question for the YW's

So, it's nice to hear all the stories how you women love your older men and got past a lot of the stigma. I still think it's weird that "our type of love" should be differentiated in society from any other relationship, or that we would even NEED a support group for dealing with it. And I wonder how many other age gap couples there are out there that are not part of this forum.

That's my two cents, but I do have a question:

Ladies, do you often think of your guys as OLD? I mean, is it on your mind everytime you look at him? When you wake up and see his face, do you ever panic and say "What the heck am I doing?"

I only ask because from the older guy viewpoint, we can be a little insecure at times, even if we know our women adore us.

I suppose some women love a man BECAUSE he is older, some wish he wasn't older, and some don't think about it. We all fall into different catagories. I fall into the second one. She loves me, sure... but she would prefer we were closer in age. But I have seen a shift to where she doesn't think about it so much anymore.

Does the thinking about the gap ever go away? Everyone starting out must wonder this.

And here's another as long as I'm writing. Other than this forum, is there anyplace to find advice on this lifestyle? There must be suggestions for improving communication, learning to bridge the gap... Or are we all on our own when it comes to figuring it out?

I wanted to let you know that ivillage.com has a "May-December Romances" message board. The url is http://boards2.ivillage.com/messages/get/rlmaydecember58.html It's mostly women, but they are very friendly and helpful.

As for your main question, the man I am interested in is 20 years older than me and no I don't ever think of him as old in any way. I'm currently attending a very large university and I do often think of my male classmates as "boys". I have a bit of a different perspective on age, as he is 19 years younger than my father and only 3 years older than my oldest brother. To keep some perspective, I might add that Brad Pitt is 40, George Clooney is 41, and Mel Gibson is 47. Granted they pay people to make them look great all the time, but I don't think those people have to work too hard!

By the way, I PM'd you asking for a bit of advice after I read your first post. You have to click on "user cp" at the top of the page to get it. I'd really appreciate any insight you could give me.

When I look at my OM, I hardly notice the age. 99% of the time I just see a very attractive man, and the characteristics of a mature man are a big turn-on for me: thick chest hair, the slightest bit of grey in his beard, the beginnings of crow's feet. I think he's damn sexy, especially compared to young men my age, who are still smooth and skinny and just beginning to morph into real men. I've never thought true physical masculinity can be found in anyone under 30, and I remember in past relationships (one in which I thought I was going to marry the guy after 2 years) not being able to wait for the day when he would get that wisened, mature look that only people of a certain age can attain. Why do you think the "sexiest men alive" are very rarely yonger than middle aged? I think the same holds true for women, but maybe I'm just odd. I watch Oprah and dream about the day when I have a few markers of actual maturity- a touch of grey, laugh lines, I think these things are fabulous. Call me crazy but being young and dumb is not what most people remember it to be.

hello,

it is nice to hear an older man have concerns at it pertains to the young women who are in these kind of relationships.

when i look at my man, i have a hard time seeing him as "old." while i see the salt-and-pepper in his hair, and listen to him as he remembers "the seventies" (when he was not too much younger than the age i am now), i intellectually KNOW that he is older........ but emotionally, physically, and spiritually, i feel like we are in the same place. i know i am young at heart, and so is he.

i tend to be more cognizant of the age gap when talking to others about it, or thinking about how i will face my family with the news (i have a 6 month rule, where i do not bring anyone home for 6 months, until i know it is serious). it is only then that i remember that there is a 22 year age difference........ but i feel that we are VERY evenly matched.

it would be "easier" from a social standpoint if he were younger...... but i am so glad that God sent this man to me. i love him so much....... and as frank sinatra says (in his song "under my skin"), "I'd sacrifice anything come what might, or the sake of havin' you near." i know that i feel that way about my man.

good luck, and always be "forever young" in the heart. at the end of the day, that is what matters.

take care,
k

I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 56. We were having a conversation last night, and he asked me if (the thing we were talking about) was because of the age difference. It took me a moment to remember that there *was* an age difference. Certainly my bf has more experience than me, and I go to him for advice, etc, probably more than I would a guy my own age. But physically I don't think about it. Maybe I will do in 5, 10 years, but nothing so far has ever bothered me. He's a cute guy - usually *I'm* the insecure one about my looks, clothes, etc.

Have a better one!

Felix

This is a very interesting topic. I do not consider my man to be old, but then he's only 39 (so he's NOT old). I don't think a person is really old until 75 or so, but that's just me. I'm 22 and at times I wish we were closer in age, but not that he was younger. I often wish that I was *older* so that I'd be able to remember things with him.

The other thing is, he is very immature! LOL, it's like I'm the older one sometimes! I have to watch his expenses and keep on top of him about appointments so he doesn't forget.

One thing that bothers me about his age (but I guess it wouldn't matter how old he is) is that he does not go to the doctor regularly. I'm a realist, and I think that it is important to keep after his health. We are both smokers which makes it even more important. When he doesn't take care of himself, that's when I worry that I'll be a widow at 30 (which could happen no matter who I'm with). He's more susceptible (sp) to illness at his age and I want him to be healthy for a long time! So I say, if you take care of yourself and make it obvious you want to be around for a long time with her, all should be well.

