A very sad update about my YM

I got IMed tonight by a friend of my YM as to why I hadn't heard from him. He was working as a mechanic and took a car out to test drive it. It had a leaky fuel line and the car blew up. He lived a week in the hospital. This was the end of Sept. Before he died he told his friend to tell me that he'd always love me and never wanted to ever hurt me. We had gone for periods of time without talking to each other, we both were pretty busy. After I called his home in Nov. and the phone line had been disconnected I thought he'd found someone else and I was dumped. His friend had been trying to get in touch with me but couldn't and he didn't want to leave an e-mail, this why it took so long to tell me. I'm in shock and extremely sad. Terry

Hey Terry, i'm so sorry to read about that. I know feeling like you got the can must've hurt, but there is no way in hell it could have complared to this. We are all here for you, if you need us. Take care hun and I wish you the best you could be after hearing tragic news such as this.

With Love, Steve

Terry,
I do know how you feel. I had the same exact thing happen to me when I was younger. We dated during the summer and he went back home to Colorado. I did not hear from him. I got a call from one of his friends that he died in a car wreck. So I really know how you feel. I am so sorry....
Barbara

Oh Terry, what a horrible shock this must have been for you. I just got done talking to you, but wanted to add my condolences here as well, from the bottom of my heart.

Much love...
Kye

I'm so very sorry. That is just so very sad. I think it's good at least that you did hear from his friend so you know ... even though it wasn't what you would prefer to hear.

Please know that I'm terribly sorry. It's always very sad to loose a loved one ... family, lover or friend.

Princessdy

Morficarts, I'm so very sorry to hear what happened to your YM. When I first joined the boards I remember reading your posts.
What happened to you used to be my nightmare. Before my s/o and I moved in together I used to worry about that very thing. If I didn't hear from him for a few days my first inclination was to be angry. But always in the back of my mind I was worried something might have happened to him.
When I read your post I cried and we held each other. Life is so fragile. We forget how lucky we are and take each other for granted at times.
My thoughts will be with you tonight.
Take care.
Val

I am so sorry to hear what had happened. But at least you know the whole story now, and perhaps can have abit more closure.

I'm new at the board but couldn't stop myself posting a short note. What a sad story. There are seldom we know which way our life takes but to loose someone near or loved one is probably one of the hardest thing to experience in life. You are in my thoughts! A warm and big hug over the ocean, Anna

Oh My God...Terry I'm so sorry.

The pain is awful and the loss of what could have been will hurt even longer. Some things aren't meant to be.

I too, have had this happen. I was 18 and his parents hated me for what appeared to be no reason. Maybe because he was 5'2" and shy and I was 6' and outgoing. I adored him and he loved me back. One day I went to his house to pick him up and his mother said he'd moved. I didn't hear from him and when I called a week later his sister told me he'd met someone and married her. I believed her because I was young and stupid. He was in a motorcycle accident and was in the hosptial dying. I didn't find out the truth for 10 years when I met a friend of his at a party.

At least you have the comfort of knowing that his last words and thought were of you. You were not abandoned. You were loved and will always be loved. You are so special that he couldn't go without letting you know.

((((HUG))))
Jane and Dave

Oh Terry, how terribly sad. I'm so so sorry. Hugs to you. What a time of sorrow you've had Sweets.
My thoughts are with you.

Terry,
I'm so very sorry for your loss. I wish I had something deep and inspiring to say, but I dont. So just know that you're in my prayers and you have my deepest sympathy.

Sherry

:( Wow. what a tragedy. My thoughts are certainly with you. I am a car guy, and sadly, awful things like this can happen. I wish you love and peace....:(

Dear Terry -

I too wanted to add my sympathies and prayers.

God bless -
Gillian

Terry, please accept the words of compassion. I am with you in your sorrow and am holding you tight and drying your tears..
As AB says, he loved you and remembered you in the last of his days. Save this in you heart as a loving memory of him..

