Help with my spending addiction

This is my relationship with money. I used to make enough money that I did not have to budget. I always spent a lot on my family and enjoyed doing that.

Then 10 years ago I had an antique business. So I spent a lot at auctions and Ebay. I was still working and making a lot of money at my other job that I did not worry about spending too much with my business.

Now, fast forward. I am on a limited income these days with retirement pay and Social Security. It is adequate to live on BUT I have a terrible spending addiction. I am broke within 3 days after being paid!

The money goes on krap. I go to the Dollar Store and spend 80 dollars. I go to a thrift store and spend $60. You get the picture...

I have tried to 12 step it but I can feel the urge to shop today as it is a 'pay day'.

Has anyone else been through this and over come it? If so, please tell me how. Humbly... Yellowrose :(

Yellowrose,
I have the same problem, when I was married I had a more income, so of course I spent more, things for the kids, myself the house..etc. Now that I am single its soooo hard to not splurge on things. What seems to work for me is...I stay out of the stores. I dont even go to Walmart ( a notorious paycheck killer). I stopped hanging out with one of my best girlfriends and shopping buddies. I changed my old habits. If its not grocery day, I dont even stop by the store to pick up a few things. But...when the urge becomes unbearable..I do go shopping...I buy small inexpensive things that make me happy, last week 2 pink hand towels for my bathroom. You would have thought I spent 100 dollars...cost..7.99...It doesnt always work, but I find that I at the end of the pay period I usually have a couple of bucks left over to SAVE...

I have my retirement check auto-deposited. It is in my account today. I don't want to spend it all... I am actually fighting the urge right now... today... to not overspend.

I am thinking about deciding on an amount that I can spend, and draw that cash amount out of the bank. Then leave my plastic cards and debit cards and check book at home. Maybe that would work....

I've never had a problem with overspending, but I have had to do a lot of budgeting over the years and really stick to that.

One time after the IRS froze my bank account and took all of my money, I couldn't do anything at all. (A frozen bank account affects so many things, you would never realize). So I had to go back to an old method I used a long time ago when I was only making $7,000 a year teaching and getting paid only once a month.

I would get the cash.. i.e., cash the paycheck. Then I would take the cash I would need for each bill payment, and put it in a separate envelope (including one for "savings" - and I saved $200 a month by treating that as just another "bill" that had to be paid). So the money in the envelopes would be used for the bills, and that was not touched until the bill was due (I forgot how I paid those bills in those days long ago - maybe sent the cash, or maybe I got a money order, but the money order is what I did years later when the IRS froze my account).

So then after the "necessary" cash was put aside, whatever cash I had left (which wasn't much), I just used for whatever.

I am doing this again now, too. Surprisingly, you can end up with a lot more to spend by using cash only, and it can disappear too fast when you have, on the other hand, an auto deposit and debit/credit cards to use.

I think that why it works is that when you deal only with cash, you always see exactly how much you have at any particular time. There is something different, too, about seeing a number in a bank account, and actually seeing the individual stacks of bills in your possession. When the stack starts going down, it's more of a mental impact that tells you "Hey... slow down... you're going to be out of cash soon."

It takes some getting used to in order to not feel too stressed about it, but after a while, it just becomes really easy to say, "If I don't have the cash for it, I don't need it."

Do you need the items you are spending money on? I'm not saying that you should buy everything you think you need, some of that Dollar Store money probably goes to toys for the grandbabies, and decorations for the house. They are small items, actually. (I have never spent more than 20 dollars at our dollar stores, but some of the Family Dollar Stores where they have things like clothing and fans and blinds and towels and things, I can see doing it. I got my last rug at one of these for about 8 bucks.) But I think few people would begrudge you these items.

If you are spending money on clothes that you never seem to wear, you might take a step back and ask yourself why do I buy them? When I'm broke I go to the thrift shops and look for clothes, and then often find they are ill fitting. (I never try anything on at the store, I absolutely despise dressing rooms.) And of course, you can't leave the tags on and return them there, so I finally stopped buying thrift store clothes, and saved to get better things when I do shop. If I found I was dissatisfied with a particular stores things (Old Navy has gone straight downhill) I stopped purchasing anything from them. My last shopping coup was yesterday: an 18 piece set of stainless steel cookware on sale at Belk for 19.99. I try to look for things at good stores that are quality and reduced price or clearance racks, if I can get them.

