His parents trying hard to get rid of me

Well I am 41 and my man is 19 we are enaged to be married. He has told his mum and dad about us..his dad is very abusive ..will hit sometimes ..scream you name it..I heard him once. my YM told him do not ever hit me again..If you do you will never see me again. I am a man now you will respect as such and I love her..You either accept it or you dont..BUT I am going to be with her. His father did talk to me and later that evening he had told my YM and his mum that i was very well spoken and seemed nice..they did ask about kids and so on ..my visa how the law will support us all that.
WELL NOW his mom is repulsed by me (yes IM one year older then her BUT SHE knew this) HIs dad is trying to get him to see other women go out..he thinks im a selfish twit for not letting my YM see and explore. HOWEVER my YM has gone through alot of things that noone should go through and we are upset that his father cant see this...my YM has told him..do you REALIZE what i have been through already..you dont even know me ..you only want me to be like you and love who you want me to love. His father tells him well i been in love and a few years down the road you will dump her or you will sleep around like i did on my first wife. I was 19 once to. You are making a mistake with her.

As we had said he is not his father..his fathers mistakes are his own not my YM and he is refusing to let us be us..but we are not letting that stop us. MY ym always phrases things he wants what is best for us where we will live and so on...He has said if they are there when we marry so be it if not oh well but this is about you and I not them.

Right now we are working on getting a place set up for us..so he can get out of the flat he is in(renting from his parents) and he is coming to stay for 3 months starting jan 20 to april 17th. He is not saying anything to his parents about it he is just leaving and then calling them from the airport right before it leaves as he knows they cant stop him when its a 2 hours away...

we honestly do not know what to do ..his dad makes up things about me ( saying I contacted him in WOW world of warcraft.. and other things..this is a lie)

We stand our ground he says i come first in his life as well as him with me we are getting married with them or without them...any advice????

Chama, some things I do not have clear are, have you and your YM met in person yet? And why the issues of a visa? Are you a foreigner in the USA that needs a visa? And if your YM has his own place, why are his parents around when the two of you are chatting (skyping)?

If your YM is economically self sufficient then he should not be dealing with his parents as to your relationship, but as long as he is under the same roof as his parents and they are helping him economically, well that is another story then...

You do not have to prove anything to his parents, neither does he, but if your boyfriend is being abused, even physically as you have stated, by his parents, what is he still doing around them? His parents sound very controlling and manipulating.

Also I do not understand why he is only coming to stay with you for 3 months, and then what?

Sorry for so many questions but some things are not clear to me so it is hard to get an idea what is going on, unless you clarify a but more, of course if you do not fell like sharing then it is ok too.

I wish you the best dear! :D

First I want to wish you and him the best in your relationship. He sounds like a strong man. When I was reading your post, though, one little red flag popped up. He seems to be living in hell with his father and he subconsciously could see you as an escape door from the inferno at home.

I really hope this is not the case. And a 3 month trial period sounds like a good idea.

I suggest you read a thread we have here about relationships with VYM (very young men) that is illustrative.

I agree with Sheila and it should help to read the thread about relationships with VYM. I think because of what the typical 19 year old may be going, it's important to keep in mind his ability to make a long term decision and commitment such as marriage...not that people don't and haven't married at 19 and stayed together for life. It think it does depend on the individual. However, I guess I would question a young man who is unable to leave such an abusive household on his own. This is an issue I think...a VYM or any man who is still living with his parent(s) particularly if the situation is abusive. Be careful that you are not his "escape".

I say this because I left home by the time I was 17. First to go away to college (really a way to leave home more than anything else), then I dropped out and went out on my own because I did not want to be dependent on my father. It was rough going, but I wouldn't trade the freedom and independence for anything. I knew I could stand on my own even if it meant waiting tables and working other odds job. I found a very small, very cheap apartment or had roommates. I'm 47 now, but I still remember those days, and by the way I am still on my own...never married, always relied on myself financially and proud ot it....though had serious relationshiops. IT IS possible to break out on your own if you want it bad enough, so I have higher expectations for very young people...I figured I did it on my own as a young woman, why can't a young man do it?

I did not give all the details..lol sorry bout that
He just got his own place as of today and has told his parents this is our lifes not theirs..they have theirs..he advised them to seek counciling for their own personal issues as he will no longer be a emotional nor a physical punching bag anymore for his father. He also reported him to the police and they are looking into the matter as we speak..( his sister whom I talked to this morning also put in a report as to what she witnesses..
He has a great job and now a place of his own, also showing his art work in the gallery there in his new town (yes new town about 2 hours from mum and dad)
He has stated rules to them ..no visits unless the father seeks help and they must accept me learn to love/like me or do not come around as he is not allowing them to put there negitive thoughts toward us at all.
He is only staying three months so he does not lose his job ( I was already there with him for 3 months myself to help set up the gallery) He is paying for my fiancee visa and it is almost been at the 4th month mark. ( I to have some family in australia)
As of last night his mum did talk to me and is willing to give this a chance and had apoligized for her terrible behavior and welcomed me to the family..(yes im a little leary of this but told her thank you so much and so on)

My family has welcomed him with open arms and My son and him hit it off well (my son same age LOL) my son who is a hard working father is the type to say mom this guy is a complete moran loser..but with my YM he said mom he is just awesome..what a great guy..

sorry not to had been more clear on all this..just was soo tired and bad storm hit us EEKK...

We talked this morning about how he got some furniture for us today and sent me pics of it..looks awesome..
so Im rather excited..holding our heads up high and not letting anyone tell us that this is wrong.. His father is a controll freak who has no control over his own life..maybe one day he will get help and be the father and husband he needs to be..He told his son (YM) you know you will grow up to be a SOB like me. MY YM told him..dad I love you, but i refuse to be like you.. I will be a loving and wonderful husband to this beautiful souled woman and do everything in my power to treat her like the queen she is..His dad told him son Ihope you can cause i never could...

I love him so much ..wow

I agree with Sheila and it should help to read the thread about relationships with VYM. I think because of what the typical 19 year old may be going, it's important to keep in mind his ability to make a long term decision and commitment such as marriage...not that people don't and haven't married at 19 and stayed together for life. It think it does depend on the individual. However, I guess I would question a young man who is unable to leave such an abusive household on his own. This is an issue I think...a VYM or any man who is still living with his parent(s) particularly if the situation is abusive. Be careful that you are not his "escape".

I say this because I left home by the time I was 17. First to go away to college (really a way to leave home more than anything else), then I dropped out and went out on my own because I did not want to be dependent on my father. It was rough going, but I wouldn't trade the freedom and independence for anything. I knew I could stand on my own even if it meant waiting tables and working other odds job. I found a very small, very cheap apartment or had roommates. I'm 47 now, but I still remember those days, and by the way I am still on my own...never married, always relied on myself financially and proud ot it....though had serious relationshiops. IT IS possible to break out on your own if you want it bad enough, so I have higher expectations for very young people...I figured I did it on my own as a young woman, why can't a young man do it?

you rock..this made me cry..he says the same thing.. your a truly amazing person!