Love,

Tel

Terry,l am sure you have my e-mal by now but wanted to also post here. As you see you have many friends and much support, this is not a lot of consolation right at the moment, but deep down it is!

You had not stated how long ago this happened, although we have been in contact, we both were wondering. It is best that you got the full story as tragic and sad as it is......at least you now know that he still loved you.


I said it all in the email.

I will also post more here........another issue with online relaiotinships that we all need to consider.

Love Ya freind

Barb

I got your PM sweetie and wrote back...

Write to my e-mail (I couldn't write enough on the PM, character limits!)

We don't know each other Terry, as I'm new to the board...but just had to send my caring thoughts your way with all the others. Hopefully, all this love being sent to you will offer comfort in some small way.

If I may, I'll share a portion from Kahlil Gibran's book The Prophet; "On Death":

For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?

Your friend will always be in your heart Terry...its just his body that is no longer here.

Hugs, Jan

Oh my god Terry! Oh no!!! I can't believe it. That is just terribly tragic, and I am so so sorry that it happened. I am kind of at a loss for words here, but I am sure you know how badly we are all feeling for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I'm sorry for your pain.

Cindy

Terry,

Just wanted to add my thoughts and prayers for you to the others here.

Terry,
You are totally in my thoughts, it must be so rough not even knowing all these months. Whatever you do don't blame yourself for not knowing. I feel so bad about your situation Terry.
I have often wondering on here if by chance if something happened to me how would anyone know? Well of course King now, but before, In a notebook in my room I wrote down this sites name my password who my friends were, e-mail addresses and all kinds of stuff for my 19 yr old son, just in case.
Big big hugs to you.

Your YM was thinking of you before he died, enough of you to let you know vbout himself; how very endearing that was, a gift of information, a yearning...I am truly sorry but know that he cared enough of you to have his friend tell you...a final gift of love...Hadley

Your YM was thinking of you before he died, enough of you to let you know vbout himself; how very endearing that was, a gift of information, a yearning...I am truly sorry but know that he cared enough of you to have his friend tell you...a final gift of love...Hadley

that's really sad...I am very sorry for you Terry,sometimes there just aren't any words that one can say.....take care

Terry,

That is a really terrible thing. To have thought that he'd more or less decamped on you, when instead he'd been struggling to survive and lost that struggle, must be painful beyond belief. His death is sad and tragic, but you've really been denied any opportunity to say goodbye or even get your mind around what happened. I'm so sorry.

When the shock starts to wear off, do try to talk some with people you trust, or write or do some art about him, anything to get some of the overwhelming feelings expressed. They'll probably be pretty intense for a while, and it's important to take care of yourself when they hit.

A big hug and much sadness - for both of you.

Your notebook was a good idea! I posted a new thread just today asking people togive this some thought.

Not just for lovers, relationships but for good friends it is also a shock or worry when someone you care about just seems to hve dropped from the face of the earth.

I can close to being the same as making a will, you need to leave some directiives someplace with someone!

Barb

Oh Terry





There just are no words to express my regret.





But our thoughts and prayers are with you tonight




God bless


Niall

I'm fairly new to this board as well...

However, my heart feels your loss...and thus, I am at a loss for words. You will, however, be in my thoughts and prayers....

You will always have a very special angel...always in your presence...and nothing will ever be able to take that away from you...

Godbless and Godspeed...

~Dan

Terry, My deepest sympathys for your loss. Please know that we are all here for you.

Brenda

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers-how tragic.

I am so sorry to hear of yor loss. May God give you strength , i will keep you in my prayers

I am burning a candle for you.

http://hjem.get2net.dk/petermad2/light/lys.gif

Terry, I am so very sorry for your loss. I hope you find comfort in your friends, and know that you are cared about. Your ym will always be in your heart. We are all on borrowed time here. I'm so sorry his life ended so tragically. He did have your love and friendship as a part of his life until the end. I'm sure that meant the world to him. He was lucky to have that. You were lucky to have known and loved him for the time that you did. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I'm so tired and it's taking all my energy to write, But I felt it was important to do so.

