Turn for the worst

Jenn and I were involved in a horrible car accident last Sunday. A lady pulled out directly into my lane in which we basically hit head-on at about 65 mph. I was lucky enough to only suffer two sprained ankled and a myriad of bruises. My baby suffered a severe knee injury which involed 2 surgeries to repair. She has been in the hospital all week. Finally she went home to her mother's house yesterday. I've been to see her at least twice a day for the last 9 days and spent many nights at the hospital. I dont know how to handle this, we "used" to be so active-walking all the time, riding bikes etc. Now she's reduced to needing help with just getting up out of bed and constant pain/ suffering. Im losing my mind here, why does this **** happen? Im worried she'll never be the same again and always be in pain and limping with hardly any ability to run/ dance etc. I really feel like Im in Hell right now. I've herd from other victims of knee injury that after a few months they were able to bounce back but none sound as serious as hers. I will stand by her through the whole healing process but unfortunately I have to go back home (200 miles way) for work. Has anybody else been through this? I'm 25, shes 35 btw. Im so depressed, but, were are lucky to be alive on the same note.

-Ben

Sorry to hear about you and your loved one :(
Wishing you and your love a speedy recovery :)

:bighug:

No. I haven't been through anything like what you are going through. But I just wanted to say I am sorry about all of this. I have witnessed over the years MANY people coming out of these types of situations and being just fine and able to return to their previous activities. Blessings to you and I hope you both make a complete and full recovery really soon.

Ben, first of all I'm sorry that this happened. I'm glad you two are more or less okay, and I hope the lady that was involved was okay as well.

When a person is in chronic pain, particularly substantial pain, and particularly after a shocking incident such as an accident, there is always a huge adjustment process to go through. She's feeling the same uncertainties and concerns about the future as you are with regards to her activity level, but with her it's compounded because she's not just wondering how it's going to impact the things you two like to do...she's wondering how it's going to impact every little thing in her life. How she'll get up, how she'll shower, dress, whether she'll be able to work in the same job/field as before, when the pain eases up, what will be "normal" for her, and will it be remotely the same as normal before the accident. Couple that with the pain she's in, the months of therapy she's bound to have...can you imagine how daunting it all is for her? Depression is definitely part of recovering from an injury and dealing with chronic pain, so she's also wrestling with that as well.

The best advice I can give you at this point is to quite literally take everything one day at a time. For both of you, thinking of the end result is too far away, too uncertain. Think about today. Does she feel better? Is the pain any less? Your attitude can actually go a long way towards her healing...if you try not to focus on the uncertainties and just focus on today, being with her, loving her regardless of her injuries, finding funny things to think about and talk about, keeping your spirits (and subsequently hers) up, and not treating her like a broken thing, but rather the woman you love who is temporarily immobile. Laughter really is the best medicine, for both of you. It will make the healing faster and more thorough, and actually make you stronger as a couple. That is probably the best thing you can do, for her, and for you.

First of all, I am sorry about your accident. Thank God you are alive, head on collisions are so serious.

Be patient with your love's situation. This sounds like something that will require therapy. Luckily, she is young and her bones should be healthy. You will have to be the strong one here and keep her spirits up. I am sure you talked to her doctor, what did she/he said about the prognosis for the future?

I had a brother-in-law who has suffered many knee surgeries (had his meniscus removed) and he is still active with low impact activities such as swimming, walking, dancing... is riding a bike low impact?

My wishes for her speedy recovery.

January 26, 1992, (Super Bowl Sunday, will never forget the date) my then H and I were involved in a similar accident. Lady crossed medium of freeway and hit us head on... She killed herself, we ended up in the hospital.

It is going to take a while to get over it, and not just the physical pain but the fear that someone is going to hit you again on the same manner. Our accident happened on a cold rainy day and every time it rains, 15 yrs later, I still fear someone loosing control of his/her car and hit me again!

Please consult with a good attorney, you both may be well compensated if you and/or the driver at fault had insurance. We did not have a good policy in place, so we were barely compensated, but not all the money in the world, will make you whole again.

Good luck!

Thank you for all the replies guys. Your always so helpful and intuitive. i will do my best to take things one day at a time with her and keep things positive. I spoke to the orthopaedic doctor who did the surgery and he was concerned, but said the surgery went very well. "She's very fit and has good bones" he said. He couldn't give a clear prognosis on recovery, he said it's possible she could end up with a limp, or be totally recovered, it's hard to predict. I can't watch her spend another day in pain, it's literally killing me. Im going to have to go back to work this week and just be away for a few days. Thanks again for all the help guys.

-Ben

My exhb was in a horrendous roll-over accident in 1995 going 60 when someone pulled out onto the highway in front of the vehicle he was riding in. All occupants were fortunate to be alive, but my exhb had to have 2 hip surgeries, and still has residual pain at times, but he is now fully functioning. Most likely as he gets inot his late 50's and 60's, the joint pain may worsen...but he's had a full and normal life since...and a hip fracture is a serious thing.

My son broke his ankle in 3 places. After 6 months and physical therapy, he is as good as new (he is young...your ow has youth on her side as well).

A former tap dance teacher of mine had knee surgery 2 years ago. She is 52 now, and was told not to tap any more (because of the high impact), but after a few month's recovery, she is fine and able to engage in low impact activity with no problem.

Focus on all the positives right now...your gf NEEDS you to do that....she is alive, loves you, has good health care, making progress every day, and will be back to normal most likely in every sense after some time.

