And People Wonder why I am insecure with the age gap.

Why is it ok for an older man and younger woman but not the other way around??

I just moved to be with my BF who happens to be 27 and I am 40.

Well my BF came and picked me up at my new job and the owner walks out of his office and says “ What the hell is wrong with you” ?. I said What ?? He said isn’t he a little to young for you? The joke of it is my bosses GF is 22 and he is 38. With this kind of behavior people wonder why I am so insecure with the whole idea of an age gap relationship. I mean I have only been at my job for two months… and he blurts this out.

When I told him my BF is older than your GF he said it was ok cuz he’s a man. Go figure.


:mad:

There are always going to be people around who think it is A-Okay for them to share their opinion about your relationship (asked or not). The key is time. The longer you and your b/f are together the less other people's reactions will alarm you. It is about your comfort... not your bosses.

So he's uncomfy dating a younger man... thank goodness you are all clear on that one now ;)

I have ALWAYS had guys 40 and older be upset about my YM/OW relationships. In 1981, my boss tried to have me fired because of it! I went to the higher ups and was transferred. Problem was, I LIKED were I was. Why wasn't HE transferred or fired? (he was later fired, because he made prank phone calls in the middle of the night to my home). :rolleyes:

Well the funny thing is we can go out and I still get carded I do not look my age. My boss only knows my age because of the health insurance application. He is constantly teasing me about being a cradle robber and the fact that i am older than him. I love my BF very much but I am really struggling with the age gap. I know most will say that its not that big of one but when the BS is going on at work it gets me thinking maybe I am wrong. My BF tells me every day if I spent as much time on making our relationship work instead of constantly trying to break it WE BOTH WOULD BE A LOT HAPPIER.

Heh your b/f sounds like my husband back when we were "dating".

If I were you next time your boss says something to you about your b/f and his age, I would firmly, but politely say... "My private life is personal and I do not feel comfortable discussing it in the workplace."

Is this a small private business? Is your boss the owner?

/edit: Nevermind I see you gave this answer already. If your boss cannot respect your boundries, I'd be looking for another position pronto... sounds like a jackass... and I have found over my years in the workplace... a jackass in some area is most certainly a jackass in others...

Why is it ok for an older man and younger woman but not the other way around??

I just moved to be with my BF who happens to be 27 and I am 40.

Well my BF came and picked me up at my new job and the owner walks out of his office and says “ What the hell is wrong with you” ?. I said What ?? He said isn’t he a little to young for you? The joke of it is my bosses GF is 22 and he is 38. With this kind of behavior people wonder why I am so insecure with the whole idea of an age gap relationship. I mean I have only been at my job for two months… and he blurts this out.

When I told him my BF is older than your GF he said it was ok cuz he’s a man. Go figure.


:mad:
well, your boss sure sounds like a real winner:rolleyes:
just ignore his ignorance and continue on.:D

If your boss cannot respect your boundries, I'd be looking for another position pronto... sounds like a jackass... and I have found over my years in the workplace... a jackass in some area is most certainly a jackass in others...

Marcy, that is so true. It's just about impossible to expect a change in the boss's attitude. That only happens on TV sitcoms... and sometimes not even then. :(

colove, I'm so sorry you're having to endure such blatantly offensive remarks. But since he's the owner, I don't know what you can do except state the obvious to him... "My private life is just that - private"... and meanwhile start looking for a graceful way out of there.

I don't mean to be a pessimist... it's just that I've had too much experience with various bad boss situations where I've stuck around, hoping things would change. It was a waste of time... plus a lot of grief and stress, which nobody needs in their life.

On the other hand, if it's just light teasing from your boss, and you can grow a thicker skin and live with it... then stay and maintain a professional attitude.

It's normal to feel insecure when you're new to an age gap relationship. Like any other situation in life where someone oversteps your boundaries, you'll have to develop a confident comeback to put them back in their place. Do it with a smile. :)

...or ask him if he has a crush on you:)

Bella, I just asked him that and he said I am to hot to waste on some young punk. God I need to find a new job. I am not good with the teasing especially in the workplace. I am having a hard enough time being away from my whole family whom will not speak to me either because of my new relationship. I just do not get what the big deal is, I am not asking anyone to accept it, I just want them to leave me alone.

Bella, I just asked him that and he said I am to hot to waste on some young punk. God I need to find a new job. I am not good with the teasing especially in the workplace. I am having a hard enough time being away from my whole family whom will not speak to me either because of my new relationship. I just do not get what the big deal is, I am not asking anyone to accept it, I just want them to leave me alone.


Colove,
Please, do not leave your job because of one person judging your relationship because chances are you might find the same judgemental person somewhere else. My humble opinion is just let people talk. Some will, some wont and you might just find some that actually support you. Keep your head high! You arent doing NOTHING wrong here!
Good luck Colove :cool:

Sounds like a wonderful human being...let's hope his mom didn't reproduce too many of him.

