Why do we always hurt (and get hurt by) the ones we love the most?

For background on this please see...New here...feeling sad...sorry long

We talked, made love and slept in the buff!!:blush:

It was an uncomfortable start, but we talked through it. I'm very proud of myself that I remained calm and didn't get emotional (I'm a crier). I calmly stated how I felt and why and actively listened to and acknowledged his frustrations. It was good.

I was talking to his mom (she and I are very close) about how I've been detaching. We both agreed that when old wounds get ripped open or new wounds are created, some of us detach in order to protect our hearts. That can be good or bad. At least I'm recognizing it.

She and I also talked about the concept of a God box. When you have a problem, you write it on a piece of paper and put it in a box. In essence you are giving it to God for him to take care of. You're not supposed to open the box and take back the problem. Unfortunately, I either never let it go or take it back numerous times, as if I have more power or ability than God to handle my problem. My life lesson at this moment is learning to let it go!:)

Unfortunately, hb is the analytical type. Identify the problem, solve it, get over it and move on. I don't work that way. I go through a process taking baby steps. We're working on meeting in the middle.

Bottom line is...Why do we hurt the ones we love the most? Is it because we feel safe to completely be ourselves and sometimes that can cause another pain? Is it because we are in a place of intimacy and vulnerability and we put ourselves out there and risk getting hurt?

He acknowledged that he has hurt me and he's sorry. He also shared with me that my detachment is hurting him.:(

So far his return home is good one. We are going to make the best of the few days he has home.

Thanks for all your advice, support and words of encouragement. I'm so glad I found this site!:yes: :yay:

First of all, your picture together is adorable. You look very happy.

I like the idea of the God box, and think maybe I should put that into practice myself!

I think a lot of men are like yours..with the problem solving. I think they feel they have to take care of everything, like they are expected to.

I don't have the answer to your question... :(

Could it be that it hurts the people we love the most, because they love us so much also? If they didn't love us right back, it wouldn't hurt them as much. In other words, the same actions with someone who is not as close to us would not hurt them as much. *sigh* Im making no sense! lol

Everybody loves himself the most.

If one's primary interest (or addiction, or first priority) is not in the family, then the family is going to be hurt. That doesn't mean he does not love you. He might love something else more (for example, his flirtous way, woman in general, not necessary true, just a suggestion). It's better to check this out.

Also, I think your detachment from your husband is a way to protect yourself. You should.

Sassynurse, I have to say I have alot fo respect for you. You remind me alot of my girlfriend. (she's 35, Im 25) I really respect the fact that your apparently a Christian and not afraid to talk about it. Jenn and I were doing great until our accident Sunday. (Read my post "turn for worst) Im trying to see God's reasoning in what we are going through. I hope all works out with you and your guy. Your a beautiful, Godly woman and he's lucky to have you.

-Ben

Are you Christian? I sort of thought you might be Jewish, what with the Hebrew inscribed wedding bands and all. BTW, we are Jewish.

Theresa looks Latina to me! :)

Hey neighbor glad things have gotten a bit better with your husband! Keep talking, communicating and making lots of love! :D

Things are going well with my pilot! We've done a lot of talking. He's working on being more empathetic, I'm working on letting go of old hurts. We are a neverending work in progress, but I wouldn't have it any other way. At least he WANTS to work on things. Some men don't/won't. I am very lucky.

We talked about why do we hurt the ones we love the most. We agreed that we have both put ALL our cards on the table and were loving each other fearlessly, that even the slightest infraction hurt immensely. We see that now. We are also working on loving each other fearlessly again. I think I finally got it through to him that this stuff takes time. He's in it for the long haul! So am I!

I'm actually italian, but I get the latina thing a lot, especially in San Antonio. Yes, I'm christian. He actually chose the ring because it's unique and because of it's translation "I am hers and she is mine". We are both christian and pray together before we go to bed on the nights that he's home.

Ben, Thank you for your kind words. I'll read your post. Sounds like you're going through a rough time. Sorry to hear that. Hang in there!:)

Thanks to all!

Ah nice inscription... similar to ours... in English..

"I carry your heart. I carry it in my heart."