I've read all your letters, private messages and e-mails several timesnow. Thankyou all so much for helping me through this! I was alone when I was told about his death and I've been alone for several days now. If it hadn't been for everyone here on the board reaching out to me I don't know what I would have done. Thankyou all so much! You have no idea how much your letters have meant to me!


Terry


To those who have gone through this kind of loss I'm truly sorry!

Do not cry for me
For I am merely changed.
As blooms at seasons end
must fall to be reborn
So must I.
My pain is at an end
I am at peace
And know not fear or wanting.
I am with you
If you will but remember me.

Terry, my heartfelt prayers & wishes go out to you. I hope you can find some support where you are, a person to give you a hug or a shoulder. Hugs.

No words to say.....

But its a relief know that his last words and thoughts were for you.

A really BIG HUG.

All my love and support.

MIM

Youngatheart, thank you for the beautiful poem! This is how I try to picture him. It's a way of coming to terms with his death.

To the rest I have support now at home. My daughter and best friend came home from their shopping trip to LA. They are helping me throught this since they understood my relationship with him.

He's still in my mind 24/7 but I'm now thinking about the good times we had and the way he lived and not just about my loss and the way he died. It's going to be very hard for a while but I'll get through this. I've learned to be a survivor.

Terry

Oh Terry. I've been reading this thread and just feel so bad for you. I know how difficult it is to lose someone. It's a day by day healing process. I'm sure many of us wish you all the best. It's good you have support at home now. I'm sure that will help.

Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you.

Princessdy

Hi Terry;
Iam so glad your family came to you. That should be of some help.

At least take the edge off! It will , in time, be something that you learn to live with, you know me well enuf to know and understand what i mean. He will always be there, in the shadows and in your heart.

I carry a small part of the US Navy in a shadow of mine.


Talk to you soon Terry;
Love
Ya Barb

Terry,

I have hung around these boards for a while now and also received your news via the age-gap posts:( I, too, have thought about you and prayed for you all week. To not know as you did, must have been so painful....i cannot even imagine. I think, in some way that maybe we don't understand here, God has allowed a gift to you. You WERE loved, still are....i suppose your YM is looking at you now and relieved that you finally know that he did love you. I've thought all week how my YM and I would know???were something to happen.....other threads have offered suggestions.....just wish that we ALL would have had the foresight to do before such a tragedy happened. You and your loss will have a great impact on those of us who have gained and learned something from you and the love u gave. I wish you healing, love, and the support of many of the wonderful men and women here who truly care about people. God bless, Sing

Barb, He'll always be in my heart, like you have with your first love. I still cry every day but I'm not so much of a basket case anymore. Friends and family have helped and continue to help me through this.

Sing, I realize the gifts he's given me and to this board. We talked several years ago about having (back-up) people for us if something was wrong and if we couldn't speak for ourselves. My commuication with this whole thing was a mix up. My YM didn't tell me who his coworker was ahead of time. It could have also been he just didn't have anyone else to give his messages to. He wasn't that close to his family and even though they knew we talked they wouldn't have understood our relationship. At anyway rate his coworker tried to tell me several times with IM's and because I didn't know who he was I didn't except his IM's until he said he had a message from my YM. When he did talk to me, he told he been burdened with this message for several months and was so relieved that he told me and it was over with.

I'm still in contact with my YM's coworker and he's been telling me things my YM did for him, like helping him save his relationship with his girlfriend. He told me that my YM was head over heels in love with me and would talk about me all the time to him. I'm so grateful to have known that I was so loved.

I am getting help from the wonderful people here too. Blondie, Dyan, Kye, Barb, BearsAngel, TallGuy, LadyinWaiting, Polly among others have rallied around me with support and I'm so so gratful for that! Thankyou Everone!

Terry

I just found out my cousin died a few days ago, the week of her birthday. I'm just so numb. They say that April is the cruelest month but I think it's January. :( Terry

Originally posted by morficarts
I just found out my cousin died a few days ago, the week of her birthday. I'm just so numb. They say that April is the cruelest month but I think it's January. :( Terry

OW! I am so sorry Terry. You just keep getting dumped on I am so so sorry.

