how interested is he?

hey all

im just wondering about something, i have a male friend, he is 22 yrs older then me. we get along great during work, uhm im not sure how interested this guy is. it doesn't really matter because i am married and he knows this and he is married, but i think his marriage has fallen apart just by some things i have noticed that are normal in a marriage.

he leaves me notes, lots of them while im gone on my desk, calls me during the day and tells me to come over and visit him, sometimes he plays it cool and doesn't like say hi for hours and then gets all goofey again. sometimes he tries to i think see where or how far it goes with me. he doesn't really touch, i mean not like naughty or bad touch, he has like i know on purpose reached across my arm and u know like rubbed his finger or something (supposively by accident) picking up something on a desk, i mean im not that stupid. i think he just enjoys being around my company, but im not sure on what level he is? what do you guys think? i mean not all the time with the notes, but i think that is like over done. he does little things like insinuates lunch with me (at work, like me tagging along) - i go occassionally, but not usually. he did get jealous with me talking to someone other guy, he didnt come out and say he was jealous, but he thought i was ignoring him which i wasnt and made a sly remark about the person i was talking too.

so stuff like this : how far is he ? infatuated? a crush?

thanks

infatuated?

Since he knows you are married and he's testing the water anyway, I'd guess he's a bit of a dog with women, and proceed accordingly.
Ali

He and you are married.... so I don't think it really matters... I'm sure it's an attraction but no matter how happy or unhappy in the marriage you guys need to step back and deal with what you have now.. If your not happy in your marriage and you don't want to stay thats fine.. Maybe it's time for both of you to end those relationships THEN explore this one... but while you both are married, I think you should ask him to stop with the notes and move on

thank you, i agree about stopping the notes and what not... i am not unhappy with my marriage, i just got married in august and once i started that job, i feel that i was a target for him to get to know me, cause he knew right from start. i dont think he is a dog, he's a friend, just a bit crazy.

Hi Gotta Give

He would like to be more than a friend, that's for sure! And I don't think he's a dog.

Tell him of your husband and how much you are HAPPILY married. (Don't tell him 'I am not unhappy with my marriage'.)

Treat him with respect but SHOW him you are not interested (e. g. if he comes near you pull back a little so he can't touch you 'accidentally'). Ignore his notes completely.

That will help. Poor guy.

BlueBird

Esp to you Blue Bird, thanks and actually i did do that today. i ignored his flirts, and i actually ignored him in general , not work related just personal. i find it though the more i keep to myself the more he comes sees what i am doing. he is like a vulcher for gods sake. i mean i tried really hard for him to see im trying to stay away because i can but it bothers him.

And as to merlove he is a good friend, i do care about him. just because people are married doesnt mean they cant care for someone as a friend, i dont love him, i dont even want to be with him. i am in love with my husband and im not planning on leaving my husband for another man, nor would i ever cheat. im not even like that. but when someone comes along and becomes a pretty good friend, its kinda hard not to care as a friend.

~ Gotta give

And as to merlove he is a good friend, i do care about him. just because people are married doesnt mean they cant care for someone as a friend, i dont love him, i dont even want to be with him. i am in love with my husband and im not planning on leaving my husband for another man, nor would i ever cheat. im not even like that. but when someone comes along and becomes a pretty good friend, its kinda hard not to care as a friend.

~ Gotta give

HEy I agree.. I'm Married and I have a lot of friends of the Male gender...My oldest and dearest friends is a guy... we have been friends for 15 years..... I love and care for him a lot and he for me and it's Ok to have him as a friend. It seemed from your post that There was more than that which was why you came here .... If you re-read your posts it sounds like there is some flirting and jealousy going on and that doesn't usually happen with friends expecially to the point of being confused about feelings. There seems to be many more feelings going on than that.

If its HIM who wants more than friends, which that is apparent, then you need to tell him to stop......

