oldskool
11-24-2006, 05:49 PM
SORRY THIS IS SO LONG
I am very into my family, some members I can consider my best friends so it makes me sad that there is a conflict between my sister and my man.
My sis has always joked about me liking younger men. One of my former bf's was several years younger than me and my current love is 12 years younger (mind you I am 42 and have had many relationships with men my age or older). She refers to them as children. (FYI her man is 20 years older than her, she is 55 they have been together for 30 years)
When she first met my current bf in April of this year, her first question to him was "So what grade are you in?" He was offended but she found this funny when I approached her about it.
On July 4th of this year, I had a family barbecue. My man and one of his friends came, it was is initial meeting with my family. My sister who by this time adopted the habit of not only referring to him with the wrong name and constantly referring to his "immaturity", had adopted and attitude of distain.
During the event my sis's man got drunk (no suprise to anyone in the family since for him getting drunk is a daily ritual). My man, who unfortunately received a ticket earlier for running a stop sign, was not in a very good mood when he arrived but he was very cordial and got along very well with the rest of my family. My sis after seeing how well he got along with the others including her own son, decided to leave.
My sis and her man got in his pickup truck and backed out of my driveway...right into my bf's car which was parked on the OTHER side of the street. There was a deep dent that covered the passenger door (on the driver's side). We saw the whole thing.
Now just to show you the character of my man, before he ran out the house in anger, he said to my nephew "Man is that your REAL father", my nephew said "No, he is my mom's man but not my biological father...Go on man and do what you got to do"! At that point my man ran out to his car and told my sis's bf that he had to pay for damages to his car. A couple of swear words but no ranting. He then went back in the house and sat down to play cards with the rest of the family. The police were not called, no police report filed, just my bf telling my sis's bf he had to pay for repairs.
My sis and I agreed not to get involved (now, she knows his name and stopped with the jokes). We agreed to let the men handle it themselves. Well my man rarely said anything about it, he lives at home with his parents, and has access to other cars which he uses frequently (his car had other problems not related to the accident). He did get an estimate but upon hearing the amount, my sis's bf said he won't pay it, that it was too much. Other then that my bf has been silent about obtaining repair costs. Also I had gotten comfortable discussing our relationship with my sis since she seemed to finally accept him.
Three days before Thanksgiving my bf and I were on the phone when my sister called me. He wanted to speak with her so I initiated a three way conference call. He said that he was looking forward to playing cards with her, she laughed and things seemed to be going ok, then all of a sudden BAM it hit the fan. She said that she would joke and make fun of him at the dinner and He said something about ignoring her if she said something insulting (verbatium: If you say something hurtful to me I'm just gonna say BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!). He then told her jokingly but seriously "You may have chased the others away but you're not going to chase me away, I ain't going nowhere!". My sis WENT OFF and hung up the phone.
He ignored her response and the two of us continued talking as usual. My sister called me back later and told me in no uncertain terms that he had to respect her that he was immature and silly. I explained to her that this was his sense of
humor, which is different then hers, but she saw it as being disrespectful.
This year we had Thanksgiving dinner at my nephew's and my bf attended the dinner. My sis and her bf were already there when he arrived. He spoke to all but to my sis's man he said "Hey El-Drunko, how ya doing". I cringed, since I know that this was another episode of my man's misplaced sense of humor. My sis was furious and immediately left the apartment an went outside to cool down. She then proceeded to come back in scoup up her man and left but not before telling me to make sure my man knows her man's name is not el-drunko. After they left we proceeded to have a great time and a wonderful dinner. My nephew and I did, however inform him that his comment was uncalled for, we did not do it with malace, but with the understanding that it was a joke...just a bad one that was not accepted well by all and he understood.
Since yesterday, I have called my sis twice, who has been short with me and has really not spoken to me. My man is having a little difficult time trying to understand why she just cant accept that his personality and humor is different than her's. He will not "kiss her ***" has he calls it (I agree, he should not, neither should she kiss his) and like her he wants respect as well. He has told me that for now, he will not go to any family functions if she is there (fair enough I said).
FYI other than this my relationship status with my man is GREAT. We are so close, it's wonderful to have a friend and lover in one person, he is talking marriage and future, and I am happy. I have met his family and they are very nice. I am invited to Christimas dinner and am looking forward to it. I love him so much...he is truly a wonderful man!
I would like to keep the peace but I fear it's not over my sister will not give up easily she will manipulate and scheme to other key members of my family until the stress for me becomes too much and it leaks into my wonderful relationship with my man. So I need advice PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.