I hate it when men say, its ok for the men but not the women. More then likely, he had to take a step back and really see what's in front of him. I mean, if a ym can be attracted to you, what the hell is he missing.

Proably a whole lot. Ignore him the dumb wack. If if you have to, tell him to go bite the weeney.

Paris

that's just wrong!!!
is that "legal?" i mean i know it's not sexual harrassment but it is harrassment and is, in my opinion, treading upon your right to privacy, and is unprofessional.

i certainly also think there are some legalities being bent here, i remember not so many years ago being asked if i had a child, this was a reason NOT to hire someone in the 1980's, i would privately check into this, i know in my business you cannot discriminate for ANY reason, i would ask him to stop.

it is not a one way street regarding agegap relationships, whats he so insecure about, it is none of his business.

i also notice like yellowrose, its more the guys in my agegap who have issue with my relationship and make snide comments????

on one level i understand that it was never socially acceptable to accept relationships like ours, so it may seem foreign or strange. but we are here and we are not going anywhere, so get used of it!!

if you love your boyfriend, tell your boss your private life is not up for discussion.

good luck, i am so sorry you are going thru this.

It is really up to you...if you make their reality yours, then you have created their concept/reality as your own.

Seems your BF is the wisest of all...his concept of you isn't tainted by exterior thought patterns/opinions, his mind is his own.

My BF tells me every day if I spent as much time on making our relationship work instead of constantly trying to break it WE BOTH WOULD BE A LOT HAPPIER.

At least he came right out and said what he thought, rather than gossiping or snickering at you behind your back. He's a jerk, but it allowed you to respond.

colove, also remember that you just moved AND started a new job-these are 2 stressful things to deal with. You have also changed your LDR with your YM to a local relationship-all of these things will take some time to get used to! Where did you move from/to? What is your new job like? Give yourself a break and some time....maybe book a massage or facial for yourself...

My two cents...

I agree that you should not change jobs...yet... and unless he continues on with this, it really is not harrassment is it? He did show his "true colors" and that he is a hypocrite, but I would just leave it be UNLESS he continues on.... and remember... SUCCESS is the best revenge. SO just ignore and be happy with the love you have! (and you may want to read my thread about women being our own worst enemies before you continue about your insecurity with your bf....for I see "Danger, Will Robinson!" in what he told you.)

Regards...

:mad: [QUOTE=colove]bee was ok cuz he’s a man. Go figure.

Doesn't it make you mad but unfortunately there are always going to be men like this around.

Here's a little strategy to try . when he's around and trying to intimidate you about your BF put yourself in an imaginery bubble which will protect you from his comments ~ imagine them bouncing back at him and biting him in the b*m. Sounds crazy but it does work. My daughter is a teaching assistant and the teacher she was assisting at the time was a very negative person and my daughter felt herself being dragged down by her so when she could see she was in one of her black moods she'd imagine a bubble around her protecting her. She was amazed to say it worked! It's gotta be worth a try. Let me know!

Hang on in there with your relationship . if you've found your true soul mate . it has to be worth it. x

WAIT A MINUTE! Let's go back to the legalities thing!

Colove, if your boss is making remarks of a sexual nature (i.e., your being too "hot" for a "young punk") that are creating for you a "hostile work environment" THAT legally constitutes sexual harrassment. That, in my opinion, makes this much bigger than the age gap issue.

There are some things you should do right away:

1) Check with your company's HR office or employee handbook (if there is one) to see if there is a written sexual harassment policy. I understand that your boss is the owner of the company but that in no wise places him above the law. :mad:

2) Begin researching sexual harassment so that you're very clear about legal definitions and what's taking place in your workplace. The school that I work for used Penn State Universities sexual harassment policy as a model for our own. And if you pm me I'll send you the link to our online sexual harassment training.

3) Look for resources in your community that can assist you should this situation escalate and get ugly (please don't underestimate this as a real possibility). Women's Centers at local colleges and universities are good places to get information and referrals.

4) Document, document, document every interaction with your boss in which your private life is the topic of unsolicited comment. It is ALWAYS inappropriate for someone you work with or for to offer such commentary, and despite what so many woman think we DON'T have to take it.

I'm not trying to be alarmist or reactionary, and I'm certainly not trying to scare you. I only want you to understand that you have the power to make this nonsense stop, and to point you to the resources that are at your disposal.

Pm me if you need more info.

Good luck. :)

I moved from Illinois to Colorado. I had been married for 19 years and had not dated at all until I met Jay. When I first got here the age gap did not bother me, its not like we look odd when we are together. I guess its just that people are so consumed with the age gap here. For example his family knows that I am older because of how I present myself not how I look and are constantly trying to find out how old I am. Jay’s mom is great it’s the rest that make me uncomfortable.
The move has been hard and what makes it even harder is my job which I took a 35k pay cut to come here. The other thing is Jay is trying to see his daughter more she is one my children and granddaughter will not speak to me since I moved.

