Blood links

Harrison made a comment in his "Hard times" thread that brought up something that I was thinking about recently. He mentioned family and having the "same blood."

Try and follow me, because it's not completely thought out and I'm still working on the system...LOL!

OK, I was thinking about how society pretty much only considers you related if you share the same ancestors. But what about "blood links?" Why do we not consider ourselves related, even though our decendants will see us as all of the same family tree?

See, Jeremy and I weren't related at all. We were together and raising children together, but there was nothing linking US together as "related."

Then we had the baby. NOW, I could argue we are related. Not through ancestors, but through our daughter. We will forever be a part of her family tree - her relations - and therefore, our families are now in the same family tree.

Following me still?

It's sort of looking at the family tree through the eyes of our decendants and acknowledging the link.

So, along those lines, my sons, who are blood linked to my daughter through me, are now forever linked to Jeremy and his family, too, through their sister.

Non-relatives are now family.

So, my theory, is to count how closely you are related to someone by how many links separate you. (Sort of like Six Degrees of Separation theory for family.)

So, my sons are now as closely linked to Jeremy as they are to my brother.

Example:

Sons -> Me -> Baby -> Jeremy (two links to Jeremy)

Sons -> Me -> Mother/Father -> Brother (two links to uncle)

I know it's silly, but I just liked the idea, because it made Jeremy and his daughter no longer "step" family, but blood family.

I mean, I really think it does make a difference, though. Jeremy's dad is no longer just my fiance's father - he's the blood grandfather of my daughter.

Jeremy's daughter is no longer just my "step-daughter" she is Kierney's sister and therefore always connected to me in a way that she wouldn't have been just through marriage.

See what I mean?

I just think that "step" family once joined by a blood connection should be able to acknowledge it in some way.

By the way - this is by no means trying to demean or talk down step families!! If I could think of a way to tie those better too I would!:o

Harrison made a comment in his "Hard times" thread that brought up something that I was thinking about recently. He mentioned family and having the "same blood."

Try and follow me, because it's not completely thought out and I'm still working on the system...LOL!

OK, I was thinking about how society pretty much only considers you related if you share the same ancestors. But what about "blood links?" Why do we not consider ourselves related, even though our decendants will see us as all of the same family tree?...

Ummm, very interesting Kristin, but I do think that "legally" the culture we live in views you as "related," right? I mean if you got hurt in an accident and the cops wanted to know who your next of kin was, you could say "My husband Jeremy. His cell phone # is ..." and that would be acceptable right?

Even though they KNOW you don't have the same blood, I think that the law views you as literally "members of the same family," ie. you ARE Jeremy's relative at this point.

Does that make sense??

Well, once we are married, I suppose.

But, if we got divorced - no. But we will forever be linked because of the baby.

And my boy's relationship to Jeremy or mine to Jeresey was just as tenative before the baby. Not to mention, they aren't legally related unless Jeremy adopts them or I adopt Jersey. (Neither can happen because both birth parents are still around.)

Yeah, you raise some interesting questions. (I messed up the answer a little 'cause I'd assumed you and Jeremy were married :o )

However I still do believe that marriages, adoptions, and common-law marriages are all social mechanisms to transform non-blood-tie people into relatives...

so you'd have to be careful with your statement about how society pretty much only sees you as related if you share the same ancestors. I have serious doubts about that.

Professional genealogists and geneticists may use an exacting level of precision, but ordinary folks don't really.

A quick example would be my second cousin the hottie who I was describing in another recent thread. :D

She happens to be adopted and she's my Dad's cousin, BUT when I see her at the reunion, I treat her as a 100% part of the family. I don't feel funny greeting her with "Hey, cousin" which is an affectionate greeting we use when we see our kinfolks.

When I draw up a family tree with her name on it, I don't put a little "a" in parentheses behind her name for "adopted." I consider her as the natural child of my father's aunt.

I kinda think MOST families are like that, but I'm not sure.

EDIT: I view her as my blood.

Interesting question, Kristin.
A) I think "blood" means just that - related through birth. My mother's brother is my blood but his wife is not. Husbands and wives are not blood.

B) However, whoever one considers "family" IS family - no exceptions, no rules! A step-anything is family; an adopted-anything is family. I have a whole bunch of nieces and nephews, sister-in-laws, etc., that are still my family even though I am divorced from the legal link to them.

C) You reminded me of something funny: I had a friend who's wife INSISTED that he was half-Italian because he had married an Italian!!! She was 100% serious, but we always got a good laugh out of it!

....C) You reminded me of something funny: I had a friend who's wife INSISTED that he was half-Italian because he had married an Italian!!! She was 100% serious, but we always got a good laugh out of it!

That's cute, Chatterbox. We'll have to see if Chad's half-Italian, should he and Barbara ever get married. ;)

My two daughters have different fathers, but they are sisters...that's how they are raised, that's how they are treated, that's how they've come to look upon themselves.

But, FURTHER to this then, what about good friends who are your adopted family? Living thousands of miles away from my own family, I've embraced some loving folks who are as close to me as my own family, and more, in some cases :D While we have no blood between us, they are spiritually my family in every way you can think of. My best friend I consider (like Jay and Silent Bob) as my heterosexual life partner. In other words, any fellow I happen to fall for, who falls for me also gets her as part of the deal...not THAT way, Harrison, get your mind out of the gutter! :) (j/k!)

To me, being spiritually bonded is far, FAR more important than being bonded by blood. I love my family, but I didn't pick them. These people I picked because of their characters, their integrity, and because they are just wonderful, wonderful people. Ultimately it doesn't matter who's important in your life...if you love them, they're connected to you.

Least, that's how I look at it:)

Remember when we used to prick our fingers and put them together to make ourselves "blood brothers/sisters"?

.... My best friend I consider (like Jay and Silent Bob) as my heterosexual life partner. In other words, any fellow I happen to fall for, who falls for me also gets her as part of the deal...not THAT way, Harrison, get your mind out of the gutter! :) (j/k!)....


AHEM!! :D Moi? What'd I say? What'd I say?