Help! It feels so weird!

Hi to everybody, i would like to share a little of my story with you all who can understand the way it feels.
Since i started this relationship, i have felt weird and uncomfortable just because of the age gap. i'm 37 and holding hands with a 20 yr old guy in the street has been difficult for me, i feel everyone is looking and criticizing although i think it is only in my mind.
Many people had told me I look younger than my age, but i hate when people say "... your son" grrr.. makes me feel ridiculous :confused:
My YM makes me feel so good, young and loved, he always takes care of me and my needs, he's so sweet and has a very good relationship with my three kids.
i just divorced a few months ago and i haven't told my parents nor some friends about my YM because i feel embarassed, but at the same time i would like everybody knew that he makes me so happy and that i feel supported by him.
I haven't found the courage cause i haven't get used to the idea of being with someone that young.
We live in Mexico, and i think it is really uncommon to see couples like us in here.
Please i need an advice how to deal with this idea!

Every comment and support is really appreciated!

By the way sorry about my writing, i speak spanish :)

Don't be embarrassed by it - be proud. Many women would be envious of your situation. Tell your friends and family as soon as possible. I too worried about it (17 years between me & my man) but most people were very accepting of it.

I know how embarassing it is to be mistaken for his mother... I've had that happen, but it gets easier after it's happened a couple of times, particularly if he points out the fact that I'm his partner not his mother.

The sooner you get it out in the open the better you will feel about it... trust me.

Tachi......I realize local customs may dictate how you feel about your current relationship, but 17 years would be NOTHING in Los Angeles! My goodness, with all the freaks walking around here, you can pretty much get away with anything! LOL Also, culture may influence how grownup a man can be at 20. Whatever....if he makes you happy, then just enjoy him and worry about the details later. Best of luck to you dear!

Thank you so much!

You have no idea.. well you surely do! how helpful this is. No one can understand me better.
You know sometimes i say he is a couple of years older! but he says his age, cause he has no problem with it, and it is worse for me... again embarassed:eek:

I'm new here (i mean in this site, and in this kind of relation)... could you tell me more about your dealing with this! How long have you been dating? How do you deal with the fact of him knowing girls his age?

Oh God! I have so many questions!

I feel so glad i found this site!

Hi Tachi,

Welcome and no, you're not the only one. In fact, I think you are lucky to have found a young man who will hold your hand in public in a country where it is not well accepted.

In my European country, you just don't see OW holding YM's hands. Full stop. I have a friendship with a vym (20 in December) and I've just turned 38 last week and as much as I would love our relationship to develop further, I also know he would rather die than hold my hand in public.

Sounds like you have found a very special person, Tachi, and altho it's perfectly normal to feel weird about having feelings for someone so young, you have to get past this: you don't want to communicate your own doubts. Love comes in all shapes.

I have a 23 year gap with my BF. Yes, it does feel weird in public at first. Yes, there are cultural differences in the degrees to which we show public affection. I actually went as far as having a little cosmetic work done to lessen the difference in our appearance. It made a little difference; that first public kiss goodbye at the airport was huge for me! But as time goes on I realize I could be 19 and it would be no different with him. In his social circle (hispanic), there just are not huge open displays of affection, and particularly not when there are children around.

Hola Tachi! Yo soy de Panamá! So you can PM me in Spanish anytime. Do you live in a small town or a big city? I live in a "big" city. I have really not experienced any problems with my YM here, (or in the US) except with one friend and initially with parents. We hold hands. We live together (nor married) horror of horrors!!!!

Be brave, hold your head high! Another thing you can do is match the way you dress. Dress young (but tasteful). Make sure you do not look taller than him. :p
I wear contacts, for example, and eliminate what little gray hairs I may get.

You do not have to life your life for others you live your life for YOU! :)

I've been with my YM a little over a year. We have always held hands and kissed in public - it's never been an issue for either of us.

I don't think most people notice the age difference as we don't look like there's 17years between us. My friends tell me that we really don't look that far apart in age - particularly when he has facial hair. People usually think I'm in my early thirties so it came as a huge shock the first time someone referred to me as his mum. It never seems to happen when I am wearing my casual clothes like jeans, just when we've popped into the shops after work and I've got a business outfit on. Whenever I shop for clothes now I take him with me and ask for his advice on styles and colours - it's good to have a younger perspective and keeps me up to date.

