I think I have found the one

Hi guys,

Well I think that I have found the one. I'm a 40 year old American in love with a 26 year old Canadian. He is absolutely wonderful for me in just about every way. He makes me laugh, feel full of life again and accepts the fact that I'm not a Barbie doll and probably never will be. He accepts my children including my 5 year old and realizes that I can not have any more children of my own.

There are just a few things that I'm concerned about that is 1. how to keep him in America so we can build a life together and 2. His only real concern he says is that he will outlive me and then he'll be left alone. I am not sure what to say to him in this regard. I mean he probably will out live me but I don't know how to make him feel better about it. Hopefully that day will not happen for many many years.

Well I'm not sure what else to say but just that as I've been browsing through here figured this was the place to start.

Thanks in advance,

Phallon

Watch those Canadians!! They're the real cause for all the problems in the world!! :eek: :p :D HONK!!

LOL....Yea tell me about it but he's so sweet, funny, sexy that I just help myself.

Phallon

*sigh* Canadians are dreamy!

I'm 38 and my husband is 21. We will be married for 2 years in February. I'm American and he's Canadian. :)

/edited to answer your question:

It is difficult to bring someone into America. We were only able to do it with a Fiance visa. If you aren't ready for that, then you can look into a Student visa... if he wants to go to school here or he can try to get a job here (from there) and get an employer sponsored visa. All of these options are time consuming, very difficult, and costly. I'm sorry.

Women tend to live longer than men, don't be so sure thathe will outlive you, check out the stats on that.

hi guys..i am so glad that i found this site. iam a new member, i read a lot of posts and it was very inspiring to know that there are ppl around who are in a similar situation as mine. i am 21yrs and i have fallen in luv with my professor at university. he is 48yrs old. and i don't mind that. i haven't told him anything, nor do i know how he feels. i don't know anything about him..whether he is married or does he have kids??... well tomorrow i have an appointment with him to go over the class material in his office.. ..i am nervous coz i don't know wat to do... i know i might just say or do something stupid. since he'll be lecturing and i will be thinking about him...i hope i don't show it in my actions(blushing, shaky) that i love him and tat i am interested in him. wat should i do...i was thinking that after the finals next week i should just write a letter expressing my feelings for him and leaving it in his office, not mentioning who i am, coz i am afraid he might just get dissapointed or hate me even before knowing me.....plzzzz give me some advice..........wat should i do, should i write the letter not mentioning who i am .....HELP!!!! i really love himand my feelings have just grown for him over the semester.....

Thanks Marcy,

Well actually we have been talking about the Fiance Visa but doesn't that take like 6 to 9 months to get?

The other option we were thinking is perhaps to just get married and then file for a spousal visa that will allow him to stay here and work while the whole process is underway but not sure at this point yet. I will definately keep you in mind if I have questions on the immigration process if that is okay with you.

Yes Candians are dreamy....I'm totally head over heels and he's so wonderful to me and my little one.

Thanks for the advice,

Phallon

Certainly okay with me. It does take awhile to complete the fiance visa. It took us about 5 months to do it from start to finish. If you were to get married while he's here, just make sure that you had no intent to marry before he came. This could be trouble and is highly discouraged. Having said that, I know lots of people do it without a serious problem. You will get a bit of scrutiny though... believe it.

Phallon,
can we have some more info? How long have you known your bf? Where/how did you meet?

Best would be if he qualifies to get a tourist vida and once he is here you can then get marry and adjust his status to legal permanent resident. But make sure when he applies for his tourist visa he does not say anything about having a g/f in USA because that may be trouble and a reason for denial.

To get a tourist visa he has to show he has a steady job, assets, such as property (house) or banks accounts. In few words, stability, that he is not a high risk to the USA to over stay his visa, that is that he will return to his country once his permit expires.

The purpose of a tourist visa is to visit for vacation and get to know the country, so keep that in mind!

Just my non-legal opinion (gosh always my disclaimers! ;) )

PS Best would be for you to consult with an attorney (find one that is board certified in immigration law) and ask him all the best/fastest possibilites. It is worth your money doing this consultation.

Well we met through an online video game and starting playing together and then we started talking and then he came down to meet a bunch of us people that play the game and well the attraction we felt online just carried over to realtime and we have been talking every night since then either in game or over video and it's just getting better and better. He is coming down again fairly soon because of the new regulations he is waiting on his passport before he flies down again because as of January 2007 you will need a passport to fly here anymore.

Marcy can you tell me more about how the Fiance Visa works? I'd be very interested in how it all works. When you say 5 months from start to finish does that include the 90 days to get married after he's in the country?

Thanks again guys,

Phallon

Then if he is able to enter the USA, then your best bet is getting married once he is here and you can get his work permit and his social security once you apply for his temporary legal residence visa. I think that is your best bet.

Still again consult with an attorney!

Good luck.

You're really not that far apart, maybe you can work on regular visitation until he's able to establish where he'd like to work in your area and root around for a job offer? If he's been offered a job, isn't it easier to move on a work visa?

