Child Abuse Survivor Asks Question.

I am a Parental Child Abuse Survivor. And sometimes I delve into negative self-talk and psychological self-abuse. Has any women out there have a story of a relationship with a child abuse survivor? How you dealt with some of the "Trust" concerns such a relationship entails? That sort of thing. What I'm seeking is hope for my romantic future.

I'm not a child abuse survivor, but my mom was. I know a lot of the pain you suffered through as a child, though not first hand. I used to speak to children about the issues of child abuse and relationship violence.

Having said all that, even though I had a relatively normal upbringing, I had major trust issues. It took me a long time to let anyone get close to me. I finally did, and it was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I never really understood what love was until I let myself be loved.

Unfortunately, if you read my earlier posts, my fiance (who was 17 years my senior) was killed in the line of duty. He was a police officer. It's hard living without him. I miss everything about him. There are nights when I cry myself to sleep. There are nights when I don't sleep. I loved this man so much. Everyone keeps saying one day things will get better. I hope they will, but right now that is hard to see.

I know my fiance would've wanted me to be happy and to be able to move on with my life. I also know that I've never felt as good as I did when I was around him. He made me so happy. I want to be able to feel that way again.

I guess what I'm saying is that there's always a chance that you may get hurt in a relationship, and you are right to protect yourself by being guarded. But don't shut people out completely. You may be missing out on the opportunity or person of a lifetime. I know for myself, it will take me a long time to get back to things, to trust someone as completely as I had, and to love again. I could sit there and shut myself off from the world so that I never have to go through the pain of losing someone like that again. But knowing, how great things can be keeps me going. Knowing I have the support of friends, family, and people online, keeps me going.

I am a survivor. You are a survivor. Don't let what happened in the past keep you from enjoying your present and future.

Love, luck, and happiness to you.

Do you mean you are a parent and a survivor? Is your negative talk toward yourself or toward others, men or children? I'm only asking to get nearer to where you're coming from.
I am a survivor of 13 years of abuse as a child. I have already had 2 divorces, no children, plenty of failed relationships, friends and lovers. I think the hardest thing to deal with is the truth.
What I mean is that, when I get into a lover relationship, I lay it on the line that I am a confident, expceptional, and forgiving woman, but that doesn't mean I don't have my insecurities. I say. "look, this happened to me and if you want to be with me, you need to know what kind of behavior triggers my depression." It's sad, most guys can't handle it, that's their perogative. Yes, it hurts, but I'd rather them walk away than try to get into something they can't deal with.
Still others go, yeah yeah ok I can deal, and then act like I'm trying to be some sort of melodramatic martyr when I do have a flashback based on their actions.
It's difficult to maintain a fair balance and not play the blame game.
AND it's far more complicated than this thread can offer. If you need someone to chat with that can relate, email me: dauntlessauthoress@yahoo.com

I am a survivor of abuse. There is different kind of abuse but the outcome is alot similar for many kinds. I dont know what kind of abuse you endured but I know abit about abuse in general.
First, yes we tend to be very hard on ourselves. I know I am. With therapy I am learning to be more kind to myself. Its hard, very hard but it can be done.

As for relationships, I learned to listen to my intuition. You see, as survivors we often have a positive side regarding trust. Yes, we have a hard time trusting but it also means that we have kind of a sixth sense about trouble.
The answer is wheter or not to listen to that intuition and how to respond to it.
Its a very delicate subject and there is places on the net you can go to help you understand yourself more. Books can help you too.
Also, I definitely advise you to see a therapist.
Its the only real way out.
Hang in there, you are not alone
(((hug)))
Faith

One of the MANY things that helped me to overcome that negative parent in my head was to write out affirmations. You will be surprised at how much this helps.

Every day on a sheet of paper write out a positive affirmation that is the opposite of the negative talk that goes on in your head. For example, if you think you are not pretty... write...on every line...
"I am pretty. I am pretty. I am pretty."

Do this over and over. What will happen is little negative thoughts will pop into your brain.. ("ha ha you are so dumb for doing this") PAY THEM NO MIND... just keep writing and saying the affirmations every day for a month at least.

Before you know it... that particular negative voice is gone!

If you can... I do suggest therapy with the RIGHT therapist. Sometimes it takes visiting 2 or 3 before you click with the right one. Good luck, dear heart.

Just an aside here, not that this isn't an interesting topic, but the OP has been banned and this thread is from 2/2003...so any comment directed at the OP is a moot point.

I think we are all survivors of some dysfunction. I survived a lot of emotional abuse, an alcoholic parent and a clinically depressed parent. I have commitment issues, trust issues, and self esteem issues, all of which I've dealt with, and am still dealing with to some degree. Some of our issues are just our issues and we have to learn to cope with who we inherently are as a result.

woops...i didnt noticed the date :o