She's at it again and I'm Sick of it!

In a previous post I wrote about my sister and how she dislikes my ym and how her man got drunk at a family barbecue and smashed the side door of my ym’s car with his pick up truck. My ym has not actively pursued him for reimbursement.

Although I still speak with my sister frequently. I have not talked about my ym with my sister since the other incident Thanksgiving.

Today, my sister and I went to the mall to shop for Christmas presents. I stopped off in Foot Locker to price my ym gift. I knew he wanted a certain name brand shoe. My sister to go in and sat on a bench outside of the store. When I came back five minutes later, she looked ticked off, I told her I was pricing a present for my ym, she said “Do you know how expensive that shoe is?” (About $55). She then said “Tell him you want a diamond ring. You shouldn’t give him what he wants, you should get what you want!"(I don’t want a diamond ring. I want a bracelet or perfume).

While looking around, I went to a jewelry store. I told the saleslady that I was just looking for something for my boyfriend to buy me for Christmas. I looked at a ring but the price was too much and I said so. My sister then approached the counter and said that’s for him to worry about not you! The saleslady approved of my sister’s comments by agreeing with her. Now, my sister had an audience, so the show began. She made sure she was nice and loud when she began to make fun of the fact that my ym did not make much money. When the saleslady began to comment on the last customer whose boyfriend was wealthy my sister said, “Well guess what my sister’s man does” I said he’s a musician. My sister said HE PLAYS PIANO…..AT A CHURCH..HA HA HA HA…The staff at the store began to laugh with her. She continued with her show but I was so mad at her, I left the store.

She walked out laughing, she thought it was so funny! SHE MADE FUN OF ME AND MY YM. When we got in the car I said “that was hurtful, I am very hurt by your actions” she began shouting angrily I’M GONNA STOP SAYING ANYTHING ABOUT HIM…YOU ARE SOOOOOOOOOOOOO SENSISTIVE (now it’s my fault cuz I am sensitive) THEY WERE STANGERS SO WHATS THE BIG DEAL. Then after arguing with me for five minutes she says, “I know you are sensitive and I should have kept my mouth closed for that I am sorry.”

My sister told me years ago that she never apologizes. If someone wants an apology she says, (i.e., I’m sorry you feel that way). By saying this she does not take responsibility for her action the responsibility is that of the person who feels bad. The half ***** apology she gave me was another example.

I told don’t bother to apologize.

My sister has disliked him ever since she first met him. I am sooo happy with him and he with me, but she holds so much hostility, it’s unbelievable. I stopped talking about him with her but I see now that I should never mention his name.

I know that the real issue is not my SENSITIVITY, nor is it about my YM, it’s about her and how bitter she is. It’s really sad, she must be really miserable inside. But I’m not a friggin shrink and I’m sick and tired of it. The only relationship that will be affected by her constant downrating will not be me and my ym, it will be me and her.:mad:

Wow, those comments do sound remarkably insensitive. I'm not sure I understand about her man crashing into your ym's car -- was it intentional??

I'm sorry you have to deal with that! That really is very mean of her. :(

No it was not intentional. I had a barbecue on the 4th. My sister's man of got drunk and upon leaving the barbecue with my sister, backed out of the driveway into my ym's car parked on the street.

Good grief--what an absolute PILL your sister is! Yuck!

Since this nastiness came up in the matter of Christmas shopping: Your present to her should be all the albums of that 80's metal band "Twisted Sister." After all, she is one!:p

Gee -- Sis hangs with a guy for whom drunk driving is the essence of the holiday season. I'd defer to her judgement in all things.:rolleyes:

Sounds like Sis is bummed she can't kick you around. What's wrong with playing piano at a church? Would you rather he was a drunk driver?

Avoid this lady. For someone who never apologises she has a lot of it to do. Even though the people were strangers, you are not. Tell her to get her miserable life together before heaping critcism around.

And the retail clerks don't matter. I would have reported their behavior to a manger and made sure they knew i was spending money somewhere else.

your sister sounds miserable and you sound happy and with a calm head on your shoulder, say a prayer for her and realize she is basically unhappy.

enjoy your ym, you cleared the air and told her how you feel, you cant control her actions and you are not supposed to teach her to be a better person, just love her as your sister and get on with your life.

the salesperson was an idiot, successful sales people do not alienate or take sides, she should have smiled politely and told you to come in later when youhave your boyfriend in tow, anything to get away from the situation.

she lost a potential client and sis with the drunk boyfriend does not sound like the type to doing ring shopping in the near future.

would you want her boyfriend or life? i think you would not, be happy with what you have and make no excuses for it.

sorry to hear your sister is such a mess.

