Help! OW needs advice....

I am just new to this forum and wondering if anyone can give me advice on starting an OW/YM relationship. I have recently fallen for a YM co-worker at my new job. What does a YM want out of this kind of relationship(well besides the obvious)and how do I give it to him? I am only interested in a sexual relationship at this time in my life and have no desire for partner. Anyway, here is my story...
On the odd occasion that we have worked together (he sometimes comes to my work location from another) we would talk, laugh and tease each other. I really enjoyed working with him but never gave it any thought as I am 41 and I knew he was much younger than me (I later find out much younger than I thought-28!). I never imagined a man that age would be attracted to me.
However, last week I was called to work at his location for the first time and voila, he was there to greet me at the door! Not only that, the whole day he teased me, called me pet names hung around me and dropped subtle sexual innuendos. I left work that day thinking that he was just getting his jollies by making an old woman blush.
For the rest of the week I really missed him and could not get him off of my mind! If I answered the phone at my location and it was him on the line, I would get all flustered. I even found myself calling my other male coworker his name!
I finally broke down and made him a home-made valentine's card with sexy poem that I wrote. I thought that I would make a fool of myself but he phoned me at work the day after he got the card to ask for my home number. He phoned me at home last night and I asked him what he thought of the card. He said he was thrilled and intrigued and asked me to go on a long drive to the ski hill with him next week!
I am apprehensive about entering into this relationship for fear of rejection but at the same time I can't wait! Can anyone give me some feedback! YM please respond as I really want to pick your brains on this one! Thanks

[micru]I am only interested in a sexual relationship at this time in my life and have no desire for partner.[/QUOTE]


[micru]I am apprehensive about entering into this relationship for fear of rejection but at the same time I can't wait! [/QUOTE]


if thats all you want from it,( a sexual relationship),it really doesn't sound like too much of a "relationship",so the outcome really wouldn't matter would it??but if that's not ALL you really want from it,be honest about it.then i would have more advice.until then,maybe someone here who only wanted sex (but in alot of cases,later changed their minds) can give you advice.

the valentine thing made me think you may be wanting more then a sex relationship.if thats the case,be honest about it,who knows,you may wind up having a really good relationship if you are(honest) about what it is you really want.good luck.

Doesn't sound to me like you'll have any trouble at all having a fling.

Enjoy it!

There's a thread in the Sexually Speaking area about younger men and older women's bodies.

Read it for a shot of confidence.

(if what you mean by rejection is sexual rejection????)

And as Nafadda says, if you have more in mind than a fling - then do be careful with yourself and your feelings.

Otherwise - have fun!

If you are both single and free then I say enjoy the moment. Does the age thing really matter? Would you feel the same if he were more your age? If you put that aside and see this as two people who have an attraction for each other then just treat it as that. YM do have a bit of a wacky side (well mine does!!) and can really can make your life so interesting. If you feel comfortable and safe with this guy then have a nice trip with him!
Ari

If all you want is sex, make sure HE knows that. You might not think this, but maybe HE wants more than just sex. Maybe he's considering a relationship. Don't hurt him.

I just think that if your expectations are too high, there is a chance you might get hurt. Just go to that ski trip and have a good time. Don't expect alot but use your judgement and intuition. I have nothing against office romance but of course your job and his is on the line if word gets out. Just becareful on how you treat each other at work. You would be surprised that many YM not just want sex but also a relationship as well. That is a generalization but every guy is different. Good luck and have fun!

I worked in the white-collar jungle for more years than I care to remember. I was nearly ruined and ALMOST fired once because I had a young boyfriend (20). Some men who are older get mean-spirited when they find out that a woman is dating a young guy. The guy that nearly ruined me at work was my boss. We were the same age (34). I found out from my peers that he was going around & making fun of my relationship to other managers. He started criticizing my work for no reason. Then I started getting phone calls at home in the middle of the night from a woman who made rude and vulgar remarks about my YM & I.

The boss gave me a disciplinary review that set me up to fail & be fired. I went to the company attorney & told him the whole story. They immediately transferred me out of that department. They started listening to his conversations on the phone at work & found that he was having his girlfriend to make the calls at night. Now this is an extreme case and it was 20 years ago. But I loved my job & did not want to lose it.

I don't know where you work, but you say you just started the job. If the job is really important to you, realize that if you and he do not work out, he could go tell everyone what you guys did. In fact he could tell people even if it does work out. For me, I believe that it is best not to date co-workers. Now if your YM is always at another location, that may help some and there may be nothing to worry about. I really hope that where you work, everything is laid back and you get to have a wonderful time with the YM. I just wanted you to think about the things that could happen when one dates someone from work.

Have to agree with YellowRose. I've seen some "work-related" relations. And I noticed that the ones that seem to survive always involve a boss or senior adviser getting involved with a younger or newly recruited woman. But I never seen and I've been into business in 20 years, a relation working out the other way around. Instead if seen a lot of broken hearts and women tears when they not at “the playmate” list any longer. I'm not saying it couldn't work, and there are surely examples where it works out fine. But before going any further, think twice and if a more close involvement could put you into a risk loosing your job. Also be aware of what the man really wants, a flirt or something more stabile?

