please advise me

Hello ladies..im very much new here:yes: first of all my name's coco and im 21 years old and studying in university.
Anway i came across this site while i was googling for some relationship advise.And no its not for me,but its for my mom who's been seeing a guy just3 years my senior.They've met through the internet and have been chatting and calling each other for awhile.Now its more than one year and now they are like going out.The guy comes over to our place and sleepover almost everytime.At first it felt wierd but now ive accepted their relationship and am really happy for my mom.She's been depressed for a long time esp after my dad died:( .
The problem is her bf's mom and everybody...they've been drivig me crazy saying that their relationship is not right and that he's young enough to be her son...blah blah...my granma(she's 59 years)told me that before things get serious i should stop my mom or else she's gonna get hurt real badly...sigh..they don't tell her,they tell me!!!
I know maybe its not right but i think my mom deserves to be happy esp after my dad died(they've been together since they were both 13 years old:o )And sometimes i doubt their relationship..i don't trust the guy,i mean he's a nice guy still..i mean guys can be pretty fickle minded.I really love my mom and don't want her to get hurt.
So please tell me do OW/YM relaionships work??I mean my mom won't get hurt right?:(
And yeah my mom's boyfriend act like a big kid..he wants my mom's attention all to himself.DHelloo...im the daughter!!:mad:
Thank you all sooooooooooooooo muchhh in advance...hugs(my english is not good,pls excuse it ok?)

Really, an age gap relationship can be just as risky as a same-age relationship. People just click or they don't. She'd have just as much chance at being hurt or being happy with a man her own age.

You are right - what's important is that she's happy. It's so cool that you see it that way.

But yes - look around the forums and you'll see that age gap relationships CAN work if the couple is on the same page in life and want the same things. It can be a little hairy if the guy decides he wants kids some day and she can't. That's the only TRUE age gap related issue (I guess family acceptance is another) - everything else in an age gap relationship is the same issues a same-age couple may face.

:yes: Thank you Kristin..i guess you are right.I know Its not an age gap issue.Still i don't want to see her get hurt.Her bf(let me call him nick)so far he's a nice guy,pretty mature and very practical about things.And i know that he truly cares for her.But maybe its just the ramblings that are getting to my head..aaarrgghh!!!Some people are so bugging,they just have to interfere in other people's life..why can't they see that she's happy after a long time..im sorry,i just need to vent.
Anyway thank you for replying back,that was reali fast:yes:
(and once again,im sorry for my english,its bad)

How old is your mom?

My mom's 39 years old.

Hi Coco! Welcome to AL. I am 39 and my husband is 21. I have 4 kids ranging in age from 8 to 20, so I kinda know where you are coming from. We are lucky enough to have our children's support and acceptance, much like your mother! I think these relationships are a bit of a shock to folks in the beginning, but given enough time others should come to see what you already see... a loving couple.

These relationships flourish and wither just like any other romantic relationship.

She's the same age as I am! :D

My fiance is 26 - a little older than your mom's bf. HIS mom is 10 years older than his dad - they've been together over 20 years.

My fiance already had a child and we just had a baby together 5 months ago. His already having a kid made me more comfortable with moving forward - because I didn't think I wanted any more kids and I didn't want to be left later down the line for a younger woman who would have children. Little did I know we'd end up have a child together! LOL! :rolleyes:

So, yes - it CAN work! :yes:

Thank you soooo much girls,i really appreciate it:yes: .You guys really do understand.
Wow and Kristin congratulations to you and your fiance..must be nice having a baby.Honestly i don't want my mom to have another baby:D but she's been dropping hints for sometime now and her boyfriend's really eager to have a baby with her.
And once again thank you very much i appreciate you replying back.:yes:

Hola Chica! First of all your English is fine, it is as good as mine :yes: It is my second language too, and people here have never complained. :tongue2:

I think that you have to be firm and tell people to stop talking to you into invervening. They will drive you crazy.

I am in a case like your mom's regarding the amount of attention that a new boyfriend demands. It is not like when you have a husband and you pretty much take each other for granted. I have a 16 yr old son and I have realized that sometimes I do not give him as much attention as I should. It is not that we love you children less and care for you less but it just happens without us realizing it.

