manofmisteree
01-09-2007, 08:40 PM
To All My Friends Who Have Barraged Me With Those Countless
Informative E-mail's, Thought I Would Show My Appreciation With A Big Thanks !
To Whoever Sent Me the One about Rat Poop in the Glue on Envelopes because I Now Have To Use A Wet Towel with Every Envelope That Needs Sealing.
Also, I Now Have To Scrub the Top of Every Can I open For the Same Reason.
I No Longer Have Any Savings Because I Gave It To A Sick Girl (Penny Brown) Who Is About To Die In The Hospital For The 1,387,258th Time But That Will Change Once I Receive The $15,000 That Bill Gates/Microsoft And AOL Are Sending Me For Participating In Their Special E-mail Program.
I No Longer Worry About My Soul Because I Have 363,214 Angels Looking Out For Me, And St. Theresa's Novena Has Granted My Every Wish.
I No Longer Eat KFC Because Their Chickens Are Actually Horrible
Mutant Freaks With No Eyes Or Feathers As Soon As I Get My Free Dinner Coupons From Applebee's, I Can Eat Again.
I No Longer Use Cancer-Causing Deodorants Even Though I Smell Like A Water Buffalo On A Hot Day.
Thanks To You, I Have Learned That My Prayers Only Get Answered If I Forward An Email To Seven Of My Friends And Make A Wish Within Five Minutes.
Because Of Your Concern I No Longer Drink Coca Cola Because It Can Remove Toilet Stains.
I No Longer Can Buy Gasoline Without Taking A Man Along To Watch The Car So A Serial Killer Won't Crawl In My Back Seat When I'm Pumping Gas.
I No Longer Drink Pepsi Or Dr. Pepper Since The People Who Make These Products Are Atheists Who Refuse To Put "Under God" On Their Cans.
I No Longer Use Saran Wrap In The Microwave Because It Causes Cancer. And Thanks For Letting Me Know I Can't Boil A Cup Water In The Microwave Anymore Because It Will Blow Up In My Face..Disfiguring Me For Life.
I No Longer Check The Coin Return On Pay Phones Because I Could Be Pricked With A Needle Infected With Aids.
I No Longer Go To Shopping Malls Because Someone Will Drug Me With a Perfume Sample And Rob Me.
I No Longer Receive Packages From UPS Or Fedex Since They Are Actually Al Qaeda In Disguise.
I No Longer Shop At Target Since They Are French And Don't Support Our American Troops Or The Salvation Army.
I No Longer Answer the Phone Because Someone Will Ask Me To Dial A Number For Which I Will Get A Phone Bill Totaling $2, 374.76 With Calls To Jamaica, Uganda , Singapore , And Uzbekistan .
I No Longer Have Any Sneakers -- But That Will Change Once I Receive My Free Replacement Pair From Nike.
I No Longer Buy Expensive Cookies From Neiman Marcus Since I Now Have Their Recipe.
And Thanks To Your Great Advice, I Can't Ever Pick Up $5.00 Dropped In The Parking Lot Because It Probably Was Placed There By A Sex Molester Waiting Underneath My Car To Grab My Leg.
Oh, And Don't Forget This One Either! I Can No Longer Drive My Car Because I Can't Buy Gas From Certain Gas Companies!
Thanks To You, I Can't Use Anyone's Toilet But Mine Because A Big Brown African Spider Is Lurking Under The Seat To Cause Me Instant Death When It Bites My ***.
And Remember, If You Don't Send This E-mail To At Least 144,000 People In The Next 7 Minutes, A Large Dove With Diarrhea Will Land On Your Head At 5:00 PM This Afternoon And The Fleas From 12 Camels Will Infest Your Back, Causing You To Grow A Hairy Hump.
I Know This Will Occur Because It Actually Happened To A Friend Of My Next Door Neighbor's Ex-Mother-In-law's Second Husband's Cousin's Beautician ...
Thank you, and Have A Wonderful Day.... but most of all.. zzzzzzz--zz
Oh! One Last Bit Of Noteworthy News:
South American Scientists from Argentina , after a Lengthy Study,
Discovered That People With Insufficient Brain And Sexual Activity; Read Their E-mail With Their Hand On The Mouse.