Gee -- Sis hangs with a guy for whom drunk driving is the essence of the holiday season. I'd defer to her judgement in all things.:rolleyes:

Echo that.

Beautiful post Kitty, specially the part about loving your sister. She obviously has a problem, wether it be envy, or personal frustration. Perhaps when you interact with her, avoid comments about your bf, it seems to me she is jealous.

Love her from a distance. Sometimes it's the only way to survive family!

And definitely report that salesperson. No one deserves treatment like that.

Oh and for X-Mas, request the drunk pay for your YM's car. Tell her it's an early X-mas present from him to you. Since she continues to insinuate that her man is such a better money maker than she should have no issues in you taking it from him.

Dysfunction breeds contempt. Steer clear of that party and distance yourself from her. Better to salvage some form of a relationship that you can manage then trying to deal with one you can't.

I will always love my sister, and will continue to talk but never about my ym. I am saddened by the actions. As a result there will be some distance in the relationship. I will not shut her out but I will begin to love her at a distance. The problem is not whom I'm seeing or that there is something "wrong" with the person .... The problem is that I am happy and she is not. The only thing I can and will do is pray!

His family is WONDERFUL. I have met his immediate family; both mom and dad are ministers/evangelists…they spend their free time providing services to the poor and shut in. They are also both teachers. His brother and sisters are also wonderful. I have met them all. On Christmas I will meet the rest of the family and their dinner. No drama behind meeting them NONE.

This is not the first family member of mine that has started drama after meeting my ym but I expected it from that family member and was able to quite the potential storm of lies (it’s not worth writing about).

He is not a bad person, he’s talented, educated, with a degree in Mathematics, and he occasionally tutors. Although I have my own home (two) my own cars (two) and am a professional, he REFUSES to live with me unless he can make enough to contribute to the household expenses (also it’s a big step that I’m not ready for). He is not using me financially, has never put his hands on me in anger, even pays his child support and spends time with his 10-year-old son regularly. Music and the piano are his passion and all he wants to do is play. He is well known in the Chicago local music scene, blues and gospel.

My friends like him a lot, they see the love between us and they are happy for us. It’s embarrassing that my side can have such a backlash. I think it would make my sister feel better (about herself) if he were abusive to me or using me for money or cheating on me.

I have not told him what happened. After an incident on Thanksgiving (which involved my sister), he said to me “I’m just a regular guy, I’m not bad, why can’t your sister just like me for who I am?” He was hurt, I heard the hurt in his voice and began to cry, and I felt so sad for him. I do not need to add this mess to the mix.

In a previous post I wrote about my sister and how she dislikes my ym and . . . She walked out laughing, she thought it was so funny! SHE MADE FUN OF ME AND MY YM. When we got in the car I said “that was hurtful, I am very hurt by your actions” she began shouting angrily I’M GONNA STOP SAYING ANYTHING ABOUT HIM…YOU ARE SOOOOOOOOOOOOO SENSISTIVE (now it’s my fault cuz I am sensitive) THEY WERE STANGERS SO WHATS THE BIG DEAL. Then after arguing with me for five minutes she says, “I know you are sensitive and I should have kept my mouth closed for that I am sorry.”

My sister told me years ago that she never apologizes. If someone wants an apology she says, (i.e., I’m sorry you feel that way). By saying this she does not take responsibility for her action the responsibility is that of the person who feels bad. The half ***** apology she gave me was another example.

I told don’t bother to apologize.

My sister has disliked him ever since she first met him. I am sooo happy with him and he with me, but she holds so much hostility, it’s unbelievable. I stopped talking about him with her but I see now that I should never mention his name.

I know that the real issue is not my SENSITIVITY, nor is it about my YM, it’s about her and how bitter she is.

Your relationship with your sister is toxic. I think it's time to cut it off.

Sister or no, I can't believe you have anything to do with her at all. If she were a "friend" would you continue to have contact with her?

I'm sorry, but I don't believe that just because someone is family, that that gives them carte blanche to hurt you.

