iluvmonkeys2 11-19-2006, 04:44 PM been kind of seeing a YM for about a month...the AG is 10 years...he's really incredible...we get along really well and have so much fun together...we also work together which makes things a little weird at times, but since we're teachers we are both in our classrooms every day so it's not like we are working together in an office...some days we barely see each other depending on our days...
he has been a little i dunno wishy washy...turns out his problem is that he's never been married, doesn't have kids and would still like that someday...the issue is that he has decided that i'm probably already past that even though i have told him it's not necessarily so...apparently he knows what i want better than i do and he has decided since we want different things, it's not even worth taking the chance...
i'm so frustrated & irritated! how the hell did he get to decide what it is that I want? so much so that he views the whole idea of seeing each other a waste of time...after all, since i don't want to get married & have children it must be a colossal waste of time!!! unbelieveable...
now i admit, more children is not something i planned on but i would consider it for the right person...i'm facing a very empty nest very soon and the thought of starting again is almost comforting...i'm not ready to be without children so it's not such a stretch...
and i'm sure this is common in AG relationships...it's just the first time i've run into it...and it annoys the crap outta me! :mad:
Harrison 11-19-2006, 04:52 PM Hey stranger!! Nice to see ya here again! :)
Sorry, no advice for your vent....
Just wanted to say "Hello!" :D
iluvmonkeys2 11-19-2006, 04:56 PM hey harrison! good to see ya! yep, been awhile since i've been here...
and it's okay...not really looking for advice...just really did need to vent...:D
thanks for sayin' hi!
kindanice 11-19-2006, 05:36 PM Gurl...I was wondering:confused: Dang, that sucks. Here's ya a big ole hug ((((HUG)))) I think he would be about brownbears age. Go figure....If you were here (or if I were there), me & you would go have a Corona and forget about it for a while.;)
sheila4pd 11-19-2006, 05:41 PM I am sorry about this guy. Well, he does not seem to be into you, or at least not strongly. Better move on. His loss.
iluvmonkeys2 11-19-2006, 06:32 PM Gurl...I was wondering:confused: Dang, that sucks. Here's ya a big ole hug ((((HUG)))) I think he would be about brownbears age. Go figure....If you were here (or if I were there), me & you would go have a Corona and forget about it for a while.;)
haha...oh gurl...you, me & corona! can you even imagine? too frickin' much fun i think...
it does suck and i'm tired of tryin' to convince him to let me decide...dang men anyhow...
and sheila you're probably right...he keeps saying "i'm interested, but..." apparently he's not interested enough...
irparis 11-19-2006, 08:48 PM Which means he's not a very good listener.
He's grabbing onto anything to get out of this relationship.
Send him a bon voyage card and then find someone amazing, have a child and be happy should you see him again. Obviously, this boy needs to eat holy crowe.
Paris
Lovaholic 11-19-2006, 10:44 PM I had an X, 14 years my junior, who behaved the same way as your ym. It was mostly due to his lack of knowledge around the reproductive possibilities of older woman. I finally had to give him a lesson to get him to understand that IF we stayed together we did have the possibility of children. It was so premature (he started asking on our 1st date). We did last 3 years, but broke up because he wanted kids & I wanted marriage. He felt the "marriage" commitment was way too much too ask. HA!
yellowrose 11-20-2006, 05:20 PM Did he tell you these things before or after you had sex? If it was after, (assuming that you have had sex), I think he is just using that as an excuse. I say, to the curb and NEXT! :p
I hope you do feel better about the situation really soon. I understand how you feel.... :(
Science Goddess 11-20-2006, 05:45 PM it does suck and i'm tired of tryin' to convince him to let me decide...dang men anyhow...
and sheila you're probably right...he keeps saying "i'm interested, but..." apparently he's not interested enough...
You know, I was going to take a softer approach and ask if it's possible that he was making these assumptions due to the age gap (not unusual to make these assumptions) and now the door is open to discussing these topics.
However, if you're already feeling as if you're trying to convince him of these things and he's saying "I'm interested...but...", I have to lean toward the general feeling of 'kick him to the curb and grab a Corona'.
When we feel as if we're trying to convince someone to be with us, that's ridiculous and we shouldn't be there.
It's only been a month.
To echo Yellowrose: Next!
iluvmonkeys2 11-20-2006, 05:51 PM Did he tell you these things before or after you had sex? If it was after, (assuming that you have had sex), I think he is just using that as an excuse. I say, to the curb and NEXT! :p
I hope you do feel better about the situation really soon. I understand how you feel.... :(
it was before...we both knew going in that's what he wanted...i told him then (before the sex) that i was open to the possibility...maybe that's one of the reasons i'm having such a hard time with it...i told him from the beginning, i was open to it...the next time we talked about it he said, i'm interested but, i still want a wife and kids and you are past that...just like that, with such certainty...i told him he didn't know that and that it wasn't necessarily true...
today was tough...i almost literally ran into him in the hallway...it was awkward to say the least and left me sad...this just sucks...
i've walked away and told him to let me know if he decides he wants to take a chance on something great...that sucked too...:(
thank you all for your support...i knew this was the one place people would understand...you're support is awesome as always...
iluvmonkeys2 11-20-2006, 05:54 PM You know, I was going to take a softer approach and ask if it's possible that he was making these assumptions due to the age gap (not unusual to make these assumptions) and now the door is open to discussing these topics.
However, if you're already feeling as if you're trying to convince him of these things and he's saying "I'm interested...but...", I have to lean toward the general feeling of 'kick him to the curb and grab a Corona'.
When we feel as if we're trying to convince someone to be with us, that's ridiculous and we shouldn't be there.
It's only been a month.
To echo Yellowrose: Next!
you're right SG...and he has been duly kicked...i'm sure he made the assumption due to the age gap, but i set him straight (i thought) right from the get go...
i know it's only been a month but it felt like there was some promise there...back to the drawing board...i'm grabbin' a corona on the way...
Science Goddess 11-20-2006, 06:06 PM i know it's only been a month but it felt like there was some promise there...
I...and many other here, I'm sure...know exactly what you're saying. The promise of new love is so...so....*sigh*
Saying 'it's only been a month' isn't meant to diminish your experience or your pain. I guess it's something that I'd be repeating to myself to put the experience into a timeframe perspective. But, of course, it wouldn't make me feel a whole lot better 'in the moment'.
Lime for me.
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