I'm not sure how it works down there but it would be easier for my boyfriend to move here (Toronto) from Munich as my husband or fiancee but he could also apply to immigrate as a skilled worker if he has a job sponsor.

Unfortunately for me, it seems less and less likely that any will occur as we enter our third year of being long distance with me being the only one that makes regular visits.

Visitation and documentation are key, in my opinion, to being able to move to another country as a spouse. Keep every love letter, picture of yourselves together, every flight ticket, etc.

Good luck!

I'm going through the fiance (K-1) visa right now. It's not quite as simple as saying it's going to take x amount of time, though the average is about 6 months. Thing is, some people get through it all much quicker and some take a long, long time, even something as seemingly small as where you live could affect it because there's different 'service centres', depending on where that is, that would deal with it to start with, and some take longer than others. You could search visajourney.com to get more information.

I looked into the student visa too, but it was too costly.

Obviously, getting married whilst on a tourist visa and adjusting status is also an option, but technically you're not supposed to and they 'can' (if they want to) refuse it like Marcy said already. People do get away with it though, I gues it depends how paranoid you are!

hi guys..i am so glad that i found this site. iam a new member, i read a lot of posts and it was very inspiring to know that there are ppl around who are in a similar situation as mine. i am 21yrs and i have fallen in luv with my professor at university. he is 48yrs old. and i don't mind that. i haven't told him anything, nor do i know how he feels. i don't know anything about him..whether he is married or does he have kids??... well tomorrow i have an appointment with him to go over the class material in his office.. ..i am nervous coz i don't know wat to do... i know i might just say or do something stupid. since he'll be lecturing and i will be thinking about him...i hope i don't show it in my actions(blushing, shaky) that i love him and tat i am interested in him. wat should i do...i was thinking that after the finals next week i should just write a letter expressing my feelings for him and leaving it in his office, not mentioning who i am, coz i am afraid he might just get dissapointed or hate me even before knowing me.....plzzzz give me some advice..........wat should i do, should i write the letter not mentioning who i am .....HELP!!!! i really love himand my feelings have just grown for him over the semester.....

I'm not sure if this post was overlooked, so I thought as the n00b (new guy), I would respond.

I think first thing, you should consider his position in your life, both as a teacher and any ethical concerns this may raise (I had to consider this with a nurse once ;)). If he were to pursue a relationship with you, this could lead to a number of charges, such as your relationship with him was an influence in your grades, etc. There also might be some policy that forbids teacher-student relationships at universities (when I worked at McDonald's, supervisors weren't allowed to date employees).

However, I also know what love feels like. It would probably be best to mention this after you finish his course (and probably a good idea to at least tell a few other TRUSTED friends as evidence that there was nothing on-going between you and the professor before you got in the relationship [provided that's what happens]). Do you have a phone number? Many professors place their numbers on the course syllabus (I've known a few whom have done that). I see no problem with the relationship in question, I'm just trying to provide any advice that may help.

As always, I wish you the best. Don't ignore your heart, but use wisdom. Personally, I've never been in this dilemna, so maybe I'm the wrong person to ask. ;) But as I always say . . . do with it as you will.

Sincerely,
Derek

The post got moved to a more appropriate forum. Maybe a Mod can move your response so that she'll read it?

Well we have decided that we are going to go forward with the Fiance Visa when he comes for a visit in March we are going to get the process started so am starting to save all my pay stubs and emails and everything else that I will need or not need. Better to have too much than not enough. After doing a great deal of research I have found that with my assets and my income combined I can meet the financial requirements to bring him over and my brother has agreed to also co-sponser us too. We may not need him to do that but it will be nice to be able to produce that form if necessary to prove everything. So keep your fingers crossed for us and I'll keep you updated. Thanks for the great advice and the visajourney.com site it's awesome.

Phallon

Good Luck to you and yours phallon. I do know just how tricky the immigration thing can be.

In 1995, I met an Englishman while he was staying in the U.S. on a visitor's visa. Things happened very quickly for us...we got engaged in just a few short months. He left as was required, I think it was every 6 months, and returned without incident.


When deciding just how to handle immigration, we happened to find the "International Institute". They were immensely helpful in getting us through everything...from the paperwork on. Great advice, and very reasonable rates.

At that time, pre 9-11, we decided since he was able to stay in the U.S. and return without problems, and he didn't need to work, that he would continue to hold his visitor's visa until after we married, when we applied to change his status to permanent legal resident. I think this is what alta meant.

There were risks, such as him being deported until an actual fiance's visa could be secured, but what we chose just seemed so much easier, and I believe it was.

After we married, we immediately filed the papers to change his status and get his green card, and we registered him for his social security card, so he could work. We never had any problems...since we were legit, I never really worried about it, but, the whole experience was very frustrating and expensive.

While waiting for his green card, we had to renew his temporary visa several times. Finally, in April of 2003, he finally received his green card. It took nearly 6 full years!! I know the processing of things slowed way down after 9-11 but I was really very unimpressed with the process. Ironically enough, not long after that, he left. :rolleyes:

Again, good luck to you. If anything, what I would suggest is utilizing the services and experience of a local "Internatiional Instutute", if one exists near you.

All the best!