Heather
02-05-2007, 11:45 AM
After 5 months of a 30 year age gap relationship - (I'm 26 and he'll be 56 in April) I couldn't have found this website sooner! First relationship with such a significant age gap for both of us. For the past few weeks - we have decided to "back off" for now as it is obvious that there are issues that we are BOTH thinking about.... (yet he's called me every day - how "un"typical is that - that's a story for another day) But I just wanted to say hello and say THANKFULLY I've found this place ... hopefully it will assist, as relationships are difficult enough as it is sometimes - but relationships with age gaps make things even more difficult from time to time....
Cheers!
s.jacks100
02-05-2007, 11:53 AM
Welcome to the site, Heather.
Heather
02-06-2007, 09:22 AM
allyheart - So there's hope ?? Congrats on making it 5 years - .. here's a bit of my story for you.. and the others :)
I think a few of the biggest hurdles at the moment is the fact that he is concerned I'm going to change my mind about wanting kids (I don't want them - I haven't wanted them ever.. not just because he and I are together - just in general), he feels I *deserve* to be married - to me, marriage is just an expensive piece of paper and a ring, I don't NEED to have those to vow my love for someone (he knows this also), and really he's concerned that in 10 years I won't be happy with him in a "physical" sense.. he doesn't want to be seen as a dirty old man, or a pervert, basically being in two different realities, since in a few years 30 and 60 are 2 VERY different times in life, he's also concerned about family functions and such - the things people would say and so forth. I've always been the type of person to go ahead and do what MAKES ME happy, since you can't and shouldn't live to please everyone else. Did I set out to find and fall in love with someone who is 30 years older, no, but it happened and here I am. :) I couldn't be happier. My biggest issue I guess is trying to make sure that HE realizes that these issues are NOT issues for me, that they are HIS issues, therefore making them "our" issues and I'm not going anywhere and am more than happy to work on them, so we're currently "on a time out" - and it's working out nicer that way, for some reason - he's calling regularly, still seeing one another, and we still enjoy our time together - I guess we're just not fixated, or I should say "HE" isn't fixated on his issues at the moment, as he's just taking a break from having to worry about them. I guess this story is relatively half-arsed but you guys get the picture! *lol*
Any advice or suggestions based on the above? Or questions to clarify?
Cheers!
Elizabeth B
02-24-2007, 05:53 AM
Hi Heather,
I'm new here too and its my first age gap relationship. Your damn right about there being a lot of issues! Its really hard. I find that I question everything all the time and wonder if I'm doing the right thing.
Its weird though, with an older man its seems there is less game playing. They don't make you hang out for them to call and they are forthcoming with their feelings... its a welcome change from guys I've been with in the past!
Like you, I didn't set out to fall in love with an older man. Do you have any regrets now?
Elizabeth
