I was wondering...

I'm new...been lurking, but now i have a question...

I see alot of threads about us ladies being insecure about the relationship, but any of you ever have your fellas worry that youwill be the one to leave him?

I'll make my story short. I'm 30, my guy is 22. I was in a LT relationship with a guy I was deeply in love with before my current relationship, but unfortunately, he was killed in an accident. 3 years later, my current guy starts persuing me hard and heavy. I didn't want another relationship...but he was patient and eventually he won me over. I had no idea he was so young...but it does not bother me and I love him with all my heart. I know he feels the same way too :)

Unfortunately he seems to get concerned every now and again that I will leave him for someone my own age...even though I have told him a million zillion times how much I love him and how I'd like to be with him forever. (we've been together almost a year).

anybody? advice?

I think so. They's always the idea that we're not mature enough, or we're not stable enough, either in ourselves or otherwise. Are you really going to find a youngster that interesting?

Most of us are fairly mature for our age, but that still tends to be relative. Mood swings, tempers, lack of self control, whatever else we're stilling learning, we worry you won't give us the space.

But on the off hand, because we're guys, we dont think about it too much and deal with what comes. We figure, if we love you enough, then everything else can be worked out.

Yep....and the issue is I will leave him for someone with more money and more prestige. Or....I will leave him for someone with kids. He teases me about this mythical widowed firefighter with kids to raise....geeez!! What he doesn't understand is that I am in love with the guy with an awesome cartoon series, who's about to land a huge deal with Cartoon Network. He will be a millionaire and I will get to go to the Emmies!!

But on the off hand, because we're guys, we dont think about it too much and deal with what comes. We figure, if we love you enough, then everything else can be worked out.
Exactly... men operate like that! But love is not enough, you have to work hard to make it work.

I loved your response Loganic. I think you summed it up pretty well.

I thank you all for the wise words :D

I like to think that I am flexible and allow him to do his thing. I understand he's still learning alot of stuff.

It probably would not have worried me so much to actually post for advice except the other day he shocked me. A recently divorced male friend of mine made it known to me that he was interested in me. He's a year older than I am. I was horrified...I don't think of that guy in that light and quickly set him straight....only, when I told my guy about it and how uncomfortable that guy had made me....my guy actually suggested I give him a chance--even though, as he put it, it would hurt him alot. He didn't even want to fight for our relationship? what?

So then I asked him if he was trying to tell me he wanted out of our relationship...cause that was what it sounded like to me. He Immediately said no....he's always talked about wanting to marry me and the whole nine yards. He was the one that talked about having children with me and already has names picked out and everything...I just don't get it.

when I told my guy about it and how uncomfortable that guy had made me....my guy actually suggested I give him a chance--even though, as he put it, it would hurt him alot. He didn't even want to fight for our relationship? what?



Hi there: Maybe he just said that to you to "test" you - to see if you maybe weren't pursuing the other man ONLY because you already have someone. In other words, maybe he wants to know that even if you were single and he were standing side by side with this other guy and you could choose between either of them, you would still choose him.

I don't know if I'm making sense, but I know that my YM also wonders quite a bit if I'll leave him for someone my own age. Honestly, the thought HAS run through my mind a few times over the last few years...but mostly because I wonder if I'd feel more emotionally secure with an older man....certainly not because I think I'd be happier.

I guess truth be told, there are insecurities on both sides of age gap relationships...but then again what couple doesn't have issues of trust?

I'm going to give the guy the benefit of the doubt and say, he's only saying that because he loves you. A bit misguided but it's a fairly common enough mistake between sensitive or very passionate people. He's willing to put his love for you aside, if he knows you'll be happier with someone else. He hasn't realized yet it's an 'us' nor is he completly secure with you.

He wants you to be happy, and although he sees he's willing to put in the distance, he's saying he wonders if you'll be happier with someone older.

Now there's two ways of dealing with it. You reject his offer and he'll quietly bury his insecurities, or the more fun method. Take him up on his offer. Tell him too. Go on a few dates with the gentleman, and then quietly/politely tell him to shove it.
It'll do wonders for your YM's ego and blow his insecurities out of the water., when he realizes, that you chose him, over someone who may have had a lot more to offer in his mind.

I understand that not many people have the stomach for doing something like that, but a little direct confrontation of conflicts/insecurities can really solidify a relationship.

My YM does this from time to time-he jokes that I might leave him for a YOUNGER man! He's just looking for a little reassurance....

Loganic,

I just have to say I love the great ym perspective you bring to these threads. Thanks for taking the time to post, and for sharing yourself!!:)

And I enjoy the compliments :P
Thanks, just hopes it works out for them.

ohh, I haven't seen the solo keychain, gotta get me one ^_^

thanks, guys! you all are great :D

I really think the testing thing is a wise response. I know he had his first love cheat on him and crush his heart....which always makes us cautious in our next love. I have been cheated on in every relationship i was in (except for current and previous) so I know what that's like....but I remain hopeful. You have to kiss alot of frogs to get a prince after all.

This guy is a real sweetie...like most guys he stifles his feelings and insecurities at points....but I know he's head over heels. I guess I've never had that before now that I think of it, at least not like this!

Thank you for your wisdom. It is nice to know others have been where I am :)

Whenever I start the "What do you see in me? I'm old and I need to lose weight," song and dance, he immediately comes back with the "How do you think I feel with you out there working with men who're more established than me?" thing.

~shrugs~ Yeah, we're human... :o

What they all said.

Welcome, Justagirl!