Just an update on what has been happening with my YM. In one word...FANTASTIC. He is funny, caring and sexually...well beyond words! Although I really enjoy his company, I still do not see the value in carrying this kind of relationship beyond a sexual one! I do not see how it can have any future. I don't want to hurt him either but I really never thought that a YM would want to have a relationship beyond a sexual one with an OW.

M

Hi Micru... *smiles* I am glad things turned out happily for you so far.
As far as your comment, " I still do not see the value in carrying this kind of relationship beyond a sexual one! I do not see how it can have any future. ".....well, read some more on this website and other people's stories, and maybe you will view things just a bit differently. These kind of relationships can/do work for some of us!
At any rate, I am so glad that you took the chance, that things turned out well and that you are having a great time. Keep us updated!

Well you asked for a YM's response. First, hey enjoy!!!!! But do consider if he has feelings. You know the song "Fooled around and fell in Love?" I got involved with an OW she 35-me 26 some time ago and what started out as two sex starved people turned in to a relationship, and one that is (recently) continuing as a friendship. We both love each other very much, but for right now, circumstances dictate that we work at being friends. I hope one day that we will be a couple once again. I also have another friend who is in a comitted relationship of a year's duration he is 31, she is 43. So it is possible. But do be careful with the work thing. I too have been burned by that one. Keep your relationship a secret!!!!!!!!!!

Well, about this fling. This is just my oppinion, but I am a yonger man, and I have been in Love with an older woman before, and it is very rewarding. I am 25, and she was 52 at the time. We never had sex, or anything, but we dated, and had fun and there was definatly sparks. In the end she did hurt me a little, becuase she said that she had a problem with the age, and that was the only problem. It didnt hurt that bad because we are still good friends. You see, the reason (at least with me) that OW dont hurt in a break up as much as YW or about the same age as me, is becuase yw always or most of the time I should say back stab you and play with your emotions, when ow are more caring and can teach us ym about life, and love. That is actually the second ow/ym relationship I had. The first was really great.. we met online. I was 16, she just turned 45... (dont tell anyone) When I went down to a place for a job interview I told her that I was going to be a few miles away from her since she was on vacation in the same area as my interview. I drove her to my motel room and we talked for hours, and WOW... I am sure you can imagine the rest... She had to leave me though becuase of some problems that I told her I would never tell. I just miss her and that one did hurt for a while, but we were great friends for years after that. I am now 25. I dont know where she is, she has stoped emailing me all together. It may have been wrong, but it was meant to be, and from that point on I told myself nothing but older women for me, because they know how to treat men and realize that we have feelings as well, its just that the ones that dont like to share feelings give us a bad rap.

Thought I would drop by an update on my YM and me. Things are going great. As a matter of fact, I don't remeber having this much fun with a man. I think that this guy brings out the best in me. He is not jaded like the rest of my generation so he makes me feel young. I thought that this would be strictly a sexual relationship though and wanted it that way. However, I think that we both have deep feelings for each other which is very unsettling for me as I don't want to get hurt and certainly don't want to hurt this guy. I still don't see how a relationship like this can be long lasting though. Have any of you out there experienced similar emotions?

Hey Micru, how's it goin'???
About 4 years ago I fell in love with my boss but never told her. She was 37 and I was 21. She was separated at the time and we were working together a lot. She kinda gave me hints that she was hungry for sex (little did I know she was really hungry for me) but I always played it off cause it was often that we would flirt with each other daily. Since I like mature women anyway I finally got the hint that she might have just wanted a sexual fling and then call it quits. Boy was I wrong! After numerous lunch dates, after work outings, and lots and lots of foot massages from me, her lips found mine in the elevator at work. I was in shock!!! She ended teasing my body at the same time so I pursued her but she told me to wait 'til another time.
Well, as days went by we finally had sex in my truck for hours and this continued for several months in various places. I started to develop feelings for her but knew that I really couldn't have a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with her at the time. So I controlled my emotions.
Finally, she ended up telling me she had fallen in love with me and wanted to further our relationship. As I started to fall deeply and madly in love with her, she broke everything off. . . I was stunned and pretty hurt for months. . .
She came back to me and wanted to have even more sex but I had to refuse because I didn't want to get caught up emotionally like that again, and her divorce never happened.
She ended up getting layed off from her job and I haven't seen her in almost two years.
Point of all this is, be sure to make it clear to your YM that all you want is sex and nothing more. Because when you least expect it, emotions develop and when you think a relationship could have never been born out of it, well, it will. And one or both of you could end up getting hurt badly.
So never underestimate the fact that a relationship could develop from a sexual partner. Make it a point that sex is the only thing that the both of you are in for and continue about your marry ways.

Good luck,

joe

Sure, it happened to me. I made friends with a nineteen year old when I was 35,
(he was almost 20) - planned to have a casual thing and three months later told him I loved him.

I believe the way I worded it is that I loved him, but I wish I didn't.

(He didn't consider it quite as unfortunate a development as I did).

We're still together almost 4 years later.

If stronger feelings develop from something casual, then that's just what happened.

When you feel brave, you have to figure out if they're mutual, and then you have to figure out what you're going to do about them if they are.

Like we say - we tried to have a casual fling, but we fucked up :>