I suggest that you invite your mom for a day at the mall or have a cooking project, or another activity where the two of you can talk and have fun, and make it like a weekly routine. Never stop talking to her. :)

Wow, it's so cool to see a poster here from one of the children. I also have two kids (aged 15 - boy/girl twins), and my YM is just 20, so I see that they are going through exactly the same thing as you are.

They are afraid of some crazy person moving in who will just make our lives miserable (yet again!). On the other hand, they also know how long I've been unhappy and really want to see me happy.

My daughter told me not long ago that she doesn't mean to be mean about it, and she doesn't want to sabotage the relationship, but it is so weird for them.

I am wondering if, when he finally comes to visit us (he's 3,000 miles away right now and neither of us have a way to get to each other yet), will they accept him more than what they hear on the phone? Sometimes, to include the kids, I have had conversations with my YM over the phone, and put it on speaker so that everyone could talk to each other.

We don't have any plans for him to be called their "father" or "step father" (they've had both of those before and neither of those are really good situations for them either). Because he's only 5 years older than they are, he wants to just be a mentor or a kind of elder that is concerned for them. But from what he's gotten to know of them already, he's already loving them, too.

I've dated or been engaged or married to men of all different ages. What blew me away about this YM is that he's the youngest I've ever dated (except when I was a senior in high school and had a boyfriend who was one year older than me at age 19), yet he's got to be in most ways the most mature minded man I've ever been with. It's just so very hard right now because of many different circumstances, he can't provide for us. He's working his little tail off trying to find a way to do just that though. And this is the first time that someone thoroughly included the well-being of my kids in their plans, too, not just for me, the woman (who just happens to have kids).

So it's really ageless... the issues. Even with men the same age as your mama, they could behave like a kid sometimes. Heck, I'm 47 almost and after so long of a time having to be responsible and the caretaker for everyone, it's nice to be like a kid sometimes. I think about my YM and the huge responsibility he's taking on by marrying me. He can't be worse at it than the other two men I married, and if he wants to act like a kid every once in a while... well.. I think it's okay and I'll probably just join in the fun! It'll be good for both of us!

The worst thing I could have done would have been to marry the 40 year old I was with before Jeremy. He never would have stepped up top the plate like Jeremy has!

Greetings, chica

You sound like a wonderful daughter. Good lookin' out for your mother. I read your posts, and in one you say that you are afraid to trust this man. But in subsequent posts, you say it's because of the age. If there were something about him that you didn't trust other than his age, I would say to express your feelings to your mother. Doesn't sound that way though. Relationships are a risk no matter what the description of the partners are. If Mom is happy, I know that you'll be happy.

As to these other folks who are negative around you; can you reduce your contact with them? Who wants to be around negative people anyway? Sometimes they're looking for more gossip material. It takes 2 to have a conversation-change the subject, tell them you don't wish to discuss it. Or that they can take it up directly with your mother. They're likely talking to you because they're afraid to speak to Mom.

Hugs back at ya! :bighug:

My fiance is 26 - a little older than your mom's bf. HIS mom is 10 years older than his dad - they've been together over 20 years.

My fiance already had a child and we just had a baby together 5 months ago. His already having a kid made me more comfortable with moving forward - because I didn't think I wanted any more kids and I didn't want to be left later down the line for a younger woman who would have children. Little did I know we'd end up have a child together! LOL!

Kristin, what a pleasant surprise that must have been! A belated "congratulations!" :)

Hello everyone..thank you sooo much for your wonderful replies,i really appreciate it:) .Im sorry for not replying earlier,was busy with my projects.Anyway my mom's bf as usual is here:) I think they're playing playstation:D
And Suki..yeah in my first post i wrote that i don't really trust the guy.I still do,i mean i know he's a real nice guy but sometimes i get this feeling that he's going to leave my mom..so far he's been loyal to her,but still i don't know,maybe what everyone's saying is affecting me??I don't know..my mom said he's not those cheating type and i know she's not stupid when guys are concern.But whatever may be,she's happy 4 now and thats all i care:)
And yeah people who don't know us always assume me and nick are brothers and sisters and my mom is the mom.Its funny but i don't think my mom finds it funny:)
Anyway i gotta go now...have tons of work to do:) HUGssss to all of you.
thank you once again:)