Also....do what Alt suggests....find an accident attorney. My ex-husband (who wasn't the driver of the vehicle, BTW), and all of the passengers in their vehicle received a pretty huge settlement...I think about $30,000 a piece or so. Surgeries were covered by health insurance, so the money was compensatory and we used it to purchase a new car, invested some, and took a great trip (all things that helped with the emotional side of the whole thing).\
Best,
K

Yup, what everyone else said. It hasn't been very long since your accident, and it will take some time. Physical therapy can do absolute miracles...

I'm so sorry about your accident. Thank God you are both still able to be here. We also just lost someone close to us last Thursday. She was coming home for a visit, and her husband fell asleep. She was asleep at the time and didn't have on her seatbelt. She was ejected from the car. She was only 19.

So, although the accident was a horrible thing, just rejoice in the fact that you still have each other. She is only 35 years old, and with good medical care and physical therapy, there isn't any reason why she won't be able to walk and dance and run and everything she did before. It's just going to take a little time.

((hugs)) Sending you prayers and positive energy

Ben,

As everyone else said, thank God you're both alive! I just went through an accident where I broke my ankle. While my injury was not nearly as severe as your sweetie's, the consequenses are still the same.

She's probably going from being a very active independent person to being bedridden and totally dependent. Expect depression, it's a normal reaction to her situation.

First of all I didn't remember a couple of weeks after my accident because of all the pain meds I was on. Then after that I fell into a deep depression. I was jealous that my hubby and my friends could get out and do things and I couldn't. I was lonely cuz my hubby was working all the time and my friends were busy with school and their own lives.

When she's able, get her out of the house, even if it's just for a drive. she'll probably be stir crazy. Call her friends and make sure they visit her. When you call or visit, don't just focus on the injuries. She's more than just her injuries. She's a complete woman still who has wants, needs, desires and goals. My hubby would always ask about my ankle, but forgot to ask about ME! Listen to her, hold her, talk to her. Love her!

I also worked in a physical therapy clinic as a tech and I've seen people who were told they would never walk again, eventually walk out of that clinic. It all has to do with the attitude of the patient and their support system. If you and her family are involved in her therapy, she WILL get better.

Lastly, don't forget to take care of yourself. You can't give from an empty cup. Keep in touch with a good friend (like us) where you can vent your frustrations. Cry when you need to. Take care of your ankles so you too can dance again.

I am so sorry this happend to you. I believe everything happens for a reason, we just don't always see it or understand it. For lack of a better word, THIS SUCKS!!! But you both will get through it, and hopefully your love for one another will be stronger. Good luck and God bless. I'll pray for you both.

My YM friend (late 20s) had a knee injury (sports related) and it was very traumatic for him. I can imagine that a car accident is even more traumatic. He had to deal with first, the pain, walking on crutches for several weeks, dealing with strong pain meds which made him kind of "off-kilter", then surgery, then physical therapy for six months, then financial/insurance worries, and the anxiety that goes with all that, and wondering if, how, and when the knee would heal properly. And the wondering if he indeed can get back to as active a life as he had and would he be able to do any sports...and this is a young active guy. We were and only friends at this point, and we had been getting a little closer as friends but that injury completely set things back...he shutdown communication. So I just left him alone. He didn't seem to want my help, perhaps he was embarrassed. So I respected that.

To make a long story short, eventually, he started communicating with me and sharing some of his feelings about the injury, but it took time. We are starting to reconnect as friends. I would say that if you truly love her...be patient...if she goes through some emotional stages of dealing with this that are hard to understand...don't take it personally. Whenever a permanent physical change is a possibility...a disability of some kind...it's a very traumatic thought especially at such a young age...so don't be insulted if she becomes a little preoccupied with her situation. Hope it all goes well.:)

Ben, I am really sorry to hear of this, but I also believe the best gift to be an upbeat attitude and a sense of humour. Again, take each day as it comes and be her support, her optimistic support, because she might not have it in her some days to do that and that's where you step in.

I'm so sorry to hear about the accident and I'm so glad to hear that, in the big picture, you're both okay!

Listen, a year and a half ago, I shattered my arm - and by "shattered," I mean compound fracture, bone sticking out, 12 weeks off work and a plate with 13 screws in it. Two days later, my husband severed tendons and nerves in his left hand - we were a mess! I was on Vicaden and Morphine but was eventually switched to Lortab (2 gigantic pills every 3 hours)... I was constantly freezing and totally useless for the first month!

My husband's short-term recovery was much quicker than mine and he was the hugest help to me; not just in the physical sense - his upbeat, loving attitude made me feel so much more confident and determined to push through my physical therapy! I don't know how your gf's recovery is supposed to take but the physical therapy/recovery for my arm was estimated at 9 months to a year.

It'll take time and she may not be able to run marathons but, as long as she works through the therapy sessions and does her exercises, I'm guessing she should be fine. It just takes patience on your part and perseverence on hers.

Now THAT'S love, that is! LOL!!
http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a199/KelleyGreenEyez/DSC02806.jpg

Ben, I'm sorry to hear about your accident. Thank God that you both are OK. You say that the wreck happened just this past Sunday. You will have to give yourselves time to heal, it doesn't happen that quickly. It seems like forever, but it WILL happen. I agree with the person who said that you just need to live one day at a time and take things slowly. I went through a wreck years ago. My family and I were rear-ended by a truck. I had a broken bone that took weeks to heal. It was very PAINFUL. It was a small bone in the shoulder blade area, but it felt as if someone had taken a flat board and struck me across my upper back. My older child had a broken leg. Depression followed for both of us. A year later, when I watched my child run, I could still detect a slight limp. Since that time we have both participated in sports and in dance. You'd think that we had never been injured.