Short and Sweet??

I guess it's my turn to cry and lean on you guys..
My YM had always had a habit of "going missing" for a couple of days - usually visiting his mates. He was absolutely hopeless when it comes to contacting me. So after he went missing for a week I decided to wait until he called, which he did eventually - totally confused as to why I hadn't called him! (Go figure??). He did the "i'm hurt and confused" routine, the "I love you" speach etc.. I agreed that I would go to see him last night. As my schedule is all over the place I asked him to call when he was at home and then I would pop over. It's now Tuesday morning and still no call! Feel like I have been booted in the butt. What is really getting to me is that of my 5 female friends : one is just engaged, one is being wined and dined by her soul mate (probably getting engaged on Valentines day!) one is happily engrossed in a wonderful man, and two are already very happily married. ARRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!! (am I jealous or what - your damn right I am!!). I'll live vicarously thru them for the time being and put my heart back in the little box that was so comfortable before this YM came and turned it upside down...
Although I don't post much (I find the time difference puts me at the end of the interesting discussions..) I do read most posts and have gained a whole lot of insight from this board.
So it's back to the drawing board...
Ari

He's being inconsiderate, Ariadne, plain and simple! He asked you to come over, and then didn't call you!

You deserve to be happy like your friends are. Start dating other people. If your ym loved you, he wouldn't be so inconsiderate. Age is no excuse for rudeness. Ask your friends to fix you up on dates with their bf's friends. Go to singles dances. Join a club that has a hobby or interest you share. Find some single women to befriend. Don't put your life on hold for the ym anymore! It's time to give him a taste of his own medicine, let him see what it feels like!

Right there with Polly. You need to get out and date others. But before you do this, you have to look at your role in your ym's misbehavior.

It sounds like you have trained your ym to act this way. If you are usually the one to call when he's gone "missing" then he will always expect it to be that way. If you act okay (meaning you go back to him) after he's gone away without talking to you, then he's going to think it's okay to act that way. Yes, he's taking advantage and he's being mean...but realize that you've helped him to be this way. In the future, don't accept bad behavior or that's what you'll get.

Good luck. Believe me, I've been there but won't be any longer. I'd rather be single my entire life (and it does seem like a possibility at this point) than to be with someone who doesn't respect me or treat me as I deserve. Who'd want to be married just to get married? Not me! I want it all!

The "everyone is married & I am not" will not look so attractive when you get out & start mingling with other singles. Get you some single girlfriends. Go do things with them when you do not have a date. Believe me, when you have several guys wanting you at once, you won't even miss the one that did not call. And you can do this! Now go show the world your "stuff" and mingle single. Hug to you! Barbara

I agree with onetiger. This guy is just seeing what he can get away with. He keeps pushing you and you keep on keeling over and letting him walk all over you. Set your limits once and for all and give him ONLY one more chance after you have made it clear that if he stands you up again, that will be the end. You seem like a nice woman with a lot to offer a man. Do not settle for some jerk who insults you and disrespects you the way this one does.

It's a funny thing, although I knew what I should be doing it seems to have more weight when the advice comes from others. I do try to get out and about and the group of very close friends I have were single and still are great fun. It has taken me a good few years to weed out the friends from the users. (for example: I was a supposed good friend of a woman who plagued me to get out and about with her - great fun had by all, then low and behold she finally captures the man who was in her gun sights and I havn't heard from her since - very shallow woman.) Rebuilding a new group of single friends who you can trust does take time.. in the meantime I'm normally happy at home with my girls and dogs and books...

Dating in the UK is a totally different affair than the US.. The men here are quite strange!

I was on a bit of a downer yesterday. Had a good nights sleep and am ready to face the world head on again today!
Ari

Originally posted by Ariadnie

Dating in the UK is a totally different affair than the US.. The men here are quite strange!

Ari

I just had to jump in here and say I agree with u totally here Ari ........... British men a very strange!!....... I don't know about u, but I find 'dating' to be a totally taboo subject with them, seems to be just a step below being married or something!! lol lol lol .......

Ha! Half a pint and a packet of crisps is akin to an engagement ring!
They just don't get it.
Ari

British men... that's interesting. You know, they seemed strange to me from what I gathered on TV but I thought that I just did not understand the culture. To hear you two ladies talk about it is curious. I would like to know more about it (& other cultures as well). So the guys there put dating down?
I also do not get some of the British humor. It seems so slap-stick. Do you women feel the same way about the humor or does it seem normal and funny? I am not knocking it. I am just curious about our differences. :)

If the British men act that way, it's because no more is expected of them. I'm not big fan of any specific set of standards, but you have to be able to expect something. We each raise our children differently, as we train our pets. We each need to figure out how to let those who we date, see, marry, have sex with or whatever, what's accepted behavior and what is not. If the goes MIA and that bothers you, then shut him down when he shows up for the booty call. If you want him to do something, use the obey and reward approach. While we are a bit more evolved, we are still behavioral animals. It works for women, men, boys and girls, as well as the family dog. It's not as simple and neither are any people, but it's not altogether different. This is not the ultimate way to operate, but it may work. I prefer situations when it is not necessary. Of course, many men and women are not capable of acting in the ways that this requires.

