Anyone ever run into disapproval from families?

We are brand-new together. I am 34, and he's 20. His family seems pretty laid-back about it. My sister asked was I robbing the cradle. I told her I didn't seduce him, he seduced ME, and she hasn't spoken to me since.

Oh well?

"Oh, well." works for me. You can't change other people, and it's your life not theirs.

Ali

Agreed. Oh well IS a good response. We had plenty of disapproval. And it all ended with no contact with the families....OH WELL...

I waited a long time before laying it on friends and family that I was seeing an 18 year old (when I was 32). I think we were together 8 months before I told my parents. Some of my close friends knew early on, but others didn't. The ones that did know right away were ones I was sure would be supportive. Those that I knew would have issues with it for one reason or another did not hear about it for a while. For me, the waiting allowed me to feel some solidity in the relationship, and know that it wasn't just a fling. That, I felt, would give it more legitimacy in the eyes of those who might disapprove because of the age gap and particularly because of the age of my bf.

When I finally did tell my best friend, it was after several months. I didn't tell her right off the bat because she has a son who is close to the age of my bf. And, as I predicted, she was really, really uncomfortable about it. She thought that I was being reckless and shortsighted. We argued a lot. I held firm that I was doing what I felt was right. It was very tense for a while, but she eventually became (cautiously) supportive after hearing about how well we got along, how compatible we were, etc. I think it helped for her to meet my bf and realize that his maturity level was much different from her son's.

With my parents, their reaction suprised me. They are older, and very conservative. They once disapproved of a former boyfriend because his religion was different than mine (and we aren't a religious family!). But, for whatever reason, they didn't seem to care at all that this bf was 14 years younger. Or that he was a college student. And when they did finally meet him, they loved him. Go figure.

I'm not sure what my point is here. The whole age thing is rough, especially when your bf is 18, 19, 20 or even 22 or 25. Sure, people will say you've robbed the cradle. But so what. Maybe when they meet him or see that your relationship makes you happy or that it works for you, then the approval will come with time.

It's hard enough to buck societal conventions, but then to have the support of your friends or family pulled, that just makes it all the more difficult. I hope that your sister comes around eventually. And I wish you luck in your journey.

Thanks. My sister speaking would be cool, but long ago gave up trying to please my family. I've pretty much always heard my own drummer anyway, but my sister's reaction came as a shock as I always thought of her as more open-minded. Again, I'm thinking this merits an

Oh well.....

What can ya do, right? Well, were I into drugs, a thief, or beating puppies, I would have earned the disapproval and prolly would feel shame. But for dating a young guy? On what planet? And besides, he's still hot :D.

Jealous sister perhaps??? ;)

Don't worry they will get over it.

My mother would be annoyed with me for being so careless and immature in my thought process if she knew how old my husband is. Oh well!

My aunt told me to enjoy it while he still thinks it's hot to be with an older woman because there will come a day when I'm working three times as hard as the younger women to look half as good as they do. *shrugs* Oh well!

My teenagers moved out and decided to go live with their dad until I came to my senses. That lasted a whole three days, I think. Heh. That one merited more than an "Oh well," but we all got over it. :bgrin2:

At first my mom hated the idea and my sisters were skeptical and concerned. But they got to know him for the wonderful person he is and now they love him.

In fact, my sister is taking ballroom dancing lessons from a YM and can now see the appeal. :tongue2: She wrote me a cute email saying she's following in my footsteps! I told her, "You go girl!"

I'm the youngest (sister are 10 and 9 yrs older than me) so I've always followed my own drum as well. Let them get to know him. You can see him for the wonderful man he is, they will eventually too. Maybe you do have a jealous sister.

Oh well is a good reply. Keep marching!:)

Most people don't care now that we've been together for a while. But when we first got together we had lots of naysayers.

My exhusband laughed at me at the time and said if he could've got someone younger in his bed he would've went for it too.

He's now living with a girl 8 years younger than him. :p

Time fixes a bunch of this stuff. Either they'll stop caring about the age gap or you'll stop caring about what they think. :tongue2:

And I agree. "Oh well" is a good enough answer for me too!

Time fixes a bunch of this stuff. Either they'll stop caring about the age gap or you'll stop caring about what they think. :tongue2:



This is sooooo true. Time honestly fixes things.

My mom and dad were dead set against my relationship....almost 2 years later we're engaged and things are much better.

Nadine.

Hi all,

I personally think being involved with someone younger will get an easier acceptance... well, not necessarily, but could you guys share what your YM's family and friends thought about your relationship?

My mom was somewhat annoyed that I was dating someone 3 years older... that was 13 years ago though, but I know my mom is more open-minded now... but I still don't know how she would react if she found out I'm going out with someone 17 years older.

The women in my YM's (44/22) family went absolutely ballistic when they found out. He didn't know how they found out and wasn't ready for the fallout, as they "ambushed" him. It went on for hours and wasn't pretty. I really expected it to be the end for us, and could understand, as this was his family....and 4 women against 1 guy...what chance did he have? (haha).

