Help...wedding questions

Hi all. I have several things running thru my head about the most likely soon to come "M" word. LOL. I of course am the older of us (by 17 years) and have been twice married before. He is the younger and never been in a serious relationship(not counting me). We have known each other 3 years. We started as friends online that grew to this deep amazing love for each other. We have been a true couple for a year and are set on spending the rest of our lives together. He hasnt offically ask me no but we know when the time is right he will. Plus I want to be proposed to correctly atleast once in my life. A nice romantic night out...a unexpected ring pulled from his pocket as he suddenly kneels down in front of me...Yeah I want it done right. Tears and all!!!

Anyway heres the thing. I have been married twice. Once at the courthouse when I was young and dumb and the second was a real wedding at a church. But since he has never experienced this and since this wedding really means something for both of us I want it done right also. He is my first love. Thats sad to say when I have already had 2 different rings on my finger but it is also very true. I didnt know what real true love was before him.

This is going to be such a very emotional day for both of us I want it to go right. So how do I do that? What would be the ediquete for a THIRD wedding when it is his first? Its just gonna be a very small affair. Us and close friends/family. Maybe all of 20/30 people tops.

I won't do white of course but I do want it to be an acutal wedding gown and so does he. I am also a BBW(large girl for those who didnt get that). He is heavy too. I want it to be classy and romantic. I am thinking at a lakeside chapel at night. Under the stars with the lights sparkling and the water behind us.

So help me girls please. Help me figure out what would be correct for a 3rd and 1st wedding all in one. I want this to be that one magical moment for us. You have NOOOO idea all the stress and drama it took us to get this far.

Hi Kara :)

Im not exactly sure about the etiquette surounding your situation, but I think you should have a wedding that represents the two of you and the love you share, dont worry whether or not it will fall under what is "polite" for society, it is YOUR wedding and you should have what you want. If that means small and informal by a lake...then do that. They are going to be your memories to have for a lifetime and no one elses. When the time comes to plan, sit down with your guy and make a list of "must haves" and do what you can to make sure you have a beautiful memorable day. Dont worry about what others will think.

As far as wedding attire for larger people, Davids Bridal has a full line of plus size gowns that are gorgeous, most come in ivory or champagne as well as white. There is also a website www.plussizebridal.com that has a huge selection as well. Maybe looking there for ideas would be a good start :)

Best of luck to you :) and congratulations!

Kara:

I, like everyone else, like to daydream. But the M daydream is a very dangerous one in relationships.

Why? Because it creates an expectation that could be totally unrealistic and lead you to feelings and decisionmaking that are not constructive.

When us women start thinking about marriage we are so transparent that men can spot this a mile away and if they are not ready this may push them away. There is a time for everything and wedding plans are wonderful after the question has been made and the date has been set.

Not wanting to rain on your parade or being a complete jerk, I still wish you a great relationship and for it to grow to the moment when the wedding with your true love becomes a beautiful reality.

Please see my thread "Calling all engaged and married AGRs" I asked this question and got lots of responses and ideas.

I wish I could help but I'm struggling with the same issue!

I basically am leaving it up to Jeremy. I'm helping with the arrangements, as he has NO CLUE what is all involved - like how all of the plans for a reception can take 6 months to get everything lined up together, etc. Reminding him that we have to chose a hall, get a caterer, get a bartender, order food & beverage, get outfits, pick and send out invitations, choose between a band or DJ and then get them at the time we need, get the rings ordered & fitted....

I made him dizzy just listing off the above items, LOL!

All guys really care about is the bachelor party and the reception.

His big thing is he wants it to be nice, but not so fancy that he feels uncomfortable at his own reception.

I was thinking I might get an empire waist gown though - flattering for a fuller figure, I think. And he thinks he wants tuxes. He still needs to choose a best man. (My mom agreed to be my matron of honor.)

We'll see what happens!

Hello, Kara

Since he hasn't proposed yet, there's no need to worry about wedding plans right now. First you need to make sure that he's on the same page as you marriage-wise. That being said-have YOU thought about popping the question to him? You've known him for three years, and if you want marriage, he needs to know that. A man I know told me that his wife had been the one who had done the asking. The man is a great husband and father now. :thumbsup_still:

I agree that you probably shouldn't be planning your wedding until after he pops the question. It is very transparent to guys and puts a lot of pressure on them to make the proposal "perfect."

I thought I would get the perfect proposal...and I did....not as I imagined it to be...but as it actually happened. In our kitchen...face to face....honest and sincere. And I wouldn't have had it any other way.

Nadine.

Kara,
I am just recently (Valentine's night) engaged to my ym. It will be my second marriage and his first... FOR ME ( I totally respect that you and many others are different on this) I just felt that since I already had a wedding in a church, and two children-whom I adore- from that union... I would opt out of anything big this time around. It shows a level of respect for my kids, my ex-inlaws (we still have lunch together every other Saturday, and the really am happy I'm getting married to Jake) and the memory of the how genuine that ceremony was...at the time. Things change...and I'm getting remarried. Jake felt relieved to not have to plan a big wedding...and off the hook for not having to invite all his guy friends/family and PAY for it all! When he told one of his friends we weren't going to have a wedding-perse, the friend thanked him saying that it's been a pain to have to go to 4-5 weddings of all of his friends this year already, etc. Jake's parents are okay with not having a ceremony...so.....

We opted for a very private vow-exchanging moment (just us, our pastor at his riverfront home, and two friends) followed by a small dinner with 4-6 friends who truly love us. This way no one feels obligated to "come to another wedding of Karen's":o , to give gifts, etc. It's all legal, spiritual, but quaint and private. AND....we're spending the money we save on a wedding for a great honeymoon in Italy !!!
Now, as far as ettiquette for a 3rd wedding...

My best friend, Susan, had a 3rd wedding...this is what it was like. First, since several of her friends and family were also at her 2nd wedding, she felt that this time the focus should be on a celebration for everyone who attended. Yes, honoring the bride and groom, but geared toward sharing a happy moment rather than hoping to GET presents, have people buy silly bridesmaid dresses they'll never wear again, etc. She and her fiance rented a beautiful room in a restaurant on the top floor overlooking our city's river, and paid for a buffet style dinner, after a brief ceremony with their minister. She wore an ecru dress (that she could wear again), he wore a button-down collared shirt. There were no bridesmaids/groomsmen. In their invitation it SO GRACIOUSLY SAID something like: in lieu of a gift to the couple, if you would like please make a private donation to: (and they listed 3 of their favorite charities). Their daughter's bf was a DJ, so they had dancing afterward. It was more like a BIG, FUN, loving party rather than a "wedding"...no one felt obligated to buy a gift, or a new dress, and the bride and groom treated us all to dinner:D . It was feel-good, and appropriate for a third "wedding" I believe.

Let us know if/when he pops the question!
Karen