Just a Thought

I know that looks are not everything. I know that when you fall for someone you fall for the whole package, or at least most of it. :) BUT-last night I was sitting in a brewpub sharing a beer with my YM and as we were leaving to go home I took a look around me.

I was sooooo glad that I was going home with a sweet tempered, full head of haired, great butt and beautiful eyed body than some of the potbellied, gray haired, flabby armed men standing around having beer.

I don't mean this to sound cruel but it was true. Does anyone else just get a pure rush thinking how lucky you are to be with or be attracted to younger men? Without generalizing, I am just so glad to be with someone who still likes to bike, golf, play tennis, take baths with me.....listen when I talk, help with the housework....I am sure there are older men out there with these qualities but I would always choose young over older.

Ye Gods, does that make me a cougar? :D

Hi Christie: I don't think you thinking that way makes you a cougar! Hell, how can we not help but appreciate how good looking and/or fit our YM are? And likely, we appreciate them for it even more than someone their own age might. I often feel exactly the same way you feel when I'm out with my guy.....the only thing that bothers me is I wonder what HE is thinking when he looks around the room. Everyone likes to look at youth and beauty - and I often wonder when he sees the pretty young twenty somethings if there is any twinge of wishing he had someone that looked like that on HIS arm. This is entirely my own issue - he has never said anything like that, but I guess I wonder all the same. Does that thought ever go through your mind?

HIT IT while it's hot!! :p

Of course the younger girl thing goes through my mind but, I have to say, it is happening less and less. He is 35 and I figure he has and still does look at the younger chickees. I try to keep in shape etc. I don't look 25 by any shot but I do okay. I worry about my poochie, little belly sometimes but he says he likes it. I did not believe him at first but he keeps coming back.....I know in the back of my mind him finding someone else is a possibility, but when would it not be?

We hung out as friends for a year or so before all this relationship stuff started so he knows alot more about me than he would have if I had had a crystal ball and seen what was coming down the road. Whee!! Would I have been more careful about what I spilled my guts about if only I had known.:D

I try to think like a man. This is not meant to be sarcastic or a put down BUT-we women way overthink things sometimes. I just try to go with the top level and take what he says for what he says. I also try to say what I mean and not have more than one agenda going at the same time in a conversation.

I am very happy to find someone who is so great to me. The fact that he is younger and hot is just a special bonus!

I guess the same can be said when you are taking the younger woman home and seeing the wrinkled skinned, cigerrette between her fingers, love handled woman sitting at the bar thinking who will be so drunk at the end of the night that they will take her home and then will run out the door when they see her in the morning....but i am not trying to be rude.......looks end ladies....that potbellied, flabby armed man was once a young man before......:eek:

Looks change, but I will never be that love handled, cigarette smoking wrinkled woman drunk at the bar, nor would I ever want to leave the bar with a drunk, pot bellied, slightly balding 25 year old. This isn't about age...its about people respecting themselves enough to take care of themselves!

Ok so the drunk part aside....not all YM are "fit" or "good looking" in the conventional way we American's consider those things. Neither are many women.

I also don't believe that you have to be "fit" to take care of oneself. I am a full-figured woman but I dress well and take very good care of myself. I do light weights and yoga/pilates each week.

I have met men (and women) who were probably not considered conventionally beautiful but, as I got to know them, they became more handsome and more attractive.

No matter who you are with, you should be proud to be with them. Looks are fleeting no matter how well on takes care of oneself. Wrinkles, looser skin, grey hair, a bit of a belly, etc. are all part of getting older.

All that said, I think there is more than just the fit body and good looks that attracts most OW to YM. At least for me that is true.

I would think, no matter if you are with a hard-bodied, extremely good looking YM or one that has a bit of pooch, is prematurely balding and doesn't work out every day.....you should be proud to be with that person. Why? Because there is something there that made you WANT to be there with him.

I think....it's the PERSON we should be interested in. I understand looks are part of it. But attraction is subjective, correct? My grandfather used to say "To each his own".

