I took his virginaty

heck I'm crappy at spelling! So I misspell a few words here and there forgive me!

Do any of you feel that your younger man settled for you or that you settled for him?

What does having sex with someone who has never experienced intercourse before, have to with "settling for less"?

Maybe you want to catch us up on what has been going on in your life recently other that the sex part? :)

Unless you raped him, misled him, or used him, Yruon, you didn't "take" his virginity, he chose to "give it" to you. Personally, I don't think virginity is a big deal - either keeping it or losing it, except that I hope each person has sex for the first time with someone they care about and that it's a pleasant experience.

Wondering if you have settled for someone, or if they have settled for you, both come from insecurity - best to focus on other things; especially pleasant things, like the good feelings from sharing time with someone you like that likes you! ;)

Unless you raped him, misled him, or used him, Yruon, you didn't "take" his virginity, he chose to "give it" to you. Personally, I don't think virginity is a big deal - either keeping it or losing it, except that I hope each person has sex for the first time with someone they care about and that it's a pleasant experience.

Great response, Chatter...so practical! Practicality works well in many situations, including virginity :)

does he only want to be with me as I was his first?

I wouldn't think so.

Why? Is he doing something that makes you feel that he is just settling? :(

Jeez... I didn't think anyone over 12 was a virgin these days. I hope this guy is legal!

Well, sadly enough you are right somewhat. What is sad to me is that there are so many pedophiles going after kids 16, and even 10 & under. Our society is so sex oriented that kids experience sex but not love. :eek:

Thank heavens her young man is 30! :)

Well, sadly enough you are right somewhat. What is sad to me is that there are so many pedophiles going after kids 16, and even 10 & under. Our society is so sex oriented that kids experience sex but not love. :eek:

Thank heavens her young man is 30! :)


Exactly! Seems like every time I turn on the news these days some female teacher is having sex with a 12 year old student. What the heck is going on???

I don't know TH... but it is very upsetting to me. And they don't even feel guilty! What's with that? :confused:

HOLY HONKERS!!:eek: :eek: :rolleyes:

Not tryin to hijack this thread but the reason you are seeing it in the news is not because it is "new" news but it is a hot topic right now and the schools are more sensitive to it, as are students. I would bank on the fact that this has been going on since "school crushes" began!

-Nibbles

Where was Debra Lafave when I was in school?!! I just had mean old penguins hitting me with pointers!!! HONK!! :p :D

Where was Debra Lafave when I was in school?!! I just had mean old penguins hitting me with pointers!!! HONK!! :p :D

With the way she looks, to tell you the truth, I'm sure what she did is every schoolboy's dream (I know it would have been mine at that age!).

But if you break the law, you are supposed to pay the price. If it was a man, he would have gone to jail (as many do). But, as is often the case, if you are a woman (and especially a hot woman) you get off with a slap on the wrist.

She herself said that she should have been put in jail.

When I was in school, I actually knew personally of 3 different affairs between teachers and (underage) students...at various times. One of them involved my sister's closest girlfriend (she was about 15 at the time I think). And I had heard of others. I think it was quite common (and probably still is).

The ones I knew about were male teachers and female students. I'm sure there must have been ones that involved female teachers too, but I never heard of that in those days.

Back in those days, if people got caught, I think the world just generally looked the other way. The schools and the public are much more in tune to it now. A teacher would have to be insane to do something like that.... ESPECIALLY IF THEY TRIED IT WITH MY KID

my own personal life, i could not be with a virgin. is that wrong of me?

in the situation you're presenting, i would wonder too...because if he does not have any perspective...it would be hard to tell what his long term feelings might be...but then again who knows what anyone's long term feelings might be.
i would think that if it were a man's first time...something in his nature might inspire him to be with a few other women in his lifetime before he is sure of who he wants to be with...that's just my warped opinion.

I remember the first time I had sex!! Man was I scared!!! ......I was all by myself!! HONK!! :eek: :p :D

Okay now that I understand the OP reason for posting I can reply.

I really think it depends on the person. There are many couples that meet in highschool, lose their virginity to eachother and end up together and married many years later. Not everyone sleeps with multiple partners in this life. I think it is more common now for people to have more then one partner but there are still those that wait until marriage or marry the only person they have been with.

So I guess it depends on him. What are your ages? I didn't see that in your OP. Is this the same guy you posted about in 2004?

Jeez... I didn't think anyone over 12 was a virgin these days. I hope this guy is legal!

Are you serious? I know lots of teens who choose virginity. When he was in 8th grade, I found a note my son had been passing back and forth with a girl who asked him why he was still a virgin at 14. She offered to let him see her naked and asked him if he wasn't just a little curious about what it feels like. I was floored by my son's response. He said, "Look, I'm a red blooded male; of course I'm curious about what you look like naked (me reading this: :eek: ) but I'm NOT going to throw away my virginity. When I'm ready, it's going to be with somebody special and I just don't see that happening for a long time." (me reading: :o )

He finally did give away his virginity to a girl he had been dating for several months last year, at 21. I tried to get him to wait -- as an outsider, it was easy to see that this was not a good, two-way relationship. Eventually, the relationship disintigrated and he regrets giving away something he values so much to someone who means nothing to him now. Ah well... he can't be a virgin again but he can wait for someone who's worth it now.

