Analyze this!

It's been awhile since I have posted.
The dating thing is going ok.Michael ( the feminine ) has become a very good friend.I met his adorable 4 yr. old daughter last night.
I have been having a good time lately.I have been busy,going out on weekends,just enjoying myself.
And then..................

My ex Y/M called me 2 nights ago.He wants to meet for drinks later in the week.We had a nice chat,and I told him I'd like to meet.I actually REALLY want to meet,but played it cool.
He said he'd call in the next day or 2.
And then........

Yesterday he messaged me.Says " HI THERE CUTIE":D We chat for a bit,then says he is listening to a great song.He sent it to me and wanted us to listen on the computer together.We did.It was a Kenny Chesney song called " IF I LOST IT" One of the lines in it........." No one can make me laugh,make me cry,make me smile,drive me mad like she does,it's real love"
Then he sends another one for us to listen to together.
" COME WHAT MAY" from the movie Moulin Rouge.
OMG.....what a song.Both such love songs.
I cried after listening to it with him.
To me it was so sweet,so romantic.We didn't have time to really chat after,because I had to go.
I called him last night to ask.He said he would call tonight and we would talk.He was on his way out the door.
I'm scared!!!!
This is what I was looking for in him when we were together,and he wasn't able to give it to me.
I'm afraid if he wants to try again,I'll get my heart broken and I do not want to go through it again.

I had to put this out here and hope for some feedback.
What do you all think?????????

Hugggggssssss,
Josy

I would consider his behavior as falling under one fo three areas:

1. He's doing it intentionally because he wants to make you feel this way, with the right intentions;
2. He's doing it intentionally to play you like Yo Yo Ma plays the cello; or
3. He just likes the songs and his behavior was without any intent.

I don't know him or you and cannot judge from here. You have to be the judge. I'd wait to make sure it was 1 above before jumping into anything.

Well my YM made a CD for me of some songs I liked and filled the rest up with songs he picked. Most of them are love songs that are about being together forever. One of them "Just You and I" by Eddie Rabbit was playing on my car CD player and he looked at me and said "I picked this one on purpose.. listen to it".

Maybe you should as him why he wanted you to hear them.

But I agree with Captain. And I understand TOTALLY where you are in this.

Well, I am not going to be a pessimist about this...although sometimes it is in my instinct to do that.
You know what? I think he lost you, he missed you, he realized what he had and now he would like to spend some time with you. I mean, thats not all that shocking is it? It happens so often that "don't know what you got until its gone" is one of the most common phrases there is!
So....I am choosing to believe your y/m realized what he had, missed you and is hoping on a second chance with you.
BTW...My y/m went through this. He didn't realize how deeply he felt until I started dating someone else.
I would say...proceed with caution. Don't dive right in, but if you want to spend time with him certainly don't hold back. Go slow, keep your eyes and ears open for warning signs, and just try to have a nice time and see what develops. *hug hug hug hug* Good luck!

yes he loved, he lost, he missed, he loves again

that's the easy part.

now for the hard part

we love we lost we hurt we love again we hurt again etc.

it's so so so hard NOT TO HURT.

If someone could learn how to NOT HURT and yet NOT LOSE their ability to love I would love to know the secret.

have fun but don't fall.
enjoy but don't love
keep your guard up
let it all just happen

all of it is BS. at least for me.

but it's true until we are NOT there until they realize how much they love us and miss us, we never know how much they really do care. but that's because NEITHER DO THEY.

just enjoy as best as you can.

I emailed you Josy... but I just want to add... don't call him. Don't make it easy for him to be back in your life.

If someone could learn how to NOT HURT and yet NOT LOSE their ability to love I would love to know the secret.

We are always going to hurt when we love and there is no getting around it. Even in a good relationship, one partner is going to die first and the other will be devastated.

However, there is no reason to sign up for unnecessary pain with someone who does not equally love us as we do them.

Sometimes, it does take time for the other partner to know how much we mean to them. But they are not going to necessarily know that if we are there for them at the drop of a hat (Josy???)

I don't know. I'm in my pessimist mood today. I'm still thinking about Clara running over her cheating husband. I'm mad at my boyfriend too dang it.

So with that information Josy, I'd say not to trust the bum. Be ever so careful with every word he says. No problem going out with him, talking to him (when he calls) but don't get your hopes up. Make him make all the moves, everything. Don't, don't, don't call him.