I think you need a lifestyle change. As you know, SS Benefits can be much smaller than your wages were at one time. It's like eating too much, you have to make overall changes in your diet. I don't know if you can work at all, it's always easier to live if you have any extra cash that you can save for a rainy day.

Have you tried Consumer Credit Counseling???

Ali

I think Naznoor has a great idea with the envelopes, specially the savings envelope. I suggest something else. Keep this money in a little safe. Out of sight, having the pain to work the combination everytime you want money.

For other things I have the following system:

My utilities are debited automatically from my account. Same with the minimum payment of my credit card and an amount for savings that is automatically transfered from checking account to savings every month. That gives me less free money to spend.

I do not buy anything that I may need until I run out of it. For example moisturizing creams, I used to get the latest anti-wrinkle cream until I had too many half-used tubes and jars that went to waste.

I ban myself from buying knick-knacks. I have more than I need and I put them away in boxes, when I want to give my house a new look I take out the ones in boxes and put the other ones away.

I have a problem with towels and tablecloths. I am adicted to them, so I skip the towel and tablecloth department altogether when I go shopping.

Everytime I buy a new shirt (or pants) I have to give an old shirt (or pants) away.

I pay the total of my credit card every month.

OMG, Yellowrose, you and me both.
The solution that I came up with?
I am now buying beads, semiprecious stones, rare beading items, etc... and making beautiful eyeglass necklaces for women in their "goddess" years or anyone else who wants a unique and classy piece of jewelry. I limit my spending to those items (this way I can still enjoy "the hunt" lol) to replenish my stock or for items for special order customers.
I will eventually use this money to travel to my destinations for raising awarness on (you guessed it) elephant conservation.
Hope that my shopping addiction methods help you.......took a lot of money to figure something out LOL.
Blessings, TD

I have all my bills auto paid except food and household items. The problem is, I need to pay off a "payday" loan and get some jewlery out of the pawn shop. (Can you believe it!) I also need to get my car tags and inspection this month and next.

That 'payday' loan is eating up $85 a month!

Okay, I am going incorporate everything you all have said and do my budget first. Then I am drawing out only the cash I need from the bank for this week.

Problem is, I won't get those good temporary feelings from shopping. :paperbag: Do I need a real life... oh yes. :(

I finally stopped buying thrift store clothes, and saved to get better things when I do shop.LB, I realized that what I spent on cheap clothes, I could save just a month or two and get really nice stuff.

I think part of it is that do I feel I am worth something good? I can spend a fortune on a grandbaby's dress if she wants it. But not do the same for me.

Since I have been gaining weight, my self esteem is blummeting... That is another addiction to work on... FOOD!

I think part of it is that do I feel I am worth something good?

Awwww... dont think that way! You are a very valuable person.
:bighug:

Like Naznoor I've always seemed to come from the wanting side, but I've noticed that in flush times, when income tax checks come in, for instance, I find myself treating and treating and treating, and then suddenly wonder where it all went. I can make 50.00 worth of groceries feed three for a week, but I can't seem to manage an extra 200.00 windfall, go figure.

However, I think the approach is the same. After being tired of always wanting and never having, I realized that I do have enough money...I just have to change my attitude. Instead of treating all the time when things are flush, I still limit myself and my girls to a once monthly treat, like a movie, and I give them an allowance of 10.00 for the 18 year old (she does a LOT of chores around the house and as yet doesn't have a job...we're still waiting on her green card), and 5.00 for the 8 year old, and then I let them treat themselves. I don't splurge, I try to save 10% of every check, which goes for clothes or trips or those unexpected things that come up. I walk into a store with an exact list of what I want, and I simply DO NOT BUY anything that's not on that list. If I see something I want, I'll add it to the next list. Between then and now I can either decide I don't really need/want it, or find something I like better. I have a guerilla tactics approach to shopping...go in, hit the sh*t and flee :)

When I said:

"I think that why it works is that when you deal only with cash, you always see exactly how much you have at any particular time. There is something different, too, about seeing a number in a bank account, and actually seeing the individual stacks of bills in your possession. When the stack starts going down, it's more of a mental impact that tells you "Hey... slow down... you're going to be out of cash soon."