We live together now and are engaged. It has certainly not been smooth sailing in getting to where we are now but it has certainly been a great adventure.

aww tachi, i felt the same way, some of the posters are just braver then we were, we really need to find our own way, you probably for the most part of life try to play by the rules, just like me.

i did not set out to be proud of my younger man or think i should show him off, it was not about that, i truly cared for him and was stuck in the fact that i was bucking society and it was scary.

if he is a great man, although young, treats you well and makes you feel loved then focus on this, soon that really will be all YOU see.

you are noticing complete strangers who care nothing for your happiness, remember that. your heart has chosen a path for you to take your own happiness and to hell with others opinions. its very liberating when you realize that you are the master of your own destiny.

good luck and welcome and hugs to you also.

There was a woman from a small pueblo who was forced to marry a MUCH older man. She had 3 children with him, and then, he died.

She moved to a big city and became a teacher. She met a man much YOUNGER than her (I guess she was very tired of old men). They fell in love and got married. They had 3 more children and lived very happily for many, many years.

The woman was my Mexican great-grandmother. Her first child was my grandmother, who was born in 1901. The city was Mexico City.

The moral of the story: If you're happy, Tachi, don't care what anyone thinks. You're not the first woman in Mexico who fell in love with a YM. Love, Angel

stop worrying about what other people think, just do your thing.....

Please be careful about having your boyfriend around your children...your children are the most precious thing in life and as much as you love your young man you can never be too sure about someone that you do not really know that well, even people who have been married 30 years are shocked to find out that their spouse was abusing their kids...

Tachi - - -

Welcome to Ageless! :)

Don't be embarrassed by your relationship. Be proud that you two have found each other. Your gap is really not that much but I do understand that in different areas the concept is not as readily accepted.

And you may be surprised at the cultural acceptance too. Joe and I have a 25-1/2 year gap. He is Mexican American and, even tho I am older than his mom, his whole family could not have been more supportive. In fact, they apparently have always told him he needed an older woman. Probably because he has always been attracted to women much older than he is.

I think sometimes when people get negative feedback it may be because they themselves project some discomfort or embarrassment at the situation. Don't do that. Other people pick up on that. Joe and I have not gotten any of that type of reaction in public and I believe part of that is because we are a couple, we act like a couple and we don't act like it's any big deal. We act like two people who are together doing normal, everyday things.

As you settle down with each other into the relationship, you too will probably become more and more used to the idea and not think so much about the age thing. You know, sometimes we can be our own worst enemies by thinking too much. Just relax and enjoy your time with your young man. :)

Tachi,

My guy is 20. I'm going to be 36 next month. I have a son. You and I are in different countries, so my guy's reactions and actions may be different. I understand how you feel.

I felt the same way the first time he and I went out in public together. He took me to an afternoon movie, an early dinner, then we went bowling. :) Goofy, I know, but I really enjoyed it. I remember feeling like everyone was looking at us. He was proud to hold my hand. He was affectionate as we shopped in the bookstore. I muttered about feeling nervous and about how people were probably staring. He explained to me that he loved me and I might as well get used to being loved and being shown that I was loved. :o

I haven't had anyone ask if he were my son. I'm short, olive-complexioned, dark headed, and dark-eyed. My guy is average height, pale, blonde, and green eyed. I did have someone ask if he were my brother, though. That amused me.

I'm the age I am. He is the age he is. This is something we can't change. We care about each other.

There are many threads in the relationship advice section

Amina,

I agree. You have to be careful with your children. You are very, very right. I knew my guy 2 years and dated him for 9 months before he met my son. I did not introduce him to my son until I was sure I wanted him to stay around and that I felt secure that he would not harm my son. Being the fierce mommy that I am, I made sure my guy was had very clear understanding (though I do not believe he would harm my son) that if he harmed my son he would never see the light of day again. Or breathe.

I have also made it very clear to speak to my son (regularly) about what is "private" on his body and that if (and I mean anybody) asks to see or touch there that he needs to tell mommy no matter what. This discussion is held in the same way that we talk about the need to brush our teeth, take baths, eat our veggies, and everything else. It's a part of our routine. I can hope that nothing will happen to my son, but I think it is important to talk to your kids.

L.