How is 2-3 years considered an Age Gap ?

Hey all I've posted on this board in the past & I am doing great with my YM, who I am engaged to. Im 36 & he is about 7 & 1/2 yrs younger.
We really want kids badly but are going to wait 2 years to try.
I know so so many women who have had babies naturally from 37 on upto 42 so Im not concerned.
Anyway I feel young & look young and am very happy.
But my best friend who is nearly 36 and dating a guy who is JUST 2 & 1/2 years younger than her (32) is feeling depressed.
Like me she takes good care of herself, lives clean & looks mid 20s top.
She and her boyfriend never brought up ages because they assumed they were same age.
But now that he nows she's almost 36 he is freaking out she says.
He apparently wants several kids (so does she) but he seems to think that she only has 2-3 years left.
And she said he joked that her looks will be gone too and he wished he'd met her sooner. Argh, I'd like to slap him upside his head. Ive known her forever and she actually looks her best, better than her 20s ! Picture Julianne Moore. (who also got hotter the older she gets !)
I feel so bad for her because she loves this idiot a lot.
What info can she give him so he doesnt worry that she's still got good years left in her ?

I think she should tell him he's too old for her... ugh... what a jerk... exactly what is it about him that she loves?

I think she should tell him he's too old for her... ugh... what a jerk... exactly what is it about him that she loves?


I love her to death, but she likes him she says because he is smart, very handsome, funny, charming & they have same values/interests/background, blah, blah.
I think he is preoccupied with looks and surface stuff.
I find him slimy but she says he's just insecure and acts full of himself because he actually has low self esteem. :rolleyes:
Anyway she is a goner and I feel bad and want to give her ammunition to allay his stupid fears.

Hi Selkie, How long has your friend been dating this younger man?

Well I suppose that she can provide him with studies that show women are able to give birth into their early 40s. She can also show that women live longer than men, so in reality he's unlikely to live as long as she will. She can also point to any number of absolutely gorgeous actresses in their 40s and 50s. I would say that the best thing that could happen to your g/f is that her b/f bows out.

I swear, a lot of men who are into surface things (appearances, other shallow measurements of a person's value) seem to feel a sense of entitlement regarding having a younger woman... so they themselves can play the field longer before settling down, and also for other shallow reasons. It's like they feel they "deserve" a younger woman. Like older women are somehow less valuable. I really REALLY dislike guys who feel this way.

Anyway, I seriously doubt that there is any way to change this dude's mind. And fact of the matter is that someone who is 36 will most likely not be in a position to have "several" children.

It pains me to say this (believe me, it really pains me -- I'm 33 and nowhere in a position to have kids but I still hope to someday) but fertility drops off rapidly after 35. It does get much harder. I'm still banking on it though -- I hope to have a baby in the next 5 years.

I love her to death, but she likes him she says because he is smart, very handsome, funny, charming....and unfortunately, shallow.

2-3 years age dif?? Sheesh. What if HE was 2-3 years older, would that be a no-go? Of course not.

Remind her that women outlive men by 7 years anyway, so that makes him 5 years older at this point.

He will get a paunch, bald, wrinkly, etc. long before she does, I bet, because she sounds like she takes care of herself and is healthy and in shape. I'm sure HE doesn't moisturize, use sunscreen, color his hair, or involve himself in other regimens that she probably does which guarantee SHE will look younger than him as they age !!!

Bottom line, if this guy is making comments like this about a 2-3 year difference, he is shallow and/or buying into the whole "couples must be same-age or the guy older" social crap of yesteryear. If either is the case, she'll always feel diminished or worried in some way...and all the intelligence, humor, shared values doesn't come close to being a reason to stay with this guy.

I'd like to slap him upside his head.:yes:

I love her to death, but she likes him she says because he is smart, very handsome, funny, charming & they have same values/interests/background, blah, blah.
I think he is preoccupied with looks and surface stuff.
I find him slimy but she says he's just insecure and acts full of himself because he actually has low self esteem. :rolleyes:
Anyway she is a goner and I feel bad and want to give her ammunition to allay his stupid fears.


Yikes.. those are big red flags!

I also got better looking with age. I'm 46 and I know that it is *possible* for me to still have children, but I don't want to go through 18 more years of child rearing. Medical technology these days... it's possible. I had my babies when I was 31. I could have had several more.. but for me it would have been financially not feasible.. they were in vitro babies and so they "cost a lot"! LOL...