I meant dollar bill stacks, not stacks of bills to be paid. Somehow for me, when I see the size of the stash of dollars dwindling, I am more apt to be extra careful with the spending. Over the years, I have gotten used to a feeling of how soon that will diminish within the number of days left before I am expecting something else like a child support check or something (or when I have a job - a paycheck).

Speaking of shopping for food.... here's another tip (extrapolate as necessary):

Don't take your kids with you. If they're like mine, they will talk you into buying something you don't need.

Oh! And don't ever go grocery shopping when you're hungry! Eat before you go. When you go hungry, everything looks "necessary".

YR ~ I know exactly how you feel. I have traded one addiction for another... spending > eating > young man in Germany. My current addiction is lurking for hours and hours every day on Ageless plus one other relationship website... and on into the night. It's appalling.

When I was addicted to EBAY, I bid and won auctions so fast and furious that the packages of stuff I'd won started piling up in my hallway, unopened for weeks or months, while I kept bidding on yet even more stuff.

You said you've tried to 12-step it. Have you tried Debtors Anonymous? They deal with all issues surrounding money... debt, spending urges, feelings of impoverishment. Find a DA meeting in your area, and find someone at that meeting whom you can call when you feel The Urge coming on. Read the DA bible: "How to Get Out of Debt, Stay Out of Debt, and Live Prosperously" written by Jerrold Mundis... here:
http://tinyurl.com/2nu57y

Speaking of shopping for food.... here's another tip (extrapolate as necessary):

Don't take your kids with you. If they're like mine, they will talk you into buying something you don't need.

Oh! And don't ever go grocery shopping when you're hungry! Eat before you go. When you go hungry, everything looks "necessary".

Excellent tip! I don't take my kids because they make the grocery bill go up by an additional 20 bucks easily. Another good tip is plan your meals out in advance for the week and make a complete shopping list. If its not on the list, don't get it. Not only will you save time, but you will also save money. I also take a calculator with me and track my spending as I shop.

I have tons of towels...and I live alone! wHY? At the time I was buying them for my new home once I move out of my apartment lol hmm mmm. I'm still in my apartment lol.

I have stopped alot of my buying b/c I know I need to save for the wedding but when me an my fiance ...eheheh are out at walmart or target ..he'll spend 132 at one place and i'll spend 120 at another and its like we don't need that.

i need to remove the CLUTTER oh that's another topic sorry!

sorry i am no help!

One thing I know YR is that we do have a "relationship" with money. There are a lot of ways to look at budgets and so forth, but in the end, it all comes back to that relationship. Do you love money, hate money, think it is a pain in your butt? It's kind of like you have to "get right" with it to manage it.

I have a friend who has a real, honest-to-god shopping addiction, which is sounds like you have too. She cannot live without shopping. EVERY single Saturday is spent at garage sales, and every vacation is spent combing thrift stores in new cities. Her house looks like a used trinket shop. It's kind of sad.

Do you love money, hate money, think it is a pain in your butt? I know that when I made lots of money, deep down, I felt like I must be tricking someone, to get that much money. :( I felt like if they really knew me, they wouldn't pay me that much. Pretty sad, isn't it.

I am probably more like your friend Kat. Only I go just once a month since I get just a monthly check. The thing is, I am ready to change. My home wasn't like this 7 years ago.

It started really when my last marriage broke up. That was how I kept from feeling my feelings.

So far though, this weekend, I have stayed away from the stores... YEA! I did go to Walmart, but I did not really go all out on shopping, like I usually do. I am proud of myself, although I must tell you, it is hard.

I really needed you guys to support me and you all have. Thank you once again.:)

I hate to admit this, but I'm intensely watching this thread.

I am considering moving. From PA to CA. The cost of living here is 1/2 of what it would be there. I'm used to paying 700 rent here and would have to pay 1300 rent there. I too shop more than I need to and would have to budget to no end there (basically live broke!). And I'm scared to move because of my spending habits.

I can relate to much of what you're saying YR. I actually was shaking yesterday a bit when going shopping. I ended up buying nothing and that took everything out of me. But I too can go to the dollar store and spend 50 bucks. It's a running joke with my fiance that I'm the only person he knows that can spend 100 bucks in a dollar store. I recently, when considering the move, realized just how out of control it is. I don't have any major debt, but I see myself heading that way and can't seem to stop it.