That was 4mos. ago. He has since had a conversation with each (except his mom, as she said what she had to say that day and then wanted it never spoken of again), and each one has said, that the bottom line was that they wanted him to be happy, and each want to meet me.

Then, this weekend, his mom, out of the blue, brought it up and asked if he was happy. He said he was and told her he hoped we could sit together one day.....she's not ready for that....but, she's trying, and I respect that...baby steps.

So, as the others have said...time is a strong element. Like anything that may be a bit shocking for us, it may just need time for the idea to "soak in"....and if time doesn't help, and they can't at least be happy for your happiness, then it truly is their loss....but, give it some time, let people see how happy you each are...few people can argue with true happiness.

Yes, time. Repeated viewing makes everything seem more normal. After 6 years, people in the family don't even seem to notice it much anymore.

Time, and calmly standing your ground.

Hi all,

I personally think being involved with someone younger will get an easier acceptance... well, not necessarily, but could you guys share what your YM's family and friends thought about your relationship?

My mom was somewhat annoyed that I was dating someone 3 years older... that was 13 years ago though, but I know my mom is more open-minded now... but I still don't know how she would react if she found out I'm going out with someone 17 years older.

I have been lucky to have been accepted by his parents who happen to be younger than me.

When I was married to my ex, I know that my father in law was not that happy about my race. My ex and I were the same age, and education.

Hi all,

I personally think being involved with someone younger will get an easier acceptance... well, not necessarily, but could you guys share what your YM's family and friends thought about your relationship?


They didn't, and don't, think anything. They know she's older but have never asked just how old she is. My sister knows and it hasn't bothered her, in fact they get along really well.

And I'm moving 3'000 miles to live with her, so if any parents/family were ever going to find it wrong, you would think it would be mine!

Yes of course we have had discouraging remarks....comments...and etc...
mainly from our circle of friends, which include mostly his family...
I am 36...and he is 24.....

you have to decide what is worth it to you...
at first he had a tough time...they got in the way just like they wanted to...
but he got past it...
he is proud...and has stood up for himself...
and when he did, when they saw how good we were together...they stopped...
now I'm sure they still hate the idea at times...but they don't say anything in front of us anymore...
and they have accepted it...

and I must say it is great to go to these functions, parties...events...
arm and arm....

it really has brought new meaning to our relationship...
so hang in there....

it is your happiness that matters...not those of the people around you, it would be great if they could be supportive but sometimes they just cant be, wont or dont know how....

live, love and be happy....
you only go around once....

and I know I have learned more from my ym, than I have anyone else...
he is a breath of fresh air....

Hi all,

I personally think being involved with someone younger will get an easier acceptance... well, not necessarily, but could you guys share what your YM's family and friends thought about your relationship?

My mom was somewhat annoyed that I was dating someone 3 years older... that was 13 years ago though, but I know my mom is more open-minded now... but I still don't know how she would react if she found out I'm going out with someone 17 years older.

Neither my family nor my YM's family knows about our relationship yet. Actually, my family knows I have been proposed to, but I just said he's "young." My last husband was 8 years younger than me and nobody in either family blinked an eye. I guess we didn't tell people our ages and nobody asked.

My YM's friends told me tonight they told him to get married already and quit talkin' about it! (And told him he better marry me before someone else comes along and takes me away.)

I just spoke with a friend of mine, however, who was wanting to marry a guy only 8 years younger than her and the guy's family put a stop to it. I thought that was so sad. :(

So she suggested that we tell HIS family NOW before we get too involved... but his plan is to tell them AFTER we're married... then it's a done deal... they can't say anything. I'm still thinking through that one.

Hi all.
Im new here and so thankful this place is here!. My situation is such a "Jerry Springer" show!....Ive know JJ for a few years now. He's 22 and Im 46!...
We have always had a connection. Politics. World events, books, movies. Recently (7 months ago), our feelings for each other have come to light and there is no denying it. We feel hard....Now... im getting a divorce... and he's facing a raft of **** from his father who swears I seduced JJ and Im the AntiChrist!!
Everyone else is happy for us. My son is thrilled. Glad to see me happy finally!..My son is married to JJ's step-sister.... I know..I know....twisted...but...there's no blood relations and I have never met anyone that treats me the way he does..I don't need to get into all the benefits of a VYM..You guys know all that stuff..Im just glad that I found you all and I can share what's going on here.
We both respect his fathers point of view and try not to agitate his feelings...But we aren't going to stop seeing each other. I know...from reading here... that things will smooth out after awhile.. and it won't be such a shock.our age difference...
Thanks for listening and I look forward to getting to know you guys better!

My ym's family was very accepting. Everyone of them, no problem at all there. My Mother/Stepfather took some time to come with terms with it and there was an ugly fall out as a result of that...Oh well. ;-) They got over it, and actually like him now that they got to know him. Go figure.