I *might* stilll..... try it. I don't know... it depends. I've always wanted lots of kids. I *might* adopt, too. Luckily for me, if my YM wants kids (which he says he doesn't have to have), he is okay with adopting, too. He already feels fatherly towards my kids... who are just 5 years younger than him!

I'd like to slap him upside his head.:yes:

LOL... I like how the very next line (your signature line) says, C'mon.. don't be a hater!

I know what ya mean tho! :D

[QUOTE=special K;459942e. I'm sure HE doesn't moisturize, use sunscreen, color his hair, or involve himself in other regimens that she probably does which guarantee SHE will look younger than him as they age !!!

[/QUOTE]
Scarily enough he does. Sunscreen, hat in the sun, skin treatments, massages, highlights, lipo, etc. Kinda poufy, fod and light in the loafers IMHO.

Also I don't agree with people on here saying fertility drops off rapidly after just 35.

Know too many people who got pregnant first time unplanned and planned between 36-43.

Stressing about it is a bad thing. ;)

http://pregnancyover44y.blogspot.com/2006/11/44y-patient-working-with-own-eggs-8w.html

What suprices me in cases like this is that people actually are together with someone they don't know that age of... for me and most people I know.. telling someone their age is just as natural as telling someone their surname.
:yes:

LOL! True story: before I met my wonderful husband, I was dating a REALLY sweet guy. We had a lot in common, enjoyed each other's company...BUT. He couldn't get over the fact that I was two whole years older than he was. I mean, this was really a struggle for him! I nicely told him he was welcome to keep mulling that over in his mind but that I probably wasn't going to wait around while he figured out if our two year difference was something he could come to terms with.

A few months later, he called me and I told him I was in a relationship with someone. We had a wonderful visit and, of course, he pried about the new man. So I answered his questions.

Even HE had to laugh at the fact that he lost me to a man 16 years younger who had no problem with our age gap!

Oh my sweet lord I feel so bad for my friend.
This guy is still hemming and hawing because he wants 4 kids.
It is still possible they just have to get going already !
I found a perfect example for my friend too.
Actress Patricia Heaton is a very conservative Catholic and did not use any IVF to get pregnant.
She had 4 kids between 38-42.
My friend is in amazing shape and I wish her stupid bf would stop freaking out on her.
She refuses to give up on him.

LOL! True story: before I met my wonderful husband, I was dating a REALLY sweet guy. We had a lot in common, enjoyed each other's company...BUT. He couldn't get over the fact that I was two whole years older than he was. I mean, this was really a struggle for him!

WOW. That is truly ridiculous. Even before I came here, I never would have thought twice about a two-year age gap. That's truly ridiculous. Even when I was 17, a 14 y/o guy was pursuing me -- and EVEN THEN, that didn't seem to be such a big deal, and that's 3 years -- in our teens! I CAN'T IMAGINE having a problem with a 2 year gap between two people in their 30s.

Actress Patricia Heaton is a very conservative Catholic and did not use any IVF to get pregnant.
She had 4 kids between 38-42.


I didn't know she was 38-42 when she had them. That's great!!

If he wants an incubator he should look elsewhere. Your friend deserves a lot better.

How is 2-3 years considered an Age Gap ?

Easy.


When you're an idiot.

the big damn dummy sounds almost like he's looking for an "out".

good grief.

WOW. That is truly ridiculous.

LOL - I know! When he said that, my smile sort of froze in place and I said, "...what?" in that fake, silvery-smiling tone of disbelief. I was stunned that anyone even thought of a two-year difference as an OW/YM age gap worth mentioning!

Ah well, his loss :)

If he wants an incubator he should look elsewhere. Your friend deserves a lot better.

I actually heard him make a crude joke to my friend that he wants his wife to stay home and crank him out an army.
Well I think she's breaking it off soon just like I am.

How is 2-3 years considered an Age Gap ?

Easy.


When you're an idiot.

the big damn dummy sounds almost like he's looking for an "out".

good grief.

Exactly!! .......

Well Ive broken off my engagement and I think it gave my friend the courage to end her relationship too.
She had ample reasons....Her BF who was only 31 months younger told her that he is afraid that although he wants to be married 'forever' and never get divorced that he'll be turned off by his wife aging unless she tried hard to stay thin and get surgery/botox.
My friend is now running screaming.
But she and I both feel LUCKY that both our former loves were upfront with their red flags.
Getting out before damage is done.