5 things you wish you hadn't done

hi there,

i read this article about being in unhealthy relationships. i'm not sure if its okay to post the url here, but i'm stating it here in hopes of it being helpful to those who read it. its :

http://www.drjoecarver.com/loser.html

regarding my title : what are the 5 biggest things that you had decided to do in your relationship that you wish you had not because it actually damaged the relationship ? for example, to tell white lies to your current partner about meeting with your ex (even if it was just purely platonic), to hide some details from him/her that he/she eventually found out?

things like that so that we can learn from mistakes.

thanks

1. Lied about my age
2. Was scared of the relationship
3. Called him out of name
4. Panicked about getting pregnant
5. Impatient

1-4 never did long-term damage to the relationship. They actually helped define what a healthy relationship should look like and how not to behave. Our relationship is stronger because of those experiences.

Now number 5, my impatience, is a big elephant. I'm trying to get it under control because it has been the source of many arguments. Sometimes I feel like a cheetah trying to have a snail keep up with me and it gets under my skin. I can clean a house in 2 hours and he's still working on the first room after 2 months! :rolleyes:

I've been working on it. But at some point I'll be giving as much as I can and will need him to either pick up the pace or leave. I know it sounds mean, but I can't be dragging a body around all day. Unless of course I shot it. :p

That's an interesting link. Seems to fit my boyfriend's personality :(

1. I let him throw tantrums and blamed it on his age
2. I did all the visiting in a LD relationship
3. With my ex, I let him do all the finances (since I stopped working to stay with kids)

I can't think of two more things I regret

1. put his needs before mine.
2. care too much about what he thinks of me.
3. think i can't be happy without him.
4. not be myself.
5. put up with insults & negativity express or implied.

I am not sure I have done anything that I regret, of course I have made mistakes and done things that on reflection were not wise, but nothing that I can honestly say is a regret.

A friend once suggested that I must regret my marriage, given that it ended with him running off with another woman, but no, for most of the marriage it was very good, and in any case how could I ever regret something that gave rise to my two beautiful daughters?

Now if we ask for things that I shouldn't have really done, well I could give you 500 never mind 5 lol.

In my current relationship?

1) Drank too much (now resolved:runnningaround: )
2) A bunch of other stupid stuff which he has forgiven.

1. Depended on him to be the breadwinner. Even though we agreed on this scenario in both of my marriages, it was very difficult (IS difficult) after the break up to get back into the work force. Not that I have difficulty fitting in, but the workforce has a general collective attitude that if you've been at home for a few years (even if you were working from home) that you are somehow not intelligent enough, or not updated enough, or simply just that you haven't been working!

2. Been too sarcastic. In my first marriage, at the beginning, this was really a bad trait of mine. It was just hurtful though. This is something that I thank my first husband for pointing out to me. I hope I have changed a lot over the years so that I'm not so sarcastic.

3. Made myself sick trying to prove he was lieing. Whether that was to search all the hiding places for his porn and drugs, or discover all the hidden bills he had never paid, or something else (I always found them, too), the search and the suspicion only made me sick. I finally got to the point where it didn't matter about all the lies.. I realized that liars will do that, even when they aren't threatened. It's a kind of an addiction... which means that logic and reasoning would never apply to the situation anyway.

4. hmm... I can't think of anything else I regret. The rest was more unsuccessful attempts to do things with good intentions. I don't regret all the work I put in, just the time lost now....

1. Totally screwed up the relationship that I had with my first love. We were together for 13 years, and I never felt that way about anyone else... ever.

2. Marry my ex because I was pregnant. When I tell people that I regret this decision they tell me that if I didn't marry him I wouldn't have had my 2nd child, but I believe that egg would have been fertalized by someone. She would have been here without him, I just know it.

3. Have my present boyfriend move in with me. He moved from another state, so living apart and dating would have been financially impossible for him. We're not as compatable as I had thought. We've been together for 2 1/2 years and I find myself wishing I could see other men, but I can't.

4. I wish I had spent more time with my mother while she was alive. This should be number 1. I regret this almost every day and now that she's gone I realize there is no one in this entire world who will love me like she did.

5. I wish I had started my career earlier. I stayed at home with my kids while my ex worked, thinking it was best for everyone. I didn't know that my marriage would dissolve and I'd have to start from scratch. If I had been teaching for 20 years I'd be making twice as much as I am now, and I worry about money way too much.