She would be out of my life faster than I could say "Good Riddance!" :mad:

“I’m just a regular guy, I’m not bad, why can’t your sister just like me for who I am?” He was hurt, I heard the hurt in his voice and began to cry, and I felt so sad for him.Tell him that this is in no way about HIM! Your sister has some old unresolved issues about the two of you. Were you Daddy's favorite? Things like that can make a sibling very competitive and toxic. Ask her (when it is just the two of you), how she perceives your childhoods. You might find the key. :)

And yes definitely have the drunk pay for his screw-up. That is what adults do. :rolleyes:

Tell him that this is in no way about HIM! Your sister has some old unresolved issues about the two of you. Were you Daddy's favorite? Things like that can make a sibling very competitive and toxic. Ask her (when it is just the two of you), how she perceives your childhoods. You might find the key. :)

And yes definitely have the drunk pay for his screw-up. That is what adults do. :rolleyes:

YellowRose are you Psychic?

I am the baby of my family, the youngest by 14 years. :eek: In other words, for 14 years she was the baby…Daddy’s girl, then…surprise, here I am the new apple of my father’s eye. Then at age 4 my father passed away so in a sense I was always the apple of his eye. My goodness I never thought about it. Do you know any more about things like this you have my curious. She “hated” me when I was young. I usually laughed it off, thinking that this was something that she got over, she laughed too. But now…. can you direct me somewhere on the web?

Could it be that your sister is being biatchy because she thinks you are wasting your time with this young man, and this type of thing is her version of sisterly love? I have friends who will do that, if they don't like someone, they will tell you in a flash. My worry is that it seems to be getting under your skin so much I guess you maybe have some reservations yourself? If it were me I'd just stay away from my sister for a while. That should teach her to mouth off.

Ali

I think your sister doesn't like herself....and is projecting wildly all over your ym and you because she can't take a long hard look at herself....

The incident in the shop was not ok....even if your sister did carry on like that the workers in the shop had no right to encourage her in putting you down....if they were at all professional they would have dealt with you, the actual customer, rather than participating in a humiliating sideshow....I would be livid and writing to their manager voicing my concerns and letting them know they lost your custom...

as to your sister, as on your other thread, there comes a time to cut the umbilical cord and start viewing the relationship from a grown up perspective. Just because she is family does not give her the right to disrespect your life and your choices...let her know that you are setting some distance between your lives, and draw some boundaries around how when and where interactions take place. As Kitty said, love her like a sister....but I think live your life like an adult....she has no right to judge you or your relationship...don't give her the power to do so...

BTW your YM sounds heavenly...a sensitive intelligent caring person....blessings

I have begun to loosen the tight ties. I won’t be easy but it will be worth it. I have to live my life and be as happy as one can be in this world. You only get one chance.

I have spoken to her but not in any detail. I don’t want to close her off or be closed off. BUT all of the outings we had (long drives, shopping, dinners which I mostly paid for) are very few and far between. It’s during these times when we begin to get too comfortable and she begins her tirade on my life and choices.

Sad to say that at one time I was a lot like her, bitter and lonely on the inside. All I had was work…no lord, no life, no love. I took a darn good look at myself; what part did I play in this and how can I make some “internal adjustments” so I could look at life in a different way, and make my life, and relationships better; a self intervention! I changed, but it’s not easy to hold a mirror up to yourself. Believe me I have slipped up a time or two.

If my southern mom were alive she would approve of my decision. She would say “She yo sista, she famly but you godda fed er wit a long handed spoon, done let er make no fool owdoe you” (Translated “She’s your sister, and part of your family, but you’ve got to feed her with a long handled spoon, don’t let her make a fool out of you” I loved the way my mom spoke, she was beautiful!). In short love her….at a distance.

Freespirit – Thanks for the input…He is all that and a bag of chips!:D

Sounds to me as if your sister needs a does of grow the heck up...this about YOU AND HIM not her and if she continues her behavior tell her..look I love you but I am no longer allowing you to verbally assult him or I ..if you choose to do so it wont be around me or him. if she calls you and starts in on it hang up..if she comes to your door and starts crap dont answer it or slam the door. I have a sister who is like that ..the other ones are loving and supportive BUT the younger sister is just a sh*T

I told her look im sorry your life has gone to hell in a hand basket and you cant make proper loving choices in your life..this is YOUR fault..you have no one to blame (mind you she is 33) I told her once she can learn to respect me then I will allow her back in my life untill then the phone calls are limited and the visits VERYY short. ..now she is being nicer..

HOLD YOUR HEAD UP..your not a doormat hunny..HUGS and GL TO YOU!!

That was mean as hell damn. I wouldnt embarass my family like that in front of people in public. Did you ever consider she might be jealous, of your relationship?? Just a thought because she seems to be thinking about your boyfriend alot. Hmmmm.......