I pulled my account activity and in any given week I'm spending 100-200 wasteless dollars. I don't even know how to grab control of that. =(

I know there's a couple of people posting in this thread from California. Tell me...how do you do it? I can't even see being able to afford rent on my income!

Let me know if any of these things help you. I'll be trying a couple too.

How I do it:

1) No cable TV (I watch a couple of snowy channels once in a while)

2) No computer game habits

3) Buy food at a local "wholesale to the public" store (Smart & Final)

4) Buy produce at a local ethnic market (the prices are much lower - like easily half of what it would be in a regular grocery store)

5) I don't clip coupons because most of the time they are just for stuff I wouldn't buy for myself anyway.

6) I don't eat out in restaurants very often (there is enough of a variety of foods here anyway - all different types from different countries), you can make your own lovely dishes for far less money than eating out.

7) The "cash only" method - if you don't have cash for it, you just don't get it.

8) I'm not sure what else I do... I guess for years and years here in CAlifornia, I shopped at Goodwill, thrift stores, and garage/yard sales.

9) Joined the local "free-cycle" groups.

10) worked my *** off day and night (lots of people are either in two/three-income families, or they share living spaces with roommates who all share the rent).

11) No Starbucks or Pete's Coffee (Pete's only for special occasions - and if you haven't ever tried Pete's... wow... it puts Starbucks to shame)

12) No softdrinks

13) buy little meat (as in.. don't buy it too often)

14) Just don't go to the stores much. I really hate shopping, myself... I go to the mall on occasion and I think "who buys this crap?" - sorry.. don't mean to offend anyone, it's just that it mostly all seems so cheaply made and overpriced. In fact, I guess after having seen lists and lists of wholesale prices of manufactured goods, I can't bring myself to pay the prices of things after the mark-ups. (Hey.. maybe that could be a tool for you all - google wholesalers.)

15) Go to movies rarely... if it's promises to be great cinematography, that's worthy of a big screen viewing, I'll go the theatre... otherwise, I wait for the DVD.

16) I wear clothes that are OLD... (I have always bought "classic" styles I guess.. so they don't really go out of fashion.. or if they do.. I don't give a pop.)

17) I guess.. bottom line.. I have had to lower my threshold of what I consider to be something pleasing to me. I do have very expensive taste sometimes. I just mostly keep in mind that I don't have the money for it... and then the urge passes to really WANT it. Over time, I have become more happy with really anything simple, but elegant.

18) Oh how did I forget this one.. it should be at the top. I DON'T USE CREDIT CARDS! (I don't have any debts now... thank GOD!... just recurring utilty bills, etc.... and I CONSERVE so that those bills are as low as they can be, too).

19) Work as a legal secretary, adminisrative assistant, executive assistant, or anything in the computer programming or biotech industries. ... Or SELL for those companies... all those make big bucks around here. (Unless you're like me and were home on a disability leave for 7 years and so everyone tells you that you're not worthy of competing with the 500 other candidates for those jobs).

20) Look on Craigslist.com for better rent deals... don't live right in San Francisco city, or Daly City, or some of the other really high priced areas. As always.. the further you are away from a body of water, the less expensive the housing will be.

Hi Yellowrose,

Using cash is the biggest reality smack because when it is gone so is your spending.

Using envelopes for different bills is a good thing as well. Even if most of your bills are auto withdrawn, you can have two enevelopes ... one for spending on the needs for the week and the other slip $20-$40in it each week. When it reaches X amount of dollars, (you decide) treat yourself without feeling any guilt.

The second I read your first post, I knew you were using money as an emotional way of feeling that 'high', even if like you said in your post later ... that it only lasted temporarily.

I would ask yourself, "do you need this or do you want this?"

If it is a want, then make it a habit that you will take one week before purchasing it, and then find out if your desire to purchase it is still there or has it gone away?

I wish you good luck!!

Fae

Not to sound flippant at all because I tend to spend too much when I DO get around to spending: but is there a chance you find "non-expensive" stuff to do, so that you won't have time to spend?

In my case it's work, obviously, that keeps me from spending money often, but if there are some other occupations that might get your mind "off" spending, this might help?

Also, what I have found useful (when I find the time doing it) is keeping itemized records on spendings - then, do a monthly review and you can see where your money went and you can put it on you "don't do again" watchlist ;)

That's all I can think off, sorry :(