My teenagers are following in their brother's footsteps and I am SO glad!

My oldest son - isn't he a cutie?? (naturally, this is my unbiased opinion) He finally got rid of the lip ring, though...

http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a199/KelleyGreenEyez/Jimi.gif

Geeeeez! Guess they are putting something pretty strong in the Koolaid these days. If a girl had said that to me when I was that age.... well ... let's just say she wouldn't have had to ask twice :)

The guy had some pretty good self control. It's commendable.

LOL - let's just say his mama raised him well

(and he's smart: seeming unattainability makes a man seem very sexy to women indeed) ;)

If your ym is of age and the two of you like each other, why not?

I don't get why virginity is such a big deal, tbh... Do women really feel special if their boyfriend is a virgin? I would think it just means you are worse in the sack since you have no experience! I can see why it makes sense from a "no diseases" perspective, but other than that is there any reason why anyone cares?

I think she is just worried that he will want to have "experiences" with other women at some point. This thread was not about "feeling special" because he was a virgin. She is concerned about what this may mean to their relationship in the future...

I don't get why virginity is such a big deal, tbh... Do women really feel special if their boyfriend is a virgin? I would think it just means you are worse in the sack since you have no experience! I can see why it makes sense from a "no diseases" perspective, but other than that is there any reason why anyone cares?

Can't answer for the OP but since you asked if there's any reason why anyone cares, I'll answer for myself :)

Yes. I care! If I could go back in time (and, obviously, I can't), I would have valued my body and the gift of my own virginity more highly. I would have been smart enough to have waited for a partner who was willing to learn how to become a master at the dance of intimacy with me.

But that's not the path I chose. I deeply regret it but I am thankful that, at the very least, I was smart enough to save the best for last (yeah, okay... I borrowed a line from a song; so what? ;) )

You hit the nail on the head! I'm 11 years older than him, I have a child...he doesn't have children.

What if like in 10 years he feels like he missed out? What then?

We are in a long distance relationship and only really see each other on the weekends, days off and vacations

What if one day, he feels that he missed out by being with me? What if he wants children one day?

Loving a younger man is so freaking complicated. I do know others who have a big age gap and have been married and together for a bit, but these questions will always be in the back of my mind.

It didn't help that I discovered he downloads pictures of naked women, young women.....he said he isn't in a seven day relationship. Once he said it, he said that his comment didn't come out right, who knows!

I really think I am taking parts of marriage out on him, which isn't fair to him.

I'm 11 years older than him, I have a child...he doesn't have children.

What if like in 10 years he feels like he missed out? What then?

We are in a long distance relationship and only really see each other on the weekends, days off and vacations

What if one day, he feels that he missed out by being with me? What if he wants children one day?

Loving a younger man is so freaking complicated.

It didn't help that I discovered he downloads pictures of naked women, young women.....he said he isn't in a seven day relationship. Once he said it, he said that his comment didn't come out right, who knows!

I really think I am taking parts of marriage out on him, which isn't fair to him.

What if like in ten minutes he has a stroke? What if like in ten days you get hit by a bus? What if like in ten months you find yourselves living in the same town and you both wonder why you ever found each other attractive? What if, by force of a miracle, you bear him a child and he decides that parenting is not for him? What if you suddenly find yourself impregnated by aliens and/or angels and he is convinced that you've cheated on him?

O.K., that last bit was somewhat improbable, but my point is this: We don't know if we have the next ten years to live, with or without the one that we love. We don’t know what cruel cards that life is going to deal out to us next. But we can know that the cards are going to continue to turn on the table, and that some of them are going to really hurt.

Make a choice to enjoy what you have right now for what it is right now. What you have right now with him might be the beginning of the rest of a life together. What you have right now with him might be the beginning of a few minutes, days, weeks or months of wonderful before . But either way, what you have right now is the beginning of the rest of [I]your life.

You said: "Loving a younger man is so freaking complicated." I would beg to differ with you. Loving is freaking complicated. Someone on this board has a tagline that says: Dance like no one's watching; love like it's never going to hurt. That's really good advice. Love with abandon and exhaust your anxieties on things that you can do something about: diet, exercise, unglomming the sump pump, pumping up the 401K plan.

And as far as the naked pictures and his less than elegant response are concerned, most men of most ages like to look. My husband has Jennycam bookmarked. From time to time I ask him what Jenny’s doing lately. As a chronic sufferer of “foot in mouth disease,” I think that you should cut him a break.

Then when you’re done with that, cut yourself a break. A big one. Be gentle with yourself. You probably are taking parts of your marriage out on him, and no that isn’t fair. But it is human. And now that you have awareness of how your marriage past is impacting your relationship present, you can make a conscious effort to change that.

Enjoy your YM. Enjoy the life that you are making for yourself every day.

You said: "Loving a younger man is so freaking complicated." I would beg to differ with you. Loving is freaking complicated. Someone on this board has a tagline that says: Dance like no one's watching; love like it's never going to hurt. That's really good advice. Love with abandon and exhaust your anxieties on things that you can do something about: diet, exercise, unglomming the sump pump, pumping up the 401K plan.


I really enojoyed your post goicuon but especially this part of it. That sort of sums it all up for me. love itself IS complicated, all love not just AG love.

Thank you for this post it really hit me for some reason.

*hugz*