget to count our blessings. You are married to your soulmate, who you love with all of your heart, and who loves you with all of his heart. That's more than a lot of people ever get to experience, and you get to have this. :) You are a strong, attractive woman who has a great career. You have a golden heart, I can see that by all the wonderful support and advice you've given here. You'll survive this, Adam will come home, and you'll have a bright future together because you're both on the same page and determined to make it happen! This is a hard time in your life, but God IS there, and when it's all said and done, you will appreciate the good times all that much more.

It's okay to be scared, angry, confused, doubtful, hopeful, tired, whiney, crazy, and all the other stuff you feel. You're human. I'm glad you shared it here. You are very much cared about here, and it's fitting that you'd describe moments like this. You've given so much support to people, it's about time you got some too!:)

Do whatever it takes to make yourself feel better. PAMPER yourself! Call some friends and go out to dinner. Buy something you can wear for Adam when he gets home. Journal your feelings. Eat your favorite foods. Create something. Creation is a requirement for us humans to be happy. Buy a kitten or puppy (or re-hab a baby raccoon :D) Do things that make you happy and make you feel good. Be good to yourself.

Hey Missy, slow down or there will be nothing for Adam to fix up!~:D

But seriously, busy hands do keep our minds off our worries and concerns, so do what you have to do sans making yourself ill!

Hugs to you....

and like everyone esle said, it IS almost over!

oh sweetheart it's so true that we can have the most wonderful life and at times feel lost...
you have wonderful blessings in your husband, career and life...you will find your way back to feeling like yourself again.
i am so glad that he will be home soon so that you two can enjoy your lives together!!
may God continue to bless you,
love your friend,
annie.

wow, thank you, i dont understand how i hold on sometimes to the negative.

it is a character flaw that i DONT like about myself, sometimes, i want to be over some negative emotion or situation and instead i hold on to it.

its not like i like the pain, but its difficult to replace pain with happiness, i suppose it takes time.

honestly, i have a confession, i kinda pushed myself out of my business so i could attend classes to get my brokers license and i have lost my footing. i needed to make some changes, i had nearly wore myself out working these past 10 years.

is it possible as we get older, we cant work at the same ferocious intensity? i think i would land on my assets if i threw myself into it like i have before.

i dont think my rear end is an asset it just means, i use the first three letters of assets alot in my speech. ;) .

this site has been a Godsend, this site has inspired me to have confidence.

when i first got here, i was shy to talk about adam and our age difference, this site actually inspired me and got me comfortable in my own skin.

thank you all.

That's what we're here for. Venting is a good thing. It's a tough road, but just think when he's safely home how you will feel. You are strong and brave, you should be proud of yourself. Being an ex-Marine Corp wife, I know how very brutal having any association with the service can be.

Hugs Kitty!

I can't wait to see your post that Adam is home.

I think you're in that stage of "it's so close and yet so far". Keep busy and savor those dreams.

And when he gets there cash in on the long overdue old fashioned loving you deserve! Sex followed up with some much needed cuddling. Holding hands and walking together. Conversations over dinner. Church together!

Almost there! December he's all yours again. Boy even I can't wait. You're going to be like a new bride! :D

aww thanks, i feel like an old bride today, i gotta stupid cold, probably from stressing myself to bits.

yes, i am excited!!! it will be so nice to just sleep in OUR bed, cook dinner for him and enjoy his beautiful self!!!

i miss his skin, i think you can get addicted to how someone feels, i know he is a guy but his skin is so smooth, i miss touching him. july is gone, one more big X thru the calender, august is not that far from december!!!! yeah!!!