If you were just "Friends" and no more I guess I fail to see the issue so Maybe I am just completely misunderstanding your post.:confused:

I agree with also what you are saying, from my post, he does the flirting and he is the one that gets sometimes jealous. I cant control his feelings. Friday I tried to just stay away because we are friends and i dont want anything to jeapardize that. its his part feeling the way he does for me. I frankly dont undertand, im not that pretty and im definately not thin, but yet he has some kind of weird feelings. i dont want to lose our friendship, i mean eventually we cant stay friends. it seems most men and women have problems staying just friends , not me, but the men i run into. i am very upfront with my husband, he knows this guy flirts, but i cant exactly discuss it all the time with him since it makes him insecure, which as it would do to me. I once had a good friend , guy friend in feb we got along great. we had this connection, just like friends do, nothing more, we hung out as a couple , his wife apparenlty felt insecure (but he had has other friends as girls) and he had to tell me that after 4 mo's in being friends. it was hard on me because he was the most amazing friend i ever had. he listened and he was so considerate to my feelings, but him and i both never understood why she felt this way, she was an idiot to assume she couldnt trust him because he is the most loyal man i have ever met. they were invited actualy to my wedding but obviously never showed cause she felt insecure apparently, now if i knew that before becoming friends with him, i would have never.

this guy its not that type of friendship, i mean he is 49 yrs old. what does he really want with me being friends unless he has something up his sleeve, ya know? at work we are friends, we dont email outside of work or talk. i mean there are different levels of friends. sometimes during work i dont even think we are friends cause he ignores me, but i honestly think he is in that far deep the way he feels he tries to get passed how he feels, but in the end he just makes me feel weird. i think since the whole trying to stay away from him didnt work, makes him visit me more at work, i guess i just need to find a way for him to dislike me. i dont know. i was telling a girl friend today all i want is him as a friend, nothimg more. i dont need him to notice me, id rather have my husband notice me in the way he looks at me. he isnt like perverted or anything, nor a dirty old man, not even close, he does things so subtley but sometimes openly. he is definately confused. ne ways i just other then not trying to hurt his feelings and not losing him as a friend at work (i was hoping to keep in touch with him after if i get laid off from my job) but that seems to never work out, esp now that my husband knows he flirts, i doubt he is gonna like the fact im keeping in touch with him through email, but the best thing in life is to be honest with the person you are with. which im sure you agree, right? anyways thanks for listening

thank you, i agree about stopping the notes and what not... i am not unhappy with my marriage, i just got married in august and once i started that job, i feel that i was a target for him to get to know me, cause he knew right from start. i dont think he is a dog, he's a friend, just a bit crazy.

I know you want to be a buddy for your friend but look at what you just typed.

Now flip it. If this was your husband posting this what would you say? How quickly would you be in the woman's face saying back off. And...how happy would you be about your new husband's behavior in a situation like this?

He's not a friend. Friend's don't disrespect other friend's marriages. And you've been throwing him cookies. Of course he's gonna go for it. He's horny and confused. Don't feed the dog. :D

I agree with AngelAngel. You just got married in August and say you are not unhappy in your marriage...yet you are flirting with this other married man. Don't disguise it by saying he is a "friend". You enjoy the attention, you enjoy the flirtation. Ask yourself why? Don't blame it on this guy at work saying he started it. It doesn't matter who started it, the important point is how you manage it. If you feel he is seeing how far he can go, it's because you have invited it. You need to be the one to set up the limits and boundaries. If you do so, he will stop. I is completely up to you.

In my opinion, this is not about you and this man....it's about you and your marriage. What are you willing to do to not jeopardize it, if you truly have a good thing. Spend mental and emotional energy "wondering" and "caring as a friend" for this other guy...or "wondering" and "caring as a wife" for your husband and how this might effect your emotional focus on your marriage and not this office flirtation.

Sorry if this sounds like a lecture...but I've seen too many people who allow the boredom of office life get the best of them....and ruin or damage the good things they have in their life at home or cause them to neglect or not deal with issues at home they need to deal with. So be careful. Take a wide-eyed look at what's really going on. Good luck.:)