Painful Sex (just venting)

This is really embarassing, but it hurts when I have sex. It's a deep pain by my cervix maybe. This has been a problem for me since I began having sex at the age of 20. I can have sex and like it, but when my OM puts his penis in all the way it hurts like hell. I don't know why. I have a feeling it isn't a physical problem but rather a psychological one.

I was molested for years as a child by my babysitter. She used to poke my vagina with foreign objects among a lot of other terrible stuff. In my late teens I was raped by a date as well. Growing up, I was told sex is bad if it is outside of marriage and all that stuff. I guess these events may have been a cause to my pain. I've been in therapy for years though so shouldn't it go away?

I couldn't have a pelvix exam or insert a tampon for years. Now I finally can. It took a lot of time and practice though. I don't know what I can do about the sex pain though. My OM is gentle and we use a lot of lube. :(

I really want to have normal sex, but I don't know what I can do.

Mary Ann

That really sucks, Mary Ann. I'm not sure if I have any useful advice, but I'll try. I'm assuming that you've been getting routine pelvic exams since you mention that...and your Dr. says everything is ok? Did you talk to them about the pain and where it's coming from? Given what happened to you as a child, I'd worry that there was some damage done. Ugh...I'm so sorry that happened to you. ((((hugs))))

I get pains in certain positions sometimes, but not all the time, and I don't have any issues around sex. The pains seem to come and go, and I assume that it has something to do with my cycle. Maybe try different positions and see if it's different at different times of the month?

And lastly, maybe it just needs some more time? I know you've been with your OM for a while now, but maybe it will resolve over time...maybe you're not quite totally relaxed yet?

That's about all I could come up with. Good luck.

PS....maybe your OM is just very well endowed! ;)

First I'd like to say I'm sorry for the things you suffered through at the hands of a perverse adult. Given the circumstances, I'd say that you are quite possibly correct that it may be pschyological. However with that being said, it's extremely important that your doctor is aware of your problems and that you have had routine examinations to rule out any possibility that there may be a physical problem. I know that it's difficult to talk to some doctors about these things, but it is important that you find a doctor you are comfortable with and discuss the pain you are having during intercourse and have a checkup to rule out physical reasons for your pain.

There are sometimes reasons other than pyschological reasons why you might have painful intercourse. It could be that your partner is well endowed and that he may never be able to fully penetrate you without you feeling some sort of pain. Trying different positions should help you find one that is most comfortable if this is the case.

Until recently I had not used condoms in years. Unfortunately, I found out the hard way that condoms + well endowed partner = uncomfortable raw spot on my cervix that would bleed again after each session of intercourse over a period of several weeks. It took a trip to the doctor to have it treated to get the pain/bleeding associated with it to stop. There are several other reasons that could also be physical....are you using condoms as your form of birth control? It could be a latex allergy as well. Anyway, my point is there could be a variety of reasons why you might be feeling pain during intercourse.

Hi CabinFever,

Thanks for your reply.

Yes, I get pelvic exams every year and they are all normal. My doctor says everything looks ok as well. I have not told my gynotologist about the pain because I feel uncomfortable bringing it up. I have made it my goal to do so during my next exam.

I have tried several positions and some hurt more than others. Only one position doesn't hurt at all. I never thought about it being related to my cycle. I'll look into that.

It may be that I'm not totally relaxed yet. We are in a LDR and have had intercourse about 10 times (still on our first pack of condoms lol) since we've been dating (a year and a half). He knows it hurts me so we do everything else.

Your advice really helped and I'll talk to my OM about it (and my doctor). Thanks so much.

Haha I don't know about him being very endowed!!

Have a great day,
Mary Ann

Mary Ann:

I'm going to the gyno in the next few weeks...are you? I'd be interested to hear what your doctor has to say, as I'm going to be asking my doctor about pretty much the same thing.

The end of my cervix seems much more sensitive than it used to, or actually, it feels as if it's lower than it used to be - just for, say, the year and a half or so. I feel my cervix being bumped much harder and much more often than I used to.

I wonder if that's possible?

Anyway, if you get to the gyno before I do, I'd be interested to hear his/her diagnosis.

Science Goddess and mnorman3,

Thanks for your replies. :)

I will stop using latex condoms after my current box is through. I have only used latex and well I'll see what happens with another product. I use condoms (and only condoms and withdraw) as a means of birth control. I have never had sex without a condom.

My gynotologist does know about my date rape some yeas back. She is very kind and gentle when talking with me and performing a pelvic exam on me. She does not know about the molestation as a child.

I'm flipping through my planner now. I'll make an appointment with my gyno.

SG, please let me know what your doc says.

Thanks ladies,
Mary Ann

Mary Ann ~

Anything new on this?

My annual exam has been pushed into January so I won't have anything new until then.

Hey Science Goddess,

I'll be going back to my home state next week and will try to squeeze an appointment during my two week holiday. I will for sure post about what's up as soon as I get a chance to see my doc!

Mary Ann

Well Well Well...what do I see at the bottom of SG's signature!

Who, pray tell, is that lovely couple at the bottom of your screen? ;) Very nice. As cute as Locine and her viking. Or Trace and that hunka man she snatched up! :p

Well Well Well...what do I see at the bottom of SG's signature!

Who, pray tell, is that lovely couple at the bottom of your screen? ;) Very nice. As cute as Locine and her viking. Or Trace and that hunka man she snatched up! :p


my very own walking talking dirty thought!!! woo hoo! ;) thanks for noticing gal.

Mary Ann, first and foremost, my deepest sympathy, understanding, anger etc for what you went thru. You are one more strong individual. A shining example of "woman". I'm proud to know you.

Now that being said, i have a tilted cervix. only found it out 2 years ago. and sometimes, YOWZERS! plus, i also think my cervix is lower. perhaps it's tired? i know i am! lol
the female body is so dang complicated. and just when you figure something out, or think you have, things start changing and moving around!!

keep us updated on your health. i'll be watching to see what your doc says.
((((hugs)))!

Trace