Anyway...hope this didn't come off as preachy, since that was NOT my intention. Just my humble opinion. :rolleyes:

J.

Sometimes all this reference to looks is as uncomfortable as saying I'm 45 but I look 25...girlfriend...you are 45 and you in no way look 25. The question is, when you're 60 and look 60 will your looks be enough to hold his interest. Will he look at you as you looked at all those "pot bellied, gray haired, flabby armed men standing around having beer". And I hate that word cougar, gosh...I don't want to believe that we're so shallow as to believe that will always attract a ym.

Which only means that deep down inside you hope he doesn't leave your butt if you were 60 and had a bod of a 60 yr old, which is not to say that alot of 60 yr old look awful...so many look fantastic. I meet one such 70 yr old last summer, she was made up fine, g/f had her heels and short skirt (on her way to church and we got to talking), not thin anymore but an elegant, sophisticated woman who made me look like crap and I was 35 yrs younger.

Its interesting, I've started a new job 2 months ago and I have 2 ym I work with. One is Indian, my supervisor, unbelieveable cute, hard body, soft spoken, I drive him crazy and we laugh like crazy...the other is a Lead Agent, about my height, thin, lanky (not the type I would go for normally), quiet and yet, I find him tremendously sexy and I love his voice. Both guys are nice, and both are basically good guys. But for the past month I can't stop thinking of the Lead Agent, go figure.

I think at this point in our lives, we better consider ourselves darn lucky that a ym wants to go out with an ow period (at least this is what my brother tells me). Those pot bellied guys, well, that can be change...age cannot, you can give it a run for its money...but in the end it catches up. Every guy has his own personality and his own quips...lets accept that instead of age/looks/hard bodies, if he's in an car accident and remains in a wheelchair and gain 30 lbs, will we dwell on what we had, or the love that still shines out of that still beautiful soul.

Paris

Bluemoon and Paris, hope you didn't misunderstand my post. It was really directed to Gonzo and Christie. I wouldn't be too smug about leaving the bar with a younger guy, nor would I be to quick to assume age means yuck! You can take care of yourself and be appealing and still have issues of weight or age. People who seem yuck, have probably lived yuck; that was my point. :)

I certainly did not intend to come off as smug or gloating, just happy. And, as I stated in the very beginning of my post, looks are not everything, you don't fall in love with looks and it is the person is who is important.

Looks are what you see first in a person but it is the person underneath. My YM is certainly no Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp. He is skinny and laughs funny and doesn't understand most jokes till i explain them but to me he is gorgeous.

As your momma used to say"you can choose rich or you can choose poor. " Well, you can also choose young or you can chose old. I think I choose young. And I know I would never choose rich just for money's sake.

FYI-i would also think a full figured woman who does pilates and yoga would consider herself fit. I don't think of fit as 5'6" 104lb size 2. Fit is taking care of yourself, dressing well and have the self confidence to carry off whatever you set your mind to.

i never really paid any attention to younger men until i had the experience with my husband.

i didnt even have the thought process secretly or otherwise.

maybe i am boring and not very adventurous.

however, i ended up with someone twently years younger than i am, i notice men who remind me of my husband and i smile, i also now see the differences that come with age whereas i didnt notice before.

i like his look and i have sincerely loved his physical strength and watching him push himself, i am now very attracted to this.

i could never imagine being with anyone else.

...nor would I ever want to leave the bar with a drunk, pot bellied, slightly balding 25 year old. This isn't about age...its about people respecting themselves enough to take care of themselves!

I know you explained this post, but it still bugs me. Why are you relating balding to respecting yourself?

That actually is quite hurtful, since I can see this happening even at 26. If this bothers you then perhaps you should look at your yms mothers dad and see how much hair he had by 30, 40, 50, etc... cos that's a good indication of where his is going to go.

Rozie originally wrote:
Bluemoon and Paris, hope you didn't misunderstand my post. It was really directed to Gonzo and Christie. I wouldn't be too smug about leaving the bar with a younger guy, nor would I be to quick to assume age means yuck! You can take care of yourself and be appealing and still have issues of weight or age. People who seem yuck, have probably lived yuck; that was my point.

