she doesnt think she is pretty

how can you express to the female you are with that she is not fat she is unhappy with herself and i dont know how i can make her feel better she is very beautiful in my eyes and i worry about her developing a adverse dieting habit also she doesn't care when i try and compliment her eyes her body etc. anyone know how to make her feel beautiful like she used to

I spent the better part of a 17 year relationship (10 of those married) to a man that told me I was fat and ugly. The abuse was so intense and so underhanded I started to believe it myself. My young man, that I have been with almost four years, tells me I am beautiful and pretty just about everyday. I am starting to believe him. It takes a long time to turn around a bad self image. Just keep telling her and if you have her trust someday she will see what you are saying is true.

The compliments my young man gave me, at first were hard, I wasnt sure I totally trusted him and the image I had of my self didnt match the words he would say to me. Eventually all that bad baggage got lost in my travels with my very special ym. Well not all of it, but it is getting better. He never lets a day go by that he doesnt say "You are so pretty" or "oh look at you , you are so beautiful" , and of course, "I love you" Most of the time I look at him and shake my head, but I always tell him how sweet he is to say those things. Weather he knows it or not, his words are chipping away at my poor esteem and making me realize I really am as beautiful as he says. I find my self looking in the mirror sometimes and realizing he is right. Needless to say he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am one very lucky woman.

Your lady is very lucky too, I hope someday she learns to take your compliments with grace. It's not easy when your esteem is so low. I know mine would still be in the gutter if it were not for this wonderful man telling me how wonderful I am. Not to say I needed a man to feel good about myself, eventually the old me would have come back. Just after so many years of being told how horrible I am it has taken awhile, and my young man well I think he has helped me a great deal with my self image.

Best of luck,
Wendy

how can you express to the female you are with that she is not fat she is unhappy with herself and i dont know how i can make her feel better she is very beautiful in my eyes and i worry about her developing a adverse dieting habit also she doesn't care when i try and compliment her eyes her body etc. anyone know how to make her feel beautiful like she used to

I suspect your problem is a pretty common one. A lot of women base their self worth on their appearance, and if they have had the unfortunate luck of being in a past relationship where they may have been cheated on, or in some way emotionally abused, then you have a recipe for poor self esteem. of course many other things can cause a sudden attitude change, weight gain, etc...but those are usually just symptoms of a greater problem.

Personally I would try to get to the bottom of her problem...and be as supportive and understanding as possible. Compliments are nice, but people with low self esteem dont usually take compliments well, many see it as you just saying it to make them feel better, or they dont give your opinion much credit because they feel you are looking through "love goggles" and you would think they looked good no matter what.

Is she open to therapy? if so, I would suggest it. If not, maybe she can open up to you and get to the root of the issue, either way, your best bet is to not get frustrated with her, just be patient, understanding, and willing to be there when she needs you.

Best of luck to you :)

It does not have to be as serious as low self esteem or past abuse - not to make light of those things but....

I am not fat, but I am fatter than I want to be. I have gained about 15 lbs and I hate it. It is my fault, cause I don't exercise like I used to. I eat well, but I drink a tad too much microbrewed beer (it is really tasty). I get tired of all the time thinking "you can't eat that, it is too fattening" and sometimes I just eat it anyway. Then I think "well it is no wonder you are getting a tummy you idiot, you are eating crap and drinking" LOL.

My point is, I gained weight, I plan to lose it BUT-I gripe about it and say I am fat and that I feel terrible BUT, I am not really devastated-I mean there are other things going on that are worse than a few pounds-but I do harp on it. My BF says you are not fat, I like your tummy. That is sweet, but come on now, who really likes a tummy? LOL

Anyway, lighten up, tell her she looks good to you and don't be overly concerned. Maybe she is just venting.

"Who really likes a tummy?"

Harrison does. :tongue2:

Tell her and mean it .....

It absolutely doesn't matter to you one way or the other. You care for HER.
But her happiness with HERSELF does matter, because she has to live with herself. So if it's really making her this unhappy, how can you help her exercise, diet or whatever in a healthy way?

Then do what she tells you to do :)

Do not lose hope! I was also feeling low self esteem and it took my bf like a year to make me feel beautiful.

*shrugs* this is a lifelong struggle for me. My husband swears he thinks I'm beautiful. Me? I've just been thankful for his EXTREEEEEEEME myopia and my wonderful personality! :tongue2:

I drink a tad too much microbrewed beer (it is really tasty). I get tired of all the time thinking "you can't eat that, it is too fattening" and sometimes I just eat it anyway. Then I think "well it is no wonder you are getting a tummy you idiot, you are eating crap and drinking" LOL.