Thank you
I am very into my family, some members I can consider my best friends so it makes me sad that there is a conflict between my sister and my man.
My sis has always joked about me liking younger men. One of my former bf's was several years younger than me and my current love is 12 years younger (mind you I am 42 and have had many relationships with men my age or older). She refers to them as children. (FYI her man is 20 years older than her, she is 55 they have been together for 30 years)
When she first met my current bf in April of this year, her first question to him was "So what grade are you in?" He was offended but she found this funny when I approached her about it.
On July 4th of this year, I had a family barbecue. My man and one of his friends came, it was is initial meeting with my family. My sister who by this time adopted the habit of not only referring to him with the wrong name and constantly referring to his "immaturity", had adopted and attitude of distain.
During the event my sis's man got drunk (no suprise to anyone in the family since for him getting drunk is a daily ritual). My man, who unfortunately received a ticket earlier for running a stop sign, was not in a very good mood when he arrived but he was very cordial and got along very well with the rest of my family. My sis after seeing how well he got along with the others including her own son, decided to leave.
My sis and her man got in his pickup truck and backed out of my driveway...right into my bf's car which was parked on the OTHER side of the street. There was a deep dent that covered the passenger door (on the driver's side). We saw the whole thing.
Now just to show you the character of my man, before he ran out the house in anger, he said to my nephew "Man is that your REAL father", my nephew said "No, he is my mom's man but not my biological father...Go on man and do what you got to do"! At that point my man ran out to his car and told my sis's bf that he had to pay for damages to his car. A couple of swear words but no ranting. He then went back in the house and sat down to play cards with the rest of the family. The police were not called, no police report filed, just my bf telling my sis's bf he had to pay for repairs.
My sis and I agreed not to get involved (now, she knows his name and stopped with the jokes). We agreed to let the men handle it themselves. Well my man rarely said anything about it, he lives at home with his parents, and has access to other cars which he uses frequently (his car had other problems not related to the accident). He did get an estimate but upon hearing the amount, my sis's bf said he won't pay it, that it was too much. Other then that my bf has been silent about obtaining repair costs. Also I had gotten comfortable discussing our relationship with my sis since she seemed to finally accept him.
Three days before Thanksgiving my bf and I were on the phone when my sister called me. He wanted to speak with her so I initiated a three way conference call. He said that he was looking forward to playing cards with her, she laughed and things seemed to be going ok, then all of a sudden BAM it hit the fan. She said that she would joke and make fun of him at the dinner and He said something about ignoring her if she said something insulting (verbatium: If you say something hurtful to me I'm just gonna say BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!). He then told her jokingly but seriously "You may have chased the others away but you're not going to chase me away, I ain't going nowhere!". My sis WENT OFF and hung up the phone.
He ignored her response and the two of us continued talking as usual. My sister called me back later and told me in no uncertain terms that he had to respect her that he was immature and silly. I explained to her that this was his sense of
humor, which is different then hers, but she saw it as being disrespectful.
This year we had Thanksgiving dinner at my nephew's and my bf attended the dinner. My sis and her bf were already there when he arrived. He spoke to all but to my sis's man he said "Hey El-Drunko, how ya doing". I cringed, since I know that this was another episode of my man's misplaced sense of humor. My sis was furious and immediately left the apartment an went outside to cool down. She then proceeded to come back in scoup up her man and left but not before telling me to make sure my man knows her man's name is not el-drunko. After they left we proceeded to have a great time and a wonderful dinner. My nephew and I did, however inform him that his comment was uncalled for, we did not do it with malace, but with the understanding that it was a joke...just a bad one that was not accepted well by all and he understood.
Since yesterday, I have called my sis twice, who has been short with me and has really not spoken to me. My man is having a little difficult time trying to understand why she just cant accept that his personality and humor is different than her's. He will not "kiss her ***" has he calls it (I agree, he should not, neither should she kiss his) and like her he wants respect as well. He has told me that for now, he will not go to any family functions if she is there (fair enough I said).
FYI other than this my relationship status with my man is GREAT. We are so close, it's wonderful to have a friend and lover in one person, he is talking marriage and future, and I am happy. I have met his family and they are very nice. I am invited to Christimas dinner and am looking forward to it. I love him so much...he is truly a wonderful man!
I would like to keep the peace but I fear it's not over my sister will not give up easily she will manipulate and scheme to other key members of my family until the stress for me becomes too much and it leaks into my wonderful relationship with my man. So I need advice PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.
Thank you