Child Abuse Survivor Asks Question.

I am a Parental Child Abuse Survivor. And sometimes I delve into negative self-talk and psychological self-abuse. Has any women out there have a story of a relationship with a child abuse survivor? How you dealt with some of the "Trust" concerns such a relationship entails? That sort of thing. What I'm seeking is hope for my romantic future.

Do you mean you are a parent and a survivor? Is your negative talk toward yourself or toward others, men or children? I'm only asking to get nearer to where you're coming from.
I am a survivor of 13 years of abuse as a child. I have already had 2 divorces, no children, plenty of failed relationships, friends and lovers. I think the hardest thing to deal with is the truth.
What I mean is that, when I get into a lover relationship, I lay it on the line that I am a confident, expceptional, and forgiving woman, but that doesn't mean I don't have my insecurities. I say. "look, this happened to me and if you want to be with me, you need to know what kind of behavior triggers my depression." It's sad, most guys can't handle it, that's their perogative. Yes, it hurts, but I'd rather them walk away than try to get into something they can't deal with.
Still others go, yeah yeah ok I can deal, and then act like I'm trying to be some sort of melodramatic martyr when I do have a flashback based on their actions.
It's difficult to maintain a fair balance and not play the blame game.
AND it's far more complicated than this thread can offer. If you need someone to chat with that can relate, email me: dauntlessauthoress@yahoo.com

I am a survivor of abuse. There is different kind of abuse but the outcome is alot similar for many kinds. I dont know what kind of abuse you endured but I know abit about abuse in general.
First, yes we tend to be very hard on ourselves. I know I am. With therapy I am learning to be more kind to myself. Its hard, very hard but it can be done.

As for relationships, I learned to listen to my intuition. You see, as survivors we often have a positive side regarding trust. Yes, we have a hard time trusting but it also means that we have kind of a sixth sense about trouble.
The answer is wheter or not to listen to that intuition and how to respond to it.
Its a very delicate subject and there is places on the net you can go to help you understand yourself more. Books can help you too.
Also, I definitely advise you to see a therapist.
Its the only real way out.
Hang in there, you are not alone
(((hug)))
Faith

One of the MANY things that helped me to overcome that negative parent in my head was to write out affirmations. You will be surprised at how much this helps.

Every day on a sheet of paper write out a positive affirmation that is the opposite of the negative talk that goes on in your head. For example, if you think you are not pretty... write...on every line...
"I am pretty. I am pretty. I am pretty."

Do this over and over. What will happen is little negative thoughts will pop into your brain.. ("ha ha you are so dumb for doing this") PAY THEM NO MIND... just keep writing and saying the affirmations every day for a month at least.

Before you know it... that particular negative voice is gone!

If you can... I do suggest therapy with the RIGHT therapist. Sometimes it takes visiting 2 or 3 before you click with the right one. Good luck, dear heart.

Just an aside here, not that this isn't an interesting topic, but the OP has been banned and this thread is from 2/2003...so any comment directed at the OP is a moot point.

I think we are all survivors of some dysfunction. I survived a lot of emotional abuse, an alcoholic parent and a clinically depressed parent. I have commitment issues, trust issues, and self esteem issues, all of which I've dealt with, and am still dealing with to some degree. Some of our issues are just our issues and we have to learn to cope with who we inherently are as a result.

woops...i didnt noticed the date :o