My BF says you are not fat, I like your tummy. That is sweet, but come on now, who really likes a tummy? LOL

*Waves hand frantically in the air* I do! I do! :bgrin2:

I like to caress and kiss a nice tummy. Also, it's SO much more fun to take a woman out to dinner and have her join you in the joys of a juicy steak and a great microbrewed beer, than it is to have her order the salad with dressing on the side, followed by the grilled chicken. I think a few extra pounds is just the result of not having too many inhibitions and enjoying life!

Jeremy tells me, "You're not fat, you're P-H-A-T!"

I look in the mirror and wish I had that 23 year old body again. I know I should do something about it. Both he and I put on a lot of weight since we started dating. We joke it's because we're happy, LOL. He hates his "gut".

It IS hard for me to believe that a man can still love me looking the way I do (I'm not so bad with clothes on...) but he says he loves me no matter what.

It took a while, but I finally believe him.

You are gorgeous Kristin!

Thanks Marcy. You are so sweet!

But ya gotta know I only post pictures I look decent in, LOL!! :rolleyes:

When Jeremy met me, I was a healthy 12 and now I'm a 16 (recently an 18) with curves in places there shouldn't be! I need to lose at least 50 pounds. That's a lot on a 5'6" frame.

All this weight you've lost and your determination put me to shame, LOL! (YOU look great, by the way!!)

Kristin you just had a baby give yourself a break, and where I come from curves are a good thing, the guys I know always tell me they want bigger because it's better.

Oh, I wish I could blame the pregnancy, LOL! But I already lost that - I already was 50 pounds overweight before I got pregnant.

It is nice that people assume it's baby weight though, LOL! :p

Why do you guys think I'm hiding behind Jeremy in that new picture? LMAO!

Not to hijack your thread, grimus voorhees, but this should prove to you that your lady isn't alone in her feelings about being/feeling fat!!

Not wanting to hijack the thread either, but I see all these women gaining weight (myself included) because their men contribute with candy, and other goodies, like they were trying to get us fat like a Thanksgiving turkey.

Does anybody else have the same suspicion?

I am thinking about starting a separate thread.

Also, it's SO much more fun to take a woman out to dinner and have her join you in the joys of a juicy steak and a great microbrewed beer, than it is to have her order the salad with dressing on the side, followed by the grilled chicken.

Tell me about it! ;)

Although, a lot of the time Donna does feel like a salad, and so do I nowadays. But there's still nothing that beats a nice pint and a steak and ale pie, or the full Irish breakfast after watching the football on a saturday/sunday afternoon. :no:

My husband swears he thinks I'm beautiful. Me? I've just been thankful for his EXTREEEEEEEME myopia and my wonderful personality!
__________________

HA, Kell.....I'm still laughing after reading this!! Isn't it funny that we actually BELIEVE that our guy must be deluded because he thinks we are beautiful; yet we are thankful for his delusion??

When Jake tells me I'm beautiful I most usually reply, "I'm so glad YOU think so!" I am. The media and American culture have taught us women to scrutinize ourselves all of our freakin lives...so, it's hard to believe the truth that: Our ym's REALLY DO THINK WE ARE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING ON THE PLANET.

Rejoice, and be glad, sistas!:ohyes:

Tell me about it! ;)

Although, a lot of the time Donna does feel like a salad, and so do I nowadays. But there's still nothing that beats a nice pint and a steak and ale pie, or the full Irish breakfast after watching the football on a saturday/sunday afternoon. :no:

Hey, Jeremy & I went out to a new bar & grill and we both had pints and burgers! (Although, mine was a turkey burger cause I don't eat beef!)

The problem is, for every guy that says we are beautiful, we hear a horrer story about some guy who left his wife because she got too big.

SK - I used to tease Jeremy that he really lhad a BBW fetish and he was trying to get me bigger! :D I always say, "Glad you think so" too. And when I say he's sexy or handsome he says, "Yeah, but you're crazy."

I had my health screen today. AHHH! It included results from 2004. I saw in print that it was possible to weigh what I did then. It was not a figment of my imagination. It was written there in black and white. But, I was a recent widow, spent alot of time alone exercising-for lack of a life....LOL

#1 I think it is a result of having a good life and enjoying it. Just can't go too
overboard

#2 If someone would write a book on how to grow 2 " taller instead of how to lose 20 lbs I would have it covered!