I know, I'm sorry to be such a poop. He could be coming around and that would be awesome. Take your time. The romance of having a guy send you music is nice and certainly can mean something delicious. I hope so, really I do.

I thought Michael sounded pretty good too.

Cindy

sounds like booty call to me. instant messages and sappy love songs don't mean squat unless they are backed up with action.

so, what do you think he misses? you or the sex?

Originally posted by yellowrose
We are always going to hurt when we love and there is no getting around it. Even in a good relationship, one partner is going to die first and the other will be devastated.

However, there is no reason to sign up for unnecessary pain with someone who does not equally love us as we do them.

Sometimes, it does take time for the other partner to know how much we mean to them. But they are not going to necessarily know that if we are there for them at the drop of a hat (Josy???)

so true they don't know they love us until we are not there for them to take for granted. Or until someone else loves us. I know that being busy and having a life is critical to the success of my current relationship. He will have to MISS ME in order for him to know how precious I am to him. But damn it's hard.

Originally posted by Nessa
ok Melisande what actions would you like to see the YM provide to support his IMs and love songs?

just curious since i get IMs and sappy love songs pretty much every day from my YM.

well, presumably you have a relationship beyond that rather than your YM coming spontaniously out of the woodwork after being MIA. i think that's the point here. on their own they're meaningless. actions speak louder than words - or sappy love songs.

Melisande cuts to the bone and she's usually right there. Mince no words and she's right as hell. Actions speaks in relationships. Period.

My boyfriend told me "I don't want a relationship, I don't want a commitment, I don't want an age/gap relationship". Those were the words he said at the very beginning when we jumped into a casual sex relationship. I think I had asked him if we could go out and have a cup of coffee or something, trying to take the relationship out of the bedroom. He freaked.

He said those words several times. It hurt baaaaaaad. Part of me really heard and believed those words and most of the time I would have bolted on those alone. But his actions.....

He would call every day, he would ask too many personal questions, he would snoop around my house, he would look at my caller id box, he would give me his wordly advice on my life and what HE thought I should do... That was two years ago. And we are still together. It could have gone either way really. But those actions of his kept me from running.

He never sent me love songs or im's though.

His actions told me he actually did care and I took a big chance that he would overcome his fears and thank god he did.

I don't think love songs and im's alone are enough though in the case of Josy and this guy. He has hurt her badly and then bounced back and forth on her. I want Josy to be careful and not go with her heart this time around.

I hope Josy, that you will just weigh it all out. And don't let go of Michael. He's bounced you twice if I remember correctly plus I thought he sounded like he was playing you in the beginning a bit too.

Good luck. But if you do give it another try or whatever, don't you worry, we'll be here for ya either way!

Thanks to all of you for responding.You're awesome!

I am not going to jump in to this.It is so true that actions speak louder then words.
This may not turn into anything,so my hopes are not up.
I'll wait to see what he has to say,and after that decide if I even want to pursue a relationship with him again.
He has alot to prove to me,and I won't take anything less this time.
In the meantime,I will continue to date if asked out,and have fun.
Michael is a constant in my life right now.I even talked to him about all of this.He too said not to read too much into it at this point.

One thing I know for fact,this isn't a poor attempt at a booty call for him.Sex was never the number one priority with us.I know some may think different,but I know him,and how he works that way.

Thanks again........huggggsssssss!!
Josy

Josy, just don't hurt the Micheal guy. He sounds like he's been there for you and is a decent man. Please consider his feelings. I think you should ask yourself how much Micheal really means to you at this point. I know that when I first started dating Robin, his ex tried to get him back, and it sucked for me. He didn't want her fortunately, but what if he had? I couldn't have handled him seeing us both. It would have devastated me. Just be careful with Micheal's heart, because he sounds like a great guy!

Polly.......
I would NEVER hurt Michael.He has been there....he's the one who I can always count on.I just don't have the "romantic" feelings for him.He is the one who has said he isn't ready for anything right now anyway,except a good friend.
And it is no surprise,but i have yet to get a phone call from the Y/M.
I did go out last night with a very nice guy named Joe.I will be seeing him again saturday night.
So I continue to have fun,and have made a wonderful friend in Michael.

Hugggggssssss,
Josy