Don't Bother Taking It Off Now, It's Too Late.:D
Informative E-mail's, Thought I Would Show My Appreciation With A Big Thanks !
To Whoever Sent Me the One about Rat Poop in the Glue on Envelopes because I Now Have To Use A Wet Towel with Every Envelope That Needs Sealing.
Also, I Now Have To Scrub the Top of Every Can I open For the Same Reason.
I No Longer Have Any Savings Because I Gave It To A Sick Girl (Penny Brown) Who Is About To Die In The Hospital For The 1,387,258th Time But That Will Change Once I Receive The $15,000 That Bill Gates/Microsoft And AOL Are Sending Me For Participating In Their Special E-mail Program.
I No Longer Worry About My Soul Because I Have 363,214 Angels Looking Out For Me, And St. Theresa's Novena Has Granted My Every Wish.
I No Longer Eat KFC Because Their Chickens Are Actually Horrible
Mutant Freaks With No Eyes Or Feathers As Soon As I Get My Free Dinner Coupons From Applebee's, I Can Eat Again.
I No Longer Use Cancer-Causing Deodorants Even Though I Smell Like A Water Buffalo On A Hot Day.
Thanks To You, I Have Learned That My Prayers Only Get Answered If I Forward An Email To Seven Of My Friends And Make A Wish Within Five Minutes.
Because Of Your Concern I No Longer Drink Coca Cola Because It Can Remove Toilet Stains.
I No Longer Can Buy Gasoline Without Taking A Man Along To Watch The Car So A Serial Killer Won't Crawl In My Back Seat When I'm Pumping Gas.
I No Longer Drink Pepsi Or Dr. Pepper Since The People Who Make These Products Are Atheists Who Refuse To Put "Under God" On Their Cans.
I No Longer Use Saran Wrap In The Microwave Because It Causes Cancer. And Thanks For Letting Me Know I Can't Boil A Cup Water In The Microwave Anymore Because It Will Blow Up In My Face..Disfiguring Me For Life.
I No Longer Check The Coin Return On Pay Phones Because I Could Be Pricked With A Needle Infected With Aids.
I No Longer Go To Shopping Malls Because Someone Will Drug Me With a Perfume Sample And Rob Me.
I No Longer Receive Packages From UPS Or Fedex Since They Are Actually Al Qaeda In Disguise.
I No Longer Shop At Target Since They Are French And Don't Support Our American Troops Or The Salvation Army.
I No Longer Answer the Phone Because Someone Will Ask Me To Dial A Number For Which I Will Get A Phone Bill Totaling $2, 374.76 With Calls To Jamaica, Uganda , Singapore , And Uzbekistan .
I No Longer Have Any Sneakers -- But That Will Change Once I Receive My Free Replacement Pair From Nike.
I No Longer Buy Expensive Cookies From Neiman Marcus Since I Now Have Their Recipe.
And Thanks To Your Great Advice, I Can't Ever Pick Up $5.00 Dropped In The Parking Lot Because It Probably Was Placed There By A Sex Molester Waiting Underneath My Car To Grab My Leg.
Oh, And Don't Forget This One Either! I Can No Longer Drive My Car Because I Can't Buy Gas From Certain Gas Companies!
Thanks To You, I Can't Use Anyone's Toilet But Mine Because A Big Brown African Spider Is Lurking Under The Seat To Cause Me Instant Death When It Bites My ***.
And Remember, If You Don't Send This E-mail To At Least 144,000 People In The Next 7 Minutes, A Large Dove With Diarrhea Will Land On Your Head At 5:00 PM This Afternoon And The Fleas From 12 Camels Will Infest Your Back, Causing You To Grow A Hairy Hump.
I Know This Will Occur Because It Actually Happened To A Friend Of My Next Door Neighbor's Ex-Mother-In-law's Second Husband's Cousin's Beautician ...
Thank you, and Have A Wonderful Day.... but most of all.. zzzzzzz--zz
Oh! One Last Bit Of Noteworthy News:
South American Scientists from Argentina , after a Lengthy Study,
Discovered That People With Insufficient Brain And Sexual Activity; Read Their E-mail With Their Hand On The Mouse.
Don't Bother Taking It Off Now, It's Too Late.:D