Rozie, I knew who your post was directed to but one of the nice things about public threads/forums is that many people are able to comment. ;)

Also, your statement You can take care of yourself and be appealing and still have issues of weight or age. I do take care of myself and I do think I am appealing but my weight and age are not an issue. At least not for me and, obviously, not for the men who are interested in me. The only issue would be those who might have a narrower view of what is acceptable and beautiful. But then, isn't that what makes life and people interesting? The fact that every has their own sense of what is attractive and what is not. :)

Christie, I totally understood your post and TY for you FYI. :) That old saying "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" is true.

Roby, I agree with what you wrote.

Thanks for the posts!
J.

So i am not entitled to my opinion is that what you are saying? It might not be someone's fault that they are pot bellied, balding, and drinking beer...i take that back drinking beer is a matter of choice. But some people are genetically inclined to not be fit or have a full set of hair. I am sorry if i insulted anyone on this post but......it was a matter of opinion and if people are that shallow as to think that i was being insulting then so be it, it was just came off as smug and judgemental. I am sticking to my opinion about this situation.:mad:

Lets back this up a notch and see if I can say this in a way that doesn't sound hurtful. You are right Rob, and I wasn't trying to equate baldness with taking care of oneself. My YM is overweight and balding, but, well groomed and I think quite appealing. Christie started off saying looks weren't everything, but as she left the bar and looked around she was glad she wasn't going home with "one of those pot bellied, gray haired, flabby armed men standing around having beer." What she described were all physical attributes. Now in all fairness, I think she was just saying she was happy to be going home with her YM. My point was that the things she described really are not related to age. I'm sorry Rob, I threw in balding because it does happen with younger men, not because it is something you can control.

My point is, she presents sterotypes of older and younger men. A person who doesn't attend to their appearance, someone who isn't appealing, isn't someone that many of us would want to go home with. I don't think a bar is the best place to find examples of people who lead fit and healthy lives, so its not surprizing many of the men there look, in my own words, "Yuck!" See I'm coming at this really from the viewpoint that nice looks have nothing to do with age! That's all!

Addend: BTW, an interesting thing that I just learned: Hair loss is NOT an x-linked trait as we have all been taught. You get genes from BOTH sides of the family!

Well, it was not all meant to be so serious anyway. I am not silly enough to think that age equates to yuckie looks any more than youth does to good looks. But, I still say if i had to choose between Sean Connery and Keanu Reeves, both hot but the way, i would choose Keanu. :) :) :)

FYI-most of the people who hang out in my favorite bar are bicycle riders and runners and musicians who just happen to appreciate the finer qualities of microbrewed beer and witty conversation.

Truce!!!

I understand what Christie is saying about feeling lucky to be with someone so attractive. I feel this way also and I don't believe it is shallow. I didn't choose my YM, well ok, VYM - he's 19 - entirely for his looks, but I am happy he is hot! He is the one who pursued me. I made him wait 6 weeks just for the first date, because I knew with his looks, he was probably used to getting whatever he wanted from young women. He fell in love with me before we ever had sex or even kissed. He is a sweetheart. However, when I look at him - wow - I do think about how hot he is and yes, that fact and that he could have any younger woman he wants, is very flattering! He is french, is 6 feet tall and muscular - he has played rugby on the france junior team for 4 years - so you can imagine his physique! To top it off, his face is very beautiful as well: gorgeous almost black curly hair, big brown eyes, angelina jolie lips and dimples - OMG! Yes, he is movie star handsome - but I will tell you if he were not beautiful in spirit, he could not have held my interest for long. So yeah, I do feel lucky and do get a rush when I look at him (esp. during sex - wow!) and I think it is normal. Let's face it, sex and chemistry and the whole attraction thing are very important to most people. Would I have been interested in him initially if he were not so attractive? Nope, sorry - but I love him now and God forbid he lose his looks or worse - I will still love him. Lucky lucky me!