Yellowrose,
I think I would need more that this site to explain English men... I gave up trying to understand them years ago

I must admit I do enjoy the humour on this side of the pond. I've lived through both cultures - American and English and there is something about the British humour that tickles me. I guess it's something I was brought up with .. inane and without reason but oftentimes very very clever - but then again there's Jackass! Hilarious! Now I must admit I've even tried a bit of hedge jumping myself.

Now on to English men... well the ones in the 40+ age group have been brought up being pampered, adored and looked after by proud and homemaking Mums. I'm generalising now so bear with me... They still have a touch of the old world about them - women barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. So until they are ready to sire the next brood they really don't have much to do with building relationships, a good "filly" comes along. He then expects her to assume the role that Mum used to do (and raise the kids). Dating is a sore waste of money. Why not just wait until 1.00 a.m when the lights come on a pick the one who looks desperate...

The younger men are being brought up by the ex-wives of these men and so far these women are producing a wonderful breed of sensitive, caring and secure young men. I think because divorce is accepted now the negative images of the father's behaviour is not reinforced and most children of divorce end up with the Mum. The lads see first hand how women function and have a more understanding approach to the whole world of relationships.

I know there are exeptions to each rule, just as I know not all blondes are dumb..

Ari

Originally posted by Ariadnie


The younger men are being brought up by the ex-wives of these men and so far these women are producing a wonderful breed of sensitive, caring and secure young men. I think because divorce is accepted now the negative images of the father's behaviour is not reinforced and most children of divorce end up with the Mum. The lads see first hand how women function and have a more understanding approach to the whole world of relationships.

Ari

I find this hard to believe, but think it if you want. Although there are other ways to get to it, I think the easiest and best way for one to learn how to act like a man or woman should is to see a good example. It can be done from wanting not to be like a bad example too. I've seen the bad example followed more often. However, I find too often that those without any example are lost.

Captain, she is talking about English men and it is just her opinion. Are you from England? If so, don't take this seriously. It was just a generalization on her part, which I asked for.
:)

I absolutely LOVE British humor!!! Monty Python, Benny Hill, Mr. Bean, BRITS RULE!!!:D I watch "Are You Being Served?" and "Keeping up Appearances" whenever I get the chance. Monty Python's "Meaning of Life" is hands down the funniest movie I've ever seen. My best friend and I quote from it all the time. We've both watched it at least six times.

I hope to make it across the pond for a visit sometime. A lot of my ancestors are British.

Oh yeah, Polly! I love British humor too. I love the dry deadpan wit and appreciation of the absurd. :)

Monty Python and the Holy Grail & Life of Brian are pretty much required watching if you're a gamer. :) A Fish Called Wanda is another Python movie I love.

My favorite Brit comedy series are: Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, Black Adder and of course, Red Dwarf! (I'm a little smitten with Dave Lister. :D)

Now, as to British men being different than American... I know three Brits personally, and while I adore them as friends, I wouldn't want to be their girlfriends. They're a tad on the chauvenistic side. However, my "sample set" of three guys can hardly be representative of ALL British guys.

I think, as with American guys, you teach people how to treat you. So if you want to be taken out on a date, you have to ask for it. You have a right to ask for and expect what you want out of a relationship. It shouldn't be only about what HE wants.

~Val

I have had the dating British men experience, and ummm..... they are weird. I guess they compensate by being witty, but I have to agree with Ariadne, they can be totally appalling in their behavior sometimes :>

It's almost funny - in a darkish way.

What do you English mum's DO to them?

Just kidding :>

But I do have a L/T English friend who was once a romantic interest and a long-term work colleague and both these experiences do confirm what Ariadne was
*****ing about.

Good thing they can tell jokes - or they'd have to be killed .......:D

I've never dated a British man. As Austin Powers would say, "Women are my bag, baby." But I've worked with plenty of British men and have a few as friends. In general, they tend to be a little "hostile" towards women. I, along with other Americans, have noted that they try to avoid just hanging out with women in a social setting. It's strange. I would guess they're a bit intimidated, but I'm not really sure.

Sherwood: "Black Adder" and "Red Dwarf" are amazing shows, you smeghead. Have you seen the preview for the new Rowan Atkinson movie. I can't wait. I also very much enjoy "Waiting for God", "Are You Being Served?", and "Allo, Allo"

allow me to present another view of british men.

during my seven month sojourn in blighty, i dated several british men, all younger than myself by at least ten years. i found them, on the whole, to be very enjoyable company. one of their pluses was their appreciation of women with fuller figures, something i rarely find in american men.

however, british men my own age might have been altogether different, but who knows? younger men were my preference, then and now.

a true anglophile,

melisande:D

"smeg" as an adjective... hehehe!

Guy, no, I haven't seen the previews for the new Rowan Atkinson movie yet... I'll have to watch for them. :D

I was also a Dr. Who fan. (Tom Baker is the TRUE Who!)

~Val

P.S. Another British series, Robin of Sherwood, captured my heart in the mid eighties. Go figure.

Yeah, I forgot to mention "Absolutely Fabulous!" Great show!

Do any of you here in the States ever watch "The Red Green Show" on PBS? It's on Saturday nights at 10 p.m. EST. I kind of think the town I live in and some of the people I know resemble the characters on that show! :) I live about 30 minutes outside of Cincinnati in a pretty rural area.