I had my health screen today. AHHH! It included results from 2004. I saw in print that it was possible to weigh what I did then. It was not a figment of my imagination. It was written there in black and white. But, I was a recent widow, spent alot of time alone exercising-for lack of a life....LOL

#1 I think it is a result of having a good life and enjoying it. Just can't go too
overboard

#2 If someone would write a book on how to grow 2 " taller instead of how to lose 20 lbs I would have it covered!


Hehe.. My mom used to say she wasn't overweight.. she was just "undertall"

All my life, I have been the opposite of what the majority around me considered "beautiful". For a long time, I was just 89 pounds, and then finally throughout high school, I managed to inch my way up to 98 pounds. I was so THRILLED the day I hit 100 pounds (my first year in college). At that time, in that area of the USA (southern states), thin was not in. It started to be really in once I was in my 4th and 5th years in college, and I had gained to be 115 pounds. Then my boyfriend told me how "fat" I was getting.

I was around 117 pounds for a long time in my first marriage, so when I hit 125 pounds, my husband also called me "fat and ugly".

Second husband married me after I had gotten sick and had sudden and extreme weight gains, but he never minded! He always thought I was beautiful, and that was really hard for me to believe. Eventually, though, I thought, "Hmmm..I think I am more beautiful at this weight than any of the lighter weights."

Once I was divorced from him, and the community found out I was single again, I have discovered that at 46 years old and 170 pounds (I'm 5'2"), I seem to be more attractive to the opposite sex than ever before. I don't know if it's the weight, or what.... but I do feel beautiful more often now than I ever did before.

So yeah... just keep telling her she's beautiful. One day she may just take a look in the mirror and say "hmm! gee ... I AM!"

The more you say it the more she'll believe it. I too have had a terrible experience with ugly men, but my ym makes me feel beautiful..almost enough that I believe it. See, it's an issue deep rooted & will take along time (if ever) for me to really believe I'm beautiful. But I do know my ym thinks I am & that's great!:)

The more you say it the more she'll believe it. I too have had a terrible experience with ugly men, but my ym makes me feel beautiful..almost enough that I believe it. See, it's an issue deep rooted & will take along time (if ever) for me to really believe I'm beautiful. But I do know my ym thinks I am & that's great!:)

At least from what I see in your avatar, believe it sweetie! Your ym is a lucky dude. And I daresay I live in a city that's famous for beautiful women, so I know what I'm talking about.;)

I must say I can totally relate to this. I myself have been through some very tough times my entire life from the time I was little my dad and brothers always told me I was fat, ugly, stupid and would never amount to anything which really took a toll on me even though I always tried to show that it didn't bother me it truely hurt me very deeply. Alot of other things since then has happened in my life also. As I got older I have always carried this baggage around with me and have tried to change this image in my head but to this day I still have problems taking a compliment.
Since January of this year I have met the love of my life and only now things feel real to me. At first he would tell me I was beautiful or gorgeous and I would just say "yeah ok" and he would get frustrated with me. He doesn't realize how much I have really endured and all the torture I have been through and that it will take time for me to really believe that. The more he tells me those things the more I am starting to believe it and he makes me really feel beautiful. I hope he can be patient with me and never stop convincing me of this. I really need to always hear it from him because he is the one that truely matters to me. He is such an inspiration to me and has made my life complete I can't wait for us to be together and spend eternity together forever. I feel so blessed to be in his presence.

I spent the better part of a 17 year relationship (10 of those married) to a man that told me I was fat and ugly. The abuse was so intense and so underhanded I started to believe it myself. My young man, that I have been with almost four years, tells me I am beautiful and pretty just about everyday. I am starting to believe him. It takes a long time to turn around a bad self image. Just keep telling her and if you have her trust someday she will see what you are saying is true.



The compliments my young man gave me, at first were hard, I wasnt sure I totally trusted him and the image I had of my self didnt match the words he would say to me. Eventually all that bad baggage got lost in my travels with my very special ym. Well not all of it, but it is getting better. He never lets a day go by that he doesnt say "You are so pretty" or "oh look at you , you are so beautiful" , and of course, "I love you" Most of the time I look at him and shake my head, but I always tell him how sweet he is to say those things. Weather he knows it or not, his words are chipping away at my poor esteem and making me realize I really am as beautiful as he says. I find my self looking in the mirror sometimes and realizing he is right. Needless to say he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am one very lucky woman.

Your lady is very lucky too, I hope someday she learns to take your compliments with grace. It's not easy when your esteem is so low. I know mine would still be in the gutter if it were not for this wonderful man telling me how wonderful I am. Not to say I needed a man to feel good about myself, eventually the old me would have come back. Just after so many years of being told how horrible I am it has taken awhile, and my young man well I think he has helped me a great deal with my self image.

Best of luck,
Wendy