There is another board at: http://members.lovingyou.com/vbulletin/upload/forumdisplay.php?s=&daysprune=&forumid=17 which has age gap romances.

Good luck and keep us posted!

Where should I begin! My OM and I talk about this too often! He always comes to me and tells me that I should be with "someone your own age, because I'm going to be 40...and I look 40. " Well, I love the way he looks! I things he looks fabulous! I agree with mbsnbcr, he's really not old! I think our OM might feel old because they have a younger girlfriend. Any way - my OM has been going to the gym a lot, he's getting pretty buff. He's been talking about waxing his chest! I was in shock! When I asked him why, he said because "all the buff younger guys are." So what! I love his chest hair, I love his imperfections like his tummy, his gapped teeth on the side, his mole on his nose (I call it his beauty mark), I love everything about him. He tells me that I am making him do things that he should be doing (dying his hair, wanting to wax his chest, acting like he's 20)..well number one, I never asked him to dye his hair. I like his 3 gray hairs that he may have w/out the dye. I would love him just as much if he didn't do all that. He feels that when we go out dancing he acts too young! I think you act how your feeling, which is wonderful!

But...to answer your question. The first few times I woke up next to him, I did think to myself...what am I doing? Then, as time progressed, I could only see a handsome, sweet and loving man next to me every morning. Can it get any better than that? I leave for work at 6:30, he's still sleeping. He loves that I gently wake him up and give him a kiss goodbye every morning before I leave. Now, in that moment...does age matter? The feeling is what matters. When I fall asleep with a smile on my face and wake up with that same smile - I really can't describe it...it must be love!

WELL SOMETIMES I THINK ABOUT OUR AGE DIFFENCE CAUSE HE'S 44 AND IM 22. AND AS MATTER FACT WE ALSO TALKED ABOUT THAT. WE ALSO TALKED ABOUT HAVING KIDS. HE SAID THAT HE DIDN'T WANT ANYMORE CAUSE HE THINKS HE WON'T BE AROUND TO TAKE CARE OF THEM. BUT MOST OF THE TIME I DON'T THINK ABOUT IT.

Thanks ladies, for the responses.

Guess everyone is pretty much in agreement about the subject. At 43, I don't see myself as old, but I can't see me through the eyes of a 22 YO either. And for the record, if you are wondering how it works from my viewpoint, I never could see her as younger than me. I can't even think that way about it if I wanted to. She is she, I am me, and considering the fact that we all have such a short time on this planet in relation to history, I am not going to let a stupid thing like a few years between us dictate whether it's a good thing.

You know, I came here to feel better, and it's helped. After being chastised by friends for my choice, I did not want to just give up and forget her. (That hardly takes into account her feelings anyway) So I'm glad to learn that I am normal and so is she. Normal compared to the rest of this board anyway!:)

Oddly, I'm not neccessarily attracted to younger women. It was not my intention to meet someone 21 years younger than me, and if someone had told me it was going to happen I would have told THEM they were being stupid. But my YW is wise beyond her years. Smart, serious, sarcastic to a T... Says she hates surprises and never admits to being thrilled, never forgets to tell me she appreciates me, and not afraid to correct me when she disagrees. She can go from talking over the budget to being soooo seductive in 3.2 seconds and always leaves me guessing what's on her mind. What a trip... I feel like the cat that swallowed the canary. There is nothing I can't accomplish with her by my side. I can survive just fine on my own, we all can. But I really can LIVE when we are as one.

The only time I thought about the age difference was when his father was dying. I thought 'that could be him in 20 years.' It was a little unnerving, but it didn't last. I truly see him as full of life, I don't see an old face when I wake up next to him....I just see him...my lover, my friend, my rock.
Originally posted by oneofthoseguys
So, it's nice to hear all the stories how you women love your older men and got past a lot of the stigma. I still think it's weird that "our type of love" should be differentiated in society from any other relationship, or that we would even NEED a support group for dealing with it. And I wonder how many other age gap couples there are out there that are not part of this forum.

That's my two cents, but I do have a question:

Ladies, do you often think of your guys as OLD? I mean, is it on your mind everytime you look at him? When you wake up and see his face, do you ever panic and say "What the heck am I doing?"

I only ask because from the older guy viewpoint, we can be a little insecure at times, even if we know our women adore us.

I suppose some women love a man BECAUSE he is older, some wish he wasn't older, and some don't think about it. We all fall into different catagories. I fall into the second one. She loves me, sure... but she would prefer we were closer in age. But I have seen a shift to where she doesn't think about it so much anymore.

Does the thinking about the gap ever go away? Everyone starting out must wonder this.

And here's another as long as I'm writing. Other than this forum, is there anyplace to find advice on this lifestyle? There must be suggestions for improving communication, learning to bridge the gap... Or are we all on our own when it comes to figuring it out?

WHEN I LOOK AT MY MAN I DO'NT SEE AN OLD PRESON BUT SOMEONE WHO HAS MORE WISDOM THEN ME. AND WE HARDLY TALK ABOUT HIS AGE. HE'S 52 AND IM 20.