Terry, just typed this once and lost it,,,,,,Grrrrrr. Seems like it never ends doesnt it! My aunt, more like my sister is very illl. I am sick of her being shuffled from hospitall to concalescent home.
She is in such extreme pain, I cannnot bear thinking of her in such paiin. My deceased hubby died in January thirty years ago and my deceased hubby in January ten years ago.

Winter is hard on people,,,,,,,,,,,,,,e glad this is the last day of January.

Hang on Terry, i cannot go one forever........I hope.
Barb

Just a quick update...

I'm getting through this sorrow. I'm doing what he'd want me to do and that is to pull myself together and stay as healthy as I can. Do my artwork and live my life the best I know how. I'm sleeping better and he's come to me in several of my dreams. I'm eating again and I'm not as numb as I was. I feel him around me and that has helped me get through all of this pain. I'm making peace with it all.

Terry

Terry, I am so glad to hear that you are doing better. I have been so swamped I feel I have been very remiss in contacting u.
It is good that we are headed toward spring, that , too, will be a
help to you.

Stay busy and you will find the days drifting by so quickly. The point now is not to forget, but adjust your life and it sounds like that is being done.

Stay safe and well right along with this.
Later
Barb

morficarts,

I am glad he is able to talk to you in your dreams. God is a mystery...why does He take some people so fast and let others stay here so long? We do see as it says in the bible "through a mirror darkly". We won't know until we go WHY.

Your YM is continuing on, he has not died. There is more to life than this, that I am convinced (I also have a friend who had a Near Death Experience).

I am glad you are trying to heal and go on...you know that is exactly how we all feel...if we leave this planet, we want those we love to carry on and heal.

God bless you. Praying for you.

Powerpuffgirl, Sorry I didn't respond till now, I just couldn't at the time you wrote. I was too exhausted.

Anyway you are so right, my YM is continuing on and BTW he's still coming to me in my dreams. In one dream he said he wanted me to get going again with my life. So I'm doing just that. I'm working on revamping my house, got most of the carpeting out. I might even paint the bathroom. Then I'm going to make myself some new clothes. I'm always doing something for someone else, now I'm going to do a few things for myself. I am moving on with my life but I feel his energy around me all the time and I'm grateful for it. I'm also sleeping and eating again so I am healing. Thank you for your words of wisdom.

Terry

hi Terry;
Glad tht you are snapping baack and doing nice things for ourself.
That is one big thing with women, they seem to he to be everything to eveyone, thus draining their energy.

Wee all need to realize that and love ourselves and do things tht we love to do.

barb

Liz, I'm sorry this is happening in your part of the world too! Sometimes there just isn't any rhyme or reason to it all. I agree so far this year has sucked at least for us and people around us. My heart goes out to you and your family and friends.

Barb you're right. Why is it we forget or at the very least be the last in line to be good to ourselves. I know for myself I need to find a good balance with that issue.

Terry

Terry, for a cancer survivor, you're running rings around me! :D

Hope your days are filled more with happy memories and feeling grateful for having known your ym, and less with grief. Your life is better for having known him, and his was DEFINITELY better for having known you. Glad you're starting to heal. :)

Thank You Polly, I do have less tears and more fond memories now. He transformed my life and loved me unconditionally. He encouraged me to be strong and secure in who I am. I didn't know if I would ever have that kind of devotion given to me especially with my history with cancer. I think of him 24/7. I know he's still with me helping me to continue to be a better and stronger person. I feel he's still wants that for me. I've changed my focus to what I've gained from knowing him and it has helped me to be able to move on with my life.

Terry

Focus on the positive, that is wonderful. Control your own thinking. It is a practiice in patience and perseverance but the thing is tht it does work.

Looks like we may get winter yet out here. soon as it gets dayilght i am giong to go to town and get a few supplie, come home and hold up for the weekend with the auto races.
TAke care
barb