It might not be someone's fault that they are pot bellied, balding, and drinking beer...i take that back drinking beer is a matter of choice. But some people are genetically inclined to not be fit or have a full set of hair. I am sorry if i insulted anyone on this post but......it was a matter of opinion and if people are that shallow as to think that i was being insulting then so be it, it was just came off as smug and judgemental. I am sticking to my opinion about this situation.:mad:

I hear what you are saying, but I don't entirely agree with this. I am not genetically inclined to be thin, but I work my *** off exercising everyday to stay a size 6. I spend a good deal of money on keeping my hair done nicely, wash and creme my face every night (like alot of women), get my nails done....in other words, looking nice takes effort...and that means for any age. There are just as many twenty somethings that are overweight and unappealing as older folk (they just have less wrinkles!) so whether or not someone is genetically inclined towards something, there is usually something they can do about it if they want to be more physically appealing.

That being said, I think the main reason for this thread was just a woman saying that she really enjoys her YM's physical appeal, even though that is certainly not the only reason she loves him. Well, I completely concur - every time I see my YM I am still wowed by how attractive he is! I never set out looking for a younger man, but since that's the direction life took me, the added bonus of his looks are icing on the cake!

Truce!!!

No need for it Christie, because I wasn't fighting with anyone. ;)

And if it came down to Sean Connery or Keanu Reeves, who I left with would probably have a lot more to do with what they said to me than how they looked; unless one of them was missing their front teeth or had dirt under their nails or was reeling drunk! That's just me!

Lets back this up a notch and see if I can say this in a way that doesn't sound hurtful. You are right Rob, and I wasn't trying to equate baldness with taking care of oneself. My YM is overweight and balding, but, well groomed and I think quite appealing. Christie started off saying looks weren't everything, but as she left the bar and looked around she was glad she wasn't going home with "one of those pot bellied, gray haired, flabby armed men standing around having beer." What she described were all physical attributes. Now in all fairness, I think she was just saying she was happy to be going home with her YM. My point was that the things she described really are not related to age. I'm sorry Rob, I threw in balding because it does happen with younger men, not because it is something you can control.



Cool, I understand what you were doing now. :)

Still seems like this thread is kind of shallow....sorry.....but listen i hang out in a bar that just seems to cater to every taste. I don't know why i was arguing anything.........seems it is just useless and will only get me into trouble...so i guess i will keep my opinions to myself from now on....:confused:

Lighthearted, fun, converstional, thought provoking. As far as shallow goes, the post was certainly not intended to be a mensa meeting nor was intended to offend. Gimme a break, not everything little thing is intended to be a world changing event. :)

????????:confused:

Uuummm, I know this is supposed to be a light-hearted thread. Christie, I get your point that you are with a fine looking ym.:D But I have to say that I see some of the other ideas that were brought out as valid thoughts also. Even though you didn't mean for things to go this route I wanted to comment on some of the other posts, as they did provoke thought.

It is true that as folks age - the body shifts.:eek: Men and women alike sometimes lose hair. Weight is gained in male or females sometimes for reasons out of a persons control. Time holds many surprises. You can not predict how you will LOOK a few years down the road. While ideally trim and fit, no wrinkles, a full head of hair, everything smooth and tight is what we want it's not always in the cards.

Also, I have often thought about the vym and ym relationship as I have been on this forum. Us ow enjoy our ym. I DO mine. But as time goes on if you are in a LTR you must know that looks will likely change. The ow getting older and their ym being not so young anymore. Good Lord, my ym has watched me change tremendously over the years that we have been together. Don't get me wrong, I am still smokin' hot (joke)...hehe, but not the same gurl as in the beginning of the relationship. I am so glad he loves me for my smarts (joke again) too. LOL...
So, there is truth to the comment about those older men in the bar once being the ym.

Sorry- I was not trying to wreck the op's happy thread. I just wanted to comment on the other ideas that were brought up in this thread. I know the op had no intention of the thread going this way.

Anyway, I think it's cool that she has a fella that she is proud to be seen with. Way to go Christie.