Tonight I get to go thru testing with a CFI so that Jay can see his daughter. His x thinks I am some Phsyco or something I guess. This whole situation is tough, but I really love my BF and can’t imagine not being with him, I just wish my age was not such a factor.

WoW! Do not file anything against him unless you are ready to walk out the door. He's the owner. You will get a pile of stress like you've never seen if you take that avenue.

Sounds like one of my old bosses. Coc*ky and arrogant. Doesn't surprise me he's with a younger girl (no offense to our OM/YW, this guy is a different breed).

He's one of those guys that puts a value on everything. You have a value as you can see as you're too hot for that young "punk" (can't even bear to think your young guy may be his equal). You should want an old stud like me kind of attitude.

Surprised he isn't calling you babe or honey on a regular basis, lol.

Nothing you do is going to change him. But you can change you. You have two choices. Ride it out and realize the pathetic mess he is or leave. You can set boundaries but don't expect him to stay within them. He'd have to know the word respect first.

So honestly, time may change things but that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with your boss.

Honestly, I think you're still dealing with the insecurities of this relationship and once you get beyond that people like this will be a joke. I deal with the same stuff all the time at my job. I'm to the point in one ear out the other.

One day you'll be able to zing him back and you won't even realize it. For example, one day at my job they were going on about how "gay" our relationship sounds (show you their maturity level?). They said they would never do any of the things me and my boyfriend do together because of how silly it sounded.

Without intending to zing anyone I said see that's the difference between you and me. I can't tell this relationship no. If you've ever felt true love you can understand what I'm saying. It's a force you can't resist you just have to run with it forsaking all your power to it even if you lose it all in the end. And I feel bad if you're married and don't have that. It's going to make the next 30+ years suck. Never saw a group of married people shut up so fast. :D

Chin up hon. People can be such jerks but there are those who are in your corner, and I'm one of them. :)

I'm on my way back to the office and haven't taken the time to read all the responses, BUT if I had a boss that said anything close to this, I would pick up my purse and leave . . . but not before telling the boss that if he had that little class and that narrow-minded thinking, he certainly wasn't anyone I would be spending time working for! (And I probably would also tell him to go F himself!) :D

I'm on my way back to the office and haven't taken the time to read all the responses, BUT if I had a boss that said anything close to this, I would pick up my purse and leave . . . but not before telling the boss that if he had that little class and that narrow-minded thinking, he certainly wasn't anyone I would be spending time working for! (And I probably would also tell him to go F himself!) :D

Absolutely!

You don't have to have others validate you and your life choices! And while you are around some people who will mouth off, you don't really I think it's FUNNY as all h*ll that your boss is in an age gap and he's giving you grief. (I'll bet if you tell him that he will FIRE you PDQ!) Are these people in LA? Your boss sounds so image oriented!

Just keep doing what you are doing with your bf. Really. If your family doesn't like him, it's your life and not his. Really! Don't open your heart to others to pass judgement on you based on lies or deceptions or bad attitudes. And I agree with the others, keep your eye out for a new job. What he said to you may constitute sexual harrassment. Talk to a lawyer.

Ali

Thats so sad
Societies come so far only to see how far is left to go.

They use excuses like that YMs are impressionable and do it just for the sex, but I suppose in truth, many OM are insecure about themselves and they believe their biggest asset is their maturity and ability to appreciate you for you are, while we YMs cannot, or not fully.

Society is still fairly male dominated, or at least driven by many of our insecurities.

First of all, don't let a hypocrit determine your happiness.

Secondly, put the guy in his place. He obviously feels ok taking pot shots - shoot back!!

Him: "You're too hot for a young punk like that."

You: "So you're jealous? What would your little girlfriend say about that!" (Acting all shocked)


Him" "It's different, I'm a man."

You: "So is my boyfriend. What's your point?"


Him: "You're a craddle robber. You're older than me!"

You: "Older means wiser so I know what I want. Sorry, you're still just too old for me. You're just gonna have to stick with the younger girls. I don't think you could handle an older woman!"

*Ouch* I like the way you think, Kristin.... :D

This may be getting a little off-topic from your original post, but I believe it is worth stating... :o

4) Document, document, document every interaction with your boss in which your private life is the topic of unsolicited comment. It is ALWAYS inappropriate for someone you work with or for to offer such commentary, and despite what so many woman think we DON'T have to take it.


This is excellent advise and as mentioned by the same poster, know your rights (State & Federal laws) as they apply to harrassment in the workplace. There is no reason to let anyone know you are recording these incidents. Re-examine your own behaviors. For example, do you keep your personal life, personal... do you dress appropriately for the workplace... do you maintain a professional attitude while at work, etc.

You should not, under any circumstances, attempt to achieve a verbal balance with your boss Him: "You're a craddle robber. You're older than me!"
This is a battle you will never win (that's why they call 'em bosses) and there is no reason to lower yourself to his level.

Hopefully, this guy is just some idiot who has very poor management skills and it will never escalate to anything worse than him being a prime candidate for Worse Boss of the Year. ;)